by Armin Brott

It’s hard to admit, but like it or not, your baby could be running your life. She cries, you pick her up. She’s hungry, you feed her. She fills her diaper, you change it. She wants to play, you play. She needs a nap, you drive around the block twelve times until she falls asleep. She wakes up in the middle of the night, you’re up too. The ancient rabbis of the Talmud described it pretty well.

The first stage of life, they said, “commences in the first year of human existence, when the infant lies like a king on a soft couch, with numerous attendants about him, all ready to serve him, and eager to testify their love and attachment by kisses and embraces.” It’s all happening on your baby’s schedule, not yours.

Being out of control is hard for anyone, but it’s especially discombobulating for people who feel the need to be in control all the time. Before my oldest daughter was born, I was incredibly anal about time; I always showed up wherever I was supposed to be exactly when I was supposed to, and I demanded the same from others. But, as you now know, going on a simple trip to the store with baby in tow takes as much planning as an expedition to Mt. Everest. And getting anywhere on time is just about impossible.

You may be a great salesman or negotiator or a cult leader but your ability to turn adults to your way of thinking won’t work with a baby. Babies are, almost by definition, irrational and not at all interested in your timetables. In no time at all your baby will figure out what you’re most rigid and impatient about and she’ll begin pushing your buttons. That leisurely walk in the park you planned might have to be cut short when the baby panics and won’t stop crying after a friendly dog licks her face. Or you might end up having to stay a few extra hours at a friend’s house so as not to wake the baby if she’s sleeping or, if she’s awake, not to upset her nap schedule by having her fall asleep in the car on the way home. And just when you think you’ve figured out her routines and the sure-fire tricks to comfort her or get her to sleep, she revamps everything.

So you’ve got a very Zen-like choice to make: you can either learn to accept change and bend or you can break. It took a while, but I eventually learned that trying to be a father and Mr. Prompt at the same time just wasn’t going to work. Most of the new parents I’ve interviewed over the years have said basically the same thing: Since becoming parents, they’d learned to be a lot more flexible and tolerant—not only of themselves and their limitations, but of other people’s as well.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife just had our first child. I’m insanely happy and I want to get more involved but I’ve never been around babies before and have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to do with him. What do you suggest?

Armin answers: Although it may be tempting to just sit around and stare at your baby, marveling at every little thing he does, you’ll need to do a lot more than that if you’re really going to get to know him. Here are some of the best ways to start:

• Hold him. Newborns love to be carried around, held in your arms, held in a pack, etc.

• Talk to him. No, he can’t understand a word you’re saying. In fact, he barely even knows you exist. But talk anyway–explain everything you’re doing as you’re doing it, tell him what’s happening in the news, etc.–it’ll help him get to know the rhythm of the language.

• Change his diapers. It doesn’t sound like much fun, but it’s a great time to interact with the baby one-on-one, to rub his soft belly, tickle his knees, kiss his tiny fingers. For at least the first month or so, he needs to be changed every two hours–baby’s super-sensitive skin shouldn’t stew in human waste–so there are plenty of opportunities. And don’t worry: changing diapers is an acquired skill–in just a few days you’ll be able to do it with your eyes closed (although you probably shouldn’t—especially if you’re using pins). In the meantime, even if you don’t do it right, baby poop washes right off your hands and won’t stain your clothes. One hint, though: immediately after undoing the diaper, put something (like a towel or cloth diaper) over baby for a few seconds. The sudden rush of fresh air on the baby’s crotch can result in your getting sprayed.

• Play with him. During the first few weeks, forget about football and chess. But try to spend at least 20 minutes (probably broken into 5-minute installments) a day doing something with the baby one-on-one. Chatting, reading aloud, rocking, making faces, experimenting with the baby’s reflexes or even simply catching her gaze and looking into his eyes are great activities. Here are a couple of things to remember:

• Take your cues from the baby. If he cries or seems bored, stop what you’re doing. Too much playing can make your child fussy or irritable, so limit play sessions to five minutes or so.

• Be encouraging. Use lots of facial and verbal encouragement, smiles, and laughter. Although the baby can’t understand the words, he definitely understands the feelings. Even at only a few days old, he’ll want to please you, and lots of encouragement will help build his self-confidence.

• Be gentle-—especially with the baby’s head. Because babies’ heads are relatively large (one-quarter of their body size at birth vs. one-seventh by the time they’re adults) and their neck muscles are not yet well developed, their heads tend to be pretty floppy for the first few months. Be sure to support the head—from behind—at all times, and avoid sudden or jerky motions.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad. I’m taking a childbirth class with my wife but it really seems geared toward the perfect birth. I know they can’t cover every single unexpected thing that could happen, but how can we prepare for contingencies?

Armin answers: As important as childbirth education classes are, there are a few things they won’t teach you but that you really should know.

First, it’s okay to ask questions—as many as you need to. No matter how much reading you’ve done or how wonderful your class was, something unexpected is bound to happen during labor or delivery—it almost always does. In those cases, don’t let the hospital staff steamroller you. Have them explain everything they’re doing, every step of the way. If you miss something the first time, have them explain it again.

Second, it’s okay to stand up for what you want. Most people are wowed by academic credentials and degrees and have a tendency to step back and let the doctors and nurses take control of the whole process, particularly when something a little out of the ordinary happens. Unless it’s a true medical emergency, keep in mind who’s baby is about to be born and insist on having things done your way, to the extent possible.

Third, don’t give in too quickly. Like most busy people, doctors and nurses are sometimes too quick to say “No” to requests–not because it’s the right answer, but because it’s easy. But here’s the deal: If you want the lights dimmed for the delivery and the staff refuses, do it yourself (assuming, of course, that there’s no medical reason not to). If you want to videotape the birth and the doctor won’t let you, ask for an explanation. If you don’t get a good one, do what you feel you should do.

Keep in mind that there’s a big difference between being assertive and standing up for yourself (and for your wife) and being overbearing, obnoxious, and antagonistic. So be nice.

And finally, it’s okay to ask for help. Most childbirth prep classes focus on how you can help your wife—breathing with her, rubbing her back and her legs, telling her stories, feeding her ice chips, and all sorts of other things. But you’ll rarely, if ever, hear that it’s exhausting and sometimes even scary and that you—yes, you—could use some relief and comfort too. One excellent solution to this problem is to get yourself a doula.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: My two-year-old son has started having temper tantrums. The ones that happen at home are no fun, but the ones that happen in public places—like the supermarket—are downright embarrassing. Is there anything I can do about this problem?

Armin answers: Temper tantrums are most common among two and three-year-olds, which is probably why the phrase “terrible twos” was invented. Experts have found that kids this age have tantrums because their strong wills and their desire for things outstrips their ability to express their emotions in words. Tantrum are an emotional release, which, as you well know, are characterized by screaming, crying, and kicking. The most impressive ones often involve some kind of thrashing around on the floor.

Generally speaking, the best way to deal with any tantrum—public or private—is to ignore it and let it take its course. Giving in to your son’s temper only reinforces the behavior: effectively saying to him that if he misbehaves, he’ll get what he wants. I know it’s hard, but fight the urge to give in.

Of course, ignoring a tantrum isn’t always possible. If it happens in a public place, for example, try to remove your son from the scene. If you can, take him outside to the car and let him scream it out there. The point here is to show your son that you won’t tolerate that kid of behavior.

Another effective way to deal with tantrums is to head them off at the pass. Say you’re in a store and your son starts asking for candy. He’s tired and you know that a negative response might push him over the brink. Offer him a compromise. Tell him he can’t have the candy now, but as soon as you get home you’ll make a big bowl of pudding together, or play his favorite game.

And speaking of being tired, fatigue and irritability are often the precursors to tantrums. So if it’s nap time, skip that stop at the grocery store and head straight for home. Finally, make sure your son knows what’s expected of him at all times and praise his good behavior every chance you get. Knowing he’s pleasing you will probably make him want to do whatever it takes to keep you happy.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: A close friend of mine wants to have a baby but she has no interest in being in a relationship with a man. I’ve been telling her that her baby will be a lot better off with a father around but she says dads don’t bond with kids and that having a man around the house won’t have any effect on the baby. Who’s right?

Armin answers: You are — although it’s not hard to understand where your friend got her information. Just about every scientific study done on attachment and bonding has focused on mothers and their children. But over the past ten years or so a few researchers have begun taking a look at father-child attachment. What they’re finding isn’t really that much of a surprise. In fact, it’s what just about any man you know would tell you: the father-child bond is just as important as the mother-child bond.

For six-month old babies, for example, the more actively involved the fathers are, the higher the babies score on mental and motor development tests. Babies whose dads do a lot of basic, mundane childcare activities such as feeding, changing diapers, giving baths, and dressing, handle stressful situations better than babies whose dads aren’t as involved. Some researchers have linked high levels of father involvement with higher math scores later on in school and to generally higher than age-level scores on verbal intelligence tests. And active fathering seems to be positively correlated with children’s increased social adjustment and competence, and to higher levels of self esteem.

The bottom line is that children who live with involved, sensitive, and responsible fathers are better off than kids whose don’t. They get along better with their peers, stay in school longer and do better while they’re there, are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol or to get pregnant (or get someone else pregnant) while in their teens, and they grow up to be more caring and sensitive adults.

Women, too, benefit from father involvement. Division of labor issues are the number one marital stressor, and the more support mothers get from their husbands, the less depressed they are, the happier they are in their marriages, and the better they perform their parenting duties. Finally, men themselves benefit from their own increased involvement with their families and children. Involved fathers tend to be more “generative” (giving, nurturing, and helpful), more occupationally mobile, more successful in their careers, and more likely to choose jobs that are people-oriented. In addition, men whose wives are happy in their marriages tend to be happier themselves. And men who are happy in their marriages are generally more involved in their fathering role.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: We have a three-month old baby. My wife really doesn’t want to go back to work so soon, but the sad fact is that we can’t get along without her salary. She’s really unhappy about having to leave the baby. Is there anything I can do to help her feel better?

Armin answers:
Unfortunately, with more and more families relying on two incomes, there’s a lot of pressure on new moms to go back to work. That explains why a third of new moms are on the job again only six weeks after giving birth, and two thirds are working after 12 weeks.

While some of these women are glad to be back at work, a large percentage—including your wife—are anything but glad. In fact, a lot of them are just plain miserable, worried that they’ve failed as mothers, and wishing they’d win the lottery so they could quite their job. This can be a very tough time for your wife and she’s going to need your help and support to get through it. Here’s what you can do:

• Be flexible. When it comes to coming up with an acceptable work-family balance, your wife may not be operating completely rationally. Let me give you an example of what I mean. Before my youngest was born, my wife and I discussed having her to stay home full time for five months, work part time for four months, and then transition to full time. All that changed when the baby was born. All of a sudden she didn’t want to go back to work at all. But in the interests of being able to make our mortgage payment (as you know, Bay Area real estate is outrageously expensive), she decided to do a full year part time before going to full time. Everything changed again after her first week back at the office. Now she decided that she wanted to stay part time until the baby entered preschool. Obviously, you and your wife have to keep talking about this stuff. And you have to find reasonable (and fiscally responsible) ways of making sure that everyone’s needs are met, or that they’re at least taken into consideration. That means listening to each other carefully and respectfully and acknowledging the pressures that each of you face.

• Get your childcare situation in order. Fear that the baby won’t be adequately cared for is what many new mothers find most unsettling about going back to work.

• Take the pressure off her. In most families, regardless of how enlightened and egalitarian they want to be, working mothers still do most of the work at home. Because so much of women’s identity is tied up in motherhood, your wife may try to do more than she can really handle—just to show herself and anyone else she thinks might be paying attention. Don’t let her. Instead, anticipate what has to be done and take care of it in advance. Simple things like making sure the table is set and dinner is ready when she comes home are great and will do wonders for her mood. If you get home later than she does, make a habit of doing something nice for her on a regular basis. Massages, a few hours alone with you, and even renting a video and snuggling up on the couch will really help. And make sure that you remind her frequently what a great mom she is even though she has to be away.

• Let her spend more time with the baby. If you and your wife are both working, you’re both going to miss your baby and you’re both going to want to spend time with him from the moment you walk in the door. Be a nice guy and let your wife have first dibs. This is especially important if she’s still nursing; her breasts may be ready to explode by the time she gets home and she may need to have the baby Hoover her out.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

As hard as it may be to imagine, there exists a rather basic parenting issue that regularly generates even more controversy than circumcision or the disposable-versus-cloth diapers-debate: whether or not to have your child sleep in the same bed as you and your partner.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on where you stand on the issue), there’s absolutely no consensus on which views is the “right” one. And just to make sure that there’s no real way to decide this issue once and for all, there’s very little serious scientific data supporting either position.

Our older daughter slept in a bassinet in our room for a month or so until we moved her into her own room, and the middle one slept in bed with us for six months before being asked to leave. Personally, I kind of liked being able to snuggle up with a warm, smooth baby, but after being kicked in the head, stomach, back, face, and chest every night for six months I was glad to go back to an adults-only sleeping arrangement. My youngest also started off in our bed but moved to her own room after only 6 weeks or so.

Here are some of the most common issues that come up in discussions of the family bed:

• Independence. Proponents of co-sleeping or the family bed point to the fact those in most countries (comprising about 80 percent of the world’s population), parents and children sleep in the same bed. They claim that kids are being forced to be independent too early and that human evolution simply can’t keep pace with the new demands our culture is placing on its children. They maintain that before a child can become independent she must feel that the world is a safe place and that her needs will be met. Kids who sleep in a family bed turn out to be more independent, more confident, and more self-assured than those who don’t. Critics, however, say that what works in other countries doesn’t always work here. In America, early independence is critical, and babies should therefore quickly learn to be away from their parents, especially if both work and the children have to be in day care.
• Sleep: the baby’s. Despite what you might think, co-sleeping children tend to sleep more lightly than children who sleep alone (blankets rustling and parents turning over in bed wake them up). But light sleeping isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, there seems to be a correlation between lighter sleep and a lower incidence of SIDS.
• Sleep: yours. It’s perfectly normal for even the soundest-sleeping kids to wake up every three or four hours for a quick look around the room. The vast majority (about 70 percent) soothe themselves back to sleep after a minute or two. But about 30 percent will spot something they just have to play with (you or your partner, for example), and they’re up for hours.
• Safety. Many parents are afraid that they’ll accidentally roll over their sleeping child if the whole family is sharing the same bed. While this is a perfectly legitimate concern, most adults—even while asleep—have a highly developed sense of where they are. It’s probably been quite a while since you fell out of bed in the middle of the night.
• Sexual spontaneity. No kidding. But there are plenty of other places to make love besides your bed.
• Breastfeeding. There’s no question that it’s a lot easier for a nursing mother to reach across her bed for the baby than to get up and stagger down the hall. Some research indicates that this may encourage mothers to breastfeed longer. Problems arise, however, when fathers feel (and they often do) displaced by the nursing baby and decide that the only place to get a good night’s sleep is on the couch.

Things to Consider About Sharing Your Bed with Your Child

• Keep politics out of your decision-making. Sleep with your child because you and your partner want to, not because you feel you have to.
• Don’t be embarrassed. You’re not being soft, negligent, or overindulgent— it’s a choice made by millions of fine parents.
• Make sure your bed is large enough to accommodate everyone. (But no waterbeds—baby could roll between you and the mattress.) Put the bed against the wall and have the baby sleep on the wall side, or get a guard rail if she’s going to sleep on the outside edge. And remember, overly soft mattresses¸ comforters, and pillows may pose a risk of suffocation.
• Make sure everyone’s toenails are trimmed.
• Rethink your decision right now if you’re obese, you drink or take any medication that might make you hard to wake up, or if you’re generally such a sound sleeper that you’re worried you might roll on top of your baby without noticing.
• Think before you start. Once your baby has been sleeping in your bed for six to eight months, it’s going to be awfully hard to get her out if you change your mind.

Things to Consider About Not Sharing Your Bed with Your Child

• Don’t feel guilty. You’re not a bad or selfish parent for not doing it.
• There is absolutely no evidence that sleeping with your child will speed up the bonding/attachment process.
• It’s okay to make an occasional exception, such as when a child is ill or has had a frightening experience. If you’re making your decision because of safety issues, you may be able to compromise by setting up the baby’s crib in your bedroom or by getting a “sidecar”—basically a three-sided crib that attaches to the side of your bed.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

For a lot of couples, the question about whether to have another child isn’t really a question, it’s a given. For others, though, the issue is more complicated. And most of the problems have to do with exactly what you’re going through in your home: one spouse wants a second (or third) child while the other isn’t nearly as excited about the prospect. Unfortunately, there’s no easy solution to this problem.

The time crunch is a common concern of prospective second-time parents. But it’s usually not the only thing they’re worried about. So sit down and make a list of other factors as well. You might want to start with these:

• Finances. Can you really afford to have another baby? If you answer No, does not having enough money really make a difference for you?
• Your own childhood. Were you an only child or did you have brothers and sisters? How did you like growing up that way?
• Ability to love more than one child. Are you worried that you won’t be able to love your second child as much as the first one? While this is an incredibly common worry, the simple answer is that your capacity to love your children–no matter how many you have–is infinite.
• Labor and delivery. Are you worried about putting your partner through another painful pregnancy and labor? Since she’s the one going through it, leave that decision to her. Consider, though, that while being a parent is exhausting enough, trying to be a parent while you’re pregnant is something altogether different. Is that OK for your partner or not?
• Your firstborn. Do you have a child with a difficult temperament? If so, keep in mind that your next child’s temperament may not exactly mirror your firstborn’s.

When you’ve put your list together and had a chance to think through each of your concerns, schedule a time to talk them over with your wife. You’ll probably find that even though she’s more gung-ho than you are right now, she shares many of them with you.

About the Author
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a new father. I haven’t had much experience with infants and I want to be involved in my daughter’s care, but every time I try to pick her up, she starts to fret. How can I feel more competent?

Armin answers: Few things can make a man feel less like a man than feeling incompetent. And nothing can make a man feel more incompetent than a baby. Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to overcome these feelings.

First of all, let’s start with what NOT to do: Do not hand your daughter off to your wife. She may be able to get her to stop crying a little quicker than you do, but the truth is that whatever your wife knows about children, she learned by doing–just like anything else. And the way you’re going to get better is by doing things, too. Research shows that lack of opportunity may be one of the biggest obstacles to fathers’ feeling more comfortable with their children. In other words, the more time you spend with your child, the more competent you’ll feel.

And don’t give in if your wife offers to take over, either. Instead, try a few lines like, “I think I can handle things,” or “That’s okay–I really need the practice.” There’s nothing wrong with asking her for advice, of course–you both have insights that the other could benefit from. But have her tell you instead of doing it for you. Don’t be afraid to make a few decisions–and a few mistakes–on your own.

Another way to start building confidence is to get to know your baby. And the place to begin is with learning her language. Although her vocabulary is pretty limited right now, if you pay close attention you’ll soon be able to tell the difference between her “I’m tired,” “Feed me now,” “Change my diaper,” and “I want to play” cries. Once you’ve got that down, you’ll be better able to take care of her needs and the two of you will feel a lot better about each other.

New fathers are often quite concerned about what to do with their infants. After all, they don’t talk, they can’t catch a fly ball, and they don’t seem to do much else besides drool. But even if your baby is just a few days old, you can do plenty. Carrying her around and listening to music together are great at this age, and just talking to her is wonderful, but my favorite has always been reading. It doesn’t really matter whether you read War and Peace or the ingredient panel from your toothpaste tube–she won’t understand you yet anyway. The point here is to get her used to hearing your voice, which will make her feel comfortable and secure with you. And that’s what close relationships are built on.

Finally, don’t ever devalue the things you like doing with your child. Men and women have different ways of interacting with their children–men tend to stress the physical and high-energy, women the social and emotional. But don’t let anyone tell you that wrestling, bouncing on the bed, and all the other “guy things” you’re going to do when your daughter is a little older are somehow less important than the “girl things” your partner may do (or want you to do).

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Young children often have imaginary friends. Sometimes they’re human, other times they’re animals, like the life-size rabbit in the old Jimmy Stewart movie, “Harvey.” Sometimes the imaginary friend is an occasional visitor, stopping by only once every few days. But other times it may be a child’s constant companion.

Children may talk to their imaginary friends, draw with them, or even read books to them. And plenty of parents have had to set an extra place at the dinner table for the “friend.” So are children’s imaginary playmates cause for concern? In most cases, the answer is No. Imaginary friends are a pretty normal part of growing up—especially during the toddler years—and they serve several important functions: