Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman for the day she delivers her first baby, there are some simple suggestions that should help make this amazing experience a little bit easier.

First of all there are three very honest realities about childbirth that your doctor, mother, grandmother, and maybe even your best friend will probably not tell you.

1. Unless you have an exceptionally carefree attitude about life in general, you will be shocked if and when your water breaks.
2. Unless you have an extraordinary ability to see into the future, you will be scared to death during the first hour or so of labor.
3. Unless you have an extremely high tolerance for pain, you will feel excruciating, seemingly unending waves of pain.

These simple facts come from personal experience and are not intended to instill unnecessary fear. Each woman’s experience is different, so not all details will apply to everyone.

But if you take the time to consider options to prepare yourself for that big day, you may benefit by being as ready as anyone can possibly be for the consequences of childbirth.

Believe this much for sure, you will appreciate almost any helpful hints you can remember when you realize you’re going into labor. Most pregnant people will find the following recommendations valuable for reducing stress for you and your labor partner on the day you deliver your first baby.

1. Pack your bag to take to the hospital at least a month in advance. Nobody can positively predict your exact due date and your baby is actually the person who decides when your delivery will occur.
2. Make a checklist for what you want to take. You should definitely include: a mirror and your makeup bag (believe it or not when you’re not staring at that little miracle in your arms, you will want to look at yourself especially when the parade of visitors start marching into your hospital room); two or three nightgowns (preferably comfortable ones that provide optimal coverage of your post-pregnancy physique); a hair brush and hair dryer (every hospital has showers, soap, and towels); an outfit to wear home from the hospital (and don’t choose cute little pre-pregnancy clothes because nobody loses the weight they gained in nine months immediately after giving birth and it will only annoy you if you can’t fit into the only outfit you have to go home in)
3. Have a list of phone numbers of the people you can call anytime of the day or night for help. (Don’t even try to handle it alone – YOU WILL NEED AND WANT HELP when this exciting, emotional event begins to occur.)

There’s several signs that labor has started. Warning signals vary from woman to woman. Some people know what it is the second it hits them, while others may not recognize what’s happening for hours. Don’t expect the promises or predictions made by medical professionals or even experienced great-grandmothers to actually come true for you. In most cases some combination of destiny and mother nature determine the details of your long-awaited delivery. Some simple indicators that you’re going into labor range from a mild backache to piercing stabs of pain and vary from a feeling of general discomfort to an abrupt release of water.

Follow your instincts
If you don’t feel right, but you’re not screaming in pain, call your doctor. If something suddenly takes your breath away, makes you feel faint, breaks you down to the floor or wakes you in the middle of the night, forget the doctor, stay as calm as possible and call for whomever can come to help you the fastest.If your water does break in the stereotypical way, gushing uncontrollably all over the place, don’t freak out. Maintain your control as much as humanly possible at this point and realize you cannot stop this rushing release running like a river out of your body. You can keep putting towels between your legs to try to soak it up, but your shorts or sweatpants are still going to get wet.

Don’t worry about what other people will think about your dripping drawers when you get to the hospital. You’re about to deliver a baby -you’re not supposed to look calm, classy, elegant or graceful! Just concentrate on getting to the hospital safely. You may feel like you’re in the middle of an earthquake that will surely destroy the entire planet and assume everyone else will realize the urgency of this occasion. But they probably won’t react with any alarm because the reality is your world is the only place that has been hit by this tidal wave of emotional trauma.

What to expect when you get to the hospital…
To wait and wait some more; to fill out forms; to find yourself pacing the halls until they assign you to a room; to see other women in similar situations; to be told your doctor has been delayed; to scream at your labor partner when he forgets what to say and what not to say to try to make you feel better; to forget something on your checklist and to deal with the labor pain getting worse before it gets better.

What not to expect when you arrive at the hospital…
Everyone to accommodate you; everything to occur as you planned; any immediate results; everyone to be organized; your labor partner to be perfect; to find friendly faces among the other pregnant people; to hear your doctor tell you to start pushing your little miracle out as soon as he examines you; to get painkillers prescribed in mere minutes; and to be able to remember all the things you learned to try to prepare for this day.

Other Do’s and Don’t's:
Do try to maintain your focus.

Do try to preserve your precious energy (You will need it especially if you happen to be one of those poor souls whose pregnancy just won’t end and your labor lasts for longer than a day or two)

Don’t hesitate to tell your doctor or nurses exactly how you feel.

Don’t hesitate to ask any question that pops into your head.

Do listen to what your doctor and nurses tell you.

Do listen to what your body is saying.

Do listen to what you’re feeling in your heart.

Do listen to what your labor partner is commanding you to do.

Don’t forget how long you waited for this day to arrive and how special this date will be to you forever.

Don’t forget how much you want this little baby to arrive healthy and what a blessing this tiny person will always be to you.

And finally trust your gut instincts, your doctor’s words of wisdom, your partner’s suggestions to soothe you and your ears when you hear the sound of your baby’s first cry announcing his official arrival into this world.

The rest of this incredible experience will probably proceed with no major problems, following the same intense, phenomenal pattern of the billions of births that occurred before the day of your delivery.

Believe it or not, no matter how much the pains of labor torture your pregnant body or how many hours the process takes before your first baby actually bounces into this world – you will forget about how much your killer contractions hurt and how time seemed to standstill as your labor lasted and lasted and lasted…

Also believe your life will never be the same from this day on. Your new job as a mommy will be the most rewarding, most exhausting, and most challenging career of your life. Nothing in the universe can begin to compete with the passion, love, and wonder you’ll experience as you watch this tiny person grow and you feel like he’s really your own heart and soul with little arms and legs.

Treasure every moment of the miracle of motherhood.

I have to admit I am afraid to go to the dentist and for legitimate reasons. It hurts! It even hurts to keep my mouth open- aches all over my jaw, neck, and head. I am learning that to hesitate out of fear is more pain.

How about kids? I was sent to a mean dentist when I was a child- what’s worse is I was left alone. When my friend takes her kids, she supervises and makes sure she knows what’s happening and how her kids are. Her family dentist is kind.

The pediatric dentist has a few tasks. Her first task is to assure the children who may be afraid- what child wants to let you into their mouth. Who would. Once rapport is established the Dentist must do whatever necessary dental work. A simple teeth cleaning or x-rays is not too complicated, but what about a filling or tooth pulling- scary!

The best way to help children with their fears, parents and dentists, is to give them a toy that they can familiarize themselves with the process they fear and that they can manipulate.

There is a new, fun and creative way for dentist to help children (and adults) overcome their fear of dental visits while teaching dental hygiene. They also get to manipulate the toy by molding the teeth and playing dentist with toy dental instruments. Finally there is a doctor’s kit where children can play dentist! The toy is called “Monkey Mouth”

Every dentist and family should have one. What a great gift for your family dentist! High quality educational toys for your family and friends.

About the Author
Candice Silsby has an extensive background in Early Childhood Education and Human Dev elopement. She have six years experience working with young children as a pre-school teacher and caregiver for children under 3. She worked with special ed children for two years. She has eight years experience as a child entertainer and currently has her own business doing puppet shows for children. She is a Discovery Toys Educational Consultant because the toys are educational and developmentally appropriate. These toys meet the high scrutiny of her Developmental Education background. Discovery Toys improve the quality of life for children and families therefore the world.

No Fear
Don’t be afraid to snap away because as they say, ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again’. Not only does that statement hold very true in this particular instance, but it’s also some of the best advice you can heed while attempting to master the art of taking black and white baby photos. As a matter of fact, you might want to first consider practicing by taking pictures of various types of other of images to get accustomed with the process. It can save you a lot of time and effort before actually getting baby all ready and positioned for shots you’re not certain will come out correctly. This way too, you can take your black and white photos of baby with the utmost confidence and assurance that you’ll end up with your desired results.

The Benefit of Natural Light
Natural light is one of the best ways to get great results when taking black and white baby photos. Everything you see through your lens is pretty much exactly how it’s going to appear in your picture, e.g., shadows, tones, etc. So whenever possible, use this organic element to your benefit as it will greatly assist in your black and white baby picture taking endeavors.

The Eyes Don’t Lie
Trust your eyes and utilize them as the best judge for light and dark tones on your image – in this case your beautiful baby. Because our eyes naturally determine contrast and shadows for us, this is one very helpful, ‘built-in’ attribute you possess that will greatly assist in achieving perfect black and white shots of your baby. And although you may have to ‘train’ your eyes slightly in effect, to imagine the shadows and contrast in black and white tones, a little practice goes a long way and you’ll get the hang of it in no time.

Foreground and Background
Try to snap your black and white baby photos against as ‘unbusy’ of a background as possible. Because these images are basically in monochrome tones, things tend to blend together if there’s too much going on in contrast. At the same time, try to keep baby’s outfit simple with solid patterns and colors. You want your baby to stand out in the picture so keep in mind that less is more for obtaining the most appealing results when it comes to backgrounds and foregrounds in black and white photos.

Black and white photos are especially perfect for capturing all those special facial features and expressions. They also add a degree of extra drama which results in a truly artful impression of your baby that will stand the test of time for years and years to come.

Question
My baby is only happy when I’m within arm’s reach. If I dare to leave the room, she cries as if I’ve left the country! I can’t even so much as take a shower these days, let alone leave the house without her. My mother-in-law says it’s because I’ve spoiled her. Is she right? Have I made her so clingy?

Nothing you’ve done has “made” your baby develop separation anxiety. It’s a perfectly normal and important developmental adaptation. Nearly all children experience separation anxiety between the ages of seven and 18 months. Some have more intense reactions than others, and for some, the stage lasts longer than others, but almost all babies have it to some degree.

The development of separation anxiety demonstrates that your baby has formed a healthy, loving attachment to you. It is a beautiful sign that your baby associates pleasure, comfort, and security with your presence. It also indicates that your baby is developing intellectually (in other words, she’s smart!) She has learned that she can have an effect on her world when she makes her needs known, and she doesn’t have to passively accept a situation that makes her uncomfortable. She doesn’t know enough about the world yet to understand that when you leave her you’ll always come back. She also realizes that she is safest, happiest, and best cared for by you, so her reluctance to part makes perfect sense ¾ especially when viewed from a survival standpoint. Put another way: You are her source of nourishment, both physical and emotional; therefore, her attachment to you is her means of survival, and when she reaches a certain level of intellectual maturity, she realizes this.

This stage, like so many others in childhood, will pass. In time, your baby will learn that she can separate from you, that you will return, and that everything will be okay between those two points in time. Much of this learning is based on trust, which, just as for every human being young or old, takes time to build.

How do I know if my baby has separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is pretty easy to spot, and you’re probably reading this section because you’ve identified it in your baby. The following are behaviors typically demonstrated by a baby with normal separation anxiety:

• Clinginess
• Crying when a parent is out of sight
• Strong preference for only one parent
• Fear of strangers (Also see Stranger anxiety, page XX)
• Waking at night crying for a parent
• Easily comforted in a parent’s embrace

How you can help your baby with separation anxiety

• Allow your baby to be a baby. It’s perfectly okay — even wonderful — for your baby to be so attached to you and for her to desire your constant companionship. Congratulations, Mommy or Daddy: It’s evidence that the bond you’ve worked so hard to create is holding. So politely ignore those who tell you otherwise.
• Don’t worry about spoiling her with your love, since quite the opposite will happen. The more that you meet her attachment needs during babyhood, the more confident and secure she will grow up to be.
• Minimize separations when possible. It’s perfectly acceptable for now ¾ better, in fact ¾ to avoid those situations that would have you separate from your baby. All too soon, your baby will move past this phase and on to the next developmental milestone.
• Give your baby lessons in object permanence. As your baby learns that things continue to exist even when she can’t see them, she’ll feel better about letting you out of her sight. Games like peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek will help her understand this phenomenon.
• Practice with quick, safe separations. Throughout the day, create situations of brief separation. When you go into another room, whistle, sing, or talk to your baby so she knows you’re still there, even though she can’t see you.
• Don’t sneak away when you have to leave her. It may seem easier than dealing with a tearful goodbye, but it will just cause her constant worry that you’re going to disappear without warning at any given moment. The result? Even more clinginess, and diminished trust in your relationship.
• Tell your baby what to expect. If you are going to the store and leaving her at home with Grandma, explain where you are going and tell her when you’ll be back. Eventually, she’ll come to understand your explanations.
• Don’t rush the parting, but don’t prolong it, either. Give your baby ample time to process your leave-taking, but don’t drag it out and make it more painful for both of you.
• Express a positive attitude when leaving her. If you’re off to work, or an evening out, leave with a smile. Your baby will absorb your emotions, so if you’re nervous about leaving her, she’ll be nervous as well. Your confidence will help alleviate her fears.
• Leave your baby with familiar people. If you must leave your baby with a new caregiver, try to arrange a few visits when you’ll all be together before you leave the two of them alone for the first time.
• Invite distractions. If you’re leaving your baby with a caregiver or relative, encourage that person to get your baby involved with playtime as you leave. Say a quick good-bye and let your baby be distracted by an interesting activity.
• Allow your baby the separation that she initiates. If she crawls off to another room, don’t rush after her. Listen and peek, of course, to make sure that she’s safe, but let her know it’s fine for her to go off exploring on her own.
• Encourage her relationship with a special toy, if she seems to have one. These are called transitional objects or lovies. They can be a comfort to her when she’s separated from you. Many babies adopt blankets or soft toys as loveys, holding them to ease any pain of separation. The lovey becomes a friend and represents security in the face of change.

Don’t take it personally. Many babies go through a stage of attaching themselves to one parent or the other. The other parent, as well as grandparents, siblings and friends can find this difficult to accept, but try to reassure them that it’s just a temporary and normal phase of development and with a little time and gentle patience it will pass.Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

The lack of adequate, restful sleep can affect your child’s mood, behavior, health, memory and growth. If there is anything standing in the way of a good night’s sleep it’s important to address the issue and solve the problem. Following is a list of typical sleep disrupters and possible solutions.

Nightmares
Children spend more time dreaming than adults do, so they have more dreams—both good and bad. After a nightmare saying “It was just a dream” doesn’t explain what they experienced – after all, most kids believe that the tooth fairy and Big Bird are real, too. After a nightmare, offer comfort just as you would for a tangible fear. If your child wakes with a nightmare

• Stay with your child until she feels relaxed and ready to sleep.
• Be calm and convey that what’s happening is normal and that all is well.
• Reassure your child that he’s safe and that it’s OK to go back to sleep.

Night Terrors
During a night terror your child will wake suddenly and may scream or cry. Her eyes will be open, but she won’t be seeing. She may hyperventilate, thrash around or talk incoherently. She may be sweating and flushed. She may seem scared, but your child is not really frightened, not awake, and not dreaming. She’s asleep, and in a zone between sleep cycles. A child having a night terror is unaware of what’s happening, and won’t remember the episode in the morning.

During a night terror you may try to hold your child, but often this will result in his pushing you away or fighting you off. The best response is a gentle pat, along with comforting words or Shhh Shhh sounds. If your child gets out of bed, lead him back. If he’s sitting up, guide him to lie back down. Keep an eye on him until he settles back to sleep.

Nighttime Fears
It’s normal for a child to imagine monsters that generate a fear of the dark. Even if you explain, and even if you assure him that he’s safe, he may still be scared. You can reduce his fears when you:

• Teach your child the difference between real and fantasy through discussion and book-reading.
• Find ways to help your child confront and overcome his fears. If dark shadows create suspicious shapes, provide a flashlight to keep at his bedside.
• Leave soothing lullabies playing, or white noise sounds running to fill the quiet.
• Give your child one, two, or a zoo of stuffed animals to sleep with.
• Put a small pet, like a turtle or fish, in your child’s room for company.
• Take a stargazing walk, build a campfire, or have a candlelight dinner to make the dark more friendly.

Preventing Sleep Disrupters
Some things have been found to reduce the number or severity of sleep-disturbing episodes. They are all based on good sleep practices and worth a try:

• Follow a calm, peaceful routine the hour before bedtime.
• Maintain the same bed time seven days a week.
• Avoid books and movies that frighten your child.
• Have your child take a daily nap.
• Provide your child with a light snack an hour before bedtime, avoiding spicy food, sugar or caffeine.
• Have your child use the potty just before she gets in to bed.

Is there a time to call a professional?
Always call a professional if you have concerns about your child’s sleep.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

Hunger
Still one of the most obvious reasons for your baby to be crying is hunger. Your little one is growing and burning through calories so fast that it is hard to keep up with him. If he gets a growth spurt it can seem as if never stops eating. You will learn to recognize the cry of hunger from your baby.

Pain
A newborn has very little “pain” in most cases. However, as his grows the pain begins to appear, first in teething, then in bumps and bruises as he gets on the move around the house. The pain cry will probably be more of a shrill cry, one you haven’t heard before, and one you quickly learn to recognize.

Fear/Anxiety
As your baby gets older he may start to feel a little anxiety about being left alone or being away from you. If this is the case for your baby, a brand new cry will be heard and your baby will learn from your reaction to use that cry in these circumstances.

Tired
It is possible for your baby to get over tired. When this happens not only will he not want to go to sleep, but he will probably have a cry that is so pitiful that it breaks your heart. Try not to let your baby skip a nap or get too tired that he doesn’t want to go to sleep. If he does it may be a long night for all of you.

Stubbornness
You can’t spoil a baby but boy can they make you feel like they are spoiled. Your baby may decide to get stubborn and start crying till he gets his way. This cry will probably sound less pathetic than his other ones; instead sounding more angry and upset. If this is your baby, try not to give into his stubbornness, but offer him something else to divert his attention.

As your baby changes so will his ways of communication. Soon will come the day when your baby is talking back to you and you are wishing he could only cry. Remember that at this point your baby’s only way of communicating is still crying and that the faster you learn to understand him, the happier everyone will be.

The first week of your baby’s life brings big adjustments for both of you. You are adjusting to being a mother and caring for your baby and your baby is adjusting to life outside the womb. It is a time of great joy — and possibly immense fear! Although you’ve been preparing for the birth of your baby for months, now he is here and depending on you for everything which can seem overwhelming. Don’t expect too much of yourself during these first days! If anyone offers you help — take it!

During your baby’s first few weeks of life, he will be concentrating on getting to know you and his surroundings. Your baby needs to be handled so that life outside the womb seems as little different as possible to life inside the womb. Your baby’s needs, while they may seem overwhelming to you, are really simple: food, warmth and comfort from cuddling. Wrap him snugly and warmly, hold him closely, handle him slowly, and feed him when he’s hungry. Your baby will have the routing and sucking reflexes as well as tongue thrust. These are needed to get nourishment from the breast or bottle. You can also use this time to bond with your baby with lots of skin to skin contact.

Whether you decide to breast or bottle feed, feeding in the first few weeks is not an effortless process. Try to have early feeding sessions in a quiet setting with as few distractions as possible. Make sure you are in a comfortable position as it takes new babies a while to eat and you don’t want to end up stiff and sore. Cuddle and caress your baby as feeding time is a wonderful opportunity to show your baby how much he is loved.

If you are breastfeeding, be patient while you and your baby are getting the hang of it! The benefits of breastfeeding are many and in order for it to be successful, it is important to start out right. Keep in mind though it may take several weeks until you both feel comfortable and get a feeding schedule down.

Most new moms feel and experience:

About The Author
Anne Cavicchi is a Canadian wife and mother of one boy and two step-daughters. She also owns Annie’s Maternity Corner where you’ll find everything you need for pregnancy and baby! Great products, articles, information and more to see you through pregnancy and baby’s first years at Annie’s. www.maternitycorner.com.

As your baby gets bigger and more aware of the world around him, he becomes more attached to his mom and dad, knowing that they are his caretakers, the ones that will clothe him, feed him, and keep him safe. He knows that as long as he is in your arms that no harm will come to him. He understands that as long as you are together then no one can take you away from him, or him from you.

Stranger anxiety is your babies’ first real fear. Not only is it a fear of being taken from you, but it is a fear of you being taken from him. It normally happens around 7-8 months of age, and lasts anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. Generally anyone that the baby see’s on a very regular basis will be immune from the screaming, while people that he doesn’t know, or only see’s on the rare occasion will be met with tears and terrified screaming. There are some things that you can do to make it easier for your baby though.

1. Try not to leave your baby with a complete stranger. If you have to leave your baby with a new sitter then plan on getting to the sitters house at least 20 minutes early. The earlier the better to help your baby get acquainted to his caregiver and help make the transition of you leaving easier.

2. Have get togethers at your house. Instead of going to someone else’s house during the holidays, have family and friends over to your house. That way when your baby needs a time out, away from everyone, they have a familiar place to go to — their own bed.

3. Warn your friends and family ahead of time about this phase. You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by having your baby scream in their face, so let everyone know ahead of time, and also ask them to stay back a bit from your baby when they first come in. Give your baby some time and space to be able to watch everyone around him, before he has to interact with them.

4. Don’t hand off baby immediately. Going along with number three above, hold your baby close to you when you enter a new place and don’t hand him off to anyone unless he acts like he wants to go. Don’t force your baby to be with anyone he doesn’t want to be with.

These are four easy rules to remember to help your baby get through the stranger anxiety period. It is also possible that your baby will react badly at first to you or your partner, if the other one is home with them full time during the day. It is easy for a baby to attach himself to the person there the most, and shut out other people. Don’t take it personal, instead remember that it is just a phase that your baby is going through and like so many other phases, it will pass and your baby will soon be raising his arms and running to you when he sees you enter the room.