For most of you being a mother is one of the most wonderful and rewarding experiences that you will have in your life. It can also be a time when you feel lost and out of touch with who you are outside of being a “mommy”. Maintaining an identity outside of your children is vitally important, not just for you, but for your family as well. So here are ten strategies that not only keep you connected with you, but also have the added bonus of being an important life skill to teach your children.

1. Be present – Often when we spend time with our children we are thinking about the things that we should be doing or we multi task and we are not really present with them. Then, when we are not with them, we feel guilty. Make the decision that when you spend time with your child to just be there for them, enjoy them, listen to them, and focus on them 100%. Spending this type of quality time with your child will lessen the guilt and help you focus on other activities with the same 100% attention. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to focus on and enjoy the moment.
2. Take care of yourself – This is a big one for most women since we get so busy caring for others we tend to forget about ourselves. Define what taking care of yourself means to you and develop a schedule to do it. Keep tweaking your schedule until you are actually fitting taking care of yourself into the day. Taking care of yourself helps to replenish your spirit, it helps you to relax, and it helps you to feel good about yourself. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to develop healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
3. Connect with you partner – It is so easy to get wrapped up in the kids and in everyday life that you forget about your relationship with your partner. Connect with your partner as often as you can, make a point to sit down over coffee on a Sunday morning and just talk about anything and everything, but the kids. It can be silly or profound, just make sure you connect with each other as a couple. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to maintain a healthy relationship.
4. Get involved – Get involved in some activity that is only for you. It can be work, volunteering, a class, or a book club. Just get involved in some regular activity where you are not a wife or a mommy, you are just you. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to participate in outside activities.
5. Have meaningful conversations – Sometimes when you have children your day gets so caught up with “kid stuff” that you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful adult conversation. Have you ever felt frustrated, aggravated and on edge and then gone out to a long dinner with a friend and felt like a new woman at the end of the night? That is why it is important to have meaningful conversations. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to get their needs met by more than one person.
6. Read – Who has time to read? We all do. It doesn’t have to be a long time, and reading is a great way to be intellectually stimulated. It exposes us to different subjects and new ideas, even when it is a light and fluffy read. Staying intellectually stimulated is important because it keeps us in touch with what we find exciting and gets those brain cells snapping. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to seek out and appreciate knowledge.
7. Take time for just you – Make sure you get some get some quality time for just you. It can be anything you want from spending time with a friend, to getting a manicure, or just being by yourself. Just do something that is only for you, it will fill you up and refresh you. You will feel like a new woman after you are done. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to be independent.
8. Remember that you have needs too – We have needs, and it is our responsibility to get them met. If you’re feeling frustrated, or unappreciated, instead of walking around feeling angry and misunderstood, figure out a way to get those needs met. Talk about them, ask for support, and be specific. And remember most people can’t read minds so you have to communicate with them to get those needs met. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to effectively meet their own needs.
9. Give yourself permission – Why do we feel like bad mothers for wanting to do something for ourselves? Every woman who I have ever talked to that wants to express an unhappiness about being a mother feels the need to qualify it by saying “Well, of course I love my child more than anything in the world but…”. Of course you do, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t be unhappy about the way something is going or how you feel. This is how you feel right now, there is nothing wrong with that, you’re a normal mother. Give yourself permission to feel the way you do and do something for yourself to feel better. Even if that means stepping back from your child for a couple of hours. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to recognize and healthily deal with their emotions.
10. Be a role model – When you ask most parents what they want most for their children they say that they want them to be happy and successful contributing adults. The very best way to ensure that comes true for your child is to be a role model. If you want your child to be confident, get their needs met, be sure of who they are, and happy with their life, just remember that they learn that from you. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to act with integrity.

Being a mother in today’s modern world is tricky business. We are bombarded all day long with messages of what makes a “good mother”. Just forget all that, and be true to you. Being joyful, present, and authentically you is the very best gift you can give to yourself and your child.

About The Author
Jen Ottolino is a Personal Coach who works with individuals to eliminate blocks to success. She partners with people to actively attract the life they know they deserve, but haven’t quite managed to achieve. You can visit her website at coachjen.com and discover articles, tips, and strategies designed to enhance your life purpose. She also publishes the bite sized weekly newsletter Little gems to subscribe send an email littlegems@coachjen.com.

by Jennifer Ottolino

by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.There’s no doubt about it – parenting small children takes a lot of time. So much time that it’s very easy to forget about your child within. Yet you cannot be a really good parent while forgetting about your own feelings, needs and well-being.

Haven’t you noticed that if you do not take care of yourself by having enough time for yourself you are much more irritable with your mate and children? Whether your job is being with your children all day, or you work out of the home all day, or you work in your home and tend to your children all day – you need some time for yourself.

When my children were small it was challenging to find the time for myself. I worked at home, tended to my children, and had very little money for household help. Yet if I didn’t have time to myself to read, take a bath, do creative stuff or just stare at a flower, I had a hard time being a patient, loving and fun mom.

What I did at that time is seek out adolescents who loved playing with little kids. I hired them (for not a lot of money – they were delighted to earn a little spending money and get to play with children as well) to play with my kids while I was in the house taking time for myself. After an hour or so of restful or creative time, I was filled up enough within to be able to give to my children. When I didn’t take this time, my own Inner Child would feel unloved, unimportant and resentful.

A part of good parenting is letting your children know that their needs are neither more nor less important than yours. In the past, children were supposed to be seen and not heard and were given the message that adults were more important than children. In more recent times, many children are given the message that their needs and feelings are more important than adults’ needs. Neither message is based on the truth of the equality of each soul. For children to understand this equality, parents need to role model loving their children and loving themselves – not one at the expense of the other. If children are taught that adults are more important then children, the children learn to be caretakers, putting themselves aside in deference to others. If children are taught that children are more important than adults, they learn to be brats, demanding attention and not caring about others. This is just one of the reasons why it is so important for parents to take responsibility for caring about themselves – for lovingly parenting the child within.

It might be helpful to imagine that you have an actual child that lives inside you. You are the mom and dad for this child. You are the only one who can feel and hear this child’s needs and who can take action on behalf of this child. You already know what happens if you ignore the needs of your actual children. In some way or another, they will act out until they get the love and attention they need. The same is true for your Inner Child. Our Inner Child, which is our feeling self, can even cause us to be sick if we don’t pay attention to him or her. Your Inner Child lets you know when you are not being loving to him or her with anxiety, stress, anger, or resentment. When you are feeling these feelings, instead of looking outside yourself for the cause, look at whether or not you are lovingly parenting yourself. It is one of the best things you can do for you and for your children. (For help in self-parenting through the Inner Bonding process, See our FREE Course at www.innerbonding.com).

About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife just had our first child. I’m insanely happy and I want to get more involved but I’ve never been around babies before and have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to do with him. What do you suggest?

Armin answers: Although it may be tempting to just sit around and stare at your baby, marveling at every little thing he does, you’ll need to do a lot more than that if you’re really going to get to know him. Here are some of the best ways to start:

• Hold him. Newborns love to be carried around, held in your arms, held in a pack, etc.

• Talk to him. No, he can’t understand a word you’re saying. In fact, he barely even knows you exist. But talk anyway–explain everything you’re doing as you’re doing it, tell him what’s happening in the news, etc.–it’ll help him get to know the rhythm of the language.

• Change his diapers. It doesn’t sound like much fun, but it’s a great time to interact with the baby one-on-one, to rub his soft belly, tickle his knees, kiss his tiny fingers. For at least the first month or so, he needs to be changed every two hours–baby’s super-sensitive skin shouldn’t stew in human waste–so there are plenty of opportunities. And don’t worry: changing diapers is an acquired skill–in just a few days you’ll be able to do it with your eyes closed (although you probably shouldn’t—especially if you’re using pins). In the meantime, even if you don’t do it right, baby poop washes right off your hands and won’t stain your clothes. One hint, though: immediately after undoing the diaper, put something (like a towel or cloth diaper) over baby for a few seconds. The sudden rush of fresh air on the baby’s crotch can result in your getting sprayed.

• Play with him. During the first few weeks, forget about football and chess. But try to spend at least 20 minutes (probably broken into 5-minute installments) a day doing something with the baby one-on-one. Chatting, reading aloud, rocking, making faces, experimenting with the baby’s reflexes or even simply catching her gaze and looking into his eyes are great activities. Here are a couple of things to remember:

• Take your cues from the baby. If he cries or seems bored, stop what you’re doing. Too much playing can make your child fussy or irritable, so limit play sessions to five minutes or so.

• Be encouraging. Use lots of facial and verbal encouragement, smiles, and laughter. Although the baby can’t understand the words, he definitely understands the feelings. Even at only a few days old, he’ll want to please you, and lots of encouragement will help build his self-confidence.

• Be gentle-—especially with the baby’s head. Because babies’ heads are relatively large (one-quarter of their body size at birth vs. one-seventh by the time they’re adults) and their neck muscles are not yet well developed, their heads tend to be pretty floppy for the first few months. Be sure to support the head—from behind—at all times, and avoid sudden or jerky motions.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: My son was born four months ago, and things are starting to settle down. But every time I sit down to do some extra work on the computer, I feel guilty about leaving my wife to take care of him since she’s with him all day long. I try to help, but I also need to get ahead with work. What should I do?

Armin answers: The first thing you need to do is not let your guilt get out of hand. A little bit of guilt is okay, but some fathers (and mothers)–in an effort to make themselves feel better about not being able to spend enough time with their children–end up withdrawing from their kids emotionally. Leaving your wife to take care of the baby is a habit you don’t want to get into (and if you notice yourself doing this, there’s still time to stop). The earlier you and your baby start getting to know one another, the closer and better your relationship will be.

Another common trap parents sometimes fall into is trying hard to make up for lost time. You might, for example, attempt to cram as much active, physical father/baby interaction as you can into the few hours you do have together in the evenings after work. While all that activity might make you feel a little better about being away from your baby during the day, you’ll also end up overstimulating him. So before you start tickling and wrestling and playing with the baby, spend a few minutes reading or cuddling with him, quietly getting to know each other again. At four months, a day away from you is a long time for your baby. You’ll both feel a lot better if you spend a little quiet time reconnecting.

While there’s no practical way for you to make up for the time you’re spending away from your child, it’s important that you find some middle ground. Separate work time from time with your child. Make sure that whenever you’re with the baby, you’re with him 100 percent. Forget the phone, the computer, the newspapers, or the TV. You can do all those things after the baby goes to sleep, before he wakes up, or while he’s busy nursing. You also might want to explore some different scheduling options for your office: getting into work an hour or two early might give you and your baby a few relaxed hours together in the afternoons. And telecommuting to work one day a week allows you to spend your commute time reading your son a book instead of sitting in traffic.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

Your skin is the largest and most visible organ you have and covers your entire body. Consumers are choosing to use different organic products in their home, to ensure better health for their loved ones like food, cloth , flushable diapers, and other household items. It only makes sense to treat the skin with the same care as they do their family. Unlike the unnatural products in regular skin care, organic skin care is created from herbs, fruits, and flower buds. They are then combined with natural oils and waters.

The last thing your skin needs is to be invaded by chemicals and harmful toxins that are so prevalent in standard non organic skin care products when your skin is already exposed to harmful chemicals all day long. Organic skin care provides a healthy alternative to today’s chemical filled products.

A woman, on average. is exposed to hundreds of chemicals a day, many of which are absorbed into the blood stream. The rise of allergies and eczema has been thought by some to be caused by these chemicals that increase on a daily basis.

There are a large number of websites that sell organic skin care products or list recipes for making your own organic skin care products in your home. There are also books you can buy on organic skin care like Natural Organic Hair and Skin Care: Including A to Z Guide to Natural and Synthetic Chemicals in Cosmetics, How to Make Your Own Organic Cosmetics: Face Masks, Hair Rinses & Body Lotions: Recipes for Natural Beauty and Pure Skin: Organic Beauty Basics.

How Your Diet Affects Your Skin
Fatty and greasy foods are known to wreck havoc on your skin. Abstaining from these types of foods as much as possible is beneficial in healthy skincare. Fruits and vegetables are great sources of vitamins and minerals responsible for maintaining skin integrity. Because lack of vitamin A in your system can cause dry and scaly skin, vitamins A and C are very important to your skin care. Watch the labels of the foods you eat because many contain unnatural chemicals that will affect your skin. In most cases companies are required by laws to list the ingredients on the packaging of their food before it can be sold, so learn about the chemicals in your food to eat responsibly.

Are you a grandparent who is raising your grandchild? If you are, you aren’t a grandparent in the traditional sense. Grandparents who raise their grandchild have to take on two different roles, the roles of both parents and grandparents.

When raising a grandchild, it is important to remember that you will see your share of ups and downs. Often times, grandparents will visit their grandchildren on the weekends and have an unlimited number of picture perfect moments. When spending twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week with your grandchild, you will run into complications, no matter what their age. The good news is that there are always solutions to the problems that you may run into.

While many people will tell you otherwise, you may find it the easiest to raise newborns and infants. Yes, you may have midnight feedings and a load of dirty diapers to change, but you will find yourself having to provide constant love and support to your grandchild. What is nice about this is that showing love and support is something that grandparents do best. At the newborn and infant stages, you will want to cuddle and spend as much time with your grandchild as possible.

Although many grandparents who raise their grandchildren focus on the difficulties that they may face and solutions for those difficulties, it is also important to remember the firsts that you will get to experience with your very own eyes. When raising your grandchild, you will be able to see and celebrate their first words, first crawl, first step, first play date, and first day of school. No matter what complications you have run into in the past or will run into in the future, these memorable experiences will be make raising your grandchild more than worth it.

As previously stated, raising grandchildren has it shares of difficulties. As with traditional parents, it will be easy for you to feel overwhelmed. If and when that time comes, you may want to seek assistance. You may not know this, but it is actually a lot more common for grandparents to raise their grandchildren than many think. The good news is that this has led to the development of support groups all across the country.

As a reminder, if you are feeling overwhelmed, be sure to examine local grandparents raising grandchildren support groups in your area or call on the services of a babysitter or other family members. In the traditional family setting, even parents need a break and the same will likely ring true for you.

Are you a grandparent? If you are, you may enjoy watching your son or daughter interact with their child. Often times, you will find a number of picture perfect moments, but other times, you may find issues that cause you concern. When it comes to grand parenting, many grandparents wonder what actions they should take in regards to neglect or if they should take any action at all.

When it comes to grand parenting and neglect, a great rule of thumb to follow is your grandchild’s health and safety. For instance, do you feel that they are being put in danger, even unintentionally? If so, it is time for you to take action. Unfortunately, many grandparents are concerned with the family problems that will be created when calling out neglect. While they problems do and may exist, it is important to keep the health and safety of your grandchild in mind.

One of the many instances in which you may want to intervene is if you suspect your grandchild isn’t properly being cared for, in terms of their health. Newborns, infants, and even toddlers need to receive proper medical attention and they need to eat healthy foods. If you find that your son or daughter is neglecting to seek the proper medical care for your grandchild, whether it be attending well visits or a trip to the dentist, you may want to voice your concerns. You may find an issue with money, a lack of insurance, or just a parent who is unaware of the importance of regular medical checkups.

Perhaps, the one situation where you shouldn’t take any chances is where you suspect abuse is involved. This abuse should include physical and verbal abuse. This is particularly important if your grandchild is a newborn or an infant, as they are unable to speak for themselves. When your grandchild learns to walk or reaches the active toddler stages, it is common to see bumps and bruises, but be on the lookout for anything that causes concern. If you are unsure as to the result of bruises or other injuries, you may first want to approach your child. However, if you see abuse firsthand, it may be wise to contact the proper officials.

As a reminder, intervening in your grandchild’s life may cause you some concern, but it is important to remember that neglect is nothing to mess around with. Your grandchild relies on you, as their grandparent, to provide them with love, support, and safety.

We all know that taking care of a sick baby can be a tough, tiring task. The crying, fussiness, fevers, and coughs that never seem to end. Many times parents will think to themselves, “At least I am not sick, so I CAN take care of my baby.” What happens when you are sick though? How do you take care of your baby, whether he is sick or well when you are sick yourself?

Being sick is miserable. Fevers, chills, sore throats, and difficulty in breathing can make basic functioning a very tiring process. When it hurts to get out of bed, it can hurt to pick up your baby, feed him, change his diaper and get him dressed. Unfortunately parenting is one job where you can’t call in a sick day.

Young Baby
When you are sick it is best to remember to take as few steps as possible when it comes to doing for your baby. If your baby is young enough, have him lay in bed with you, and keep a pile of diapers and wipes nearby. If you are breastfeeding your baby you will need to be sure to keep your fluid intake up, and try to eat when you can. With everything within arms reach and your baby’s food readily available then you can spend most of your time resting, trying to get well. If your baby is formula fed then you can make one trip to the kitchen to collect a few bottles, formula and a pitcher or bottle of water so that you can easily make bottles for your baby without having to get out of bed too often.

Older Baby/Toddler
With an older baby or toddler, it might be easier to move yourself to another room, where most of the child’s toys are, or to move some toys to the living room so you can lounge on the couch. Have movies handy to help keep your baby entertained. If he is eating finger foods, you can have some of his favorites within your reach to give to him. This will help you keep your energy up as you are able to rest more, while helping your baby stay busy.

Accept Help
You have to remember that you can not do it all when it comes to taking care of yourself and your baby when you are sick. If you have friends or family that offer to take your baby or offer to come over and help at your house, let them. Don’t refuse the help and assistance when you are at your worst. You can’t take care of your baby properly if you are not well, and it may take you longer to get better if you can’t properly take care of yourself. The sooner you can get to be 100%, the sooner you are able to play with and enjoy your baby again.

Remember You Aren’t Alone
You aren’t the first mom, nor are you the first parent to get sick while having to take care of your baby. For as long as there have been mothers and babies, there have been sick moms and sick babies. Give yourself proper time and space to get well and you will be back to running around like crazy, changing diapers, doing laundry and cleaning the spit up before you know it.

When you get pregnant you tend to get your name on lists at the local maternity stores and baby stores and things start rolling in with the mail. Everyone wants to get you hooked and get you to give them your business. This is true as well in the hospital where when you give birth you will be given at least one bag (normally either a diaper bag or bottle carrier), from a formula manufacturer with a can of formula as well as papers and flyers offering freebies and samples to you.

You may wonder how you can make the most of the free stuff on the market for you and your baby. Knowing what companies to call and what they will give you is a good start! Make a list, keep it close, and don’t forget to ask to be put on mailing lists for these companies in order to receive new products when they are available.

Diapers
There are several companies that will send you free diapers allowing you to have a wide selection of diapers to try and figure out which one fits your baby the best. Different butts have different shapes, and while most manufacturers won’t admit it, different diapers will fit different babies…well differently. Here are a few of your choices.

Procter & Gamble (Pampers)
In the United States or Canada, call (800) 543-0480, (800) 726-7377
US web site: www.Pampers.com
Canadian web site: www.Pampers.ca

Kimberly-Clark Corporation (Huggies)
In the United States or Canada, call (800) 544-1847
www.huggies.com

Associated Hygenic Products (Drypers)
PO Box 8830
Vancouver, WA 98666-8830
In the United States or Canada, call (888) 639-5863
www.drypers.com

Procter & Gamble (Luvs)
In the United States or Canada, call (800) 543-0480, (800) 726-7377
www.luvs.com

Formula
Breastfeeding is best for your baby but there are some instances where a woman is unable to breastfeed or unable to breastfeed as long as she would like too. Because of this there are formula companies out there that can not wait to send you samples and coupons so that you will buy their formula.

PBM Products Inc. (America’s Store Brand Infant Formulas)
In the United States, call (800) 485-9969
www.storebrandformulas.com

Mead Johnson Nutritionals (Enfamil)
In the United States, call: (800) BABY-123
In Canada, call (800) 361-6323
US web site: www.meadjohnson.com

Similac Welcome Addition Club
In the United States, call (800) BABYLINE
In Canada, call 800-518-CLUB
www.welcomeaddition.com

Nestle Carnation Infant Nutrition
In the United States, call (800) 242-5200
In Canada, call (800) 387-5536
US web site: www.verybestbaby.com
Canadian web site: www.nestle.ca

Baby Food
Once your baby has turned six months and is ready to start on solids you will be faced with a number of food choices on the market. Not only food choices, but different choices in makers of sippy cups, bowls and spoons. Just like with formula, the baby food companies are willing to send you all the samples they have in order to help sway you to buying their product.

HJ Heinz Company
In the United States, call (800) USA-BABY
In Canada, call (800) 565-2100
www.heinzbaby.com

Gerber Products Company
In the United States & Canada, call (800) 4GERBER
US web site: www.gerber.com/special
Canadian web site: www.gerbercanada.com

Baby Care
Johnson and Johnson is the biggest supplier of baby wash and baby care products. While they probably do not NEED to give away samples to the extent that the diaper companies and formula companies do, their coffers are still bulging with free things that they can give away to you. Be sure to contact them to get samples of their products, many of which will be perfect to stick in the diaper bag in case you need to give your baby a quick bath when you are at grandmas.

Johnson & Johnson
In the United States, call (800) 526-3967
In Canada, call (800) 361-8068
US web site: www.johnsonsbaby.com
Canadian web site: www.jnjCanada.com

There is no doubt that your baby will cost you a lot of money in a lot of ways. Why not start doing what you can while you are pregnant to keep your costs down as much as you can. After all, the money you save on diapers can buy a great new toy for your new little angel. Also, done forget to check out our offers page to find new and exciting freebies that you can get!