I have to admit I am afraid to go to the dentist and for legitimate reasons. It hurts! It even hurts to keep my mouth open- aches all over my jaw, neck, and head. I am learning that to hesitate out of fear is more pain.

How about kids? I was sent to a mean dentist when I was a child- what’s worse is I was left alone. When my friend takes her kids, she supervises and makes sure she knows what’s happening and how her kids are. Her family dentist is kind.

The pediatric dentist has a few tasks. Her first task is to assure the children who may be afraid- what child wants to let you into their mouth. Who would. Once rapport is established the Dentist must do whatever necessary dental work. A simple teeth cleaning or x-rays is not too complicated, but what about a filling or tooth pulling- scary!

The best way to help children with their fears, parents and dentists, is to give them a toy that they can familiarize themselves with the process they fear and that they can manipulate.

There is a new, fun and creative way for dentist to help children (and adults) overcome their fear of dental visits while teaching dental hygiene. They also get to manipulate the toy by molding the teeth and playing dentist with toy dental instruments. Finally there is a doctor’s kit where children can play dentist! The toy is called “Monkey Mouth”

Every dentist and family should have one. What a great gift for your family dentist! High quality educational toys for your family and friends.

About the Author
Candice Silsby has an extensive background in Early Childhood Education and Human Dev elopement. She have six years experience working with young children as a pre-school teacher and caregiver for children under 3. She worked with special ed children for two years. She has eight years experience as a child entertainer and currently has her own business doing puppet shows for children. She is a Discovery Toys Educational Consultant because the toys are educational and developmentally appropriate. These toys meet the high scrutiny of her Developmental Education background. Discovery Toys improve the quality of life for children and families therefore the world.

Question
My baby is only happy when I’m within arm’s reach. If I dare to leave the room, she cries as if I’ve left the country! I can’t even so much as take a shower these days, let alone leave the house without her. My mother-in-law says it’s because I’ve spoiled her. Is she right? Have I made her so clingy?

Nothing you’ve done has “made” your baby develop separation anxiety. It’s a perfectly normal and important developmental adaptation. Nearly all children experience separation anxiety between the ages of seven and 18 months. Some have more intense reactions than others, and for some, the stage lasts longer than others, but almost all babies have it to some degree.

The development of separation anxiety demonstrates that your baby has formed a healthy, loving attachment to you. It is a beautiful sign that your baby associates pleasure, comfort, and security with your presence. It also indicates that your baby is developing intellectually (in other words, she’s smart!) She has learned that she can have an effect on her world when she makes her needs known, and she doesn’t have to passively accept a situation that makes her uncomfortable. She doesn’t know enough about the world yet to understand that when you leave her you’ll always come back. She also realizes that she is safest, happiest, and best cared for by you, so her reluctance to part makes perfect sense ¾ especially when viewed from a survival standpoint. Put another way: You are her source of nourishment, both physical and emotional; therefore, her attachment to you is her means of survival, and when she reaches a certain level of intellectual maturity, she realizes this.

This stage, like so many others in childhood, will pass. In time, your baby will learn that she can separate from you, that you will return, and that everything will be okay between those two points in time. Much of this learning is based on trust, which, just as for every human being young or old, takes time to build.

How do I know if my baby has separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is pretty easy to spot, and you’re probably reading this section because you’ve identified it in your baby. The following are behaviors typically demonstrated by a baby with normal separation anxiety:

• Clinginess
• Crying when a parent is out of sight
• Strong preference for only one parent
• Fear of strangers (Also see Stranger anxiety, page XX)
• Waking at night crying for a parent
• Easily comforted in a parent’s embrace

How you can help your baby with separation anxiety

• Allow your baby to be a baby. It’s perfectly okay — even wonderful — for your baby to be so attached to you and for her to desire your constant companionship. Congratulations, Mommy or Daddy: It’s evidence that the bond you’ve worked so hard to create is holding. So politely ignore those who tell you otherwise.
• Don’t worry about spoiling her with your love, since quite the opposite will happen. The more that you meet her attachment needs during babyhood, the more confident and secure she will grow up to be.
• Minimize separations when possible. It’s perfectly acceptable for now ¾ better, in fact ¾ to avoid those situations that would have you separate from your baby. All too soon, your baby will move past this phase and on to the next developmental milestone.
• Give your baby lessons in object permanence. As your baby learns that things continue to exist even when she can’t see them, she’ll feel better about letting you out of her sight. Games like peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek will help her understand this phenomenon.
• Practice with quick, safe separations. Throughout the day, create situations of brief separation. When you go into another room, whistle, sing, or talk to your baby so she knows you’re still there, even though she can’t see you.
• Don’t sneak away when you have to leave her. It may seem easier than dealing with a tearful goodbye, but it will just cause her constant worry that you’re going to disappear without warning at any given moment. The result? Even more clinginess, and diminished trust in your relationship.
• Tell your baby what to expect. If you are going to the store and leaving her at home with Grandma, explain where you are going and tell her when you’ll be back. Eventually, she’ll come to understand your explanations.
• Don’t rush the parting, but don’t prolong it, either. Give your baby ample time to process your leave-taking, but don’t drag it out and make it more painful for both of you.
• Express a positive attitude when leaving her. If you’re off to work, or an evening out, leave with a smile. Your baby will absorb your emotions, so if you’re nervous about leaving her, she’ll be nervous as well. Your confidence will help alleviate her fears.
• Leave your baby with familiar people. If you must leave your baby with a new caregiver, try to arrange a few visits when you’ll all be together before you leave the two of them alone for the first time.
• Invite distractions. If you’re leaving your baby with a caregiver or relative, encourage that person to get your baby involved with playtime as you leave. Say a quick good-bye and let your baby be distracted by an interesting activity.
• Allow your baby the separation that she initiates. If she crawls off to another room, don’t rush after her. Listen and peek, of course, to make sure that she’s safe, but let her know it’s fine for her to go off exploring on her own.
• Encourage her relationship with a special toy, if she seems to have one. These are called transitional objects or lovies. They can be a comfort to her when she’s separated from you. Many babies adopt blankets or soft toys as loveys, holding them to ease any pain of separation. The lovey becomes a friend and represents security in the face of change.

Don’t take it personally. Many babies go through a stage of attaching themselves to one parent or the other. The other parent, as well as grandparents, siblings and friends can find this difficult to accept, but try to reassure them that it’s just a temporary and normal phase of development and with a little time and gentle patience it will pass.Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

As your baby gets bigger and more aware of the world around him, he becomes more attached to his mom and dad, knowing that they are his caretakers, the ones that will clothe him, feed him, and keep him safe. He knows that as long as he is in your arms that no harm will come to him. He understands that as long as you are together then no one can take you away from him, or him from you.

Stranger anxiety is your babies’ first real fear. Not only is it a fear of being taken from you, but it is a fear of you being taken from him. It normally happens around 7-8 months of age, and lasts anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. Generally anyone that the baby see’s on a very regular basis will be immune from the screaming, while people that he doesn’t know, or only see’s on the rare occasion will be met with tears and terrified screaming. There are some things that you can do to make it easier for your baby though.

1. Try not to leave your baby with a complete stranger. If you have to leave your baby with a new sitter then plan on getting to the sitters house at least 20 minutes early. The earlier the better to help your baby get acquainted to his caregiver and help make the transition of you leaving easier.

2. Have get togethers at your house. Instead of going to someone else’s house during the holidays, have family and friends over to your house. That way when your baby needs a time out, away from everyone, they have a familiar place to go to — their own bed.

3. Warn your friends and family ahead of time about this phase. You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by having your baby scream in their face, so let everyone know ahead of time, and also ask them to stay back a bit from your baby when they first come in. Give your baby some time and space to be able to watch everyone around him, before he has to interact with them.

4. Don’t hand off baby immediately. Going along with number three above, hold your baby close to you when you enter a new place and don’t hand him off to anyone unless he acts like he wants to go. Don’t force your baby to be with anyone he doesn’t want to be with.

These are four easy rules to remember to help your baby get through the stranger anxiety period. It is also possible that your baby will react badly at first to you or your partner, if the other one is home with them full time during the day. It is easy for a baby to attach himself to the person there the most, and shut out other people. Don’t take it personal, instead remember that it is just a phase that your baby is going through and like so many other phases, it will pass and your baby will soon be raising his arms and running to you when he sees you enter the room.