Step 1. Confront the Biter A.S.A.P.
Step in the very minute your child bites and call it what it is: “That’s biting!” Then in a very stern voice say: “You may not bite people!” Firmly express your disapproval, and quickly remove your child from the situation. Remember Mom: No matter what you hear from other parents, do not bite your kid back! It is not helpful, and in fact, you’re only sending him the messages that kids can’t bite, but adults can.

If your kid has developed a history of biting, you’ll need to take emergency action. Arrange a private meeting amongst your child and other caregivers (such as his teacher, coach, daycare worker, babysitter) with whom he’s displaying the behavior. Create a consequence everyone understands: this could be the loss of a privilege, time out, or going home. You’ll want to all be on the same page and consistently enforced whatever consequence you all agreed upon. All the moms in our playground, for instance, decided to get on the same page together. Because we all responded the same way (yes, their was one mom who was a bit too laid-back, but we knew we couldn’t change her behavior), we were more successful in stopping our four-year-old Vampire Wannabees.

Step 2. Comfort the Victim and Boost Empathy
Kids always need to know that biting hurts! So in the presence of your kid focus your concern on the victim. “I’m so sorry! That must hurt. What can I do to help?” Doing so shows your child not only that his action caused pain but also how to convey sympathy. If possible, find a way to help your child to make amends. He might offer the victim a Kleenex or band-aid, draw a picture to apologize, say he’s sorry, or give the other child a toy. Do also apologize to the child’s parents on the spot or with a phone call. (Word to the wise: I learned the hard way that it is far better that I make the call then having the parent hear the story from someone else).

Step 3. Teach a New Behavior to Replace the Biting
If your toddler is teething, she’s probably biting because of sore gums. In that case, offer something appropriate to bite on: such as a frozen juice bar, a hard plastic teething ring, or toy to relieve the discomfort.

Kids often bite because they haven’t developed the verbal skills to communicate their needs or frustrations. Identify what skill your child lacks, and then teach a more appropriate way to respond that will replace the urge to bite. Practice the new skill together, until he can successfully use it on his own. One youngster bit because he didn’t know how to say he wanted a turn. Once his dad recognized the problem, he taught his son to say: “It’s your turn, then it’s my turn.” The biting quickly stopped. If your child has trouble verbalizing feelings or needs, teach him to say: “I’m getting mad.” Or: “I want to play.” Remember to let him know how proud you are when he uses good control.

Step 4. Anticipate Biting Behavior as the Best Prevention
If your child has developed a pattern of biting, then supervise those play times closely. You can then immediately step in and stop your biter before it happens. Put your hand gently over his mouth firmly saying: “You may not bite. Use your words to tell what you need.” Then show how: “I want a turn.” Sometimes you can distract your child from the situation: “Would you like to play with the clay or blocks?” You may have step in a few times before the biting is stopped, so watch closely then intervene pronto.

The most important part of this Mommy Secret to learn is that kids usually bite because they lack the ability to handle their frustrations. It’s up to us to help find better ways to get their point across.

About the Author
Michele Borba, EdD, is an internationally renowned educational consultant and recipient of the National Educator Award. She has presented workshops to more than 750,000 participants worldwide. She is the award-winning author of 20 books including Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them, Don’t Give Me That Attitude!, No More Misbehavin’ and Building Moral Intelligence. She is recognized for her practical, solution-based strategies to strengthen children’s behavior and social development. She has lectured to over one million participants and has been featured on NPR Radio, the Today Show, The Early Show, The View, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, and been interviewed by Redbook, Newsweek, U.S. News & World Report, and many others. She is an advisory board member for Parents magazine, is a former classroom teacher and mom of three. For more about Dr. Borba visit www.moralintelligence.com.

Pick Your Time
The best time to cut your baby’s nails is when he is most calm. Many people suggest doing it while your baby is in a deep sleep because they will hopefully not move. Sometimes however a baby will wake up or flex making it a close call with the clippers. Others attempt to cut their babies nails while they are distracted, for instance when they are nursing. If your baby is intent on eating his meal, he may not care so much that you are playing with his hand. Your baby’s already soft nails will be softest right after a bath, so cutting them during a nursing session after their bath, before bed may work for some.

Pick Your Tool
There are many different items you can use to cut your baby’s nails. There are small clippers that were invented just for your baby; there are also small, round-tipped scissors that were created to easily cut a baby’s nails. You can even use a file to file down your baby’s nails. It is really an issue of trial and error. You try out each option and figure out which one works best for you and your baby.

Biting Your Baby’s Nails
One way many people “cut” their baby’s nails is by biting them off. Some people say this is easier and safer, reducing all risk of accidentally cutting your baby. It is something that can be done most conveniently during feeding when you can hold your baby’s hand in yours and take care of the task while they are otherwise occupied.

Accidents Happen
Chances are, at least once in your young baby’s life, you will accidentally cut him. He will move right as you are snipping and it will get his skin, or cut the nail too close to the quick. When this happens don’t feel bad about it. Remember, it isn’t the first time this has happened to a baby and it won’t be the last. Babies get over pain very quickly and with a little kissing from you, the cut will be forgotten by your little one. You will probably feel bad about cutting your baby, much longer than your baby will hurt from the cut.

Ask For Help
If you have a particularly wiggly worm, don’t be afraid to wait to cut your baby’s nails until you have someone around to help you with it. You may need someone there to help hold down your baby or distract him while you cut his nails. Keeping your baby’s nails short is important so they don’t hurt themselves, so doing whatever it takes, even if it means waiting for help, is what matters in the end.