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The Four Parts to Discipline

admin — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 16:52:43 +0000

by Elizabeth Pantley author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007)

Discipline is a very complicated and complex matter. We want to enjoy our children, we don’t want to stress about the little things, and we want to be forgiving to our children and our selves. However – there are many, many things we must get our children to do, or stop them from doing – all day, every day. There are lots of daily tasks that must be completed. Add to that the fact that children don’t always listen, they don’t always do the things we want them to do, and they have a limited amount of knowledge and emotional control. Keeping all this in mind, I believe that there are four distinct parts to the purpose and goal of discipline:

1 – To correct immediate behavior.

2 – To teach a lesson.

3 – To give tools that build self-discipline and emotional control.

4 – To build the parent/child relationship.

Let’s examine how this applies to a few typical situations so that you can begin to understand how these four purposes colors almost every discipline situation with your child.

Situation:
Your child is having a temper tantrum in a store because you won’t buy a new toy.

1 – Correct immediate behavior

Take your child to a restroom or unpopulated corner of the store. Wait for your child to stop the tantrum.

2 – Teach a lesson

You can’t have everything you want. You need to express your emotions appropriately.

3 – Give tools to build self discipline and emotional control

Help child write a list of toys that she wants, but can’t have right now.

4 – Build the relationship

Demonstrate leadership, understanding and patience.

Situation:
Your two children are squabbling over a toy.

1 – Correct immediate behavior

Put the toy on the counter while you get your children to stop tussling and pay attention to you.

2 – Teach a lesson

Children need to learn how to share toys and take turns.

3 – Give tools to build self discipline and emotional control

Help children by setting a timer so each can have a five minute turn with it. Show them how to do this in the future without your help.

4 – Build the relationship

Show them how to play together and how to settle disputes. Show them that they can look to you for help in handling problems.

Situation:
Your child is upset with a playmate and bites her on the arm.

1 – Correct immediate behavior

Separate the children. Provide attention and care to the child who was bitten.

2 – Teach a lesson

Get down to your child’s level, put your hands on her shoulders, look her in the eye and tell her, “Biting hurts. We don’t bite. Give Emmy a hug now. That will make her feel better.”

3 – Give tools to build self discipline and emotional control

Give your child a few hints on how she should handle her frustration next time; “If you want a toy, you can ask nicely for it or you can come to Mommy for help.”

4 – Build your relationship

Show your child that you are on her side even when she makes mistakes. Demonstrate that she can count on you to teach her how to handle strong emotions.

Discipline is not a one-time maneuver
You say you’ve tried to get your little one to put his toys away, but he never does. You’re after your daughter constantly not to whine, yet that screechy voice continues. You repeatedly attempt to get your two children to share their toys nicely yet it seems that daily you’re refereeing an argument over toys. No matter what you do, the same issues keep coming up over and over again.

Think about something that you do, or don’t do – that you know you should do differently. Perhaps it’s exercising or eating healthily. Maybe it’s keeping your desk organized or your closet clean. In all of these examples it’s likely that you struggle to always do the right thing, even when you know what the right thing is. So, if you, the mature adult, still don’t do everything the right way how could you possibly expect such a feat from your young child?

Discipline means to teach – and it is a very rare lesson that can be learned in one simple session. Furthermore, young children cannot easily apply what they’ve learned in one situation to another. So even minor variations create entirely new scenarios – for example, learning to share toys with a sibling at home isn’t easily transposed to the situation of sharing playground equipment with a friend at the park.

What this all means is that you must teach the same, or similar, lessons over and over and over and over again in many different ways until, perhaps, your child will master the idea and claim it as his own. Even then, just because a child knows what is right doesn’t mean he will always do the right thing. (Do you always drive the posted speed limit?) Our job as parents is to help our children learn right from wrong, and how to make the right decisions in life. It is to guide and teach our children, every day, in many ways.

Discipline means teaching, and as such, it can encompass almost every interaction you have with your child. When you are thoughtful about your role as a parent, and when you keep your eye on your long-term goals and use carefully planned parenting skills, then your essential parenting attitudes will be properly aligned and your job as a parent will be more fulfilling and rewarding.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

What Triggers Your Anger?

admin — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 16:00:03 +0000

by Elizabeth Pantley author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007)

Family life is complicated and unpredictable. Day-to-day expectations and responsibilities can create angry emotions in both parents and children. No matter how skilled you are at parenting, no matter how wonderful your children are, you cannot eliminate or avoid the unpleasant situations that occur in all families. However, once you understand where the anger comes from you can modify the situation and learn ways to control your reactions, so that anger can occupy a smaller place in your home.

Our children bring us incredible joy. Yet, there are times that they can bring out the anger in us. It is helpful to identify the things that provoke your anger so you can make positive changes in your household.

What sets you off?
Most parents get angry over issues that are insignificant in the grand scheme of life, yet happen on such a regular basis that they become blown out of proportion. Some of the most common parenting issues that trigger anger are whining, temper tantrums, sibling bickering, and non-cooperation. Determine which behaviors most bother you and set about making a plan to correct each problem that sets off your anger.

Notice your hot spots
In addition to triggers, there are “hot spots” in the day when anger more easily rises to the surface. These are typically times when family members are tired, hungry or stressed. These emotions leave us more vulnerable to anger. This can happen in the early morning, before naptime, before meals, or at bedtime. You may also encounter situations when misbehavior increases, and so does your anger: grocery shopping, playdates, or family visits, for example.

Set a plan
Determine if there are things you can do differently to ward off some of the issues that spark your anger. For example, if the morning rush brings stress, you can prepare things the night before: set out clothing, pack lunches, collect shoes. Then create a “morning poster” that outlines the daily routine step-by-step.

If you find that tempers are shorter in the hour before dinner, set out healthy appetizers, enlist the kids’ help in preparing dinner, get the kids involved in a craft activity, or plan an earlier meal time.

Doing things the way you’ve always done them and expecting different results only leaves you frustrated and angry. Instead, identify your anger triggers and take action to change things for the better.

Learn something new
Once you’ve identified a problem, consider several options for solving it. Jot down possible alternatives on paper, or talk it over with another adult. Read through a few parenting books and check the indexes for your topic. Visit an online parenting chat group or posting board. There’s no reason for you to make decisions in a vacuum – I guarantee that the problems you are dealing with are common and there are lots of sources for solutions.

Be flexible
Anger is not something that can be dealt with once and then will go away. Your children grow and change, and new issues appear. From time to time take a fresh look at the issues that create negative emotions in your family and take action to change things for the better.

Let love help
And, finally, at times of anger, hold on to the feeling of love that is the foundation of your relationship with your child. Take time every day to bask in the joy of being a parent. Take time to play, talk and listen. Hug, kiss and cuddle your child often. When you build up this foundation of positive love and emotions you will find yourself less likely to experience intense anger.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

End the Dawdling

admin — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:47:55 +0000

by Elizabeth Pantley author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007)

Does your child move at an excruciatingly slow pace? Do you find it frustrating when you need to get somewhere and you’re rushing about – yet you have to keep prodding him along? Children live according to a much slower clock than we adults do. They don’t give a moment’s thought to what they might be doing next. They prefer to enjoy each moment for what it is. They pause as they watch the cat sleep, examine the color patterns in the carpet, and ponder the reasons for having toes. If you think about it, it’s a shame that we can’t all live on “kid-time.” But since we can’t, here are a few tips to keep things moving along.

Give specific step-by-step directions.
Make incremental requests that your child can easily follow. Give your child one or two tasks at a time, and when complete, assign the next. “Please put your puzzle in the box and go to the bathroom.”

Make a list.
Write down the sequence of tasks to be completed and give the list to your child with a pencil to cross things off as they’re done.

Give an incentive to finish.
Encourage your child to finish the task with a “When/Then” statement, such as, “When you get in the car, then you can have your crackers.”

Analyze your own daily schedule.
Determine if you are trying to do too much. If you are, see if you can make some changes. Start focusing on the priorities in your life, eliminate some of the unnecessary time-wasters, and slow yourself down a little bit.

Check your child’s nap and sleep schedules.
Children who aren’t getting a proper amount of sleep will lack energy and tend to move slowly and dawdle.

Don’t rush your child with the words, “Come on!” or “Hurry up!”
These requests tend to frustrate children and then they rush to the point of taking extra time to make up for the mistakes that happen when they move too fast.

Don’t reinforce the pattern.
Children often dawdle out of habit. A parent will announce, “Time to go” and then be distracted by a phone call or a household task (so then it really isn’t time to go.) Children come to expect that you’ll repeat yourself numerous times before they have to respond. Practice this: think before you speak, make a very specific request, and then follow through.

Don’t expect speed.
Allow a reasonable amount of time for your child to meet your request. Watch your child to learn his pace. Just because you are in a hurry doesn’t mean your child will move any faster than his usual speed.

Avoid miscommunication.
Make clear, specific statements that don’t leave room for misunderstanding. As an example, instead of the vague statement, “Get ready to go,” clarify by saying, “Right now, would you please put on your shoes and your coat, and get in the car.”

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

When Parents Disagree

admin — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:53:13 +0000

by Patty Hone

Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting would be easier if you didn’t have to make family decisions? Having a partner that is not in agreement with your parenting ideas or discipline approaches is more than just frustrating. It can be a cause of division in even the best of relationships. Furthermore, how you handle your disagreements will have a direct impact on your relationship with your partner and with your children.

It would be great if every couple agreed on everything but that is an unlikely event. One partner may have been raised in a relaxed environment; another may have been raised in a very strict home. What is acceptable by one partner may be appalling to another. It is important to discuss with your partner what your parenting objectives are. Decide what values are important to both of you. You will find that some things are more important to you than to your partner and vice versa. Here are some steps you can do to work towards resolving parenting disagreements.

Discuss your parenting objectives. What is important to both of you? Sit down with your partner and decide what values are most important. Also what areas are not as important?
Talk about where your children are developmentally and what they are capable of understanding. Sometimes the reasons for parenting disputes are because one partner thinks that a child is capable of understanding something and the other disagrees. Knowing what your child’s cognitive level is will help you to make better decisions. Do not compare your child to other children. You can use examples based on what they are capable of doing and not doing. For instance, if you ask them to get something out of their toy box, do they understand and go get it? If not expecting your child to be able to understand certain things may be unreasonable.
Find out what both of your parenting strengths and weaknesses are. Many times both parents want the same things for their kids. Compliment your partner on his/her strengths. Don’t just point out your partner’s flaws.
The majority of parenting disagreements are over discipline methods and when it is appropriate to discipline. One parent may think that spanking is the best method and the other may prefer time outs or something else. One of the most effective ways to resolve this issue is to talk about it. Find out the reasons why your partner feels the way he/she does. There are pros and cons to every form of parenting. Talk about why your partner thinks his/her discipline style is the better method. Sometimes talking about it will help you to see each other’s point of view.
If the discussion gets heated, agree to disagree. Fighting about how to parent is only going to make the situation worse. Walk away, take a break and discuss it when you are not angry.
Plan ahead. Discuss problem situations you are having with your children. For instance, if you are having a problem with your child having temper tantrums, discuss how you think this should be handled. If you have a plan in action, it will be easier for both of you to follow each other’s wishes.
Pick your battles. Some things you may never agree on. You don’t have to agree on everything. Find the issues that are most important to you and work on resolving those first.
Do not argue about parenting in front of your children. This is easier said than done. The best way to handle a situation you don’t agree with is not to interrupt but to wait till later and then discuss how you think it could have been handled differently.
Work on role modeling communication. If your children see that you communicate and problem solve together, they will grow up to do the same. Children often repeat patterns of their own parents. Look at your relationship and evaluate how you communicate. Is this the way you would like your children to communicate with their future partner?
Parenting and relationships are a growing process. The more you communicate the better parent/partner you will be. Learn from each other and listen to each other. Build on your parenting strengths and tackle your parenting weaknesses a little at a time. It won’t happen over night but if you continue to discuss things with your partner calmly and positively you will become better parenting partners.

About The Author
Patty Hone is a wife and mommy to three kids. She is also the owner of Justmommies.com. Justmommies is an online community for mommies to make friends and find support. Please visit Justmommies at http://www.justmommies.com. email@justmommies.com

Toddlers?…No problem!

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 19:06:55 +0000

by Kristyna CullenKids don’t come with a handbook; I keep trying to tell myself that. As a mother of three babies under the age of three, it is becoming a daily thought for me. My daughter Rielly has just turned three and has approached the age of defiance and independence. Her younger brother Jamieson, 19 months, struggles to keep up with her, but is very much in harmony with his younger brother Connor, 5 months. With every day that passes I find myself questioning more and more about what I am doing, and what the residual outcome on their personalities will be.

Coming from a large family of seven, resulting in a plethora of nieces and nephews (10 to be exact!), I find that instead of being more secure in my own parenting skills, I am more apprehensive than I ever expected myself to be. Today’s parents are bombarded with so much information about what to do or not to do. Do I discipline with a smack or with words, or a combination of both? Just how long do I let her cry at night, as the wallpaper comes peeling off with every scream, and the door jam buckles with every kick? The girl has got stamina and those nightly delay tactics can last for hours! And do I make her sit at the table until all the food on her plate is gone?

If I was to ask my mother any of these questions, her answers are my own experiences. I lived through them and I remember everything! My mother was no tyrant, but she did keep us all in line and I am so very thankful for that, but I often wonder how did she get us to behave? I have asked my mother that very question, and she had the reply “I just did what I needed to do.” We weren’t always in trouble, we just somehow “knew better”. She also said that one day I would find out for myself. So far, I have no clue.

I don’t necessarily agree with every rule my mother had, but some how she made it all work. I have tried different types of discipline techniques for my daughter, from bribery, to the time out chair, to just putting her in her room to scream it out and fall asleep. The problem is… she is just like me. I find that I am fighting with myself. I often have to give my head a shake and remember that she is three and there is no reasoning with a three-year-old.

I just hope that as time goes by, she remembers that I am her mother, I made her, and she is part of me, she can’t kid a kidder! I hope she knows that no mater how “mean” I appear to be, I will always love her and always be her friend. I am worried though, that she may outsmart me one day, that is a day I dread. I am making such an effort to remember every thought I ever had as a teenager, no matter how painful, distorted or unrealistic, in the hopes that it will help me with the challenges that lie ahead with my precious daughter when she gets to those dreaded teenage years.

There is so much those parenting books don’t tell you about the real parenting experience. Such as what it feels like to teach your children to fall asleep on their own. And about how, in order for them to learn for themselves, you have to sit back and watch your children make mistakes, with the hopes that they will see the truth behind your advice. The books make it seem like it is a difficult journey the children must endure.

What they don’t tell you, is that the hardest part of it all is how we, as parents, must hold back and refrain from acting on those God-given impulses that make us the parents we are. We mustn’t go running in the room when our child yells bloody murder to get out at bedtime. We must remember that our children won’t starve themselves, so it is ok to leave food on their plate and for them not eat if they choose not to, in order to develop healthy views on mealtime.

We must watch our daughters fall for that boy that we know is no good for her, only to watch her heart get broken. But as long as we are there to help them pick up the pieces later, and to, God forbid, encourage more growth and maturity, than I guess all our painful actions (or lack there of) will not go unrewarded.

I do often doubt my parenting skills when I listen to the nonchalant ramblings of others about parent dos and don’ts. But as look at my precious babies today, as I uncurl Jamieson’s fingers from his sisters hair, jiggle Connor on my knee wildly, and offer more stickers to Rielly for successful trips to the bathroom, I wouldn’t have my family any other way. Except maybe a little quieter…nah, I like the squeals!

About the Author
My name is Kristyna Cullen and I have been married for 9 years. After five years of trying to get pregnant and sustain the pregnancy (after two over 12 week old miscarriages with D&C’s, and oral progesterone) I finally delivered my first child, a baby girl Rielly, in 2001. A difficult pregnancy and even more difficult delivery, complicated by gestational diabetes, and low hormone levels. But following the same protocol, I successfully had two more baby boys, Jamieson 2002, and Connor 2003. I have returned to work full time as a cytotechnologist at a medical laboratory in Mississauga and share daycare with my husband, who also works full time as a transit operator. I live in Brampton, where my daughter has just begun JR kindergarten. I happily take refuge in my newly purchased first home with all of my wonderful children and their just as stressed, father…my husband Gerry. We have two birds, four koi, three goldfish, two hermit crabs and a hamster…and a partridge in a pear tree!

22 Discipline Ideas that Really Work

admin — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:44:37 +0000

by Armin Brott

At one time or another, all parents struggle with discipline—establishing and enforcing limits, and getting their kids to speak to them respectfully and do what they’re supposed to do. But remember: discipline isn’t only about correction.

It’s also about teaching kids to control themselves and care about others so they can grow up to be productive members of society. Here are some approaches you can use to help your kids to do just that:

Be firm. Set reasonable limits, explain them, and enforce them.
Be consistent. Your child will learn to adapt to inconsistencies between you and your partner: if you allow jumping on the bed but she doesn’t, for example, the child will do it when he’s with you and won’t when he’s with your partner. However, if you allow jumping one day and prohibit it the next, you’ll only confuse your child and undermine your attempts to get him to listen when you ask him to do something.
Compromise. Kids can’t always tell the difference between big and little issues. So give in on a few small things once in a while (an extra piece of birthday cake at the end of a long day might avoid a tantrum). That will give the child a feeling of control and will make it easier for him to go along with the program on the bigger issues (holding hands while crossing the street, for example).
Be assertive and specific. “Stop throwing your food now” is much better than “cut that out!”
Give choices. Kathryn Kvols, author of Redirecting Children’s Behavior, suggests, for example, that if your child is yanking all the books off a shelf in the living room, you say, “Would you like to stop knocking the books off the shelf or would you like to go to your room?” If he ignores you, gently but firmly lead the child to his room and tell him he can come back into the living room when he’s ready to listen to you.
Cut down on the warnings. If the child knows the rules (at this age, all you have to do is ask), impose the promised consequences immediately. If you make a habit of giving six preliminary warnings and three “last” warnings before doing anything, your child will learn to start responding only the eighth or ninth time you ask.
Link consequences directly to the problem behavior. And don’t forget–clearly and simply–to explain what you’re doing and why: “I’m taking away your hammer because you hit me,” or “I asked you not to take that egg out of the fridge and you didn’t listen to me. Now you’ll have to help me clean it up.”
No banking. If you’re imposing punishments or consequences, do it immediately. You can’t punish a child at the end of the day for something (or a bunch of things) he did earlier–he won’t associate the undesirable action and its consequence.
Keep it short. Once the punishment is over (and whatever it is it shouldn’t last any more than a minute per year of age), get back to your life. There’s no need to review, summarize, or make sure the child got the point.
Stay calm. Screaming, ranting, or raving can easily cross the line into verbal abuse that can do long-term damage to your child’s self-esteem.
Get down to your child’s level. When your talking to your child—especially to criticize–kneel or sit. You’ll still be big enough that he’ll know who the boss is.
Don’t lecture. Instead, ask questions to engage the child in a discussion of the problematic behavior: “Is smoking cigars okay for kids or not?” “Do you like it when someone pushes you down in the park?”
Criticize the behavior, not the child. Even such seemingly innocuous comments as “I’ve told you a thousand times…” or “Every single time you…” gives the child the message that he’s doomed to disappointing you no matter what he does.
Reinforce positive behavior. We spend so much time criticizing negatives and not enough time complimenting the positives. Heartfelt comments like “I’m so proud of you when I see you cleaning up your toys,” go a long way.
Play games. “Let’s see who can put the most toys away” and “I bet I can put my shoes on before you can” are big favorites. But be sure not to put away more toys or to put your shoes on first–kids under five have a tough time losing.
Avoid tantrums. Learn to recognize the things that trigger your child’s tantrums. The most common include exhaustion, overstimulation, hunger, and illness. Keeping those factors to a minimum will go a long way toward reducing tantrums.
No spanking. It’s bad for the kids and bad for you. Children who get spanked are more likely to suffer from poor self-esteem and depression. They’re also more likely to believe that it’s okay to hit other people when they’re mad. After all, you do.
No shaking. It may seem like a less violent way of expressing your frustrations than spanking, but it really isn’t. Shaking your baby can make his little brain rattle around inside his skull, possibly resulting in brain damage.
No bribes. It’s tempting to pay a child off to get him to do or not do something. But the risk–and it’s a big one–is that he will demand some kind of payment before complying with just about anything.
Be a grown-up. Biting your child or pulling his hair to demonstrate that biting or hitting is wrong or doesn’t feel good will backfire. Guaranteed.
Offer cheese with that whine. Tell your child that you simply don’t respond to whining and that you won’t give him what he wants until he asks in a nice way–and stick with it.
Set a good example. If your child sees you and your partner arguing without violence, he’ll learn to do the same. If he sees you flouting authority by running red lights, he’ll do the same.

Above all, make sure you understand your child. Trying to discipline him without understanding why he’s doing what he’s doing is a little like taking cough syrup for emphysema: the thing that’s bugging you goes away for a while, but the underlying problem remains–and keeps getting worse with time. The most direct way to solve this is to simply ask your child what’s going on and why he’s acting the way he is–in many case he’ll tell you. If he won’t tell you or doesn’t have the vocabulary to do so, make an educated guess (”Are you writing on the walls because you want me to spend more time with you?”).

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

More Than a Grandparent: When You Are a Guardian

admin — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 16:34:53 +0000

Are you a grandparent who has recently taken on more than a traditional grandparent role? If you have, you may be your grandchild’s guardian. No matter what the reason for your son or daughter being unable to care for their own child, it is now your responsibility to provide the love, support, and care of two people.

One of the biggest problems that guardian grandparents face is the uncertainty. After all, it is likely that some time has passed since you raised a child, especially an infant or a newborn. One of the best ways to go about successfully raising a grandchild, while keeping your head on straight, is by developing a plan. Having a plan in place for just about every situation imaginable will be able to provide you with much needed assistance and guidance.

If you are the guardian for your newborn or infant grandchild, it is important to re-familiarize yourself with the needs of this age group. For starters, you will want to focus on the proper medical care. Newborns and infants are often required to see their physicians on a monthly or bimonthly basis to undergo regular checkups and to receive all needed vaccinations. It will be your responsibility, as the grandparent guardian, to ensure that proper medical attention is sought. Before doing so, depending on your situation, you may need to make arrangements for health care payments, insurance, or other medical coverage.

Another one of the many plans that you will want to have in place, as a grandparent guardian, involves childcare. If you are caring for a newborn, infant, or toddler, you will need to make daily arrangements for them, especially if you are employed. Even if you intend to be a stay-at-home guardian or if your grandchild is school aged, you will still want to have a childcare plan in place. Every parent, even grandparent guardians, need to have breaks every now and then. Examining your options, in terms of childcare providers or other family members who would be willing to step up to the plate, can help to calm your nerves, should you ever have to leave your grandchild alone.

The above mentioned plans are just a few of the many that you will want to have in place, when taking on the role of a grandparent guardian. An additional step that you will want to take includes creating a budget for yourself. Raising a child will likely result in changes to your finances, but, if properly handled, this arrangement is one that should work successfully.

Disciplining Your Grandchildren

admin — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 16:30:40 +0000

Are you a grandparent? If you are and if you have a constant presence in the lives of your grandchildren, there may come a point in time when you have to discipline them. Unfortunately, with good reason, discipline is an area that many grandparents fear to enter. Many grandparents are concerned with how discipline will impact their relationships with their children and grandchildren.

When it comes to disciplining grandchildren, there are many grandparents who wonder when they should take action, as well as what action should be taken. In all honesty, you will find that it depends on a number of different factors. One of the many factors that you will want to take into consideration is the age of your grandchildren. For instance, newborns, infants, and toddlers are often unable to control their actions or comprehend the consequences of those actions, as opposed to school-aged children.

Before disciplining your grandchildren, it is important that you take a close look at the situation at hand. Was it an accident? For example, did your grandchild break a picture frame? If so, were they previously warned of the dangers of doing so or was it truly an accident? In instances that can be deemed accidents, such as spilled drinks or food, you should have a discussion with your grandchild on the importance of being careful, but you may want to avoid disciplining them. There are a number of downsides and dangers to disciplining young children for accidents or situations that were out of their control.

With that in mind, some situations will call for discipline. For example, did you tell your grandchild not to throw a ball inside, but they did so anyways? Situations like these will require action on your part. As your grandchildren increase in age, discipline is important, otherwise, you may find yourself being taken advantage of. One question that many grandparents have is what type of discipline is appropriate. For starters, you should never resort to physical violence or verbal abuse. For toddlers, preschoolers, and school-aged children, time outs, as well as the taking away of privileges are often successful forms of discipline.

As a reminder, if you maintain a constant presence in the lives of your grandchildren, there will likely come a time when you have to discipline them. Before that time comes, you may want to seek advice from your son or daughter, as many parents have strict views, beliefs, and policies that you will want to attempt to adhere to.

Grandparents: A Guide to the Uh-Oh’s

admin — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 16:08:47 +0000

Are you a grandparent? If you are, you should be prepared to hear the phrase “uh-oh,” on more than one occasion. Although uh-oh’s are often accidents, you may find yourself frustrated. For ideal ways to handle the uh-oh’s, especially with infants and toddlers, you will want to continue reading on.

As previously stated, grandparents will hear an uh-oh or two on more than one occasion. One of those occasions is when something is broken. Your two first impulses may be to feel anger, as well as relief. After all, the item broken may be a prized possession of yours. With that in mind, you may also feel relief, as broken items, especially glass, pose injury risks. Depending on the age of your grandchild, you may want to have them assist you with the cleanup process, even if they simply hold the dustpan. Helping to clean up an uh-oh mess will help your grandchild understand cause, effect, and consequences.

Another one of the many instances in which you may hear an uh-oh or two is with spilt food and drinks. No matter what mess is created, it is important to remember that newborns, infants, and toddlers will have difficulty controlling their food, especially when first learning to feed themselves. You can take steps to help your grandchild eat and drink the proper way, although discipline isn’t always advised. When an uh-oh occurs, it may be best to simply clean up the mess, give your grandchild a bath, and a new change of clothes.

Although the uh-oh’s are a normal part of childhood, is it important to remember that you, as a grandparent, can take steps to reduce the number of uh-oh’s you hear. Many uh-oh instances are preventable ones. For example, be sure to remove all breakable items, including glass, from your home, and so forth. Taking steps to reduce or completely eliminate accidents in your home will not only help to calm your nerves, but it will also help to keep your grandchild happy, safe, and healthy.

As a reminder, hearing uh-oh can result in anger and frustration. No matter how much you love your grandchild, these feelings are normal, especially as first impulses. Should you experience these emotions, it is important to take a step back and reexamine the situation. As a grandparent, it is important to remember that accidents do happen. Newborns, infants, and toddlers often have a difficult time controlling their actions; therefore, your role as a grandparent should involve offering support and encouragement, no matter what the uh-oh.