Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting would be easier if you didn’t have to make family decisions? Having a partner that is not in agreement with your parenting ideas or discipline approaches is more than just frustrating. It can be a cause of division in even the best of relationships. Furthermore, how you handle your disagreements will have a direct impact on your relationship with your partner and with your children.

It would be great if every couple agreed on everything but that is an unlikely event. One partner may have been raised in a relaxed environment; another may have been raised in a very strict home. What is acceptable by one partner may be appalling to another. It is important to discuss with your partner what your parenting objectives are. Decide what values are important to both of you. You will find that some things are more important to you than to your partner and vice versa. Here are some steps you can do to work towards resolving parenting disagreements.

1. Discuss your parenting objectives. What is important to both of you? Sit down with your partner and decide what values are most important. Also what areas are not as important? 
2. Talk about where your children are developmentally and what they are capable of understanding. Sometimes the reasons for parenting disputes are because one partner thinks that a child is capable of understanding something and the other disagrees. Knowing what your child’s cognitive level is will help you to make better decisions. Do not compare your child to other children. You can use examples based on what they are capable of doing and not doing. For instance, if you ask them to get something out of their toy box, do they understand and go get it? If not expecting your child to be able to understand certain things may be unreasonable. 
3. Find out what both of your parenting strengths and weaknesses are. Many times both parents want the same things for their kids. Compliment your partner on his/her strengths. Don’t just point out your partner’s flaws. 
4. The majority of parenting disagreements are over discipline methods and when it is appropriate to discipline. One parent may think that spanking is the best method and the other may prefer time outs or something else. One of the most effective ways to resolve this issue is to talk about it. Find out the reasons why your partner feels the way he/she does. There are pros and cons to every form of parenting. Talk about why your partner thinks his/her discipline style is the better method. Sometimes talking about it will help you to see each other’s point of view. 
5. If the discussion gets heated, agree to disagree. Fighting about how to parent is only going to make the situation worse. Walk away, take a break and discuss it when you are not angry. 
6. Plan ahead. Discuss problem situations you are having with your children. For instance, if you are having a problem with your child having temper tantrums, discuss how you think this should be handled. If you have a plan in action, it will be easier for both of you to follow each other’s wishes. 
7. Pick your battles. Some things you may never agree on. You don’t have to agree on everything. Find the issues that are most important to you and work on resolving those first. 
8. Do not argue about parenting in front of your children. This is easier said than done. The best way to handle a situation you don’t agree with is not to interrupt but to wait till later and then discuss how you think it could have been handled differently. 
9. Work on role modeling communication. If your children see that you communicate and problem solve together, they will grow up to do the same. Children often repeat patterns of their own parents. Look at your relationship and evaluate how you communicate. Is this the way you would like your children to communicate with their future partner? 
10. Parenting and relationships are a growing process. The more you communicate the better parent/partner you will be. Learn from each other and listen to each other. Build on your parenting strengths and tackle your parenting weaknesses a little at a time. It won’t happen over night but if you continue to discuss things with your partner calmly and positively you will become better parenting partners.

About The Author
Patty Hone is a wife and mommy to three kids. She is also the owner of Justmommies.com. Justmommies is an online community for mommies to make friends and find support. Please visit Justmommies at http://www.justmommies.com. email@justmommies.com

Diapers costing you a fortune? It may be time to tackle one of the most important challenges in your young child’s life… the dreaded potty training experience.

One of the most common questions that I am asked is in regards to subject. Many parents will ask me something like this:

“Do you have any tips on potty training a two year old, that has no desire to try?”

I have been very lucky in my own four children that they potty trained literally on their own, but I have had several daycare kids that were not as interested in this phase of their little lives.

First of all I know that everyone says not to push them, but it is very true. DO NOT try and force the issue. As a parent we must learn to pick our battles with our children and this is one that is not easily won, if they are not ready for it. I started out with “Potty Training” books. There are a lot of different ones out there at your local library, or bookstores (I saw a cute hardcover one at Wal-Mart yesterday called “I Have To Go Potty!” It was under $8.00). There are also many different videos on this topic as well, I know that Dora, and Barney have their own videos on potty training.

Second, talk to your child about the potty in their language. For example: “Mommy and Daddy go pee pee and poopy on the potty, do you think sometime you want to go potty too like Mommy and Daddy?” Make any conversation with them at their level and also answer their questions if they have any.

Third, this is a HUGE deal, so make a big deal out of it. Take your child shopping, have them help in picking out the potty chair or a package of their very own “Big Kid” underwear. Also make sure that you have rewards for them. Whether this be M&M’s, dum dum suckers, skittles, raisins, whatever is a motivator to your child. Purchase those items with your child and make sure to remind them, that the candy is for after they go potty on the potty. (If you do purchase candy, make sure it is something little that you can easily manage, because if you give them a whole bag of M&M’s each time they go potty, you will have one hyper child, just a few m&m’s or skittles at a time and that is why if you purchase suckers go with the smaller ones.) Once your child has the hang of potty training and you are working on night training, again take them to the store and have them pick out something special to them, a stuffed animal, new video, a new book, game, truck, barbie, etc. Tell them that once they are dry all the time and have no more diapers then you and your child will go purchase that special item, “because they are a BIG boy or GIRL.” I can’t stress enough to involve them and make them feel important!!!

If you child is hestitate about even sitting on the potty, do not push them, but make a big deal out of it, when he/she does finally sit on the potty. Encourage him/her to sit on the potty with their diaper on at first if they are too afraid. Gradually work to take the diaper off of them when they are on the potty. Also look for the signs that your child may have that they are about to go potty in their diaper, and then ask them then if they want to go use the potty (remind them of the treat at the end if they do go). Reward them for every little step that they take, so that they feel important. I use to make up a potty dance with my kids. Every time after they went, we would do the potty dance together, and many times even after I went to the bathroom, my kids would do the potty dance for me, because they were then proud of my accomplishment as well. This may sound corny, but it is a great way to motivate your children in not just potty training, but I’ll save that for another article.

You can never encourage your children enough in anything, so start the cheerleading team and “GO POTTY TRAIN!”

Remember, stay positive, go slow and have fun with you child during this trying process! Good Luck.

About The Author
Tammi Kauppinen is a proud stay at home mom with five wonderful children. After graduating from the University of Wisconsin – Whitewater with a degree in Special Education, she decided to find a way to stay home and raise her children. That hasn’t kept her from working with kids! She has run an in-home day care for ten years, worked in variety of school districts with children with special needs, acted as a foster parent to teenage boys and as a respite provider for other foster children. She continues to work with children – including her own – on a daily basis and publishes a weekly email on stay at home mom tips. To sign up for this FREE service go to http://www.stayathomemominc.com.