Anyone can splurge on a formal dinner or a pricey bottle of perfume, but it takes creativity and forethought to be truly romantic.

The key lies in personalizing your celebration. Here are ten ideas to fuel your own creativity:

1. Empty a box of chocolates. Then cut out 50 to 100 hearts from lace doilies, construction paper, or fabric. On each cutout, record something about your mate that you love. Be specific, “The way you smell when you come to bed at night,” “The way you take care of me when I’m sick,” “Your recipe for pancakes”…Fold the cutouts, place them in the chocolate box, and top with a red satin bow.

   The time you spend coming up with these ideas will contribute to your own romantic mood, and what your partner thinks is a plain-old box of chocolates will instead be a treasured gift for years to come. Plus, you can add to the box for future birthday, holiday, or Valentine’s Day celebrations.

    

2. Build a romantic fire. Before the kids go to bed, have fun roasting marshmallows. After their lights are out, host your own indoor picnic, complete with a bottle of wine and chocolate-covered strawberries. 
3. Recreate your first date together. What were you wearing? Where did you go? Do you remember what you talked about? Spend the evening reminiscing and reflecting on how far you’ve come as a couple. 
4. Spoon all night. 
5. Choose a book in which you are both interested, fiction or nonfiction. Read a new chapter each night before bed. This cozy tradition will allow you to spend some quality time together and often makes for thought-provoking breakfast conversations. 
6. Make a tape of the songs special to your relationship. Include “your song,” songs from your wedding, songs from favorite movies. Add a personal voice dedication and leave it in your partner’s briefcase, Walkman, or car stereo. 
7. Turn off the TV. 
8. Kidnap your spouse. Arrange for a babysitter for a few hours–or a few days. A friend of mine had a lot of success with this one. She knew her husband had always wanted to get married in Vegas, but he had agreed to a large, formal ceremony hosted by her family. So, after they had been married 10 years, she surprised him at work with a packed suitcase. They caught an evening flight and renewed their vows before an Elvis impersonator in a Vegas chapel. Years later, they’re still talking about it. 
9. This one requires a babysitter, too. Next time you’re visiting your parents or in-laws, leave the kids with the grandparents and travel to another town, where no one will recognize you. Check into a hotel or B&B. Dress like another person. Act like another person. It’s fun to slip into another persona from time to time. 
10. Have a scavenger hunt. Write a few poems, wrap candy kisses inside, and hide them around the house. Each poem should be a clue to finding the next one. Make sure the final clue lands your mate someplace you want to end up for the entire evening. A romance package, including a bottle of champagne and new lingerie, is a nice touch.

Create some romantic memories today. Not with your pocketbook, but with your imagination.

Copyright 2004 Susie Cortright

About The Author
Susie Michelle Cortright is the author of Rekindling Your Romance after Kids and More Energy for Moms. She is also the founder of the award-winning Momscape.com, a website designed to help busy parents find balance. Visit www.momscape.com today and get Susie’s *free* course-by-email “6 Days to Less Stress.”

It’s easy for parents today to get swept up in their children’s lives. From the minute we take them home, put on their first diapers, and give them their first bottles, we begin trying our best to fulfill all of our children’s needs and demands. Get some tips for reconnecting and romance from Kathryn Sansone, who’s mom to 10 kids as well as the author of Woman First, Family Always: Real-Life Wisdom from a Mother of Ten.

While I am a firm believer in being a thoughtful, committed parent, I also know that if couples don’t put their relationship first (most of the time), then no amount of devotion to their kids will keep their relationship alive.

That said, I also realize that it’s not easy to keep a healthy balance between thinking of ourselves as both partners and as parents. How do we achieve the right balance that makes us feel that we are doing a good job as parents without losing sight of the reason you became a family in the first place?

Carve out time
Despite so many kids, so many demands, and so much enjoyment we get from our kids, Jim and I always carve out time for just the two of us. It’s not always easy, but we don’t waste time trying to figure out if we deserve it.

One night last summer we did just that. It was a Friday and I had been with the kids all week. I was exhausted and had spent all my energy reserves. As usual the kids had a swim meet and Jim and I had planned to meet there to watch them race. When he arrived from the office, we took one look at each other and knew we needed to create time for just the two of us. At the end of the swim meet, we took the kids to McDonald’s (not something we regularly do) and then home. Once they were showered, in their pajamas, and set for bed, we headed out the door, leaving the older kids to babysit.

We didn’t deliberate over whether the kids were okay — we knew they were safe and sound. And we also knew it was just as important for us to have time alone. We had a lovely — albeit short — dinner out and enjoyed every minute of it.

The best gift you can give your children is a loving relationship with your spouse. When children know — and witness — their parents putting aside time for each other, kids understand that their parents are committed to each other. They also know that their parents love each other. In turn this love between their parents makes kids feel safe, enabling them to grow unhindered, following their own unique destinies.

On the other hand when children are always put first or experience rancor between their parents, constant fighting, verbal violence, or a lack of trust, then children question the very root of their foundation. Such a lack of safety breeds internal chaos and insecurity — two obstacles to healthy self-esteem and confidence. Show your love
For both your children’s sake and your own, it’s important to put energy into your primary relationship. Show your love toward him in front of your kids. Take time to be alone with your spouse. Your kids couldn’t have a better gift than to know their parents love and respect each other and like to spend time with each other.

Taking time to reconnect
Even if you feel wiped out at the end of the day, you will feel reenergized simply by reconnecting with your spouse. Granted you may not have the energy to greet him with a beautiful smile on your face each night, but if you do it often enough, he will know that you care about him in that way.

Consider these ways to reconnect with your spouse:

Some couples discuss all the details prior to getting married. Details that include where they will live, whose family they will spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with, how many kids they will have, and WHEN they will start trying to get pregnant. However, sometimes the baby bug will bite earlier than planned and the couple will find themselves asking, “Are we ready?”

Financially
There is an old saying, “Don’t wait till you can ‘afford’ a baby because the day will never come.” This is true because no matter how much money you make, you will always find ways to spend it. However, you should definitely be smart about it and do your research.

A baby will go through an average of 2000 diapers before they are potty trained. There is also the expense of clothing, toys, bath products, baby food, bottles, formula (if you choose), nursing pads and shirts if you are breastfeeding, strollers, car seats, beds, and more essentials you will need for your baby. On top of that there is the cost of the needs for the mother while pregnant including doctors bills and clothing, and the out of pocket costs for your hospital stay.

According to an annual study by Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion a couple may spend as much as $366,000 on each child by the time that child turns 18 years old. This does not include college tuition costs that will begin after the child graduates high school.

Couple Time
Before you settle down with “the one”, many people will tell you to make sure you sow your oats first. In other words, make sure you experiment, play, party and enjoy the single life before you get married, because once you are married you can no longer live the single life. The same is true for couples when they decide to have a baby.

A whole new world opens up with you get married. You can sleep in together, take romantic vacations, spend weekends doing “adult” things, coming and going when you want on your own schedule. The only one you have to think of besides yourself is your spouse. Throwing a child into the mix creates another world to get used too.

Romantic, two-person vacations may turn into family vacations with very little time for you and your spouse. Gone are the days of staying in bed all weekend, late dinners, and parties. These will be replaced by baby sitters, early meals, and early mornings.

However the flip side of this is that you get innocent smiles, belly laughs, an extra set of little hands and feet crawling in bed with you at 6am, movie and pizza night followed by homemade chocolate chip cookies, and art projects created with love from your child’s own hands.

There are a lot of things to consider before you decide to have a baby. Your finances, your emotional well-being, and your personal happiness are some of the most important aspects you will want to consider and be at peace with before you start you TTC journey.

Dear MrDad: Every expectant couple I know is taking a Lamaze classes. Is that really necessary?

Armin answers: One of the advantages of taking a childbirth preparation class is that it’ll give you and your wife the opportunity to ask questions about the pregnancy in a more relaxed setting than her doctor’s office. You’ll also get a chance to hang out with other expecting couples and listen to the women swap stories about how much weight they’ve gained, how much their joints hurt, how many times they get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Seriously, though, most childbirth classes operate on the belief that the more you learn about pregnancy and birth—from exercise and nutrition to the difference between an epidural and a spinal—the more in control you’ll feel and the less you’ll have to fear.

Also, be careful: People have a tendency to use the word “Lamaze” as a synonym for “childbirth preparation class.” But Lamaze is really only one of a number of very different approaches to dealing with labor and the pain associated with it. Here’s a little background on three of the most common approaches:

• The Lamaze method is based on the idea that a pregnant woman can overcome her pain—which is the way her body reacts to being in labor—by focusing on something else, usually her own breathing. One major goal is to help woman achieve drug-free labors and deliveries but Lamaze also tries to give expectant parents as much information as they can to help them make the most informed decisions possible.
• The Bradley method also emphasizes educating and preparing expectant couples. They also focus on exercise and nutrition. But instead of trying to take the woman’s attention from her pain, the Bradley folks encourage her to experience it fully: groaning, screaming, whatever she feels like. Bradley is the method that introduced the husband/coach and includes dads far more than any of the others.
• The Leboyer method puts its focus much more on the baby than on the mother-to-be. Leboyer maintains that the bright lights and high noise levels usually found in most hospital delivery rooms are quite stressful and upsetting for a newborn. For that reason, Leboyer babies are generally born in quiet, darkened rooms, often with mom fully or partially submerged in warm water.

Classes typically last five to nine weeks and usually run about $100 to $200. Most are offered either privately or through local hospitals so check with your wife’s doctor or the maternity ward for a referral. Whichever approach you and your wife pick, get going on it as soon as you can. What you’ll learn will do a lot to make the rest of the pregnancy calmer and less stressful for both of you.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.