In Tarzan II, the future King of the Jungle struggles to belong in a world in which he is very different. In his search for self, Tarzan faces tough challenges. We are all on this life-long journey of self-discovery, and we can help our child as she explores her place in the world.

Accepting Differences
We are all different. Even identical twins relish their differences. It is when “different” becomes “less than” or “better than” that it presents a problem. When acceptance is based on being the same as others, we interpret our differences as something to eliminate or hide. Our differences are wonderful tributes to our uniqueness. The more we embrace them, the more self-acceptance we gain. Here are a few ways we can help our children gain self acceptance:

Recently, a friend told me she saw Susan Saint James and her husband on the Oprah Show. Having lost their 14 year old son in a plane crash last year, Susan was asked how she got through the experience without bitter anger. She said, “I have found resentment to be futile. It is like taking poison and hoping the other guy dies.”

When I ponder those words, I look at my own teeming resentments — against friends, colleagues, and indeed against life — and wonder how I, who have not suffered her terrible loss, can conquer them with such courage as she has. With the coming of spring, seeing daffodils splash the moist green fields with mustard yellow, I find myself wondering how can I tune out festering resentments and instead import this beauty into my soul.

Here are four strategies on how to douse four common kinds of resentments with the fire extinguisher:

1. Listening
   With resentments against your partner, practice listening: an intimate relationship can be a prime breeding ground for powerful resentments. In a marriage, we could go on for years never really feeling seen by our partner, who seems to get by just fine meeting his needs in the relationship.We are home at our wits end dealing with the kids, but he has had to go out for an emergency meeting with a client — and as it happens, at the club playing doubles in tennis. We feel cheated and duped, but the worst part of it is, we seem to magnetically attract such situations which keep happening. 

   In the end, we resent him so furiously that it saps our energy for love, most of all to ourselves. Don’t get trapped in this cycle. Instead of letting your mind seethe with resentment, tell your partner you want to make an appointment with him for listening. Ask for ten minutes to air your feelings to him, with a rule in place that he only listen and not react for that time. Then give him the same ten minutes to air his feelings. After such listening, you may see his actions in a completely new light and find that, though your feelings may not change, you have used your energy to make them heard rather than singeing yourself with caustic resentment.

2. Distance yourself
   When it’s your boss or colleagues at work, get some distance: the modern day workplace is a pressure cooker where work needing to be competently done is nearly infinite and our time and talents, humbly finite.Under the gun for top performance, the boss may come to objectify us as the means to get it all done, rather than as the sensitive human being we are. He or she may give the coveted, creative jobs to a colleague, while we get the dirty work no one likes. 

   In such situations, I would recommend for a time that we practice what the Christian saints used to call holy indifference. Try taking a break from the job to go out on a brisk walk along the waterfront, in a picturesque part of town, or in a park. I have found that, if while walking you say an affirmation or a mantram, it will blend with the rhythm of your breathing and footstep in a healing harmony.

   When you return back to work, the deep breathing and lovely inner companionship gives you fresh energy to give yourself completely to the job you have been given, however humble. Again, this may not remove your resentment against treatment so seemingly unjust, but it gives you valuable breathing room — and the more positive energy you give to your work, the more remarkable will be the changes that can take place.

3. Put the past to rest
   Many have suffered abusive treatment from parents, siblings, teachers, or religious leaders which left us with a hole in our soul. Nothing we do can stop the burning anger we have against the person who wronged us when we were vulnerable or helpless, yet this very anger saps our will and capacities.Don’t let such feelings fester. Join a twelve step program with others who have suffered similar mistreatment, or seek therapy, so that you can air your feelings in a supportive environment. Like a person injured in a severe crash that goes to the hospital, the experience of recovery in pouring out your feelings will salve all wounds and allow you to reclaim your wholeness and your life.
4. Practice acceptance
   Resentment against our lot in life: sometimes things so awful can happen that life does not seem to have any justice at all. When you think of the loss Susan Saint James suffered, or of those with relatives who drowned in flood waters of the south Asian tsunami or of Hurricane Katrina, how can those left behind with such grief feel life is ever fair?They resent life, even God himself, for meeting out cruel injustice to those who did nothing to deserve it. There is no way to change what happened — no one can — but we can change our response to it. 

   To make sure resentment does not swallow us, I would recommend taking up a spiritual practice like passage meditation. Committing to mind the elevated words of others who suffered, like Dr. Martin Luther King or Mother Theresa of Calcutta, or of people who took refuge in nature like the Chinese recluse Han Shan, give yourself a quiet period to go through them and salve the wounds in your consciousness with them. Then, as Susan Saint James has discovered, you don’t hope the other guy dies; you ask for and totally reclaim your original, vibrant, and positive life.

About the Author
Stephen Ruppenthal is the author of The Path of Direct Awakening: Passages for Meditation. He is also the co-author of Eknath Easwaran’s edition of The Dhammapada and the author of Keats and Zen. He has taught meditation and courses on Han Shan at UC Berkeley and San Francisco State University. He is an international workshop leader in passage meditation and in courses for those looking for end of life spiritual care and for the spiritual step component of twelve step programs. Visit Stephen’s work at www.directawakenings.com.

It’s hard to admit, but like it or not, your baby could be running your life. She cries, you pick her up. She’s hungry, you feed her. She fills her diaper, you change it. She wants to play, you play. She needs a nap, you drive around the block twelve times until she falls asleep. She wakes up in the middle of the night, you’re up too. The ancient rabbis of the Talmud described it pretty well.

The first stage of life, they said, “commences in the first year of human existence, when the infant lies like a king on a soft couch, with numerous attendants about him, all ready to serve him, and eager to testify their love and attachment by kisses and embraces.” It’s all happening on your baby’s schedule, not yours.

Being out of control is hard for anyone, but it’s especially discombobulating for people who feel the need to be in control all the time. Before my oldest daughter was born, I was incredibly anal about time; I always showed up wherever I was supposed to be exactly when I was supposed to, and I demanded the same from others. But, as you now know, going on a simple trip to the store with baby in tow takes as much planning as an expedition to Mt. Everest. And getting anywhere on time is just about impossible.

You may be a great salesman or negotiator or a cult leader but your ability to turn adults to your way of thinking won’t work with a baby. Babies are, almost by definition, irrational and not at all interested in your timetables. In no time at all your baby will figure out what you’re most rigid and impatient about and she’ll begin pushing your buttons. That leisurely walk in the park you planned might have to be cut short when the baby panics and won’t stop crying after a friendly dog licks her face. Or you might end up having to stay a few extra hours at a friend’s house so as not to wake the baby if she’s sleeping or, if she’s awake, not to upset her nap schedule by having her fall asleep in the car on the way home. And just when you think you’ve figured out her routines and the sure-fire tricks to comfort her or get her to sleep, she revamps everything.

So you’ve got a very Zen-like choice to make: you can either learn to accept change and bend or you can break. It took a while, but I eventually learned that trying to be a father and Mr. Prompt at the same time just wasn’t going to work. Most of the new parents I’ve interviewed over the years have said basically the same thing: Since becoming parents, they’d learned to be a lot more flexible and tolerant—not only of themselves and their limitations, but of other people’s as well.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

When it comes to accepting your step-grandchildren as your own, you fill find that age plays an important role. For instance, it is often easier for grandparents to accept and treat their step-grandchildren as their own when they are younger in age. This is often due the children themselves. For instance, older children are more likely to understand the complications that surround divorces and remarriages. They may be feeling a wide array of emotions, including frustration and anger. These emotions can make it difficult for you and your step-grandchildren to have a pure relationship.

When learning to accept your step-grandchildren as your own, there are a number of actions that you will want to take. One of the best things that you can do is provide your step-grandchildren with your love, support, and time. You will want to spend as much time with your step-grandchildren as possible. You will also want to participate in fun and exciting activities, such as taking a trip to the zoo or playing sports. As a step-grandparent, you should know that fun adventures often allow children, especially older children, to loosen up, possibly allowing you to develop a close relationship.

In addition to spending one-on-one time with your step-grandchildren, you will also want to take steps to involve them in other family activities. These family fun activities can include a trip to the park or something as simple as a movie night. Including your step-grandchildren in activities that involve your own grandchildren are one of the best ways to show that they are a part of the family and loved just the same. When doing so, however, it is important that you provide all grandchildren with the same amount of time, attention, love, and affection.

The above mentioned approaches are just a few of the many ways that you can go about treating your step-grandchildren as if they were your own. Although most grandparents are able to do so without any question, you may be faced with mixed emotions. These emotions are normal, particularly at first. After spending time with your new step-grandchildren and getting to know them and their personalities firsthand, you should find it easy to love them as your own.

1. You cannot love, hug, kiss, cuddle, or hold your newborn too much. He needs your affection to feel safe in a world that’s all new to him.
2. This tiny person is totally dependent on you for everything in his life. He cannot survive without you.
3. Establish a routine. Your baby needs to be able to count on certain activities occurring around the same time each day. Feeding, naps, fun and affection should be a part of every schedule.
4. Sleepless nights may seem never-ending as your newborn awakens you with his cries. But time will fly by and your baby won’t be a baby for long. Treasure each moment of this experience.
5. Nobody can teach you how to be a parent. You will learn on the job. Trust your instincts. Nobody knows your baby better than you.
6. Being a parent will be the most challenging and most rewarding experience of your life. Cherish every day with your child.
7. A child is not a possession or a toy or someone to take for granted. A baby is a blessing.
8. Respect your child’s father or mother whether you’re still married to them or not. Your baby will remember how you treat each other. Children learn by example.
9. Being a parent is at minimum an 18 year commitment. You can’t quit halfway through.
10. Your life will never be the same. Respect the value of this little miracle and remember he will always be a part of you. Nothing in the world should compete with your commitment to love your child.

Resource Box – © Danielle Hollister (2000)

About the Author:
Danielle Hollister is the Writing Host at BellaOnline and Publisher of BellaOnline’s Writing Zine. To subscribe send mail to: bellaonlinewriting-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

You just found out the exciting news. The positive sign on the pregnancy test is proof of the new addition to your family. Since this isn’t your first pregnancy, you can focus more on your expanding family.

How will your family adjust to the news? How will you tell them? Will they be happy or upset? These may be just some of the questions on your mind. With the proper preparation, your family will start to have fun with the idea of a new baby. 

When is a good time to tell your children? This depends on their ages. Children, age ten or older, are usually excited about bringing a new baby into the family. They understand the pregnancy will take nine months for the baby to develop and grow.

Children between the ages of five and nine will have a harder time comprehending that the pregnancy will take nine months. They will recognize that your body is changing and usually have many questions.

Children under the age of five usually aren’t capable of understanding that it takes nine months for the baby to arrive. You may want to wait until the second trimester to tell your children, especially very young children. This makes the waiting time a little shorter for them and gives you time to prepare for any questions they may come up with.

Regardless of the ages of your children, always be sensitive to their questions. Spend time together as a family to talk about their new sibling. Explain how you will be going through changes (both physically and emotionally) so they are not scared or worried if you experience morning sickness or other pregnancy symptoms.

Talking about feelings is very important. Ask your children how they feel about having a new sibling. Discuss with them that it’s all right if they feel scared or jealous. Try to find out why they feel this way and ease their concerns. Maybe they’re scared the baby will get all their toys. When you explain that the baby will have his or her own toys, your child’s fear should subside. It may also help to take your child shopping to help pick out new toys for the baby.

Go through pictures with your children when they were newborns. Explain the time and attention a baby requires. If your children show interest in helping you when the baby arrives, let them. It depends on their age to what they’re capable of doing but even a preschooler can get things for you such as diapers or help find a lost pacifier.

Getting the children involved with the pregnancy will help them to accept the arrival of the baby. Let them help pick out clothes, bedding and toys for the baby. Ask their opinions about themes, designs and colors for the nursery.

As your due date arrives, prepare the children for your hospital stay. Explain to them why you need to go to the hospital for the delivery. Tell them that you will be home in a couple of days and until then they can visit. When you pack your hospital overnight bag, pack their bags as well if they are staying at a relatives or a close friend’s house. Allow each child to select a small inexpensive gift for the baby such as socks or bibs. Give them paper to wrap the gift themselves to bring to the baby when they visit you in the hospital. You may also want to buy inexpensive gifts for each of the children from the new baby.

With a little preparation, your children will accept the new addition to your family with open arms.

About the Author
Your Independent Baby and Toddler guide.

Be Prepared
Prior to coming home from the hospital, be sure that you are ready to bring your baby home. Decide where your baby is going to sleep and have that area prepared. Have an area all set up and ready for when you need to change diapers with a pad, diapers, wipes, and any ointment or powder you might need. Have your baby’s clothes washed, clean and ready for you to just put them on him, along with extra onesies and socks available for when you need them. If you are prepared then the time will go much smoother.

Remain Flexible
Your baby will probably demand a lot of your time. Any schedule you were previously on in your household will probably not be able to be maintained. It may be 4:30 and time to start dinner so that you can eat at 5:00, but the baby has just woken up and is hungry. By the time you have gotten done feeding him, he needs his diaper changed. While you are changing his diaper you figure you might as well put on a fresh, clean outfit. When you look at the clock it is 5:30, and dinner has not been started, and you have other family members who are getting hungry. Learning to be flexible is a big stepping stone in becoming a parent, not only for the new mom, but for the rest of the family.

Don’t Lose Touch
Throughout pregnancy you probably met other women who were pregnant as well. Be sure not to lose touch with them during the first few months of your baby’s life, because these women are going to understand exactly what you are going through. They are going to understand the middle of the night feedings, the all night parties, the napless days, and the generally crying and fussiness that you are going through. These women will become your biggest allies.

Don’t Fight It
The facts are your life has changed. Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep is just not possible at this time. If you are lucky by the time your baby is a few weeks old he will only be waking up once at night, however in most cases babies wake up several times a night for a very long time. Since your baby can feel your stress, tension and frustration, just try to relax. If you can’t change a fact, why try. It will only make for a more difficult time for all of you.

Getting Out
Unless there is a medical reason why your doctor or your baby’s pediatrician has told you not to take the baby out of the house, there is generally no reason why you can not get out of the house with your newborn. Go to the mall and walk around for a while. Take your baby to a park and tell him about the ducks in the water. Take him over to a friend’s house, or to a relative just to sit back and enjoy a cup of tea or coffee. While you love being around your baby, having a conversation with another adult could do you a world of good.

If It Is Offered, Accept
You should accept any and all offers people give you to help. Whether it is to bring you over a meal, take you out to lunch, or just to sit with the baby while you take a nice long hot shower. You are going to have a lot of responsibility resting all on your shoulders and a little break is definitely nice.

Don’t Worry About Spoiling Your Baby
You can not spoil a baby under six months old. Many doctors say you can not spoil an infant before their first birthday. These first few months are the time when your baby bonds with you, and learns that when he needs you, you will be there. Don’t be afraid to hold your baby and respond to all his needs. At the same time, if your baby is fed, clean and for all intents and purposes should be happy but is crying, don’t be afraid to leave him in his bed or another safe place for a while so that you can go and get things done that you need to get done.