By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Kid Cooperation and Perfect Parenting

Toddlers and preschoolers require finesse to gain their cooperation, because they have not yet reached the age at which they can see and understand the whole picture, so simply explaining what you want doesn’t always work. Robert Scotellaro is quoted in The Funny Side of Parenthood as saying, “Reasoning with a two-year-old is about as productive as changing seats on the Titanic.” (He must have had a two-year-old at the time.)

You can get around this frustrating state of affairs by changing your approach. Let’s look at two situations – first the typical (Titanic) way:

Parent: David! Time to change your diaper.

David: No! (As he runs off)

Parent: Come on honey. It’s time to leave, I need to change you.

David: (Giggles and hides behind sofa)

Parent: David, this isn’t funny. It’s getting late. Come here.

David: (Doesn’t hear a word. Sits down to do a puzzle.)

Parent: Come here! (Gets up and approaches David)

David: (Giggles and runs)

Parent: (Picking up David) Now lie here. Stop squirming! Lie still. Will you stop this! (As parent turns to pick up a new diaper, a little bare bottom is running away)

I’m sure you’ve all been there. Oh, and by the way, David is my son. And this was an actual scene recorded in his baby book. Like you, I got very tired of this. And then I discovered a better way:

Parent: (Picking up diaper and holding it like a puppet, making it talk in a silly, squeaky voice) Hi David! I’m Dilly Diaper! Come here and play with me!

David: (Running over to Diaper) Hi Dilly!

Parent as Diaper: You’re such a nice boy. Will you give me a kiss?

David: Yes. (Gives diaper a kiss)

Parent as Diaper: How ‘bout a nice hug?

David: (Giggles and hugs Diaper)

Parent as Diaper: Lie right here next to me. Right here. Yup. Can I go on you? Oh yes?! Goody goody goody! (The diaper chats with David while he’s being changed. Then it says, Oh, David! Listen, I hear your shoes calling you – David! David!

The most amazing thing about this trick is that it works over and over and over and over. You’ll keep thinking, “He’s not honestly going to fall for this again?” But he will! Probably the nicest by-product of this method is that it gets you in a good mood and you have a little fun time with your child.

When you’ve got a toddler this technique is a pure lifesaver. When my son David was little I used this all the time. (I then used it with my youngest child, Coleton, and it worked just as well.) Remembering back to one day, when David was almost three, we were waiting in a long line at the grocery store and I was making my hand talk to him. It was asking him questions about the items in the cart. Suddenly, he hugged my hand, looked up at me and said, “Mommy, I love for you to pretend this hand is talking.”

Another parent reported that she called her toddler to the table for dinner a number of times, when he calmly looked up at her, chubby hands on padded hips and said, “Mommy, why don’t you have my dinner call to me?”

And suddenly, the peas on his plate came to life and called out to him; he ran over to join the family at the dinner table.

A variation on this technique, that also works very well, is to capitalize on a young child’s vivid imagination as a way to thwart negative emotions. Pretend to find a trail of caterpillars on the way to the store, hop to the car like a bunny, or pretend a carrot gives you magic powers as you eat it.

It’s delightful to see how a potentially negative situation can be turned into a fun experience by changing a child’s focus to fun and fantasy.

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

There is a lot of controversy on whether it is better to parent your baby by a set schedule or by demand. Sometimes your baby will make this decision easy for you as he sets up a schedule for himself. Other times he will want nothing to do with the idea.

What It Is?
When a parent has a set schedule for their baby it generally means that they know when there baby is going to do what throughout the day. Whether it is nursing, napping, playing or bath time, there is a routine that the baby will follow even if he doesn’t’ want to. The parent will do the same activities, everyday in the same order, and will plan their other jobs, such as grocery shopping and cleaning around the babies’ schedule. For some this plan works well.

What Are the Pros and Cons?
Some babies will need a schedule to be content. A baby learns quickly and his body may adapt to a schedule where it is fed and rested at the same time everyday. Your baby’s inner clock may take to a schedule well, making for a happier baby. With a happy baby comes a happy family.

In some cases though a strict schedule can be bad, especially if there is no flexibility for mom and dad. Babies hit growth spurts frequently and when this happens they need to be fed more, in order to keep up with the calories their body is burning. If a schedule is too tight and the baby isn’t fed he will probably become fussy and upset, leading to crying and stress in the house. A schedule can be nice, but it is important to remember to stay a little flexible and listen to your baby.

How Do You Get Your Baby on a Schedule?
If you want to place your baby on a schedule, start by keeping a daily journal of what he does and when he does it. Write down when he gets up, when he eats and when he naps to see if you can detect a pattern. As your baby gets older he will probably start falling into some sort of sketchy pattern on his own. If you notice that your baby is waking up at 630am, eating, playing for a while, eating again and then going back to sleep about 930am everyday, you will know to start watching for this and preparing. Watch your baby’s cues to see when he starts rooting, showing that he is hungry, or rubbing his eyes letting you know he is tired. Once you see a regular pattern emerging, you can plan your parenting around your baby’s schedule, and make the times you are doing chores much more enjoyable for both of you.

What If Your Baby Isn’t Cooperating?
Try as you might, some babies just may not want to cooperate with being put on a schedule. Maybe you have a stubborn baby, or a baby who just wants to relax and go-with-the-flow, napping and eating at different times throughout the day. Forcing your baby to adapt to a schedule you want him to have may only make your baby irritable, fussy, and extremely tired which will just cause him to cry more, however not necessarily nap. If you can’t get your baby on a schedule try to watch his cues and when possible keep flexibility in your schedule, while accepting that your baby may interrupt a shopping trip, or sleep through lunch with grandma. At this point it is your turn to “go-with-the-flow”.