When you are preparing for labor and the impending birth of your baby, you might have thought of all the details – your hospital bag, your birth plan, and a gift for your other child/children. But have you thought about a gift for daddy? It is common for the new dad to give the new mom a gift, either flowers, jewellery, or another trinket that has meaning, but it is not as common for the mother to give a gift to the father of her child.

What types of things could you give the new dad? A lot of that depends on what the new father is interested in. If he smokes cigars, a box of his favorite brand might be appropriate. If there is a good brandy or whiskey that he likes, that you don’t buy often because of money, buying him a bottle would be a nice gift for your partner.

You can get a gift from the baby to give to the new daddy. Get a gown or outfit that says, “I love my daddy”, or “Daddy’s Girl/Boy”. Put this outfit on your baby as a surprise when the father is out of the hospital room so that he comes back to see the change. Ties are normally given as gifts for Father’s Day, but you could always find a tie for a new father, or have one made to give to the father from his new son or daughter.

You can always go a little bigger and give a gift of a certificate to a golf course so that your partner can get away for a day, or even tickets to game played by his favorite sports team. He might also appreciate a gift certificate to his favorite restaurant so that you can go celebrate the birth of your newborn once you get out of the hospital.

The ideas for a gift for your partner are endless. No matter your budget you will likely be able to find something special that your partner will love and appreciate, especially knowing that it is from you and the new baby that you share. When choosing a gift, just remember to make it personal and think of what your partner would enjoy and appreciate the most.

by Rexanne Mancini

There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading role in the lives of their children. They are the obvious heroes of child rearing. But what about a father’s role? Just how important are the dads of the world compared to the almighty image of mother? My belief is that fathers play just as important a role as mothers. Different, yes. Possibly not as nurturing, not as all-sacrificing but just as important in the developmental and emotional well being of a child.

Dads are the solid foundation of our lives. They are the shore we swim to when our arms and legs feel increasingly tired. They are the strength we rely on as we take our first tentative steps into the world. Dads can be tender, tough, fragile or powerful but they are probably the most uncomplicated love we will ever know.

For daughters, Daddy is the first man they adore … the first man whose eyes shine with overwhelming amazement when they look at us. He is the first man to fall in love with us.

For sons, Daddy is the idol they first aspire to emulate … their mirror image of what will be and possibly the only man they will ever feel comfortable loving.

Daddy is the first man who held us, as a loving parent, with a lump in his throat so huge, only the joy of that love could erase the overwhelming pain of choking on unexpected raw emotion. I think when a father holds his newborn baby, he is touched by pure vulnerability for the first time in his adult life, leaving him forever humbled by the unexplained miracles of life.

For mothers, the father of our children is the one person we can trust to watch over our babies as closely as we would. We are secure in the knowledge of their love for our precious offspring. Dad is the only other person in the world as fascinated with every nuance and murmur of our babies. He is the one person on the planet with whom we can indulge our need to brag and carry on about our kid’s accomplishments and heartaches ad nauseum … one who will be just as interested and never yawn in the face of our devotion.

Without dads, we wouldn’t be moms. I would like to take the liberty of thanking them from all our hearts for this honor and for being our partners in this business of raising children.

Know how much you are loved and revered, guys! You are our trusted soldiers and we need you more than you will ever realize.

Copyright – 2000-2004- Rexanne Mancini

About The Author
Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com – www.rexanne.com – Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne’s Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html.
rexanne@rexanne.com

by Dr. Clare Albright

1. Give your child a spray bottle of water and watch them spray every possible thing outside of the house!
2. Use shaving cream in the bathtub for extra fun. It is usually possible to find cans of shaving cream that cost only a dollar each.
3. Remember that Barney dolls, Sesame Street dolls, and the like are as real to your child as any other person that they have met. Respect their relationship with their ‘cloth’ friends.
4. Buy a small pet, such as a frog, lizard, goldfish, bunny, hamster, etc. Toddlers need something to love. A pet will add much more stimulation to your child’s life than any other toy will.
5. Replace your child’s stroller with the wagon for outings to the park, the mall, etc. Wagons can make both toddlers and their parents very happy. Wagons are symbolic of you and your child making it through the baby stage and entering the world of “big kids.”
6. Teach your toddler to march to the beat of “one-two-three-four!” while the two (or more) of you play your instruments. Your child will never want this marching band game to end!
7. Make a sandbox out of a large plastic container for your child to play in. If you put the container outside, covering it will keep the cats from mis-using your new toy.
8. Build towers together with blocks. Your child will learn about spatial relationships, balance, etc.
9. When using Play-Doh with your child, show them how to make little snowmen, snakes, etc,. since it is difficult for their little fingers to mold clay at this developmental stage.
10. Set up finger painting in an empty bathtub with your child wearing only a diaper. This can make finger painting a much less stressful activity for a parent.

About The Author
This piece was written by Dr. Clare Albright, Psychologist and Parenting Coach, and author of “100 Tips for Parents of Two Year Olds”, which can be downloaded for only $5.77 from www.ParentsOfTwoYearOlds.com

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife just had our first child. I’m insanely happy and I want to get more involved but I’ve never been around babies before and have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to do with him. What do you suggest?

Armin answers: Although it may be tempting to just sit around and stare at your baby, marveling at every little thing he does, you’ll need to do a lot more than that if you’re really going to get to know him. Here are some of the best ways to start:

• Hold him. Newborns love to be carried around, held in your arms, held in a pack, etc.

• Talk to him. No, he can’t understand a word you’re saying. In fact, he barely even knows you exist. But talk anyway–explain everything you’re doing as you’re doing it, tell him what’s happening in the news, etc.–it’ll help him get to know the rhythm of the language.

• Change his diapers. It doesn’t sound like much fun, but it’s a great time to interact with the baby one-on-one, to rub his soft belly, tickle his knees, kiss his tiny fingers. For at least the first month or so, he needs to be changed every two hours–baby’s super-sensitive skin shouldn’t stew in human waste–so there are plenty of opportunities. And don’t worry: changing diapers is an acquired skill–in just a few days you’ll be able to do it with your eyes closed (although you probably shouldn’t—especially if you’re using pins). In the meantime, even if you don’t do it right, baby poop washes right off your hands and won’t stain your clothes. One hint, though: immediately after undoing the diaper, put something (like a towel or cloth diaper) over baby for a few seconds. The sudden rush of fresh air on the baby’s crotch can result in your getting sprayed.

• Play with him. During the first few weeks, forget about football and chess. But try to spend at least 20 minutes (probably broken into 5-minute installments) a day doing something with the baby one-on-one. Chatting, reading aloud, rocking, making faces, experimenting with the baby’s reflexes or even simply catching her gaze and looking into his eyes are great activities. Here are a couple of things to remember:

• Take your cues from the baby. If he cries or seems bored, stop what you’re doing. Too much playing can make your child fussy or irritable, so limit play sessions to five minutes or so.

• Be encouraging. Use lots of facial and verbal encouragement, smiles, and laughter. Although the baby can’t understand the words, he definitely understands the feelings. Even at only a few days old, he’ll want to please you, and lots of encouragement will help build his self-confidence.

• Be gentle-—especially with the baby’s head. Because babies’ heads are relatively large (one-quarter of their body size at birth vs. one-seventh by the time they’re adults) and their neck muscles are not yet well developed, their heads tend to be pretty floppy for the first few months. Be sure to support the head—from behind—at all times, and avoid sudden or jerky motions.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad. I’m taking a childbirth class with my wife but it really seems geared toward the perfect birth. I know they can’t cover every single unexpected thing that could happen, but how can we prepare for contingencies?

Armin answers: As important as childbirth education classes are, there are a few things they won’t teach you but that you really should know.

First, it’s okay to ask questions—as many as you need to. No matter how much reading you’ve done or how wonderful your class was, something unexpected is bound to happen during labor or delivery—it almost always does. In those cases, don’t let the hospital staff steamroller you. Have them explain everything they’re doing, every step of the way. If you miss something the first time, have them explain it again.

Second, it’s okay to stand up for what you want. Most people are wowed by academic credentials and degrees and have a tendency to step back and let the doctors and nurses take control of the whole process, particularly when something a little out of the ordinary happens. Unless it’s a true medical emergency, keep in mind who’s baby is about to be born and insist on having things done your way, to the extent possible.

Third, don’t give in too quickly. Like most busy people, doctors and nurses are sometimes too quick to say “No” to requests–not because it’s the right answer, but because it’s easy. But here’s the deal: If you want the lights dimmed for the delivery and the staff refuses, do it yourself (assuming, of course, that there’s no medical reason not to). If you want to videotape the birth and the doctor won’t let you, ask for an explanation. If you don’t get a good one, do what you feel you should do.

Keep in mind that there’s a big difference between being assertive and standing up for yourself (and for your wife) and being overbearing, obnoxious, and antagonistic. So be nice.

And finally, it’s okay to ask for help. Most childbirth prep classes focus on how you can help your wife—breathing with her, rubbing her back and her legs, telling her stories, feeding her ice chips, and all sorts of other things. But you’ll rarely, if ever, hear that it’s exhausting and sometimes even scary and that you—yes, you—could use some relief and comfort too. One excellent solution to this problem is to get yourself a doula.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

For a lot of couples, the question about whether to have another child isn’t really a question, it’s a given. For others, though, the issue is more complicated. And most of the problems have to do with exactly what you’re going through in your home: one spouse wants a second (or third) child while the other isn’t nearly as excited about the prospect. Unfortunately, there’s no easy solution to this problem.

The time crunch is a common concern of prospective second-time parents. But it’s usually not the only thing they’re worried about. So sit down and make a list of other factors as well. You might want to start with these:

• Finances. Can you really afford to have another baby? If you answer No, does not having enough money really make a difference for you?
• Your own childhood. Were you an only child or did you have brothers and sisters? How did you like growing up that way?
• Ability to love more than one child. Are you worried that you won’t be able to love your second child as much as the first one? While this is an incredibly common worry, the simple answer is that your capacity to love your children–no matter how many you have–is infinite.
• Labor and delivery. Are you worried about putting your partner through another painful pregnancy and labor? Since she’s the one going through it, leave that decision to her. Consider, though, that while being a parent is exhausting enough, trying to be a parent while you’re pregnant is something altogether different. Is that OK for your partner or not?
• Your firstborn. Do you have a child with a difficult temperament? If so, keep in mind that your next child’s temperament may not exactly mirror your firstborn’s.

When you’ve put your list together and had a chance to think through each of your concerns, schedule a time to talk them over with your wife. You’ll probably find that even though she’s more gung-ho than you are right now, she shares many of them with you.

About the Author
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a new father. I haven’t had much experience with infants and I want to be involved in my daughter’s care, but every time I try to pick her up, she starts to fret. How can I feel more competent?

Armin answers: Few things can make a man feel less like a man than feeling incompetent. And nothing can make a man feel more incompetent than a baby. Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to overcome these feelings.

First of all, let’s start with what NOT to do: Do not hand your daughter off to your wife. She may be able to get her to stop crying a little quicker than you do, but the truth is that whatever your wife knows about children, she learned by doing–just like anything else. And the way you’re going to get better is by doing things, too. Research shows that lack of opportunity may be one of the biggest obstacles to fathers’ feeling more comfortable with their children. In other words, the more time you spend with your child, the more competent you’ll feel.

And don’t give in if your wife offers to take over, either. Instead, try a few lines like, “I think I can handle things,” or “That’s okay–I really need the practice.” There’s nothing wrong with asking her for advice, of course–you both have insights that the other could benefit from. But have her tell you instead of doing it for you. Don’t be afraid to make a few decisions–and a few mistakes–on your own.

Another way to start building confidence is to get to know your baby. And the place to begin is with learning her language. Although her vocabulary is pretty limited right now, if you pay close attention you’ll soon be able to tell the difference between her “I’m tired,” “Feed me now,” “Change my diaper,” and “I want to play” cries. Once you’ve got that down, you’ll be better able to take care of her needs and the two of you will feel a lot better about each other.

New fathers are often quite concerned about what to do with their infants. After all, they don’t talk, they can’t catch a fly ball, and they don’t seem to do much else besides drool. But even if your baby is just a few days old, you can do plenty. Carrying her around and listening to music together are great at this age, and just talking to her is wonderful, but my favorite has always been reading. It doesn’t really matter whether you read War and Peace or the ingredient panel from your toothpaste tube–she won’t understand you yet anyway. The point here is to get her used to hearing your voice, which will make her feel comfortable and secure with you. And that’s what close relationships are built on.

Finally, don’t ever devalue the things you like doing with your child. Men and women have different ways of interacting with their children–men tend to stress the physical and high-energy, women the social and emotional. But don’t let anyone tell you that wrestling, bouncing on the bed, and all the other “guy things” you’re going to do when your daughter is a little older are somehow less important than the “girl things” your partner may do (or want you to do).

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

About 90 percent of couple’s experiences an increase in stress after their children are born. And the number one stressor, by far, is the division of labor in the home. Unfortunately, even the most egalitarian couples tend to slip into traditional roles, which mean that you’ll probably end up doing more of the housework and childcare than your partner.

Research shows that the more equitably domestic tasks are distributed, the happier wives (and husbands) are with their marriages. So resolving these issues may be critical to the health and success of your relationship. How are you going to do it? Well, if your goal is to make the division of labor around your house fairer to you, take a deep breath and read on.

1. Look at it from his perspective
Researchers have found that women tend to measure what their husbands do around the house against what they do. Not surprisingly, on that kind of scale, most men fail miserably. Men themselves, though, compare what they do to what their fathers—and sometimes even against their male friends and coworkers—do. Using this standard, most husbands feel pretty satisfied with themselves and their contributions around the house.

2. Don’t ask for help
Just as men need to re-think their family roles as “assistants” to mothers, women need to change their ideas about what’s reasonable to expect from their partners. Asking him for “help” only reinforces the view that he shouldn’t have much responsibility for the care and management of children. Of course, that doesn’t you shouldn’t ask him to do his share, of course he should. Asking for “help” makes it seem like whatever he’s “helping” with is really your job and that you should be grateful.

3. Adjust your standards
Let’s face it, men and women often have very different standards. “When my husband says the kitchen is clean he means that the dishes are in the dishwasher,” says one mother. “The counter can still be filthy and the floor can still be covered with dirt.” Adjusting your standards to his level doesn’t mean that the kids will be wearing the same clothes every day. Also, there are a lot of different ways to change diapers, play, teach, and entertain the children. Yours isn’t always the right one. The fact is that if you adjust your standards, your husband will be more involved in the household and with the kids. No child ever suffered a long term trauma by having her diaper put on a bit looser than it should be or by going out of the house with oatmeal stuck in her hair. It’s hard to shift standards because for many women attention to domestic issues is part of their upbringing and part of they define themselves.

4. Go on strike
The days of the “second shift” where women try to do it all—work outside all day and do all the work at home, too—are over. Let your spouse or partner know that you have limits. A well-timed “your arm’s not broken, do it yourself” may occasionally be a helpful reminder that men and women are partners in parenting.

Because you may begin to notice the unswept coffee grounds before he does, one of your biggest challenges may be to close your eyes to the mess and stick to your guns. Your partner will certainly get the message when he runs out of clean underwear. But if he senses that you’ll give in before he does, he’ll never learn to do his part.

5. Be (a little) insincere
As a group, men generally dislike doing things that make them feel incompetent. At the same time, they’re suckers for compliments. So, one of the best ways to get your partner to do something he doesn’t like to do is to praise him even when you know you could do it better. Television characters from Lucy Ricardo to Roseanne Conner figured this out long ago, and the same applies in real life: sweet-talk soothes; nagging only irritates. Tell him what a great job he’s doing already and ask him to do the same thing again. Indirect compliments are effective too—let him hear you raving to a friend about how well he’s done some recent task. Sound manipulative? Maybe but it works. The more he feels that you’re noticing and appreciating his efforts, the more he’ll do. Guaranteed.

6. Don’t be a gatekeeper
Many women tend to take charge of the household and childcare domains because this is the one arena that they can still control. But far too many women are so intent on keeping control of the household that they don’t leave enough space for their partners to participate. For other women, control is not the issue, they just assume that men are either uninterested or incompetent. And men get the message: many find it easier to just back off. Your partner is part of the first generation of fathers to be seriously expected to take an active role in the home. By the time women become mothers, most have had years of subtle (or not so subtle) training. Female role models are plentiful, as are resources, from women’s magazines to breastfeeding guides. But good male role models are rare, as is information specifically designed to help men prepare for fatherhood. The moral of the story? Even if you know how to stop the baby from crying, let your partner try to figure it out for himself before jumping in. Men and women have different approaches to the same issue and fathers need the confidence that only comes with practice. Letting him develop his own parenting style will also give your family twice as many baby-care options.

Especially after divorce, mothers need to open the gates and let their children have access to their fathers. It is important to remember that they may be ex-husbands but they’ll never be ex-fathers.

7. Share and share alike
No single job in your home is any more valuable than any other, so assign everything to the most qualified person—unless, of course, that turns out to be completely unfair. So make a list of everything that needs to get done. If you’re good at something or like to do it, it’s yours. (At the same time, your partner gets to do his chores his way.)

Another option is to assign tasks to whichever of you cares the most. If a scummy bathtub bugs you more than it does him, clean it yourself. If he hates crumbs on the carpet, he gets to vacuum. Problems can arise, though, when one of you says, “Gee honey, nothing bothers me,” and the other gets stuck doing it all. These situations call for careful negotiation. You can do the more unpleasant jobs together or, if the budget permits, hire someone to do them for you. And just to make sure that everyone gets to have fun, switch responsibilities once in a while (if for no other reason than to get a better appreciation of what the other does). And be willing to bend gender stereotypes along with your partner. If you expect him to plan a meal and cook it, you should be prepared to unclog the toilet or change the oil in the car.

8. Re-define work
When dividing up responsibilities many couples have trouble defining what, exactly, the term “work” means. In many families, for example, couples err by neglecting to give parenting the same weight as ordinary chores. Yet childcare takes at least as much time, and may be just as tiring, as shopping and mopping. So even if your partner is wrestling with the baby while you’re making dinner, things might not be as unequal as they seem. True, he may be having more fun but somebody has to do it. And if he plays with the baby today, he can fix dinner tomorrow while you wrestle.

The New Man may strike you as a great idea. But the Old Man has been around for tens of thousands of years, and he’s not going to disappear overnight. Even in these relatively enlightened times much of the domestic burden is going to continue to fall on you. But not all of it, and not all the time. You may need to give your expectations a reality check. Change between you and your partner may be slow. But if you work it out, you’ll see significant improvement—in your workload, in the quality of your marriage, and in your life together as parents.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: My son was born four months ago, and things are starting to settle down. But every time I sit down to do some extra work on the computer, I feel guilty about leaving my wife to take care of him since she’s with him all day long. I try to help, but I also need to get ahead with work. What should I do?

Armin answers: The first thing you need to do is not let your guilt get out of hand. A little bit of guilt is okay, but some fathers (and mothers)–in an effort to make themselves feel better about not being able to spend enough time with their children–end up withdrawing from their kids emotionally. Leaving your wife to take care of the baby is a habit you don’t want to get into (and if you notice yourself doing this, there’s still time to stop). The earlier you and your baby start getting to know one another, the closer and better your relationship will be.

Another common trap parents sometimes fall into is trying hard to make up for lost time. You might, for example, attempt to cram as much active, physical father/baby interaction as you can into the few hours you do have together in the evenings after work. While all that activity might make you feel a little better about being away from your baby during the day, you’ll also end up overstimulating him. So before you start tickling and wrestling and playing with the baby, spend a few minutes reading or cuddling with him, quietly getting to know each other again. At four months, a day away from you is a long time for your baby. You’ll both feel a lot better if you spend a little quiet time reconnecting.

While there’s no practical way for you to make up for the time you’re spending away from your child, it’s important that you find some middle ground. Separate work time from time with your child. Make sure that whenever you’re with the baby, you’re with him 100 percent. Forget the phone, the computer, the newspapers, or the TV. You can do all those things after the baby goes to sleep, before he wakes up, or while he’s busy nursing. You also might want to explore some different scheduling options for your office: getting into work an hour or two early might give you and your baby a few relaxed hours together in the afternoons. And telecommuting to work one day a week allows you to spend your commute time reading your son a book instead of sitting in traffic.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear MrDad: Every expectant couple I know is taking a Lamaze classes. Is that really necessary?

Armin answers: One of the advantages of taking a childbirth preparation class is that it’ll give you and your wife the opportunity to ask questions about the pregnancy in a more relaxed setting than her doctor’s office. You’ll also get a chance to hang out with other expecting couples and listen to the women swap stories about how much weight they’ve gained, how much their joints hurt, how many times they get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Seriously, though, most childbirth classes operate on the belief that the more you learn about pregnancy and birth—from exercise and nutrition to the difference between an epidural and a spinal—the more in control you’ll feel and the less you’ll have to fear.

Also, be careful: People have a tendency to use the word “Lamaze” as a synonym for “childbirth preparation class.” But Lamaze is really only one of a number of very different approaches to dealing with labor and the pain associated with it. Here’s a little background on three of the most common approaches:

• The Lamaze method is based on the idea that a pregnant woman can overcome her pain—which is the way her body reacts to being in labor—by focusing on something else, usually her own breathing. One major goal is to help woman achieve drug-free labors and deliveries but Lamaze also tries to give expectant parents as much information as they can to help them make the most informed decisions possible.
• The Bradley method also emphasizes educating and preparing expectant couples. They also focus on exercise and nutrition. But instead of trying to take the woman’s attention from her pain, the Bradley folks encourage her to experience it fully: groaning, screaming, whatever she feels like. Bradley is the method that introduced the husband/coach and includes dads far more than any of the others.
• The Leboyer method puts its focus much more on the baby than on the mother-to-be. Leboyer maintains that the bright lights and high noise levels usually found in most hospital delivery rooms are quite stressful and upsetting for a newborn. For that reason, Leboyer babies are generally born in quiet, darkened rooms, often with mom fully or partially submerged in warm water.

Classes typically last five to nine weeks and usually run about $100 to $200. Most are offered either privately or through local hospitals so check with your wife’s doctor or the maternity ward for a referral. Whichever approach you and your wife pick, get going on it as soon as you can. What you’ll learn will do a lot to make the rest of the pregnancy calmer and less stressful for both of you.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.