by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad. I’m taking a childbirth class with my wife but it really seems geared toward the perfect birth. I know they can’t cover every single unexpected thing that could happen, but how can we prepare for contingencies?

Armin answers: As important as childbirth education classes are, there are a few things they won’t teach you but that you really should know.

First, it’s okay to ask questions—as many as you need to. No matter how much reading you’ve done or how wonderful your class was, something unexpected is bound to happen during labor or delivery—it almost always does. In those cases, don’t let the hospital staff steamroller you. Have them explain everything they’re doing, every step of the way. If you miss something the first time, have them explain it again.

Second, it’s okay to stand up for what you want. Most people are wowed by academic credentials and degrees and have a tendency to step back and let the doctors and nurses take control of the whole process, particularly when something a little out of the ordinary happens. Unless it’s a true medical emergency, keep in mind who’s baby is about to be born and insist on having things done your way, to the extent possible.

Third, don’t give in too quickly. Like most busy people, doctors and nurses are sometimes too quick to say “No” to requests–not because it’s the right answer, but because it’s easy. But here’s the deal: If you want the lights dimmed for the delivery and the staff refuses, do it yourself (assuming, of course, that there’s no medical reason not to). If you want to videotape the birth and the doctor won’t let you, ask for an explanation. If you don’t get a good one, do what you feel you should do.

Keep in mind that there’s a big difference between being assertive and standing up for yourself (and for your wife) and being overbearing, obnoxious, and antagonistic. So be nice.

And finally, it’s okay to ask for help. Most childbirth prep classes focus on how you can help your wife—breathing with her, rubbing her back and her legs, telling her stories, feeding her ice chips, and all sorts of other things. But you’ll rarely, if ever, hear that it’s exhausting and sometimes even scary and that you—yes, you—could use some relief and comfort too. One excellent solution to this problem is to get yourself a doula.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear MrDad: Every expectant couple I know is taking a Lamaze classes. Is that really necessary?

Armin answers: One of the advantages of taking a childbirth preparation class is that it’ll give you and your wife the opportunity to ask questions about the pregnancy in a more relaxed setting than her doctor’s office. You’ll also get a chance to hang out with other expecting couples and listen to the women swap stories about how much weight they’ve gained, how much their joints hurt, how many times they get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Seriously, though, most childbirth classes operate on the belief that the more you learn about pregnancy and birth—from exercise and nutrition to the difference between an epidural and a spinal—the more in control you’ll feel and the less you’ll have to fear.

Also, be careful: People have a tendency to use the word “Lamaze” as a synonym for “childbirth preparation class.” But Lamaze is really only one of a number of very different approaches to dealing with labor and the pain associated with it. Here’s a little background on three of the most common approaches:

• The Lamaze method is based on the idea that a pregnant woman can overcome her pain—which is the way her body reacts to being in labor—by focusing on something else, usually her own breathing. One major goal is to help woman achieve drug-free labors and deliveries but Lamaze also tries to give expectant parents as much information as they can to help them make the most informed decisions possible.
• The Bradley method also emphasizes educating and preparing expectant couples. They also focus on exercise and nutrition. But instead of trying to take the woman’s attention from her pain, the Bradley folks encourage her to experience it fully: groaning, screaming, whatever she feels like. Bradley is the method that introduced the husband/coach and includes dads far more than any of the others.
• The Leboyer method puts its focus much more on the baby than on the mother-to-be. Leboyer maintains that the bright lights and high noise levels usually found in most hospital delivery rooms are quite stressful and upsetting for a newborn. For that reason, Leboyer babies are generally born in quiet, darkened rooms, often with mom fully or partially submerged in warm water.

Classes typically last five to nine weeks and usually run about $100 to $200. Most are offered either privately or through local hospitals so check with your wife’s doctor or the maternity ward for a referral. Whichever approach you and your wife pick, get going on it as soon as you can. What you’ll learn will do a lot to make the rest of the pregnancy calmer and less stressful for both of you.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

For first time moms breastfeeding can seem like a daunting task. What do you do, how do you do it, how do you know if you are successful, and what if you run into problems? The mistake many make is that they do not prepare ahead of time to breastfeed their baby, instead waiting till the baby is there and learning by trial and error. There are several things a woman can do however to successfully prepare themselves for the hurdles that may accompany breastfeeding.

1. Prepare during pregnancy! Try to breastfeed immediately after your baby is born. In most cases you can request that the eye drops, weighing and other protocols that your baby will go through after birth wait until you have tried to create that bond. Most healthy babies will breastfeed eagerly within their first hour of life. If you can’t breastfeed in the first hour, don’t give up, your baby will learn!

2. Gain the recommended amount of weight. The fat you gain during pregnancy is Mother Nature’s way of ensuring enough calories for your breastfeeding baby. Make sure you gain the recommended weight and try not to gain more or less. Breastfeeding also burns several hundred calories a day.

3. Before the baby comes find a pediatrician that supports breastfeeding. Ask if they follow the American Academy of Pediatrics policy statement on breastfeeding that details the benefit of breastfeeding to moms and babies.

4. Have your breasts checked out by a lactation consultant (LC) before your baby comes. If you have an inverted or flat nipple it may be difficult for your baby to latch on. There are specific shields, positions and techniques that will help you make breastfeeding successful.

5. Don’t try to over “clean” your nipples. Soap or antibacterial solutions can strip essential oils.

6. Moisturize your nipples and breasts if you have dry skin. Studies show moisturized nipples are less likely to crack.

7. Buy an inexpensive nursing bra prior to coming home that is free of wires which can cause ducts. Remember that when you are pregnant your rib cage is wider and bras that you buy before you have you baby may not fit within a few weeks of your baby being born. Save your money for the expensive bras till after your ribs have gone back to their normal position.

8. Take a breastfeeding class with other pregnant moms. Educate yourself and your family on the benefits of breastfeeding (there are hundreds) by reading books, attending meetings, and looking up information on the internet.

9. Find a network of support. If your family doesn’t support you, find friends that do. You may need their help and encouragement. Call a La Leche League Leader, who is trained to help other mom’s breastfeed. Go to a support meeting where you can meet pregnant moms like you.

10. Soreness will be caused by an incorrect latch. If you’ve never seen a baby breastfeeding, watch a video or go to a support meeting for breastfeeding moms. You and your baby should be belly-to-belly, with his ear, shoulder and hip all forming a straight line. His nose should be almost touching your breast, and his mouth should be extremely wide open with his lips flanged outward, not rolled inward.

11. Have pillows or a boppy ready to help support your baby and lift him higher before he arrives. Your back and shoulders will get sore if you hunch over. Use a pillow to protect a c-section incision in case your baby moves around.

12. Don’t give up! Remember you may hit hurdles but you can be successful at breastfeeding. Most women can breastfeed even if they think that they can’t. It may just be that you need practice and a little help.

by: Barbara A. Eastom Bates

Making the choice to breastfeed your new baby is one of the most important and far-reaching decisions you will make as a new mother. Both the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the World Health Organization (WHO) recommend breastfeeding as the preferred method of infant nutrition for the first year of life.

The current AAP breastfeeding policy states,”Human milk is uniquely superior for infant feeding and is species-specific; all substitute feeding options differ markedly from it.” Why?

As acknowledged by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), the exact chemical make-up of breast milk remains unknown and cannot be duplicated. Each year, synthetic baby milks are found to be nutritionally deficient as scientists expand their knowledge of human milk.

Some of the known benefits of breastfeeding are:

By Anne Clarke

Baby swimming classes are available almost everywhere, and the younger a child is when he or she is taught to swim the easier it will be for them to learn successfully. Why? Well, as you know, when in the womb a baby develops, begins to move and is eventually swimming in the amniotic fluid. So for about nine months the kid has already been a swimmer. (And from what I hear, they get pretty good at kicking during the nine months they are in there.)

Therefore, your baby should have little to no trouble adjusting to being in the water, he or she may even find it fun from minute one. They really are usually great at kicking, so that is where the instructors most often begin. You will be right there with your baby, and they will use a “marshmallow” or some sort of small floating device to keep the baby’s head above the water.

The baby, typically floating with the marshmallow or other floating device around their belly, will begin by kicking their legs underwater. There will be times where no floating devices are used. And the mothers simply hold their babies in the water. Often holding them horizontally by the stomach halfway above the water and halfway below. This helps them begin to understand better how to move around in the water, keep control and keep from sinking.

The biggest challenge in teaching a child to swim is that a baby has an automatic choke reflex that occurs when their heads are below water—usually, especially the first few times, the baby will try to inhale underwater and therefore start to choke. This is a nine-month habit that must be broken.

Obviously, the child must not only relearn swimming, but also unlearn what he or she had become so accustom to in the womb: oxygenating the lungs by breathing in the amniotic fluid. The must figure out that they cannot breathe this water in. That now their lungs are not meant to take in oxygen in the form of fluid—but rather only through the air.

The class will practice holding the children underwater—especially once they are more than six and ten months old, and try to signal to or show the babies how to hold their breath.

This works a lot of the time. Babies commonly learn very fast. However, if the child does not want to be submerged, or is obviously having trouble catching on, the rule is not to force them. Try again in a month or two until the baby is ready to hold his or her breath underwater and can then learn to take breaths from the surface, before submerging and holding their breath again.

Either way, the splashing, and laughing, and watery fun is worth it for the role swimming together can play in the personal connection between a baby and the parent or guardian participating with them in the class.

About The Author
Anne Clarke writes numerous articles for websites on gardening, parenting, fashion, and home decor. Her background includes teaching and gardening. For more of her articles on child care please visit Baby Activities.

Preparing your dog before the birth or adoption of a child.
Anticipating the arrival of a new family member is an amazing time for all family members. There are many new and exciting emotions that will be shared and experienced. All too often our furry companions are not included. Many families believe it best that they re-home their dog or cat due to the changes and not knowing how to manage it all. Concerns range from safety issues to lack of time. Good News! There are many proactive steps that can be taken ahead of time to help things go smoothly. Obedience, leadership as well as management are all essential keys to providing a safe and comfortable environment for all.

I strongly recommended that you attend an obedience class regardless of the age of the dog. Obedience encourages bonding, self control and mental stimulation. Most dogs love jobs that compliment their physical and mental needs. The more commands they know the more mental stimulation they get! Shop around and find a program that fits your goals and needs. A helpful website is The Association of Pet Dog Trainers. (www.apdt.com). Here you will obtain helpful information in your search for a dog trainer. If your dog has behavioral issues then please visit The International association of Dog behavior consultants. (www.iaabc.org/) Take your time in choosing the right person to work with your family companion.

Leadership is essential to our canine companions. It is important that your dog knows he can trust you to be the “leader.” In times of stress or uncertainty a dog that defers to you is getting effective leadership. The leaders communicate a sense of safety and trust that make it clear to the dog that things are under control. It is important that the dog knows that his leader is capable of handling this role. If this is not clear a dog may decide to take charge himself. Many times confusion about leadership roles can lead to undesirable behavior and sometimes injury.

Leaders calmly Control the resources the dogs need, crave and enjoy. Here are some examples for leadership opportunities.

1. You choose when, where and what your dog/s will eat. Ignore demands to be fed such as whining, pawing, barking and the “dinner dance.” Require your dog sit, down, wait or do several known commands before giving the release command to eat.�
    
2. Have your dog/s sit and wait for a release command before entering or exiting your home. This is great practice for when your hands are full and you have a toddler to watch for. It is also a great safety rule for your dog!�
    
3. Having your dog walk close vs. ahead of you allows you to monitor the environment and keeps your dog where you want him in case of a passer by, loose dog, running child or any other potential situation. Controlling the pace and direction of the walk puts you in the lead.�
    
4. Ignore demanding behavior for your attention such as pawing, nudging, and whining. Instead look or turn away from your dog until he moves onto something else. Then call him over, have him sit and then give attention. You initiate vs. your dog.�
    
5. Keep playtime fun but under control. Your ability to regain your dogs attention when excited is very important and a great demonstration of leadership. You begin play and end play.�
    
6. Demonstrate overall confidence in expectations. Ex. Say command one time and expect your dog to SIT the first time!�
    
7. After being away, calmly return without a fuss or huge greeting celebration. Calm reuniting is important as leaders come and go as they please.

If you are having issues with your dog you may want to consider how leadership is represented in your home. This combined with obedience can lead to a successful and harmonious relationship. If you feel that you may be having issues regarding leadership in your home, I suggest you contact a dog behavior consultant or trainer prior to the arrival of your baby. If you have experienced aggressive behavior with your dog please consult your vet first to rule out any medical considerations. You may need to seek the help of a behaviorist in your area. Many dogs respond extremely well with obedience and leadership well established. There may still be times however that management is necessary for all.

Management sometimes is the best option during hectic and stressful times. There will be many visitors and lots of commotion during the time of the baby’s arrival… If you have a dog that is fearful of guests plan ahead for the many guests that will visit once the baby arrives. You may choose to “manage” the situation and provide your dog with a quiet secure space where he feels safe. Get your dog used to this space well ahead of time. Establishing this ahead of time sets your dog up for a positive and successful situation. There are times that crating and removing the dog may be temporarily a better solution instead of risking a negative consequence or a chance to practice unwanted behavior. If you choose to crate the dog please keep in mind that this is not punishment. It is allowing a safe place for your dog. Reinforce this by providing a special treat for them each time they are in their crate. Stuffing a toy with peanut butter and kibble is one idea. There are many ways to make this a positive and welcoming den for your dog.

It has been our experience that with leadership, obedience and management, dog family members welcome the arrival of a baby with wagging tails! After all, their leaders are happy so they should be too! Congratulations and enjoy!

About this Article:
Family Paws encourages you to never leave an infant or child unsupervised with a dog or puppy! Even good dogs have tolerance limits. Expecting a child and dog to “work it out” is not realistic and can be extremely dangerous! Always be aware of the interaction between your child and any dog. Any dog no matter their breed, color, size, age and past experiences can lead to an amazingly great outcome or potentially dangerous outcome. Your involvement and instincts play an important role!