1. Encourage Questions
   Don’t answer every question, instead ask what do they think. Asking questions stimulates conversation between you and your child.

    

2. Don’t Criticize
   Criticism invites low self-esteem. Children feel that they have failed or disappointed their parents when they are criticized. Find alternate ways of correcting the problem. A child will likely shut down communication if they feel that their parents are not supportive.

    

3. Respect Your Child’s Opinions
   Your child is not an extension of you. Although it is difficult to accept at times, it is normal and healthy for your child to have their own opinion. Children who are confident in expressing their opinions are less likely to join gangs or succumb to peer pressure.

    

4. Teach Your Child To Embrace Diversity
   Encourage your child to learn about different cultures and ethnicities. A well informed child can will understand and respect other people’s values.

    

5. Teach Your Child To Set Personal Boundaries
   Children need to have their personal space respected in order for them to respect other people’s personal space. Help your child to establish their boundaries and insist that he/she enforce them with their peers.
6. Establish A Nurturing Environment
   Children thrive in environments in which they know they are loved and respected. Remind them every day that you love them and support them.

 

7. Understand Your Child’s Thinking Process
   In order for you to be an advocate for your child in school, you must know and understand how your child learns. Is he/she creative, logical, musical, spatial, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic? Know your child’s capabilities and accept their creativity. 

    

8. Let Them Think For Themsleves
   Encourage independent thinking. Let your child decide (within reason) what is appropriate for them. Give them enough room to make decisions, but also be there in case their plans don’t work out.

    

9. Teach Them Stress Management Skills
   Help your child to effectively deal with stress. Try not to contribute to their stress with demands and unrealistic expectations. Make learning fun!

    

10. Teach Your Child To Trust His/Her Instincts
    In order for children to be successful in life, they must learn how to trust their decisions. Your child needs to be confident in trusting his/her instincts and feelings. Children who trust themselves are less likely to participate in unhealthy behaviors.

About The Author
Marie Magdala Roker is a Family Coach and Certified Breakthrough Parenting Instructor. She is completing her Masters in Health Education at Columbia University’s Teachers College. She helps parents to reclaim their lives and students to unlock their academic potential. She is committed to helping build healthy families, one family member at a time.

Buy the Right Camera
Just like every other “toy” on the market there are cameras made for all levels of photography including beginners, intermediate and professional photographers. Be sure that you pick the right camera for your skill level. Learn all you can about the camera that you pick out so that you know what it can do and can’t do. Not everyone will need a camera that has a lot of fancy choices on it and honestly all real digital cameras on the market will take a picture that will print out looking nice enough to go in any album or picture frame.

If you are starting off with digital photography, buy a camera that will get you started by just pointing and clicking at your target. Later on you may decide that you need more in a camera and if that does happen you can upgrade.

Don’t Worry About Taking Too Many Pictures
The great thing about a digital camera is that you are not limited by having only 12, 24, 27 or in some cases, 36 pictures you can take. Depending on the size of your cameras memory stick you can often get 100 or more pictures to one card. It is better to take too many pictures than to not take enough pictures so that you are sure to get the best picture that you can. Digital camera picture taking is also much cheaper than the standard film pictures because unless you print out a picture the only cost is the batteries that you use. You can even buy rechargeable batteries now that will cut out that cost.

Many people will use it however to delete embarrassing pictures or ones they don’t like. Before you do ask yourself if it is something that will embarrass you in 10 years, or make you laugh. If it will make you laugh, save it!

Be Sure To Look Immediately!
Since digital cameras have a LCD screen on the back you can immediately look at and share your pictures with others. You can also preview several pictures of the same pose and delete the ones that are blurry or didn’t turn out right because of red-eye, a blink, or a strange smile giving you room on your card to take more pictures.

You Can Still Have Them Developed
Just because you are taking it digitally, doesn’t mean you have to develop it yourself. There are online sites like Clark that allow you to upload and buy prints of your pictures for as little as .09 cents. There are photo quality printers and paper that you can buy to print your own at home if you want to go that route. Either way you save a lot of money on prints from your digital camera as prints from your film camera can cost as much as .40 cents each, even for the pictures that don’t turn out right.

There is no reason to be scared about using a digital camera for your photography needs. You can still switch back and forth or use both types of cameras, but you can have lots of fun learning how to use a digital camera.

Curt, a bright sixteen-year-old, was bursting with excitement over his newly earned driver’s license. His mother, seeing an opportunity for him to exercise his helpful tendencies, as well as his newfound freedom, asked him to go to the grocery store to get hamburger for dinner. The look on his face was jubilant! His mom had never trusted him with such a task.

He grabbed the car keys and made a mad dash for the garage. She went to the kitchen to begin dinner preparations. By the time she’d finished and set the table, she began to worry. Time passed—and still more. Where was Curt?

Just as she was considering a trip of her own to find him, Curt came trudging through the door—without hamburger. “Where’s the meat?” she asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. “They don’t sell hamburger at our grocery store, Mom.”

“Of course they do, Curt!” she exclaimed. But he sighed loudly and persisted, frustrated that his mother didn’t get it.

“I went down every aisle twice, Mom, and they do not sell hamburger!”

Exasperated, she asked Curt to get back in the car, and she climbed in beside him. On the way to the store, she muttered, “It’s just like always around here. If I want something done right, I have to do it myself.” Once at the store, she marched over to the meat cooler, Curt dragging behind. She pointed dramatically and announced triumphantly, “There!”

She was stunned when her son, looking very puzzled—a beacon in a sea of cellophane-packed ground meat—said, in the sincerest of voices, “I don’t see any hamburger…”

It took seconds for her to make the connection. Her son—her driver’s-license-toting, beard-growing, college-bound son—had never been asked to help with grocery shopping! Nor had he ever prepared a meal! The truth was that he couldn’t recognize raw hamburger if she threw it at his head! That head was currently shaking back and forth in amazement. “Wow,” he said, “I’ve never seen it like that before.”

When the fog cleared, other thoughts crept into her head: he’d never done a load of laundry! He’d never balanced a checkbook! He’d never changed a flat tire! He’d never sewn on a button, or mended a tear in his pants! He’d never even packed his own lunch! Since she’d always done all these things for him, he’d never had the opportunity to do them for himself—and now her son, who was rapidly approaching full adulthood, had no idea how to perform any of these common rituals. She, with all the best intentions mixed with a bit of all-too-human impatience, had unknowingly failed to prepare her son for his foray into the real world. She was a good mother—too good.

The Hidden Message
“Don’t you worry about any of these tasks. I’ll do them for you. I’ll always be there to do them for you.”

Think About It
Sometimes, raising responsible kids isn’t so much about what we do, but about what we don’t. By being “too good” of a parent we rob our children of opportunities that help them develop tools for success in adult life—tools that can’t be bought or given, but must be forged by experience. Every task we complete for our children is a task not done by our children.

I can imagine you now shaking your head at this page in protest, asking a valid question: “But my job is to take care of my children! Aren’t these tasks a part of my job?” Read this answer slowly and carefully: No.

Your job is to raise responsible, capable young people who eventually leave your home to build independent lives; your job is to help them develop the skills necessary to do that. So, you should feel good about teaching and transferring some household duties to your children, knowing that this is an essential gift that you’re giving them.

This is a process that should begin early and continue at a regular pace. Introducing important life skills to your kids when they turn eighteen isn’t feasible and might just be impossible. For one, teenagers are busy; they’re eager to get on with life and have little patience to learn mundane skills such as loading the dishwasher. For another, they’ve already developed habits that are hard to break. So, it behooves us to bring our babies into childhood with a constant eye toward what we’re doing for them and weigh it against what they could be doing for themselves.

Having said that, I maintain that it’s perfectly acceptable to choose to cater to your child at times. If your child is sick, of course, you shouldn’t tell him to get out of bed and make his own chicken soup. If your child is unable to complete a task on his own—due to his age or abilities—it’s an act of mercy to help him out. Consideration as a character trait is every bit as essential as independence. The difference in these cases is that you’re offering—your child isn’t expecting.

Changes You Can Make
Begin by learning one useful word, to be uttered to yourself at times when you catch yourself doing for children things they should learn to do for themselves: “Don’t.”

This is one of the few times in parenting that you can be proud of the things you DON’T do. Next time you see that crusty cereal bowl, hum your mantra—“Doooonnnnn’t”—and refrain from taking it to the sink. Instead, call your child, point to the bowl, and ask him politely to take care of it. When you see those clothes lying on the floor just outside the shower door, stop yourself— “Doooonnnnn’t”— and ask your child to put them in the hamper. Don’t pick up those crumpled-up snack wrappers left on the kitchen counter—“Doooonnnnn’t.” Request that your child give them a proper burial. Resist the temptation to move the morning along by packing your kid’s lunch. “Doooonnnnn’t.” Instead, call her over to the counter, and guide her through the lunch-making process.

These lessons needn’t be dreary. For example, next time you’re about to put in a load of laundry, don’t simply trudge off to the laundry room— “Doooonnnnn’t.” As you pass your child, who is reclined on the sofa watching TV, ask him to turn off the tube and join you for a quick laundry lesson. You both might take pleasure from the time you spend together, talking among the whites and the darks, enjoying a few moments of conversation as you teach another valuable life skill.

Yes, I know. You’ll have to go though this drill again and again… But eventually, one bright day, you’ll realize that some learning has taken place. (And just maybe your child will have caught on, too.) As if by magic, your child will have taken care of that cereal bowl without a word from you—and you can celebrate the fact that he’s moved one step closer to being responsible for himself. And as a bonus, you’ll have moved one step further from frustration.

Of course, this approach calls for common sense. You can’t expect a three-year-old to cook his own dinner or a five-year-old to mow the lawn. Start with simple age-appropriate responsibilities and add to these as your child becomes more mature and capable. The beauty of gifting your child with the skills of responsibility and independence is that each skill is a building block upon which many others are balanced. First your child learns to count the spoons and fetch the napkins, then he learns to set the table, next he learns to fill his own plate with food, after that he learns how to make the salad, and before you know it, he has the skills to prepare an entire meal.

My three older children, at the ripe old ages of eight, ten and twelve – have the skills necessary to do exactly that. On several occasions, they have been given the privilege of planning and preparing a meal. The three of them discuss a menu plan and create a shopping list. Then Mom, Dad or Grandma takes them to the grocery store and the three kids do their shopping (as the adult-in-charge sips a coffee at the front deli counter.) They bring their groceries home and prepare the meal. It is absolutely delightful to listen as the three of them converse and discuss the details of the preparation, “Do you think these pieces are too big?” “How long do you cook beans?” “Do you think this is enough cheese?” The meals are very creative, usually colorful and even tasty. In addition to knowing that they have learned important life skills, the glow on their faces as they bask in the success of their endeavor makes it all worthwhile.

So how do you get to this point? If your little one is younger than six, consider yourself in the “training stage.” This is a time when learning occurs and habits form. I know: it’s so much easier to pick up your child’s toys than to go through the labor-intensive process that “letting your child do it himself” really is. It does take more time and energy to “let” your child pick up his toys, tie his shoes, and pour his juice; as the “help” you need to give is often more complicated than if you would have done it yourself. In the long run, however, you’ll save yourself a virtual lifetime of catering to a child who has never had the opportunity to assume these responsibilities at a young age. Such a child will see you as his personal valet and will resist giving up such a luxury. Wouldn’t you?

Plus, taking the time and expending the patience to help a willing and enthusiastic three- or four-year-old learn to unload the dishwasher is a lot easier than trying to teach a busy, uninterested teenager, and then deal with the frustration when he doesn’t keep up with it.

If your child is over six, every missed opportunity to teach a useful household task prolongs your child’s dependence. Every single time you pick up a dirty sock, a used tissue, a crusty cereal bowl or a misplaced toy—every time you do this— you teach your child to believe in the “cleanup fairy.” This is not only frustrating for you, but also difficult for your children when they move out of the house and discover that the “cleanup fairy” neglected to pack up and move with them.

This is one of those parenting tasks that are difficult for most of us. But the benefits are great. Perhaps the most wonderful payoff in allowing your child to master life through age-appropriate tasks and skills comes from the boost to his self-esteem. The more capable a child is, the more confident the child will become. With confidence, and a full repertoire of important life skills, comes a stronger, more positive self-image that will enable your child to take on whatever life imposes.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

• No two baby brains are alike and there is no such a thing as a set of right answers for enhancing the baby’s intelligence. Be aware of the baby’s interests and motivation and help s/he to act upon the objects.
• The observation of the baby’s brain still difficult to do and it is not yet available to use in real-life situations. So, to know what is happening inside you baby brain we would need to use different kinds of computerized or caps of electrodes to display its structure. So… what we have left in order to enhance the baby’s intelligence? – A combination of behavioral observation and good educational research to help us to get every act we experience with our babies right! This we can perform!
• Don’t be afraid! Mix your personal experience, research results, and observe educational practices, and you will not have a chance to do it wrong with your baby!
• Remember that your baby is always constructing his knowledge of the world, and the more s/he uses his/her body to leave, the better s/he shapes the power of his/her neural connections. The more s/he uses his/her functions, s/he access a dynamic process where his/her neurons communicate through electrical and chemical signaling, leading to creation of complex physical connections, that are all together what will become the structures of the brain. Remember – “Use it and you will have it!” This -phrase works for the babies, the ones who have the brain quality to shape itself every other minute in life!
• So, how to get every act we experience with the baby right? How to increase the baby’s neural connection, increasing the Baby brain development?
• Give them good nutrition – yes, we all already know it is important!
• Pay attention to their rest – we all know babies need sleeping schedules! But, do not impose it to the baby. It’s hers/his own necessity that counts;
• Care for their emotional stability! – This is a factor that makes all the difference. Care for it!
• Promote them time to play! – Playing for the baby brain equals exercise and the experimentation of the relationships of movements, space and body. The baby needs to feel the world by going around places, seeing things, sensing spaces, listening and understanding sounds.
• Promote time to read – I am not talking about reading to the baby. I am talking about time for them to read! Giving the baby the opportunity to be exposed and to using symbols and signs that represents the culture and the thoughts that maintains the culture, are the most valuable experience for him/her. And it is right to learn to read! Even if the culture yet do not accept it!
• But take time! Wait for the baby’s own rhythmic development to have enough time to do their own mental growing. The baby will do the magic! How? Observe the baby’s inner motivation, and go with him towards his/her own interests. Time to learn all about cats? Dogs? Flowers? Family members? Girls? Boys? Toys? Give them all the time they to play and learn about them! Give them all the information they are affected to, attended to, interested in. Give them the opportunity to be observing, exploring the surroundings.
• Let him/her repeat what s/he is doing, how many times s/he needs to.
• Make games to promote problem solving (Ex: Where are we going? What color is the cat?… Keep talking to the baby all the time you can!…)
• Motivate with different colors; when talking to the baby add adjectives to objects, nouns and subjects. (Ex: Book?…Red book. Shirt? White shirt, etc…)

• Brains respond to novelties better than to anything else. So, show the baby the uniqueness of everyday life. Show colors, forms, temperature, animals, fits, cars, words in public places, people of different ages, birds, and wild animals, etc…

All these activities will aid in healthy Baby brain development!

About this Author:
Dr. Eliane Leao is a native of Brazil, South America. She has a background in Education from Purdue University (Masters) and a PhD in the Dept of Educational Psychology from the State University of Campinas (UNICAMP)/Purdue University (Ph.D.). Visit our website for Free Articles and a Free Ebook on the subject of Babies and Reading at www.baby-can-read.com.