Family life is complicated and unpredictable. Day-to-day expectations and responsibilities can create angry emotions in both parents and children. No matter how skilled you are at parenting, no matter how wonderful your children are, you cannot eliminate or avoid the unpleasant situations that occur in all families. However, once you understand where the anger comes from you can modify the situation and learn ways to control your reactions, so that anger can occupy a smaller place in your home.

Our children bring us incredible joy. Yet, there are times that they can bring out the anger in us. It is helpful to identify the things that provoke your anger so you can make positive changes in your household.

What sets you off?
Most parents get angry over issues that are insignificant in the grand scheme of life, yet happen on such a regular basis that they become blown out of proportion. Some of the most common parenting issues that trigger anger are whining, temper tantrums, sibling bickering, and non-cooperation. Determine which behaviors most bother you and set about making a plan to correct each problem that sets off your anger.

Notice your hot spots
In addition to triggers, there are “hot spots” in the day when anger more easily rises to the surface. These are typically times when family members are tired, hungry or stressed. These emotions leave us more vulnerable to anger. This can happen in the early morning, before naptime, before meals, or at bedtime. You may also encounter situations when misbehavior increases, and so does your anger: grocery shopping, playdates, or family visits, for example.

Set a plan
Determine if there are things you can do differently to ward off some of the issues that spark your anger. For example, if the morning rush brings stress, you can prepare things the night before: set out clothing, pack lunches, collect shoes. Then create a “morning poster” that outlines the daily routine step-by-step.

If you find that tempers are shorter in the hour before dinner, set out healthy appetizers, enlist the kids’ help in preparing dinner, get the kids involved in a craft activity, or plan an earlier meal time.

Doing things the way you’ve always done them and expecting different results only leaves you frustrated and angry. Instead, identify your anger triggers and take action to change things for the better.

Learn something new
Once you’ve identified a problem, consider several options for solving it. Jot down possible alternatives on paper, or talk it over with another adult. Read through a few parenting books and check the indexes for your topic. Visit an online parenting chat group or posting board. There’s no reason for you to make decisions in a vacuum – I guarantee that the problems you are dealing with are common and there are lots of sources for solutions.

Be flexible
Anger is not something that can be dealt with once and then will go away. Your children grow and change, and new issues appear. From time to time take a fresh look at the issues that create negative emotions in your family and take action to change things for the better.

Let love help
And, finally, at times of anger, hold on to the feeling of love that is the foundation of your relationship with your child. Take time every day to bask in the joy of being a parent. Take time to play, talk and listen. Hug, kiss and cuddle your child often. When you build up this foundation of positive love and emotions you will find yourself less likely to experience intense anger.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

When a laboring woman arrives at the hospital, there can be limited time to get her feelings regarding how she wants her labor to progress across to the nurses on duty. Birth plans are generally written by the pregnant woman, sometimes with the assistance of her labor partner several weeks prior to delivery. It should then be taken to your doctor or midwife at one of your prenatal appointments to go over your wishes and make sure that your provider is aware of any concerns you might have.

Flexibility
One thing to keep in mind when creating your birth plan is to maintain flexible. Even if you have the textbook perfect labor and delivery, chances are that something in your birth plan will not be able to be accomplished or achieved. It might be because of your hospital, or it might be as simple as you originally saying that you do not want pain medication, just to change your mind half way through labor. If you remain flexible regarding what you wrote in your birth plan, the day of delivery will go much smoother.

Creating your Birth Plan
So how do you create a birth plan? You can use our customized birth plan creator, or you can create one from scratch. If you create one from scratch, be sure to remember to include everything that you deem important.

Pain Medication
When doing your birth plan be sure to mention your wishes on pain medication. Do you want pain medication or not? If you do want pain medication, how much and what kind do you want? If you want medication, do you want to have just a shot through your IV of something to just dull the pain a bit, or do you want an epidural which will go in your back and pretty much get rid of all pain and contractions that you feel? Do you want the doctor or midwife to suggest to you medication, or not mention it at all?

Episiotomy or Tearing
Also, when creating your birth plan, be sure to let everyone know what you will prefer when it comes to having an episiotomy. An episiotomy is when the doctor or midwife cuts the perineal area that goes from your vagina to your rectum an inch or two before the babies head comes out in order to help the head come out easier. Some women prefer to be cut; other women prefer to tear naturally. Many women’s activist groups these days are promoting tearing vs. no episiotomy because some women won’t tear at all, or only tear a tiny bit, making the healing time less painful than it would have been with an episiotomy.

Visitors
Let the nurses know in your birth plan who you want to be allowed in the room and when. Some women are fine with having everyone in at once, and others prefer to only have their birth partner, or have other visitors come in one at a time. You might want the interaction and distraction during the early stages of labor, but not want a bunch of people in the room towards the end. There are also times when you may not want your parent or an in-law in the room at all, but you do not want to be the bad guy. Buy writing these wishes down in your birth plan, it enables your nurse to tell people who can and can not go in and when, and also makes the nurse be the “bad guy” so you don’t have to concentrate on those issues when you should be concentrating on pushing your baby out.

Immediately After Birth
Assuming you have a vaginal birth, you should include in your birth plan your wishes for the baby immediately after birth. Some women will choose to bank their babies cord blood and will have that set up ahead of time. Others want to make sure the cord stops pulsating before it is cut, letting the baby get the remaining nutrients that are important for their health. If you are breastfeeding, you may want to be allowed to nurse immediately, vs. having to wait several minutes for your baby to get cleaned up a bit and get eye drops. Your baby is most alert in the 30 minutes or so right after birth so it is an important time for you to be able to nurse and bond.

Just incase a c-section becomes a necessity, you should list your wishes for the baby while they are finishing up your surgery, in your birth plan. Put down whether or not you want your baby accompanied at all times by your birth partner. Let them know ahead of time your wishes on them giving your baby a bottle of sugar water or formula while you are in recovery. Make it clear if you want your baby brought to you in recovery or if you want to wait till you get back to your room.

Postpartum Care
Part of your birth plan includes your post-partum care. Most hospitals support and encourage your baby staying in your room with you at all times, vs. going to the nursery at night or while you sleep. You can make it clear in your birth plan what your preference is. Whether or not you want to room-in, or if you just want your baby brought to you for feedings letting you rest as much as possible. You can also list whether or not you want your birth partner to be allowed to stay the night.

Feeding
In your birth plan you will list your intentions on feeding your baby. You can state whether or not you plan on breastfeeding, and if you do breastfeed how often and when you want to do it. That is important in the instance that you choose not to have your baby rooming in with you, but instead in the nursery. You should make it clear if you want to feed the baby on demand, when the baby is hungry, or if you prefer to feed the baby on your schedule, allowing the nurses in the nursery to give the baby formula when he gets hungry.

Miscellaneous
There are always other things you might think of when it comes to your hopes and wishes for a happy and healthy labor and birth. Things like taking pictures, video taping, having music playing, moving around, being allowed to take a bath or shower during labor, etc. If any of these things are important to you, or you can think of others, be sure to list them in your birth plan for the nurses and your doctor or midwife. Happy birthing!

Natural childbirth training, such as Lamaze, relies heavily on breathing techniques, and so does yoga. Relaxation is also a major factor in both childbirth training and yoga. This makes prenatal yoga practice a great idea because it will support your childbirth training.

Your body changes throughout pregnancy in some ways that don’t show as well as ones that do. For instance, as you move into the second and third trimester, hormones begin to make your leg and hip joints limber up. Also, the added abdominal weight puts pressure on the blood vessels in your lower back so that you often can’t lie comfortably or safely on your back for very long during late pregnancy. These physical symptoms require you to avoid certain poses as pregnancy progresses.

Fortunately, many yoga positions are very helpful to your changing body. For instance, the pelvic tilting done in the cat stretch is good for your lower back and abdomen. Here’s how to do a cat stretch. Get on your hands and knees. Inhale deeply and slowly while lowering your chin to your chest. At the same time, arch your back like a cat. Hold a few seconds. Release your breath slowly and deliberately while letting your back drop down until it’s swayed like an old horse and your face is looking up. Repeat several times.

When doing yoga, always move slowly, relax into each position. Never bounce deeper into a stretch, and never stretch to the point of discomfort. Yoga should feel good.

Another stretch move that is good throughout pregnancy is squatting. If you are planning a home birth or a delivery in another setting that offers you freedom to choose your position, you may find that a deep, relaxed squat is the best position for you to give birth. In fact, it’s such a good position, it’s possible to deliver a baby too quickly and cause tears to the cervix or perineum if your pushes are not controlled.

To practice squatting, stand with your feet about shoulder width apart and lower yourself as far as you can. Don’t come up on your toes. Stay flat on your feet. You will feel the stretch in the thigh and knee joints. Don’t go so low it hurts. Practice a few seconds each day, increasing in depth and duration as you go. You may come to find this a comfortable position for doing tasks such as weeding the garden.

After birth, your body can benefit from yoga postures, too. The poses that stretch the neck and shoulders are good for those times you tense up from carrying the baby and from nursing in a cramped position. The poses that rock the pelvis will help you gain strength again in those hard working abs. Yes, yoga is a natural for moms before and after the birth.

Question
To Grandmother’s house we go! And we’ll be in the car for five whole hours? How can we make the trip enjoyable with a baby along?

Learn about it
There’s no question: Marathon car trips with a baby on board take a good amount of planning and organization. But it can be done, and yes, it can even be fun!

Planning the trip
In the hustle that precedes a trip, it can be easy to let things happen, instead of make things happen. Be proactive in making your trip decisions. Contemplating these questions, and coming up with the right answers, can help make your trip more successful:

Does your baby sleep well in the car? If yes, plan your travel time to coincide with a nap or bedtime so your baby can sleep through part of the journey. If not, plan to leave immediately after a nap or upon waking in the morning. Don’t fool yourself into thinking your baby will behave differently than usual in the car just because it’s a special occasion.

Is it necessary to make the trip all at once, or can you break it up with stops along the way? The longer your baby is strapped in the carseat, the more likely he’ll become fussy. Planning a few breaks can keep everyone in a better frame of mind.

When estimating an arrival time, have you factored in plenty of extra time for unplanned surprises? A diaper explosion that requires a complete change of clothes or a baby whose inconsolable crying requires an unexpected 20-minute stop are just two of the things that can easily happen.

Do you have everything you need to make the trip pleasant? Items like:

Be Prepared
Prior to coming home from the hospital, be sure that you are ready to bring your baby home. Decide where your baby is going to sleep and have that area prepared. Have an area all set up and ready for when you need to change diapers with a pad, diapers, wipes, and any ointment or powder you might need. Have your baby’s clothes washed, clean and ready for you to just put them on him, along with extra onesies and socks available for when you need them. If you are prepared then the time will go much smoother.

Remain Flexible
Your baby will probably demand a lot of your time. Any schedule you were previously on in your household will probably not be able to be maintained. It may be 4:30 and time to start dinner so that you can eat at 5:00, but the baby has just woken up and is hungry. By the time you have gotten done feeding him, he needs his diaper changed. While you are changing his diaper you figure you might as well put on a fresh, clean outfit. When you look at the clock it is 5:30, and dinner has not been started, and you have other family members who are getting hungry. Learning to be flexible is a big stepping stone in becoming a parent, not only for the new mom, but for the rest of the family.

Don’t Lose Touch
Throughout pregnancy you probably met other women who were pregnant as well. Be sure not to lose touch with them during the first few months of your baby’s life, because these women are going to understand exactly what you are going through. They are going to understand the middle of the night feedings, the all night parties, the napless days, and the generally crying and fussiness that you are going through. These women will become your biggest allies.

Don’t Fight It
The facts are your life has changed. Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep is just not possible at this time. If you are lucky by the time your baby is a few weeks old he will only be waking up once at night, however in most cases babies wake up several times a night for a very long time. Since your baby can feel your stress, tension and frustration, just try to relax. If you can’t change a fact, why try. It will only make for a more difficult time for all of you.

Getting Out
Unless there is a medical reason why your doctor or your baby’s pediatrician has told you not to take the baby out of the house, there is generally no reason why you can not get out of the house with your newborn. Go to the mall and walk around for a while. Take your baby to a park and tell him about the ducks in the water. Take him over to a friend’s house, or to a relative just to sit back and enjoy a cup of tea or coffee. While you love being around your baby, having a conversation with another adult could do you a world of good.

If It Is Offered, Accept
You should accept any and all offers people give you to help. Whether it is to bring you over a meal, take you out to lunch, or just to sit with the baby while you take a nice long hot shower. You are going to have a lot of responsibility resting all on your shoulders and a little break is definitely nice.

Don’t Worry About Spoiling Your Baby
You can not spoil a baby under six months old. Many doctors say you can not spoil an infant before their first birthday. These first few months are the time when your baby bonds with you, and learns that when he needs you, you will be there. Don’t be afraid to hold your baby and respond to all his needs. At the same time, if your baby is fed, clean and for all intents and purposes should be happy but is crying, don’t be afraid to leave him in his bed or another safe place for a while so that you can go and get things done that you need to get done.