Discipline is a very complicated and complex matter. We want to enjoy our children, we don’t want to stress about the little things, and we want to be forgiving to our children and our selves. However – there are many, many things we must get our children to do, or stop them from doing – all day, every day. There are lots of daily tasks that must be completed. Add to that the fact that children don’t always listen, they don’t always do the things we want them to do, and they have a limited amount of knowledge and emotional control. Keeping all this in mind, I believe that there are four distinct parts to the purpose and goal of discipline:

1 – To correct immediate behavior.

2 – To teach a lesson.

3 – To give tools that build self-discipline and emotional control.

4 – To build the parent/child relationship.

Let’s examine how this applies to a few typical situations so that you can begin to understand how these four purposes colors almost every discipline situation with your child.

Situation:
Your child is having a temper tantrum in a store because you won’t buy a new toy.

1 – Correct immediate behavior

Take your child to a restroom or unpopulated corner of the store. Wait for your child to stop the tantrum.

2 – Teach a lesson

You can’t have everything you want. You need to express your emotions appropriately.

3 – Give tools to build self discipline and emotional control

Help child write a list of toys that she wants, but can’t have right now.

4 – Build the relationship

Demonstrate leadership, understanding and patience.

Situation:
Your two children are squabbling over a toy.

1 – Correct immediate behavior

Put the toy on the counter while you get your children to stop tussling and pay attention to you.

2 – Teach a lesson

Children need to learn how to share toys and take turns.

3 – Give tools to build self discipline and emotional control

Help children by setting a timer so each can have a five minute turn with it. Show them how to do this in the future without your help.

4 – Build the relationship

Show them how to play together and how to settle disputes. Show them that they can look to you for help in handling problems.

Situation:
Your child is upset with a playmate and bites her on the arm.

1 – Correct immediate behavior

Separate the children. Provide attention and care to the child who was bitten.

2 – Teach a lesson

Get down to your child’s level, put your hands on her shoulders, look her in the eye and tell her, “Biting hurts. We don’t bite. Give Emmy a hug now. That will make her feel better.”

3 – Give tools to build self discipline and emotional control

Give your child a few hints on how she should handle her frustration next time; “If you want a toy, you can ask nicely for it or you can come to Mommy for help.”

4 – Build your relationship

Show your child that you are on her side even when she makes mistakes. Demonstrate that she can count on you to teach her how to handle strong emotions.

Discipline is not a one-time maneuver
You say you’ve tried to get your little one to put his toys away, but he never does. You’re after your daughter constantly not to whine, yet that screechy voice continues. You repeatedly attempt to get your two children to share their toys nicely yet it seems that daily you’re refereeing an argument over toys. No matter what you do, the same issues keep coming up over and over again.

Think about something that you do, or don’t do – that you know you should do differently. Perhaps it’s exercising or eating healthily. Maybe it’s keeping your desk organized or your closet clean. In all of these examples it’s likely that you struggle to always do the right thing, even when you know what the right thing is. So, if you, the mature adult, still don’t do everything the right way how could you possibly expect such a feat from your young child?

Discipline means to teach – and it is a very rare lesson that can be learned in one simple session. Furthermore, young children cannot easily apply what they’ve learned in one situation to another. So even minor variations create entirely new scenarios – for example, learning to share toys with a sibling at home isn’t easily transposed to the situation of sharing playground equipment with a friend at the park.

What this all means is that you must teach the same, or similar, lessons over and over and over and over again in many different ways until, perhaps, your child will master the idea and claim it as his own. Even then, just because a child knows what is right doesn’t mean he will always do the right thing. (Do you always drive the posted speed limit?) Our job as parents is to help our children learn right from wrong, and how to make the right decisions in life. It is to guide and teach our children, every day, in many ways.

Discipline means teaching, and as such, it can encompass almost every interaction you have with your child. When you are thoughtful about your role as a parent, and when you keep your eye on your long-term goals and use carefully planned parenting skills, then your essential parenting attitudes will be properly aligned and your job as a parent will be more fulfilling and rewarding.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

Most people can understand how physical activity can impact not only their child’s physical development but also his social/emotional development. But intellectual development? What could movement possibly have to do with learning? After all, schools – where most of the child’s learning is supposed to take place – are our prime promoters of inactivity. (“Sit still.” “Stop squirming.” “Don’t run.” “Stay in your seat.”) If movement were critical to learning, wouldn’t the schools be employing it?

Certainly, you’d think so. Those of us who’ve understood the connection between moving and learning for a very long time have been waiting just as long for the educational “revolution.” And yet, not only is movement in the classroom a rarity, but also physical education and recess are being eliminated as though they were completely irrelevant to children’s growth and development. Perhaps the revolution will only finally arrive when you, as a parent, become aware of movement’s role in cognitive development and learning and begin to insist the schools do what’s right for children and not merely what the policy makers think they should be doing.

As Einstein so succinctly pointed out, “Learning is experience. Everything else is just information.” Piaget, the noted child development specialist studied by future teachers, labeled this learning sensorimotor and determined it was the child’s earliest form of learning. Since then, brain research has proven them both right.

But the most recent brain research has done much more than that. It’s now understood that, because a child’s earliest learning is based on motor development, so too is much of the knowledge that follows. The cerebellum, the part of the brain previously associated with motor control only, is now known to be, as Eric Jensen, author of numerous books on brain-based learning, puts it, a “virtual switchboard of cognitive activity.” Study after study has demonstrated a connection between the cerebellum and such cognitive functions as memory, spatial orientation, attention, language, and decision making, among others.

Thanks to advances in brain research, we now know that most of the brain is activated during physical activity – much more so than when doing seatwork. In fact, according to Jensen, sitting for more than 10 minutes at a stretch “reduces our awareness of physical and emotional sensations and increases fatigue.” He tells us this results in reduced concentration and, most likely, discipline problems.

Movement, on the other hand, increases blood vessels that allow for the delivery of oxygen, water, and glucose (“brain food”) to the brain. And this can’t help but optimize the brain’s performance!

All of this, of course, contradicts the longstanding and much-loved belief that children learn best when they’re sitting still and listening and working quietly at their desks. It also helps us understand why

• one Canadian study showed academic scores went up when a third of the school day was devoted to physical education. 
• Canadian study demonstrated children participating in five hours of vigorous physical activity a week had stronger academic performance in math, English, natural sciences, and French than did children with only two hours of physical activity per week. 
• study of third-grade children participating in dance activities improved their reading skills by 13 percent over six months, while their peers, who were sedentary, showed a decrease of two percent. 
• in France, children who spent eight hours a week in physical education demonstrated better academic performance, greater independence, and more maturity than students with only 40 minutes of PE a week. 
• children who participate in daily physical education have been shown to perform better academically and to have a better attitude toward school. 
• a study conducted by neurophysiologist Carla Hannaford determined that children who spent an extra hour a day exercising did better on exams than students who didn’t exercise. 
• recent research demonstrates a direct link between fitness and intelligence, particularly in children under 16 and in the elderly.

It is a huge mistake to think the mind and body are separate entities. The truth is that the domains of child development – physical, social, emotional, and cognitive – simply do not mature separately from one another. There’s an overlap and interrelatedness among them. And children do not differentiate among thinking, feeling, and moving. Thus, when a child learns something related to one domain, it impacts the others.

Research shows that movement is the young child’s preferred mode of learning – because they best understand concepts when they’re physically experienced. For example, children need to get high and low, small and large, wide and narrow shapes to truly understand these quantitative concepts. They need to act out simple computation problems (demonstrating the nursery rhyme “Three Little Monkeys” to discover three minus one equals two) to comprehend subtraction. They have to take on the straight and curving lines of the letters of the alphabet to fully grasp the way in which the letters should be printed.

Writing in Early Childhood Exchange, developmental and environmental psychologist Anita Rui Olds says: Until children have experiences orienting their bodies in space by going up, on, under, beside, inside, and in front of things, it is possible they will have difficulty dealing with letter identification and the orientation of symbols on a page. The only difference between a small “b” and a small “d,” for example, both of which are composed of a line and a circle, depends upon orientation, i.e., which side of the circle is the line on?

Eric Jensen labels this kind of hands-on learning implicit – like learning to ride a bike. At the opposite end of the spectrum is explicit learning – like being told the capital of Peru. He asks, if you hadn’t ridden a bike in five years, would you still be able to do it? And if you hadn’t heard the capital of Peru for five years, would you still remember what it was? Extrinsic learning may be quicker than learning through exploration and discovery, but the latter has greater meaning for children and stays with them longer. There are plenty of reasons for this, but one of them just may be that intrinsic learning creates more neural networks in the brain. And it’s more fun!

Carla Hannaford, in Smart Moves: Why Learning Is Not All in Your Head, states, “We have spent years and resources struggling to teach people to learn, and yet the standardized achievement test scores go down and illiteracy rises. Could it be that one of the key elements we’ve been missing is simply movement?”

About the Author
Rae Pica is a children’s movement specialist and the author of Your Active Child: How to Boost Physical, Emotional, and Cognitive Development through Age-Appropriate Activity (McGraw-Hill, 2003). Rae speaks to parent and education groups throughout North America. Visit her at www.movingandlearning.com.

Giving that special someone a special gift can be very difficult. Depending on the situation and occasion, it can be a very tricky thing. You want to do the right thing, but if you’re not careful, it can backfire. As many have found out, you need to give this some considerable thought.

But everyone wants to give the “right” gift. What makes up a great gift?

In my experience, a great gift:

• Is truly unique, personal and creative;
• Demonstrates to the recipient the thoughtfulness and caring that went into securing the gift;
• Evokes emotions from the recipient whenever it is used, seen or thought about; and
• Makes the recipient truly feel special.

A great gift doesn’t necessarily have to cost hundreds or thousands of dollars to be great. But also understand that getting a gift that is cheap can show how much “you don’t care.” Before you start to shop and buy, also consider the following:

1. Who is the recipient? Is it your spouse, significant other, sibling, parents, relative, close friends, neighbor or business associate?
2. Next, what is the occasion? Holiday, birthday, anniversary, graduation, wedding, engagement, promotion, a “just because” occasion, or “I-need-to-get-out-of- the-doghouse-occasion?”
3. Be yourself. The gift is from you, so make sure it shows it. But be appropriate, and be sure the gift is something that the recipient will relate to and enjoy.
4. Try to avoid excessiveness. Simple gifts tend to also be very well received.
5. Don’t wait until the last minute. It only gives you too little time to get a great gift, and also shows how much you don’t care.

Being creative is a fantastic way to ensure getting the right gift. People love it when it’s obvious their gift required some imagination and creativity. So as you’re going through the “what do I get them” process, remember that a little bit of creativity, uniqueness and personalization will go a long, long way!

The true measure of a great gift will be seen in the eyes of the recipient when they get it. You’ll know it, you’ll feel it, and you’ll feel great yourself when you’ve given the “Great Gift”!

About The Author
Van Day is a renowned pianist and musician, and creator of “Piano Music 4 You.com .” “Piano Music 4 You” specializes in creating personalized, custom and unique CDs of piano music, created especially for each customer and all occasions. He can be reached at vanday@pianomusic4you.com. www.pianomusic4you.com.

• No two baby brains are alike and there is no such a thing as a set of right answers for enhancing the baby’s intelligence. Be aware of the baby’s interests and motivation and help s/he to act upon the objects.
• The observation of the baby’s brain still difficult to do and it is not yet available to use in real-life situations. So, to know what is happening inside you baby brain we would need to use different kinds of computerized or caps of electrodes to display its structure. So… what we have left in order to enhance the baby’s intelligence? – A combination of behavioral observation and good educational research to help us to get every act we experience with our babies right! This we can perform!
• Don’t be afraid! Mix your personal experience, research results, and observe educational practices, and you will not have a chance to do it wrong with your baby!
• Remember that your baby is always constructing his knowledge of the world, and the more s/he uses his/her body to leave, the better s/he shapes the power of his/her neural connections. The more s/he uses his/her functions, s/he access a dynamic process where his/her neurons communicate through electrical and chemical signaling, leading to creation of complex physical connections, that are all together what will become the structures of the brain. Remember – “Use it and you will have it!” This -phrase works for the babies, the ones who have the brain quality to shape itself every other minute in life!
• So, how to get every act we experience with the baby right? How to increase the baby’s neural connection, increasing the Baby brain development?
• Give them good nutrition – yes, we all already know it is important!
• Pay attention to their rest – we all know babies need sleeping schedules! But, do not impose it to the baby. It’s hers/his own necessity that counts;
• Care for their emotional stability! – This is a factor that makes all the difference. Care for it!
• Promote them time to play! – Playing for the baby brain equals exercise and the experimentation of the relationships of movements, space and body. The baby needs to feel the world by going around places, seeing things, sensing spaces, listening and understanding sounds.
• Promote time to read – I am not talking about reading to the baby. I am talking about time for them to read! Giving the baby the opportunity to be exposed and to using symbols and signs that represents the culture and the thoughts that maintains the culture, are the most valuable experience for him/her. And it is right to learn to read! Even if the culture yet do not accept it!
• But take time! Wait for the baby’s own rhythmic development to have enough time to do their own mental growing. The baby will do the magic! How? Observe the baby’s inner motivation, and go with him towards his/her own interests. Time to learn all about cats? Dogs? Flowers? Family members? Girls? Boys? Toys? Give them all the time they to play and learn about them! Give them all the information they are affected to, attended to, interested in. Give them the opportunity to be observing, exploring the surroundings.
• Let him/her repeat what s/he is doing, how many times s/he needs to.
• Make games to promote problem solving (Ex: Where are we going? What color is the cat?… Keep talking to the baby all the time you can!…)
• Motivate with different colors; when talking to the baby add adjectives to objects, nouns and subjects. (Ex: Book?…Red book. Shirt? White shirt, etc…)

• Brains respond to novelties better than to anything else. So, show the baby the uniqueness of everyday life. Show colors, forms, temperature, animals, fits, cars, words in public places, people of different ages, birds, and wild animals, etc…

All these activities will aid in healthy Baby brain development!

About this Author:
Dr. Eliane Leao is a native of Brazil, South America. She has a background in Education from Purdue University (Masters) and a PhD in the Dept of Educational Psychology from the State University of Campinas (UNICAMP)/Purdue University (Ph.D.). Visit our website for Free Articles and a Free Ebook on the subject of Babies and Reading at www.baby-can-read.com.