by Rexanne Mancini

There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading role in the lives of their children. They are the obvious heroes of child rearing. But what about a father’s role? Just how important are the dads of the world compared to the almighty image of mother? My belief is that fathers play just as important a role as mothers. Different, yes. Possibly not as nurturing, not as all-sacrificing but just as important in the developmental and emotional well being of a child.

Dads are the solid foundation of our lives. They are the shore we swim to when our arms and legs feel increasingly tired. They are the strength we rely on as we take our first tentative steps into the world. Dads can be tender, tough, fragile or powerful but they are probably the most uncomplicated love we will ever know.

For daughters, Daddy is the first man they adore … the first man whose eyes shine with overwhelming amazement when they look at us. He is the first man to fall in love with us.

For sons, Daddy is the idol they first aspire to emulate … their mirror image of what will be and possibly the only man they will ever feel comfortable loving.

Daddy is the first man who held us, as a loving parent, with a lump in his throat so huge, only the joy of that love could erase the overwhelming pain of choking on unexpected raw emotion. I think when a father holds his newborn baby, he is touched by pure vulnerability for the first time in his adult life, leaving him forever humbled by the unexplained miracles of life.

For mothers, the father of our children is the one person we can trust to watch over our babies as closely as we would. We are secure in the knowledge of their love for our precious offspring. Dad is the only other person in the world as fascinated with every nuance and murmur of our babies. He is the one person on the planet with whom we can indulge our need to brag and carry on about our kid’s accomplishments and heartaches ad nauseum … one who will be just as interested and never yawn in the face of our devotion.

Without dads, we wouldn’t be moms. I would like to take the liberty of thanking them from all our hearts for this honor and for being our partners in this business of raising children.

Know how much you are loved and revered, guys! You are our trusted soldiers and we need you more than you will ever realize.

Copyright – 2000-2004- Rexanne Mancini

About The Author
Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com – www.rexanne.com – Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne’s Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html.
rexanne@rexanne.com

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: A close friend of mine wants to have a baby but she has no interest in being in a relationship with a man. I’ve been telling her that her baby will be a lot better off with a father around but she says dads don’t bond with kids and that having a man around the house won’t have any effect on the baby. Who’s right?

Armin answers: You are — although it’s not hard to understand where your friend got her information. Just about every scientific study done on attachment and bonding has focused on mothers and their children. But over the past ten years or so a few researchers have begun taking a look at father-child attachment. What they’re finding isn’t really that much of a surprise. In fact, it’s what just about any man you know would tell you: the father-child bond is just as important as the mother-child bond.

For six-month old babies, for example, the more actively involved the fathers are, the higher the babies score on mental and motor development tests. Babies whose dads do a lot of basic, mundane childcare activities such as feeding, changing diapers, giving baths, and dressing, handle stressful situations better than babies whose dads aren’t as involved. Some researchers have linked high levels of father involvement with higher math scores later on in school and to generally higher than age-level scores on verbal intelligence tests. And active fathering seems to be positively correlated with children’s increased social adjustment and competence, and to higher levels of self esteem.

The bottom line is that children who live with involved, sensitive, and responsible fathers are better off than kids whose don’t. They get along better with their peers, stay in school longer and do better while they’re there, are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol or to get pregnant (or get someone else pregnant) while in their teens, and they grow up to be more caring and sensitive adults.

Women, too, benefit from father involvement. Division of labor issues are the number one marital stressor, and the more support mothers get from their husbands, the less depressed they are, the happier they are in their marriages, and the better they perform their parenting duties. Finally, men themselves benefit from their own increased involvement with their families and children. Involved fathers tend to be more “generative” (giving, nurturing, and helpful), more occupationally mobile, more successful in their careers, and more likely to choose jobs that are people-oriented. In addition, men whose wives are happy in their marriages tend to be happier themselves. And men who are happy in their marriages are generally more involved in their fathering role.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear MrDad: I’m really excited about my wife’s pregnancy and started to go to the doctor’s appointments with her. But the doctor basically ignores me or gives me a silly looking smile. I want to stay involved but I’m getting really angry. Is there anything else I can do?

Armin answers: For some expectant dads, the joys and excitement and anticipation they experience as the pregnancy progresses can be outweighed by the bitterness they feel at the way they’re treated by their partner’s doctors.

Sadly, most men who go to their wife’s OB appointments feel just like you do: as though they’re cute or novel or just annoying. And a big percentage of expectant dads complain that medical professionals—OBs, nurses, ultrasound technicians, and support staff—tend to treat them as though they’re little more than intruders or spectators and the wife is the only one worth dealing with. If they get talked to at all, it’s only to discuss the ways they can support their wives. The fact that the dad-to-be might have some specific and important needs, concerns, questions, worries, or anything of his own else rarely seems to occur to anyone.

Fortunately, this isn’t true of every medical professional. Some OBs will go out of their way to include the dad in the process. They make a special point of looking at him while talking about what’s going on with his wife and baby, they encourage him to ask questions and they answer them thoroughly and respectfully.

But don’t just sit back and expect to be welcomed into what is generally women’s private domain. Make it clear as early as you can that you want to be involved—especially if you have even the slightest suspicion that you’re not being taken seriously. Ask a lot of questions, behave as interested as you possibly can, and make it impossible for them to ignore you. If you still don’t get the respect and attention you deserve tell the doctor point-blank that you want to be included. You may have to do it more than once but eventually he or she will get the point.

About the Author
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.