1. Be present – Often when we spend time with our children we are thinking about the things that we should be doing or we multi task and we are not really present with them. Then, when we are not with them, we feel guilty. Make the decision that when you spend time with your child to just be there for them, enjoy them, listen to them, and focus on them 100%. Spending this type of quality time with your child will lessen the guilt and help you focus on other activities with the same 100% attention. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to focus on and enjoy the moment.
2. Take care of yourself – This is a big one for most women since we get so busy caring for others we tend to forget about ourselves. Define what taking care of yourself means to you and develop a schedule to do it. Keep tweaking your schedule until you are actually fitting taking care of yourself into the day. Taking care of yourself helps to replenish your spirit, it helps you to relax, and it helps you to feel good about yourself. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to develop healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
3. Connect with you partner – It is so easy to get wrapped up in the kids and in everyday life that you forget about your relationship with your partner. Connect with your partner as often as you can, make a point to sit down over coffee on a Sunday morning and just talk about anything and everything, but the kids. It can be silly or profound, just make sure you connect with each other as a couple. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to maintain a healthy relationship.
4. Get involved – Get involved in some activity that is only for you. It can be work, volunteering, a class, or a book club. Just get involved in some regular activity where you are not a wife or a mommy, you are just you. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to participate in outside activities.
5. Have meaningful conversations – Sometimes when you have children your day gets so caught up with “kid stuff” that you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful adult conversation. Have you ever felt frustrated, aggravated and on edge and then gone out to a long dinner with a friend and felt like a new woman at the end of the night? That is why it is important to have meaningful conversations. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to get their needs met by more than one person.
6. Read – Who has time to read? We all do. It doesn’t have to be a long time, and reading is a great way to be intellectually stimulated. It exposes us to different subjects and new ideas, even when it is a light and fluffy read. Staying intellectually stimulated is important because it keeps us in touch with what we find exciting and gets those brain cells snapping. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to seek out and appreciate knowledge.
7. Take time for just you – Make sure you get some get some quality time for just you. It can be anything you want from spending time with a friend, to getting a manicure, or just being by yourself. Just do something that is only for you, it will fill you up and refresh you. You will feel like a new woman after you are done. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to be independent.
8. Remember that you have needs too – We have needs, and it is our responsibility to get them met. If you’re feeling frustrated, or unappreciated, instead of walking around feeling angry and misunderstood, figure out a way to get those needs met. Talk about them, ask for support, and be specific. And remember most people can’t read minds so you have to communicate with them to get those needs met. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to effectively meet their own needs.
9. Give yourself permission – Why do we feel like bad mothers for wanting to do something for ourselves? Every woman who I have ever talked to that wants to express an unhappiness about being a mother feels the need to qualify it by saying “Well, of course I love my child more than anything in the world but…”. Of course you do, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t be unhappy about the way something is going or how you feel. This is how you feel right now, there is nothing wrong with that, you’re a normal mother. Give yourself permission to feel the way you do and do something for yourself to feel better. Even if that means stepping back from your child for a couple of hours. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to recognize and healthily deal with their emotions.
10. Be a role model – When you ask most parents what they want most for their children they say that they want them to be happy and successful contributing adults. The very best way to ensure that comes true for your child is to be a role model. If you want your child to be confident, get their needs met, be sure of who they are, and happy with their life, just remember that they learn that from you. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to act with integrity.

Being a mother in today’s modern world is tricky business. We are bombarded all day long with messages of what makes a “good mother”. Just forget all that, and be true to you. Being joyful, present, and authentically you is the very best gift you can give to yourself and your child.

About The Author
Jen Ottolino is a Personal Coach who works with individuals to eliminate blocks to success. She partners with people to actively attract the life they know they deserve, but haven’t quite managed to achieve. You can visit her website at coachjen.com and discover articles, tips, and strategies designed to enhance your life purpose. She also publishes the bite sized weekly newsletter Little gems to subscribe send an email littlegems@coachjen.com.

by Jennifer Ottolino

Would you like to get your kids to willingly cooperate? Stop the daily battles? Teach your kids valuable life skills? If your answer is Yes! Yes! Yes! then read on . . .

There are so many things we must get our children to do and so many things me must stop them from doing! Get up. Get dressed. Don’t dawdle. Do your homework. Eat. It goes on and on. We can get our kids to cooperate and at the same time allow them to learn self discipline and develop good decision making skills. How? By offering choices.

Giving a choice is a very powerful tool that can be used with toddlers through teenagers. This is one skill that every parent should have tattooed on the back of his or her hand as a constant reminder. Parents should use this skill every day, many times a day. Giving children choices is a very effective way to enlist their cooperation because children love having the privilege of choice. It takes the pressure out of your request, and allows a child to feel in control. This makes a child more willing to comply.

Using choice is an effective way to achieve results, and when you get in the habit of offering choices you are doing your children a big favor. As children learn to make simple choices — Milk or juice? — they get the practice required to make bigger choices — Buy two class T-shirts or one sweatshirt? — which gives them the ability as they grow to make more important decisions — Save or spend? Drink beer or soda? Study or fail? Giving children choices allows them to learn to listen to their inner voice. It is a valuable skill that they will carry with them to adulthood.

You should offer choices based on your child’s age and your intent. A toddler can handle two choices, a grade-school child three or four. A teenager can be given general guidelines. Offer choices such that you would be happy with whatever option your child chooses. Otherwise, you’re not being fair. For example, a parent might say, “Either eat your peas or go to your room” but when the child gets up off his chair, the parent yells, “Sit down and eat your dinner, young man!” (So that wasn’t really a choice, was it?)

Here are some ways in which you can use choice:

Do you want to wear your Big Bird pajamas or your Mickey Mouse pajamas?
Do you want to do your homework at the kitchen table or the desk?
Would you rather stop at the gas station or give me the money to fill the tank?
Do you want to wear your coat, carry it, or put on a sweatshirt?
Would you prefer to let the dog out in the yard or take him for a walk?
Do you want to run up to bed or hop like a bunny?
What do you want to do first, take out the trash or dry the dishes?
Do you want to watch five more minutes of TV or ten?

A typical problem with choices is the child who makes up his own choice! For example, “Taylor, do you want to put on your pajamas first, or brush your teeth?” To which little Taylor answers, “I want to watch TV.” What to do? Just smile sweetly and say, “That wasn’t one of the choices. What do you want to do first, put on your pajamas or brush your teeth?”

If your child is still reluctant to choose from the options that you offer, then simply ask, “Would you like to choose or shall I choose for you?” If an appropriate answer is not forthcoming then you can say, “I see that you want me to choose for you.” Then follow through. Make your choice and help your child – by leading or carrying him – so that he can cooperate.

A mother in one of my classes reported using this skill with great success at home. It was after dinner and she said to her husband, “Honey, would you like to clean up the dishes or put the kids to bed?” He responded, “Hey! You’re using that choice this in me!” (All the skills presented in my book will work with adults, too.)

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.