“Dad, you’re going to be a grandfather.” My son was calling from his Naval base. He could have told me anything else on earth and I would not have been more surprised. At first I thought he was joking. I waited for the punch line. It was no joke.

He had come home on leave a few weeks earlier. He had met a girl. We knew very little about her. They had dated while he was home. It turns out they had kept contact, calling, writing and e-mailing to each one another. Soon after he had gone back to his base she discovered she was pregnant. They were, of course, not married.

It took a few moments for what he was saying to sink in. How could this happen? (Stupid question.) What was he going to do about it? (We are Catholic. Another stupid question.) How could he let this happen? (My first sensible question.) Surprise rolled over into anger. We ended up slamming down the phones in anger.

A jillion things raced through my mind. I was barely in my 40′s. I was too young to be a grandparent. What were our friends going to think? What was our pastor going to think? How were these two kids going to get along raising a baby? What was the mother really like? After all, we barely knew her. How were they going to be able to build a marriage relationship with a baby in the middle of all of that adjustment? How were they going to start a family with him in the Navy and away at sea part of the time?

Sure, I wanted to be a grandparent someday. Just not yet and not this way.

The next few months were a period of change and adjustment for all of us. It wasn’t easy.

One of the toughest adjustments was accepting that my son was stepping into both adulthood and fatherhood. He was barely out of high school. He still had two years remaining on his Navy enlistment. Suddenly he was no longer the boy, who it seemed like only yesterday I had been scolding for not cleaning his room, taking out the garbage and for denting a fender on the car.

A girl we barely knew was suddenly part of the family. We had to quickly develop a relationship with her. Like my son, she seemed so young. Was this girl really going to be the mother of my grandchild?

And then he was born. He was so tiny. I had forgotten how small a new baby is. The first time I held him I swear he smiled at me. I knew we were going to be buddies. They tell me he was too young to really smile. I know better. In that moment I caught a glimpse, in my mind’s eye, of all of the fishing trips, ball games and camp outs we were going to share.

Suddenly none of the would’ve, could’ve, should have’s counted for a thing. A new little innocent person, who had no say at all in the matter, had just been born. The only thing that mattered from that day forward was giving him everything that family love and support can possibly provide.

That is what we have been learning to do. Along the way I have picked up a few tips to share.

1. It is your child’s home, your child’s rules. A role reversal takes place. When your child establishes a home, you are a guest. The rules change. You are no longer in charge’ and you are sharing your child’s life in a new way. Respect that and be grateful for the opportunity. 
2. Offer to give the parents a break. Babies and small children demand constant attention. This level of attention day after day and week after week is wearing on anyone. Offer to give your child and his or her spouse a break. Even a break of a few hours can be a very welcome gift. 
3. Do not criticize. Your child and his or her partner are going to do things and say things that you wouldn’t do or say. They are going to make mistakes. Don’t criticize them for those mistakes. Your criticism will not be received well and will get in the way of your relationship. Besides, you’ve made plenty of mistakes of your own. They are entitled to theirs. 
4. Offer advice only when asked. It is a funny thing about advice. The more you offer it, the less it is appreciated. The less you offer advice, the more it’s sought. That truism has never been more valid than dealing with an adult child. 
5. The world has changed. The parenting styles and discipline techniques your children use may be different than those you employed. Most likely the techniques you used were different than those of your parents. You may not always agree with your children, but as long as everyone is safe from harm, with food and shelter, accept them. If you did a good job teaching your children your basic values, they will not stray far from them, regardless the techniques used. 
6. Make time to be a grandparent. Most people I know that are my age live very hectic, busy lives. We are at the height of our careers. Most of us are healthy and very active. Time is a precious commodity. Most of us also spent so much time developing careers and supporting our lifestyles that we found our children were grown almost before we knew it. Arrange your life with time to be a grandparent. The rewards are greater than work and personal activities will ever be. 
7. Share your grandchild’s world. Suddenly you are looking at a whole new round of ball games, school plays, scout meetings, graduations and the other events in your grandchild’s life. They are even more fun now than they were with your own children. Your grandchildren grow and change every day. There is a special pride in watching a grandchild develop and perform. These events are an excellent way to stay in touch with his or her developing personality. 
8. Ask how you can help. Do not assume you know. Your child’s life, like yours has been, will be a series of challenges, success and failures. Let you child know that you are always there, willing to help. Don’t assume you know when and how to help. Your child will let you know when he or she needs your help. 
9. Establish limits of help. Being a grandparent is special. It does not mean giving up your own life. If a parent is willing to provide unlimited assistance, it may become too easy for the child to take advantage of that. There should be limits of financial and personal assistance. Occasional babysitting is fun, for example. Providing a free daycare service may not be. Determine limits that are reasonable and comfortable for you and then discuss them with your child.

Becoming a grandparent is a very special time in life. In many ways it is more fun than being a parent. It is part-time. It is a second chance to do all of the things you meant to do or should have done with your children. The relationship with my grandchildren is more relaxed and easier than with my children. I may not have been ready when it happened, but I’m glad it did.

About the Author
Royce Armstrong is a grandparent and freelance writer featured at Happy Tulip Toys and Gifts for Grandchildren. This and other articles and tips about grandparenting can be found here.

One of the best parts of having a grandparent’s day is the time that you are able to spend with your grandchildren. Many grandparents wish that they had more time to spend with their grandchildren. Granted, your day will likely fly by quickly and feel as if it weren’t nearly long enough, you should cherish the extended time that you do have with your grandchildren. In fact, you should take steps to make the most out of it.

When it comes to having a grandparent’s day, many grandparents wonder what they should do. Of course, your planned activities should depend on your grandchildren and their ages. With that in mind, you will always find that you have an unlimited number of options. For instance, children of all ages love playing at the park, taking a trip to the zoo, or going on a shopping adventure. Depending on the age of your grandchildren, you may want to let them help you plan the day’s activities.

When having a grandparent’s day with your grandchildren, it is important that you are prepared. This will involve having all needed supplies on hand. If your grandchild is a newborn or an infant, these supplies may include diapers, baby wipes, a change of clothes, a bottle or sippy cup, milk, or baby formula. Although your son or daughter will likely supply you with these items, you may want to first make a trip to your local grocery store. As a grandparent, there is nothing wrong with being prepared, especially for extended visits.

As outlined above, it is important that you have all needed supplies, such as diapers and food or baby formula. With that in mind, you will also want to make sure that you have a camera or camcorder on hand. Depending on your family, a grandparent’s day may only happen once every few months. During this time, your grandchildren will grow and change in more ways that you could ever have imagined. That is why you should take steps to document the memories that you create along the way and what better time to do so than on a grandparent’s day?

The above mentioned tips are just a few of the many that can help to ensure that your next grandparent’s day is a success. As a reminder, be sure to obtain the proper contact information from your son or daughter, for emergencies purposes.

One of the many ways that you can offer your assistance, as a grandparent, is before your new grandchild is even born. You will want to provide your son or daughter all of the knowledge and support that they need. This may involve throwing a baby shower for your daughter or daughter in-law, helping to set up the baby’s nursery, or just lending an ear. As a parent yourself, you may remember how overwhelming a new baby can be for new parents. That is why any help that you have to offer will likely be welcomed with opened arms.

As soon as your new grandchild is born, you will find a number of opportunities to offer assistance. Your child and their partner will likely be at the hospital, feeling a wide array of emotions. These emotions may include happiness, nervousness, and the feeling of being unprepared. You may want to offer your assistance around the home. You can straighten up your son or daughter’s home, particularly before they will arrive from the hospital. You can also offer assistance by preparing a few meals and freezing them for later. New parents often find little time for these tasks.

Although your help and assistance will be appreciated before and during the birth of your grandchild, you will be needed even more afterwards. As previously stated, it is important that you provide both your child and grandchild with all of the love and support in the world. After the birth of your grandchild, particularly during the first year, you will want to sure that you make time for your family. In fact, time is the greatest gift that you can give your grandchild and their parents. While your time may be spent running errands, doing housework, baby proofing, or baby-sitting, your role of a grandparent is important, on a number of different levels.

The above mentioned actions are just a few of the many that you may want to take, when you become a new grandparent. Although you will have a number of responsibilities to your son or daughter and grandchild, it is more than acceptable for you to take a break and celebrate the fact that you will be a new grandparent. After all, you may have as many as nine months to prepare for your new role.

If you just recently learned that you will be a grandparent, your main focus should be placed on your son or daughter. Even planned pregnancies can be overwhelming for new parents. The good news is that there are a number of different ways that you can offer assistance. For instance, you can plan a baby shower for the new mom, you can purchase new baby necessities, such as clothing, baby formula, or diapers, or your can help to set up baby’s nursery. Before taking any action, however, you may want to see, from your son or daughter, where your services are most needed.

During the birth of your grandchild, you will find a number of opportunities to be helpful and offer your assistance. As with extending your help before the birth of a baby, you may want to devise a plan with your son or daughter. Will your services be needed in the delivery room or elsewhere? If your daughter or daughter in-law has the delivery of your grandchild already planned, your services may be best used at their home. For example, you could straighten up their home to ensure they come home to a clean and pleasant environment, help to cook meals, or pick up last minute baby supplies.

After the birth of your grandchild, you will still want to offer your help and assistance to your son or daughter in anyway possible. This may involve running errands, offering your services as a babysitter, and so forth. With that in mind, you may want to shift the majority of your focus onto your new grandchild. To have a happy and successful relationship with your new grandchild, you will want to start the bonding process as soon as possible. Even if you aren’t asked to baby-sit, you should still take steps to visit your new grandchild, even for just a few minutes.

The above mentioned steps are just a few of the many that you may want to take as a grandparent. As time passes, you will still want offer your help and assistance to your son or daughter and your grandchild. In fact, your help, guidance, and assistance will be just as valuable as it was the day that your grandchild was born.