by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: A close friend of mine wants to have a baby but she has no interest in being in a relationship with a man. I’ve been telling her that her baby will be a lot better off with a father around but she says dads don’t bond with kids and that having a man around the house won’t have any effect on the baby. Who’s right?

Armin answers: You are — although it’s not hard to understand where your friend got her information. Just about every scientific study done on attachment and bonding has focused on mothers and their children. But over the past ten years or so a few researchers have begun taking a look at father-child attachment. What they’re finding isn’t really that much of a surprise. In fact, it’s what just about any man you know would tell you: the father-child bond is just as important as the mother-child bond.

For six-month old babies, for example, the more actively involved the fathers are, the higher the babies score on mental and motor development tests. Babies whose dads do a lot of basic, mundane childcare activities such as feeding, changing diapers, giving baths, and dressing, handle stressful situations better than babies whose dads aren’t as involved. Some researchers have linked high levels of father involvement with higher math scores later on in school and to generally higher than age-level scores on verbal intelligence tests. And active fathering seems to be positively correlated with children’s increased social adjustment and competence, and to higher levels of self esteem.

The bottom line is that children who live with involved, sensitive, and responsible fathers are better off than kids whose don’t. They get along better with their peers, stay in school longer and do better while they’re there, are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol or to get pregnant (or get someone else pregnant) while in their teens, and they grow up to be more caring and sensitive adults.

Women, too, benefit from father involvement. Division of labor issues are the number one marital stressor, and the more support mothers get from their husbands, the less depressed they are, the happier they are in their marriages, and the better they perform their parenting duties. Finally, men themselves benefit from their own increased involvement with their families and children. Involved fathers tend to be more “generative” (giving, nurturing, and helpful), more occupationally mobile, more successful in their careers, and more likely to choose jobs that are people-oriented. In addition, men whose wives are happy in their marriages tend to be happier themselves. And men who are happy in their marriages are generally more involved in their fathering role.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

By Anne Clarke

Baby swimming classes are available almost everywhere, and the younger a child is when he or she is taught to swim the easier it will be for them to learn successfully. Why? Well, as you know, when in the womb a baby develops, begins to move and is eventually swimming in the amniotic fluid. So for about nine months the kid has already been a swimmer. (And from what I hear, they get pretty good at kicking during the nine months they are in there.)

Therefore, your baby should have little to no trouble adjusting to being in the water, he or she may even find it fun from minute one. They really are usually great at kicking, so that is where the instructors most often begin. You will be right there with your baby, and they will use a “marshmallow” or some sort of small floating device to keep the baby’s head above the water.

The baby, typically floating with the marshmallow or other floating device around their belly, will begin by kicking their legs underwater. There will be times where no floating devices are used. And the mothers simply hold their babies in the water. Often holding them horizontally by the stomach halfway above the water and halfway below. This helps them begin to understand better how to move around in the water, keep control and keep from sinking.

The biggest challenge in teaching a child to swim is that a baby has an automatic choke reflex that occurs when their heads are below water—usually, especially the first few times, the baby will try to inhale underwater and therefore start to choke. This is a nine-month habit that must be broken.

Obviously, the child must not only relearn swimming, but also unlearn what he or she had become so accustom to in the womb: oxygenating the lungs by breathing in the amniotic fluid. The must figure out that they cannot breathe this water in. That now their lungs are not meant to take in oxygen in the form of fluid—but rather only through the air.

The class will practice holding the children underwater—especially once they are more than six and ten months old, and try to signal to or show the babies how to hold their breath.

This works a lot of the time. Babies commonly learn very fast. However, if the child does not want to be submerged, or is obviously having trouble catching on, the rule is not to force them. Try again in a month or two until the baby is ready to hold his or her breath underwater and can then learn to take breaths from the surface, before submerging and holding their breath again.

Either way, the splashing, and laughing, and watery fun is worth it for the role swimming together can play in the personal connection between a baby and the parent or guardian participating with them in the class.

About The Author
Anne Clarke writes numerous articles for websites on gardening, parenting, fashion, and home decor. Her background includes teaching and gardening. For more of her articles on child care please visit Baby Activities.