While it may seem farfetched to some people, many of my clients remember what they felt and experienced while still in the womb. Comments such as these are not unusual:

“I knew even before I was born that my mother didn’t want me.”

“I could feel my mother’s fear and anxiety even before I was born.”

Parenting does not start once the child is born. Good parenting starts even before getting pregnant. It starts by caring about what you eat, how much exercise and sleep you get, and by making sure that you are taking responsibility for your feelings of anxiety and stress. Your baby will feel what you feel, so learning how to be in peace and joy before getting pregnant is part of good parenting.

I loved being pregnant. I had always wanted children so I was thrilled to be pregnant. I loved feeling the baby moving within me, awed by the very fact of creating new life. I loved feeling an elbow or a knee slide across my stomach. I loved that my body could be a receptacle for bringing through this soul, this angel from heaven. I could not think of anything more profound, more worth doing. Who was this unique little person growing in my body?

I read every book I could on parenting and thought endlessly how I wanted to be a different parent than my parents were.

The problem was that I have never thought about how much my relationship with myself and with my husband might affect this child.

My husband was angry, distant and withdrawn during my pregnancy and the first three months after giving birth to our son. He was a person who wanted control and he was not happy that I got pregnant six months before we had planned. He didn’t open his heart until our son smiled at him at three months of age.

Being young, I had no idea how to handle the loneliness I felt at not having my husband joyfully involved in the hugest event of my life. Had I known then what I know now, I would have done anything I could to get the help we needed to bring our relationship back into caring. We can’t go back, but I’m sure that my son felt the lack of joy that existed between my husband and me. I’m sure he felt the depth of my loneliness. I wish I knew then what I know now about taking responsibility for my own feelings.

Being pregnant and giving birth are enormous events in a woman’s life, especially the first child, which changes your life so dramatically. If you do not know how to take responsibility for your own feelings of anger, hurt, anxiety, depression and loneliness, things will only get worse after giving birth. A child does not solve problems for you.

It’s hard to imagine before having a child what it is like to be responsible for another life 24/7. If you have not learned how to lovingly parent yourself before giving birth, you might find yourself getting lost as parent your baby. Good parenting starts before getting pregnant, with learning how to take loving care of yourself.

If you have a desire to be a good parent, here are steps you can take before getting pregnant:

1. Physical health: make sure that you are in good physical shape by eliminating sugar and artificial sweeteners. Start to shop in health food stores and buy only organic products. Eliminating pesticides and food additives is essential for good health. Also be sure to get enough exercise and sleep.
2. Emotional health: instead of having your eyes on your partner, turn your eyes inward and begin to compassionately notice your own feelings. Start to treat your own feelings in the same way you are planning on treating your future child’s feelings – with caring and understanding. In addition, start to practice taking loving action in your own behalf – standing up for yourself, speaking your truth, taking time for yourself. Practice taking loving care of your own feelings instead of making your partner responsible for how you feel. Begin to notice what you think and do that may be causing you stress. Changing thoughts and behavior that cause your stress before getting pregnant is essential for good parenting.
3. Spiritual health: practice opening to a higher source of guidance, wisdom, strength and comfort. This can be your own highest, wisest self within you, or a Higher Power outside of you. You will find that being able to turn a source of wisdom and comfort within or without will go a long way in helping you stay loving and stress-free with yourself, your partner, and your baby. In addition, this will help you know what to do in different challenging situations with your baby.

If you are planning on having a baby, start today in becoming a good parent!

About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Healthier Eating
You should try to stay away from foods that are high in fat and sugar content. Look for more healthy choices and eating more vegetables and items that will not only help you be healthy but will give your baby a better shot at being healthy. Try to buy foods that are organic and pesticide free, as well as hormone free dairy products.

You should try to stay away from uncooked fish, meat and poultry, as well as cooked fish such as swordfish, shark, and king mackerel which may contain large mercury counts which would not be good for your baby if you were to get pregnant. A woman should also stay away from raw eggs, including batters and dough made with them, as well as unpasteurized milk and certain soft cheeses. You should always make sure you clean and cook raw fruits and vegetables thoroughly before eating them.

Folic Acid
Folic acid is a big ingredient to getting pregnant, staying pregnant and having a healthy baby. Before trying to conceive a woman should make sure that she is getting enough folic acid a day either from prenatal vitamins or from foods including leafy green vegetables, fortified cereals, breads and orange juice.

Beverages
You should cut back on all beverages including coffee and soda, while trying to drink more water daily. It is recommended that a person drink a minimum of 8 glasses of water a day, while some say that a person should drink half of their body weight in ounces of water a day is a good rule of thumb.

Caffeinated beverages will only help to dehydrate you. Studies have shown that a large intake of caffeine can lead to it taking longer to conceive (International Food Information Council Foundation). However when these studies looked at smoking and alcohol use while drinking caffeinated beverages the results were inconclusive. It is best for a woman to just steer clear from caffeinated beverages before and during pregnancy.

The most vital time of a baby’s development often occurs before a woman even knows she is pregnant, between 3 and 8 weeks. Because of this and the damage that alcohol can do to a fetus, it is suggested that a woman should stay away from all alcohol leading up to and during the time she is trying to get pregnant, as well as while she is pregnant.

The most important thing for a woman to remember is that everything she eats or consumes while trying to conceive is in her body when she is trying to conceive and can affect her baby. While many of us will eat and do things that we know are not good for us, would we willing give our child something that we know is not good for them? The best time to start developing healthy habits for your child is before you conceive that child.