We parents today have demanding schedules, and we juggle multiple tasks all day long. There’s too much to do, and never enough time to do it. The bedtime routine often gets slotted as one more “thing to do” after which we can get on to yet another task on our never-ending to-do list.

I’d like to present you with a new way of looking at your child’s bedtime routine: as a wonderful opportunity for a nightly ritual of quiet connection and bonding. Sort of like a forced savings account – a daily slice of time out of a busy day, given to you so that you can bask in the joys of parenthood and build the foundation for a close lifetime relationship. Pretty heady stuff, when you look at it this way, isn’t it?

Simply said, you must get your child ready for bed each and every night. The time will be spent, one way or another. Would you like it to be peaceful, nurturing and bonding – or rushed and stressful? You have the power to set the tone of your evenings, so why not choose a pleasant routine? You will enjoy it more, and your child will no longer resist bedtime –won’t that be marvelous!

Begin your routine earlier
If you are starting your child’s bedtime routine fifteen or twenty minutes before you’d like him to be asleep, it will inevitably create problems. This provides barely enough time for the essentials, little time for pleasure, and no time at all for the inevitable dawdles and delays. As a parent, you’re watching the clock move forward, stressing over the time, and trying to rush things along. Your child, who senses your tension and feels pressured, reacts by dawdling, or fashioning new requests that simply must be met, but of course, there’s no time, so a meltdown occurs. Following this pattern, night after night, makes both parent and child dread bedtime, further increasing the stress, and making things even worse. So goes the cycle, from bad to worse, night after night.

The answer is to avoiding all this turmoil is to allow plenty of time for the pre-bed routine. For most families this means allocating at least an hour from the time the process begins to lights out. While an hour or more may seem like a lot to spend on a bedtime routine, most families with struggles end up spending more time than this dealing with a fussy child who won’t cooperate. And said fussy child gets so worked up that once in bed he’s wide awake and takes a long time before nodding off.

Decide in advance on the best bedtime for your child, and then identify a specific time that you will begin the getting ready for bed routine. You may have to work backwards from this time to be sure that dinner and post-dinner activities are completed by the time you wish to start your pre-bed plan.

Once you understand the power of a long-enough routine to ward off the problems, and if you look at this time as an opportunity to spend some peaceful time connecting with your sweet child, then this hour can be something wonderful to look forward to each night.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers (McGraw-Hill) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

Getting your child to sleep is about much more than what happens once they get into bed. Here are some ways to establish a healthy bedtime routine each and every night:

• Make sure bedtime is at the same time every night. Children feel safe and are much more likely to be good sleepers when they have a consistent bedtime and a predictable bedtime routine. It helps ensure that they get enough sleep while giving their world a sense of order. 
• On weekends, don’t vary bedtime for more than an hour each night. This creates a kind of “jet lag” in your child when Monday rolls around. If necessary, plan activities for weekend mornings so your child has a reason to get out of bed. 
• Try to limit active play, television, video-game playing and computer time for an hour or two before bed. 
• Tell your child five or ten minutes before their bedtime routine begins so they can finish what they are doing. 
• Create a customized bedtime ritual that you and your child can participate in every night. Choose quiet, relaxing activities like telling stories, singing songs, stretching or saying prayers. For instance, your ritual may include telling a short story, singing a song and then saying a prayer. You can change the story, song and prayer but keep the order the same each night. 
• Take care of your child’s physical needs so there’s no reason to get out of bed. Make sure he or she is wearing comfortable pajamas and has a favorite stuffed animal or blanket within reach. Some children like to have a glass of water by the bed, the door slightly open or a nightlight on. 
• The air in your child’s room should be fairly cool – around sixty-five degrees Fahrenheit. If the air is particularly dry, use a vaporizer. 
• If older brothers or sisters are allowed to stay up later, make sure they’re doing quiet activities that don’t disturb the younger sibling.

Leave your child’s room while they’re still awake so they can learn to settle themselves. If this is a problem for your child, practicing the Floppy Sleep Game exercises will systematically teach children to relax and fall asleep on their own.

About the author
Dubbed “The Dream Maker” by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the author of The Floppy Sleep Game Book, which gives parents techniques to help their children relax or fall asleep. She is holding Dream Academy workshops at schools, hospitals, and libraries across the country where parents and children learn the playful relaxation techniques from her book and widely acclaimed children’s audio series. Children at the Dream Academy workshops practice the three R’s by resting their bodies, relaxing their minds, and refreshing their spirits. Visit her online at www.pattiteel.com.

When you first come home with your new baby, there are so many new things to learn that it can be quite overwhelming. One priority, however, is to help your baby establish good sleeping habits. For a long time now baby has been sleeping in your womb, which is quite a restful place. The big, wide world is quite different, and it takes time for baby to learn to adapt. But the sooner you can help baby sleeping well, the sooner you can get some much needed rest yourself!

There are probably as many stories about what helps babies to sleep as there are babies – and the reality is that there isn’t one totally successful secret that works with all babies. However it’s very important to find a way to help your baby to transition between being awake and being asleep. Once baby can do this on his own, he will be able to fall asleep much more easily and with a lot less effort from you. Establishing a routine that baby associates with going to sleep. Use the tips below as a starting point, to try and determine the best way to help your baby through transition. And always remember to trust your instincts – it’s amazing how often they’re right.

Fathering Down

One useful trick if daddy is around at bedtime, is called “fathering down”. Just before putting the baby to bed, daddy should cradle baby, with baby’s head resting on his daddy’s neck. Daddy should then talk to baby in a gentle voice. A male’s voice is much deeper than a female’s, and many babies find that deepness soothing, and so will transition into sleep more easily.

Wearing Down

Another technique is called “wearing down”. No, this doesn’t mean playing with baby until he’s so exhausted that he falls asleep on the floor! The idea is for you place your baby in a sling or carrier – “wear him”, basically – and go about your regular household activities in the lead up to bedtime. This is particularly helpful if baby has been very active and is either too excited to sleep or overtired. Moving about with you helps to rock and soothe baby, and so calm him down in preparation for bedtime.

Driving Down

A more modern option is “driving down”. Most parents have heard of this trick, which basically involves putting your baby in his car seat and driving around for a while until he’s asleep. Unfortunately this is rather inconvenient and uses up petrol, but if you’re desperate, it’s worth a try – it has a very high success rate. When my children were babies, I often used to time driving somewhere or coming home so that it roughly coincided with the start of my baby’s naptime. Then once we were home I’d transfer my baby into his bassinet or crib, and he’d have a lovely long nap. I’ve been known to take the long route home for just this reason!

Although these techniques are generally successful, obviously you don’t want to be obliged to drive around with your baby every night just so he’ll go to sleep. The idea of these techniques is to start out with these more drastic techniques, to help baby learn the feel of going off to sleep, then gradually ease out of them. Replace driving in a car, for example, with being rocked in the bassinet. Always remember that learning to transition into sleep is a big thing for your baby to learn, and it probably won’t happen overnight. With patience and persistence, however, baby will gradually learn how to fall asleep by himself, helping both baby and yourself get a good night’s sleep.

About the Author:

Discover more ideas for helping baby to sleep well at Info About Baby You can sign up for a FREE Baby Tips newsletter at Baby Tips Newsletter. The author’s book about babies is available at Baby’s First Year.

1. Create a bedtime routine. Your baby may fall asleep easier if there is an order that you do things every evening and he knows what to expect. Some babies don’t like the feeling of surprise when they are put to bed and would rather be eased into it. Start with dinner, a bath, nursing and then bed. If you want you can throw in a song, a story, or a massage.

2. Try to get your newborn to bed when he is sleepy but not overtired. If you let him get overtired he may have a harder time falling asleep and fight it more. If he is sleepy he will probably let his body’s natural instinct take over and lull him to sleep.

3. Use the light and dark to help “program” your baby. Wake your baby up in the morning once the sun comes up and start putting him to bed as the sun goes down and the room gets dark. Let the natural light help teach your baby when to fall asleep and when to wake up.

4. Check the sleep environment. You don’t want the area he sleeps in to be too busy or have too much going on. Find a quiet corner his bed can go in and take the toys out of the bed. Allow him no distractions so that he can easily go to sleep.

5. Teach your baby how to self-soothe. It is never too early to think about it so that when it is time to begin you can easily help your baby start putting himself to sleep. Once your baby can calm himself and put himself to sleep, it will free up your time to take care of other family matters. It will also help him be able to fall BACK to sleep after being awoken.

6. Pay attention to his pattern. If you watch his sleeping you will begin to notice a pattern forming of when he is tired, is ready for bed, how long he will sleep and you will know about when he will wake up. Knowing your baby’s schedule will make it easier to judge when he needs to sleep and how long you have before he wakes up.

7. Avoid stimulation. Highly stimulating forms of activity right before bedtime can wind up your baby making it hard to get him to settle down and go to sleep. Keep it calm and quiet in the house leading up to his bedtime so that he will fall asleep with little fuss.

Napping a Six Month Old
By the halfway point of your baby’s first year, not only has he hit a ton of milestones, but he is probably on a regular nap schedule throughout the day. Most babies will be waking up and going to bed at night about the same time, and taking a couple of naps a day for a couple of hours each. These will normally be in the morning and afternoon. At this point it becomes much easier for mom and dad to plan outings as well as meals in the house, because they know when their baby will be awake, and when he will be asleep.

Napping a One Year Old
Most one year olds are still taking a couple of naps a day at this point; however the naps may not be lasting as long. Your baby is probably up walking, running, and very interested in the world around him. It may be hard to get your baby to actually settle down and take a nap, when there is so much else that they would love to do. Enjoy the down time you do have however, because it may not last much longer.

Napping an 18 Month Old
By the time your baby is 18 months old he probably would have cut out one of his naps. Instead of a mid-morning and mid-afternoon nap, he will probably just be taking his afternoon nap, although it may have moved closer to noon or right after lunch. It also may have gotten longer. Where your baby may have only been sleeping an hour to an hour and a half in the afternoon, he could possibly be sleeping 3 hours now. Make the most of this time during your day and get stuff done.

Napping a Two to Three Year Old
Sometime during your baby’s second and third birthday it is highly likely that he will no longer be taking naps. There is entirely too much going on in his world and too much to see and do. You will put him in his crib or toddler bed and he may sit and play for the two hours he is there instead of napping. Your peace and quiet may be coming to an end. The good news is that since your child still needs at least 12 hours of sleep a day, it might be possible to put him to bed early, around six in the evening and have him sleep all night. This will give you that free time in the evenings to get done things that you were not able to get done during the day.

In their efforts to encourage their baby to sleep better, one approach that many parents use is to put their baby to bed later in the evening. They think, “If he’s “really tired” he’ll sleep better, right?” Wrong! This often backfires because Baby becomes overtired, and chronically sleep-deprived.

In the majority of cases, a baby’s biological clock is preset for an early bedtime. When parents work with that time, a baby falls asleep more easily and stays asleep more peacefully. Most babies are primed to go to sleep for the night as early as 6:30 or 7:00 p.m. I often hear about how babies and toddlers have a “melt down” period at the end of the day, when they get fussy, whiny and out of sorts. I suspect that it’s simply a sign of over-tired children longing for sleep.

Early to bed, early to rise?
For babies, early to bed does not mean early to rise! Most babies sleep longer with an earlier bedtime. Many parents are afraid to put their baby to bed so early, thinking that they will then face a 5 a.m. wake up call. But keeping your little one up too late backfires, and more often, a late night is the one followed by that early morning awakening.

My youngest child, two-year-old Coleton used to go to bed at 9:30, the time when my three older children went to bed, because it was convenient for me. At that time in the evening, it would take him a long time to get settled. I never connected his inability to settle with his late bedtime. When I started putting him to bed at 7:00, he fell asleep much more quickly and slept more soundly.

What About Working Parents?
If you are a working parent, and your evening with your little one begins at 6:30 or 7:00, you may find yourself torn between keeping your baby up for some playtime and getting him right to bed. You may find, though, that when your baby goes to sleep earlier, and sleeps better, he awakens in a pleasant mood, eager to play. Because you have gotten a good night’s sleep, you can consider getting up earlier in the morning and saving some time before work to play with your baby, as an alternative to that late-evening play session. You’ll both enjoy that special morning time. Later, when your baby is consistently sleeping all night, every night, you can move bedtime a little later and judge whether the difference affects your baby’s sleep.

Finding Your Baby’s Best Bedtime
It can take some experimentation to find your baby’s best bedtime. If you have been putting your baby to bed too late in the evening, you can approach this adjustment in one of two different ways:

• Adjust your baby’s bedtime to be earlier by fifteen to thirty minutes every two or three nights. Pay attention to how easily your baby falls asleep as well as his awakening time and mood to gauge the effectiveness of the changes until you settle on his best bedtime, or�
   
• Beginning at around 6:30 p.m., watch your baby closely. As soon as he exhibits any signs of tiredness (fussing, losing interest in toys, looking glazed, yawning) put him right to bed, even if his previous bedtime has been 11:00 p.m. When you do this, keep your home quiet and the baby’s room dark so that it resembles his usual environment in the middle of the night. If this bedtime is substantially earlier than usual, your baby may think he’s going down for a nap and awaken after a short snooze. If he does this, respond very quickly so that he doesn’t fully awaken. Follow your usual method for helping him fall back to sleep, such as rocking or nursing; keep the room dark and quiet as you do during the middle of the night.

Here’s what Tammy, mother of seven-month-old Brooklyn had to say about changing her baby’s bedtime, “I had been waiting until 10:00 to put Brooklyn to bed because that’s when I go to sleep. But your suggestion made so much sense that last night I put her down at 8:00. I loved having the evening to spend with my husband. We haven’t spent that much time alone together in months! And the baby actually had a better night’s sleep. I’m happy that all our needs can be met in such a pleasant way.”

It may take a week or more of adjustment to settle into a new bedtime, but once you do, you’ll find that both you and your baby are happier.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.