Does it takes forever for your baby to fall asleep? Does he or she only fall asleep if you breastfeed, give a bottle or pacifier, rock, carry, swing, take a ride in the car, or perform other elaborate rituals? Does your baby wake up frequently throughout the night? Are your sleep issues further complicated because your baby won’t nap easily, or takes very short naps?

Do you ever feel like Leesa, mother of 9-month-old Kyra who said, “I am truly distressed, as the lack of sleep is starting to affect all aspects of my life. I feel as though I can’t carry on an intelligent conversation. I am extremely unorganized and don’t have the energy to even attempt reorganization. I love this child more than anything in the world, and I don’t want to make her cry, but I’m near tears myself thinking about going to bed every night. Sometimes I think, ‘What’s the point? I’ll just be up in an hour anyway.’”

As your sleep issues cast lengthening shadows over your life, you may begin to live purely for the moment. Your sleep-deprived, foggy brain may focus so intently on sleep that you can’t think beyond the next few hours of rest. You may have one – or many – people telling you that you should just let your baby cry to sleep. You are probably frustrated and confused. What you lack is perspective. To gain that perspective, ask yourself these questions:

1. Where will I be five years from now? How will I look back on this time?
2. Will I be proud of how I handled my baby’s sleep routines, or will I regret my actions?
3. How will the things I do with my baby today affect the person he will become in the future?

Once you have some perspective about your baby’s current sleep issues, it is important to be realistic in determining your goals and to be honest in assessing the situation’s effect on your life. Some people can handle two night wakings easily, while others find that the effect of even one night waking is just too much to handle. The key is to evaluate whether your baby’s sleep schedule is a problem in your eyes, or just in those of the people around you.

Begin today by contemplating these questions:

1. Am I content with the way things are, or am I becoming resentful, angry, or frustrated?
2. Is my baby’s nighttime routine negatively affecting my marriage, my job, or my relationships with my other children?
3. Is my baby happy, healthy, and seemingly well rested?
4. Am I happy, healthy, and well rested?
5. What is a reasonable expectation for my baby at his/her age?
6. What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider “acceptable”?
7. What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider “pure bliss”?
8. Why do I want to change my baby’s sleep patterns? Is it truly what’s best for me and my baby, or am I doing this to meet someone else’s expectations?
9. Am I willing to be patient and make a gradual, gentle change for my baby if that means no crying?

Once you answer these questions, you will have a better understanding of not only what is happening with regard to your baby’s sleep, but what approach you will feel most comfortable using to help your baby sleep better.

In addition to my two-year-old son Coleton, I have three older children, and they have afforded me the perspective I lacked the first time around. My children have taught me how very quickly babyhood passes. I struggle now to remember the difficulties of those first couple years, so fleeting are they. And I am proud that I didn’t cave in to the pressures of others around us to do what they felt was right; instead I followed my heart as I gently nurtured all of my babies. That time is long gone for us, but those memories remain. And now, all four of them sleep through the night. And so do I.

About the Author: Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

CIO often works first and easiest during nap time. If doing CIO, your baby will probably learn how to comfort himself during the day before he does at night, so daytime is a good place to start. Once your baby gets his naps down moving onto bedtime should make the effort much easier. It is important that you maintain consistency however as to not confuse your baby.

At night you should wait till your baby is visibly tired before putting him down to CIO. If your baby seems to be crying and not giving into sleep, you don’t have to stay out of the room completely. Many people suggest letting your baby cry for five minutes, then going in to comfort them. Pat his back and talk to him letting him know you are there. When you leave, if your baby starts to cry again, let him cry for 10 minutes before you go in. Each time stretch this action out by 5 minutes until your baby falls asleep. Once or twice peek in your babies diaper just to make sure that he doesn’t need a change which could be making him uncomfortable, but still let him work out the crying on his own.

Don’t be surprised if the first attempt at CIO lasts a long time. Your baby will probably fight it the most the first time you do it. The second and third nights your baby should go to sleep much quicker than he did the first night. Every night the crying time should shorten as your baby is learning how to comfort himself and fall asleep on his own. In most cases it takes three days to sleep train your baby via the CIO method. Occasionally it may take less time or more however, depending on your baby. Also, just because your baby starts falling asleep on his own, it doesn’t mean that he won’t still fuss some at bedtime. Fussing will be normal as your baby attempts to calm himself to sleep at night.

CIO while effective can be very hard on mom and dad. It isn’t easy to listen to your baby cry and not go in to pick him up or give in and hold your baby or nurse him until he falls asleep. It takes as much will power for mom and dad to follow through, as it does for your baby to stay awake and not fall asleep. If you believe that CIO will work for your family, believe that you can do it and find a way to stay strong through the process.