You don’t have to give up dining out, and you don’t have to skip a date night if the babysitter cancels. There are ways to teach children how to behave appropriately in a restaurant so that it is a fun evening out for everyone in the family.

Children can be both excited and bored when at a restaurant. They can find it difficult to sit in one place for the length of time necessary to order, wait, eat, and pay for the meal. This problem is one that improves with age, development and practice. With a good game plan, you can help your children learn how to behave appropriately in a restaurant so that you can all enjoy the experience.

Pick the right restaurant.
Choose a restaurant based on its level of child-friendliness. What’s important? The availability of a children’s menu that includes food your kids will actually eat. The absence of a long wait for a table. Booster seats or high chairs. Private booths or eating nooks as opposed to one large open room. And a noisier, family-friendly atmosphere is always a plus. (Save the hushed candlelit ambience for adult-only nights out.)

Teach restaurant manners at home.
If you are casual about mealtime manners at home, don’t expect your children to miraculously develop table manners because you happen to be sitting in a restaurant. Practice good manners at home for every meal, and your children will be prepared when you eat out.

Have longer sit-down meals at home.
Typically, at home we call our children to the table when all the food is ready, and then excuse them as soon as they are finished eating. If you want to practice for restaurant visits it’s a good idea to have them come to the table a few minutes earlier. Then sit and chat for a bit after you are finished with the meal. Make it fun by telling stories or jokes or talking about upcoming plans. Not only will this be great practice for eating out, it’s a wonderful family-bonding ritual to introduce into your home.

Dine out at your regular meal time.
When possible, stick close to your daily routine. Plan to dine at a reasonable time, before the kids become famished and tired. If you must go out later than your usual time, then provide your children with a snack at the normal time, and allow them to have a smaller meal at the restaurant, or to eat half the meal and bring the rest home.

Review your restaurant rules before you go.
Be very specific and leave no stone unturned. A sample list of “restaurant rules” might be: Sit in your seat. Use a quiet inside voice. Use your silverware, not your fingers. Have nice conversation, no bickering. If you don’t like something, keep your comments to yourself and fill up on something else. If you have to use the restroom, ask me privately and I’ll take you.

Ask for an immediate appetizer.
Many restaurants automatically bring bread or chips to the table as soon as you are seated. If this isn’t the case, ask for something to be brought out for the kids. This will ward off hunger and provide something to do before the meals arrive.

Prevent boredom.
Bring along a few simple toys like a deck of cards, plastic animals, or small quiet toys that can keep the kids occupied while they wait.

Don’t imagine that eating out with kids is the same as dining without them.
When you take children to a restaurant the focus is not the cuisine or the atmosphere. It’s all about controlling the excitement and boredom, teaching your children formal manners, and having quality family time.

Don’t stay too long after eating.
Keep your post-meal conversation short. The longer you stay, the more likely your children will run out of patience and act up. Ask for to-go boxes and the check at the same time you order your food. This way, if you have to leave because of a tired or whiny child, you can make a fast get away

Don’t make the kids eat what they don’t like.
Stick with familiar foods when possible. If the grilled cheese sandwich your child ordered turns out to be Swiss cheese on sourdough allow your child to eat the French fries and pack up the sandwich to go. A restaurant is not the place to battle over new and unfamiliar foods.

Don’t stay if you’re not having fun.
If a child’s behavior gets out of hand, take her to the restroom or out to the car for a break so that she can calm down. If she continues to misbehave, don’t be afraid to ask for doggie bags and leave the restaurant. But don’t give up! Review your expectations and try again.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

Strange as it may sound, boredom promotes happier, creative kids who are better problem solvers. When children use their own creativity with unstructured play, they find ways to amuse themselves — even if it means simply daydreaming.

That’s the advice of child development expert, Alan M. Hess who wants to see American children spend more time in unstructured play, less time in structured activities and much less time in front of mindless TV programs. Hess states, “Plain and simple, it’s called creative child development. I recognize that in our society, it’s a hard concept for people to grasp at first.

“Many American parents who work 60 to 70 hours a week impose a very structured lifestyle on their children. They’re concerned about boredom, so they over schedule to keep kids busy. Believe it or not, there is a direct relationship between boredom and creative thought.”

Alan Hess, president of Safari Ltd., with its line of museum quality creative toys, is a noted authority and respected expert in developing creative play for children. Hess states, “Think back to when you were a kid and you will recall valuable lessons. Left to our own devices we discovered resources we didn’t know we had. I’m concerned that our busy, well-entertained children may not ever have the chance to learn them.”

Hess, states, “Although most of the products that I’ve been involved with are designed for children four and up, especially our current Safari line of products, I constantly study toddler trends. Several pediatric physicians, who are part of our research team, have shared some disturbing trends with me regarding middle and upper class parents who push their children to the extremes in the hopes that this will provide a better foundation for the child’s future.

“They’ve told me about situations where parents are determined to find the “perfect three year old” pre-school so that their daughter will be prepared for law school later in life. Other parents make their children compete in soccer matches and karate competition when the child is recovering from the flu. Their misguided reasoning is that the child needs to learn what competition means, regardless of illness, or circumstances. This thinking is insane.”

Hess firmly believes that children need time to be children. Creativity, social skills and fun are vital to a well-rounded child. He suggests that parents help children get the most out of unstructured play by limiting TV. Parents might also provide materials, creative toys and even gentle suggestions, if necessary. Parental guidance and parental participation is also important. Hess said, “Bored kids eventually take out the paints, build a dinosaur den, read a book … and create things, or they come home sweaty from a game of neighborhood soccer. Our educational, nature and science toys with a special focus on scale-model animal and dinosaur replicas are big favorites with children. They love the fantasy play and the fun of creating their own world.”

This concept of boredom is new territory at the beginning because children may be upset that they can’t watch TV. They may also bicker with their siblings. Hess states, “Working or single parent households may have even more of a challenge, but he strongly encourages parents not to give in and flip on the TV, or let kids watch a video.”

The lifelong benefits of unstructured play are so great that Hess urges parents to try to find an hour a week for it. And he offers these tips to make things easier:

Set Limits to TV and Video Play. There is something very wrong with the fact that many children watch an average of 38 hours per week. Cutting back can provide unstructured play time. Most parents and care takers passively allow the media to routinely expose kids to violence and sex when they would never let an individual, or educational institution expose their children to this type of content.

Far too many children spend hours each day at computers, playing with hand-held game devices, or watching videos. Hess suggests that parents set a firm daily limit to these activities. Hess says, “The value of a toy is simple to calculate…to what degree does the toy invite imagination and creativity? After a week, if you find that your child is more interested in playing with the toy box instead of the toy, you’ve wasted money and time.”

Unstructured play time doesn’t require a huge investment in new toys. Hess cites one focus group study where two boys were playing with toys. One girl had an electronically enhanced dinosaur and she boasted: “My dinosaur can say 500 words!” The other boy, who was holding a Safari dinosaur countered with: “My dino can say anything I want it to say and it looks like a real dino.”

Hess states, “We hear so much about hyperactive children who are medicated as a result of this behavior. Is the child really hyperactive, or does the child simply need more unstructured play time? Children are free spirits and when that’s denied, we see physical and mental manifestations that have a negative impact on a healthy childhood.

“Spend time watching your child play. This can show children that adults value their play,” Hess says. It’s not necessary to join in, although that’s great fun too, as long as parents don’t try to take over. In fact, one highly successful parenting strategy involves spending time each day with your child doing whatever he or she chooses to do.”

During this “special time,” the child makes the decisions, controls the flow of the play and assigns all roles. It’s unstructured play time for your child, yet you get to participate. It’s important for us to share time with children and it shows them that you value their play.

Hess encourages parents to give this boredom concept a serious try. He states, “Giving your children a break from organized activities and electronic baby-sitters could very well mean sentencing them to boredom, at least at first, but it will open up a whole new world of creativity, fun and adventure as it helps them expand their minds.”

About The Author
Alan Hess, president of Safari Ltd., has an extensive marketing background with a wide array of highly successful toy and hobby products. One of the key factors in his success is his understanding of child development research and his ability to apply that knowledge to product development.

Are we there yet? How often do parents want to ask this question when traveling with a car full of unhappy, restless kids? By following a few guidelines, your next family trek can be a pleasant one.

Set the scene
Kids who are squished between bags and packages can get irritable, so don’t overpack the car. Put the kids in casual, layered clothing and bring along blankets and pillows for added comfort. Allow them to take off their jackets and shoes and to settle in for the ride.

Avoid boredom
Youthful energy that’s bursting at the seams prevents kids from enjoying a long immobile stint in the back seat. Head off boredom, and the ensuing misbehavior, by bringing along a backpack filled with activities for each child. Look for long-play items like travel games, playing cards, crayons and simple crafts.

Eat on the road
“Eating in the car can keep the kids happy,” suggests Elizabeth Pantley, parenting expert and author of Perfect Parenting: The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips. “Food serves multiple purposes. It keeps the kids’ blood sugar levels even, thus preventing fussiness. And snacking keeps the kids busy.” She suggests bringing along an assortment of snacks, including items that take a long time to eat, like lollipops and dried fruit.

Pantley also recommends grabbing meals to go from family-friendly restaurants. “Look for restaurants that offer wholesome food choices as well as entertainment value, such as the KFC Kids Laptop Pack ? which offers kid-friendly favorites like chicken legs with healthful side items like green beans. It’s served in a flip-top box that’s easy for kids to balance on their little laps with entertaining, educational games and activities to keep them happy and busy throughout the ride.”

Publish car rules
Before you embark on your journey, write down a set of car rules. Keep hands to yourself…Use a quiet voice…Clean up your trash…are just a few simple rules. Pantley warns that a lack of rules invites misbehavior. “When your expectations are clear, simple and exact, children behave better,” she says. A few instructions can keep the peace.

Involve the kids
Pantley suggests that you provide the kids with a map, colored pencils, a compass and a journal so that they can follow and record the journey. “You can even give them a calculator ? so when they ask, ’How long ‘til we get there?’ you can teach them how to figure it out themselves!”

Following a few of these suggestions won’t banish “Are we there yet?” from your traveling child’s vocabulary ? but he or she just might ask the question with a smile.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.