by Barbara A. Eastom Bates

It happened during the ninth month of my first pregnancy. I was going through a department store check-out lane where a teenage girl was ringing up my purchases. She looked shyly at my burgeoning belly with an expression that could only be described as reverent.

With eyes full of dreams of future motherhood she asked, “Is pregnancy really as bad as everyone says?”

Without the slightest guilt, I replied, “No. It’s worse.”

The Deception
When my husband and I announced the birth of our blessed expectation some months prior, along with endless congratulations, I received the good news of the many wonderful changes I could expect.

“You’ll positively glow.”

“Your hair and nails will look fabulous.”

“You’ll feel absolutely beautiful.”

According to family and friends, as a gestating woman, I would feel nothing short of a precious vessel, glowing with health and radiance given only to those experiencing the miracle of growing a child.

About a week later, wearing the pallor of death, I was running away from the smell of my husband’s lunchtime tuna fish sandwich knowing I’d never been so violently ill my entire life.

The Reality
Although it’s rumored there are actually women who sail through pregnancy untouched by any ills or discomfort, I was not one of them. If I’d ever experienced a pregnancy glow, I’m certain I could only have been radioactive.

I was told to expect a little morning sickness. I didn’t anticipate 24/7 progesterone poisoning, body aches, or never ending fatigue. And in all the happy tales of pregnancy recounted to me, I’m certain I’d have remembered hearing if pure, unadulterated misery were mentioned as a symptom of gestation.

Sitting in my obstetrician’s office near the end of the first trimester, she asked how I was feeling. “Sick.”

“Good.” She replied.

Seeing my defeated look, she offered a small respite. “You’ll start to feel better after week 12 or 13.”

I crossed the days off my calendar waiting for magical week 13. It came and went. My never ending nausea did not. I was sick, tired, and sick of being both.

I’d been told how sharing a child together would make my marital relationship more intimate. I, on the other hand, hated my husband. No matter he and I had joyfully consented to make this child together, or that he worried and did the best he could to make me feel more comfortable. Somewhere in the back of my mind, as I watched him lie peacefully asleep at night while I was awake fending off nausea, all I could think was, “this is your fault.”

And so it went for the entire duration of nine months. I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt, if I ever survived this go-round on the pregnancy rollercoaster, there would be no more children in my future, ever. Motherhood just wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be.

The Grand Debut
Jacob Lyle arrived in early fall that year, bearing 10 perfect fingers and toes, a head full of brown hair and big blue eyes. He was bruised and battered from birth, yet, to my eyes, perfection unlike the world had ever seen before.

Suddenly, my entire life made sense. At 23-years old, I wasn’t yet sure what I wanted to be when I grew up, or what my future held outside of being a wife to my husband. With the arrival of Jacob, I knew exactly why I was here—to be the mother of this beautiful child. Having Jacob filled my life with a sense of awe and wonder I had never known. I was a mother, and that was enough.

Altered Expectations
While I had expected sleepless nights with my newborn, what I hadn’t expected was how much I would enjoy them. I gladly gave up sleep to have the chance just to hold my tiny son in my arms and look at his sweet face.

I expected life to change. I never expected the very foundations of my world to be rocked. It came as a total shock that the simple act of becoming a mother—wasn’t simple.

Previous to motherhood, tragedy in the world was sad. After the birth of my son, it was heart-wrenching. No longer could I watch a movie or read a news report depicting harm to a child without emotion. Every child became my child. What if it were Jacob who was sick? What if it were Jacob who was injured?

Issues I’d previously given no thought suddenly became of substantial importance. Was there truly a difference between breastfeeding and formula feeding? Should we circumcise? If I vaccinated my child, he could have a serious adverse reaction. If I chose not to vaccinate, he could become very ill.

I became an information addict and read every book on childcare I could get my hands on and spent endless hours researching my concerns and second guessing my decisions. The rest of my waking hours were spent staring at Jacob as he slept, assuring myself he was still breathing and would only continue to do so thorough my conscious willing of it. Fortunately, he survived my new mother paranoia and came out relatively unscathed– or at least, I will assume so until I’m presented with a bill for therapy.

Personal Truths
I had gone into motherhood with the words of many fostering my belief I’d have a baby, but life would eventually go back to normal again by the magical six-week check-up (at which point I’d also have lost all my baby weight). What I didn’t know when I gave birth was normal was gone forever, along with any peace of mind, my figure, and any hope of a good night’s sleep, but that I’d never trade a moment of my new life to have it back again.

Motherhood, I’ve come to find, is a journey rather than a destination. And while we may endeavor to share experiences with a new mom-to-be, the truths of motherhood remain personal and hers alone to find. The only certainty is the journey is well worth traveling.

I only wish I could talk to that teenager one more time.

About The Author
Barbara Eastom Bates is the author of the upcoming release, “Basic Training for Brides-to-Be,” and editor-in-chief of Operation Military Spouse, opmilspouse@yahoo.com

Starting in the first trimester, many pregnant women find that they have an increasing amount of aches and pains throughout their bodies. Two of the most common are backaches and headaches.

Lower backaches in the first trimester often happen when the egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, and your uterus starts growing in order to support the new pregnancy. The extra pressure can cause the muscles in your lower back to ache. Throughout the second trimester this pain may increase as your belly, while low, starts to get bigger.

By the third trimester, the backache may include your upper back, or may only be in your upper back. By the time you come to the end of your pregnancy, your breasts have grown and weigh approximately 5 pounds more than they did before you got pregnant. Your upper back muscles are working twice as hard to support the extra weight.

If you are in the last days of your pregnancy and suddenly begin experiencing lower back pain, it could be a sign of early labor. Many women have back labor, where the contractions are felt mainly in their backs, rather than the abdomen, causing pain and discomfort. If the contractions radiate from the back to the front, they are most likely true labor contractions. Braxton Hicks contractions generally stay in just the front of a woman’s belly.

Headaches can happen throughout pregnancy, although many women are never affected by them. When a woman gets pregnant, her blood volume increases in order to help sustain the pregnancy. This extra blood can increase pressure in the head and cause headaches. Some women, who have never had a bad headache before, begin experiencing migraines once they get pregnant. If you start getting bad headaches, be sure to check with your doctor to find out what medications are safe to take while you are pregnant.

By the end of pregnancy, a woman might find that her headaches are becoming more frequent. Some women will begin to get them every day, which can complicate other late pregnancy complaints like not being able to sleep.

If you just think you might be pregnant, there are other reasons why you may be experiencing backaches and headaches. If your period is coming, if you are stressed, if you have another back problem, or if you pull a muscle you may find that your back aches more than normal. Impending menstruation, stress, eye strain and dehydration can also cause headaches. When in doubt, always call your doctor.

By Aurel Radulescu

There are no two pregnancies that are alike so, while it is difficult to say exactly how each will progress, there are certain factors that are common among all women going through pregnancy. Quite often, early symptoms of pregnancy will appear and prompt the soon-to-be mom to purchase a home pregnancy test. These can be found at virtually every retail and/or grocery store. It is important to remember that pregnancy tests, while designed to be accurate, are sometimes wrong. Regardless of the result, it is recommended that women experiencing pregnancy symptoms should schedule an appointment with a health care professional who will accurately test for pregnancy.

Among the pregnancy symptoms that most women experience are heightened sensitivity to certain smells and/or food, exhaustion, recurring morning sickness and mood swings. During the entire pregnancy, it is very important that the woman participate in a healthy lifestyle. Among other things, this would include not smoking or being near secondhand smoke, avoid drinking alcohol, etc. In addition, the mom-to-be should drink plenty of milk and eat healthy foods. This will help to promote good development for the child and will be a healthy start for him/her.

Once a woman is confirmed with pregnancy, the next step is shopping for maternity clothes. There is generally a maternity section of every store, but many women simply wear oversized shirts and comfortable elastic waist pants. Preparing for a new baby will include shopping for nursery items, including a rocking chair, bassinet, baby blankets, clothes and toys. If there are plans to convert any room in the house into a nursery, it’s best to start early. It’s also very important that the mom-to-be not be near any paint or harmful products that may cause her, or her unborn child, any problems.

During the nine months of pregnancy, women will go through a lot of changes – both physically and mentally. Mood swings will become more intense and there may be frequent trips to the bathroom as the pregnancy progresses and the growing child begins to press more heavily on the bladder. After the baby is born, the woman will likely have a desire to lose her pregnancy weight. Immediately following birth, it may be a good idea to rest before starting on any exercise program. A licensed medical doctor will be able to prescribe a timeline for such things as physical activity, which will greatly be determined by the mom’s overall health.

This article is to be used for informational purposes only. It is not designed to be used in conjunction with, or in place of, professional medical advice. Any woman who believes she may be experiencing pregnancy symptoms, or has reason to believe that she may be pregnant, should consult a licensed medical physician for proper testing and determination.

About The Author
Find more about Chinese pregnancy calendar, Chinese gender chart and EPT pregnancy test and many other pregnancy resources on CareJournal.org.