By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of No Cry Sleep Solution

Does it takes forever for your baby to fall asleep? Does he or she only fall asleep if you breastfeed, give a bottle or pacifier, rock, carry, swing, take a ride in the car, or perform other elaborate rituals? Does your baby wake up frequently throughout the night? Are your sleep issues further complicated because your baby won’t nap easily, or takes very short naps?

Do you ever feel like Leesa, mother of 9-month-old Kyra who said, “I am truly distressed, as the lack of sleep is starting to affect all aspects of my life. I feel as though I can’t carry on an intelligent conversation. I am extremely unorganized and don’t have the energy to even attempt reorganization. I love this child more than anything in the world, and I don’t want to make her cry, but I’m near tears myself thinking about going to bed every night. Sometimes I think, ‘What’s the point? I’ll just be up in an hour anyway.’”

As your sleep issues cast lengthening shadows over your life, you may begin to live purely for the moment. Your sleep-deprived, foggy brain may focus so intently on sleep that you can’t think beyond the next few hours of rest. You may have one – or many – people telling you that you should just let your baby cry to sleep. You are probably frustrated and confused. What you lack is perspective. To gain that perspective, ask yourself these questions:

1. Where will I be five years from now? How will I look back on this time?
2. Will I be proud of how I handled my baby’s sleep routines, or will I regret my actions?
3. How will the things I do with my baby today affect the person he will become in the future?

Once you have some perspective about your baby’s current sleep issues, it is important to be realistic in determining your goals and to be honest in assessing the situation’s effect on your life. Some people can handle two night wakings easily, while others find that the effect of even one night waking is just too much to handle. The key is to evaluate whether your baby’s sleep schedule is a problem in your eyes, or just in those of the people around you.

Begin today by contemplating these questions:

1. Am I content with the way things are, or am I becoming resentful, angry, or frustrated?
2. Is my baby’s nighttime routine negatively affecting my marriage, my job, or my relationships with my other children?
3. Is my baby happy, healthy, and seemingly well rested?
4. Am I happy, healthy, and well rested?
5. What is a reasonable expectation for my baby at his/her age?
6. What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider “acceptable”?
7. What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider “pure bliss”?
8. Why do I want to change my baby’s sleep patterns? Is it truly what’s best for me and my baby, or am I doing this to meet someone else’s expectations?
9. Am I willing to be patient and make a gradual, gentle change for my baby if that means no crying?

Once you answer these questions, you will have a better understanding of not only what is happening with regard to your baby’s sleep, but what approach you will feel most comfortable using to help your baby sleep better.

In addition to my two-year-old son Coleton, I have three older children, and they have afforded me the perspective I lacked the first time around. My children have taught me how very quickly babyhood passes. I struggle now to remember the difficulties of those first couple years, so fleeting are they. And I am proud that I didn’t cave in to the pressures of others around us to do what they felt was right; instead I followed my heart as I gently nurtured all of my babies. That time is long gone for us, but those memories remain. And now, all four of them sleep through the night. And so do I.

About the Author: Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

There will be periods of crying, periods of screaming, periods of eating and periods of sleeping in your newborn baby’s life. Some of these periods will make you feel at a loss, others will make you gleam with pride. One of the most peaceful times of your baby’s life that you will come to enjoy the most is called the quiet alert period.

What Is It?
The quiet alert period is the time of day when your baby is awake and calm, just looking around. He will be looking at you and at his surroundings. He will not be fussy, whiny or unhappy, but will seem to be at peace. This quiet alert period will be when he is taking in the world around him and learning the most about his life.

What Should You Do?
Use this time to talk to your baby. He should already be able to recognize your voice from the months he was in the womb, but now he will really be putting a face with it. Have siblings and other relatives talk to him as well.

Walk around with him and point out items around the house. Tell him, “This is the kitchen where I cook our meals. This is the bedroom where we go to sleep.” Explain to them what each item is and what its’ purpose in your home is.

Use this time to be active with your baby. Do simple exercises with him like arm raises and bicycle legs. These actions will help strengthened his muscles and he will probably enjoy them. Give him a bath during the calm and quiet. Starting to do baths now, while he is happy, may help him like baths down the road when some babies and children decide that baths are just a waste of time.

Enjoy It!
The quiet alert period won’t last forever and probably not even long enough. Soon enough your baby will be crawling, walking, and playing with toys. At that point there will be very little downtime with visual learning, and much more hands on learning. The quiet alert period will probably turn into a noisy awake period where there are toys rattling and pots and pans banging, starting a whole new stage of fun and laughter.