Oh gosh … he’s at it again! Wailing and crying for God knows what reason. Do you have a problem with your child’s tantrums? Here’s a quick guide on how to handle them during those stressful moments.

Why Do Children Throw Tantrums?
Studies have shown that when children throw tantrums, they do not mean to be rude or manipulative on purpose. At their age, toddlers are just beginning to understand a lot more of the words they hear. However, given their limited vocal skills, they can’t communicate easily. And when your child can’t express how he feels, frustration mounts.

How Should I React?
Ok, most important rule is … don’t lose your cool. Repeat … don’t lose your cool. He or she may be making a huge scene in the public, embarrassing you in front of the in-laws, it doesn’t matter. Just grit your teeth and bear with it. My suggestion is to just sit down and be with your child while he or she rages.

I know it’s tough – particularly in public. Just try to stop thinking about what others think, any parent out there would understand the situation. Do not concede and give in. If you concede, you will be teaching your child that throwing a tantrum will allow him or her to get what they want.

If, however, your child gets to the point where they start hitting people or throwing things, just pick him up and carry him to a safe place, such as his bedroom. Explain in a firm voice why he’s there (e.g. “because you hit Grandma”).

Preventive Measures
Taking preventive measures also works. If you know your kid gets frustrated when hungry, carry snacks along with you. If you’re going from one place to the next, alert your child and let him know (e.g. “After you finish your storybook, we’re going for dinner”).

If all else fails, do consult your pediatrician who can give expert advice on your child’s tantrums and check if there are any physical or psychological problems.

About the Author
Need Some Advice on Parenting and Baby Care? Gary Hendricks has compiled the best articles on parenting, baby care and baby products at the Baby Product Guide.

Recently, a friend told me she saw Susan Saint James and her husband on the Oprah Show. Having lost their 14 year old son in a plane crash last year, Susan was asked how she got through the experience without bitter anger. She said, “I have found resentment to be futile. It is like taking poison and hoping the other guy dies.”

When I ponder those words, I look at my own teeming resentments — against friends, colleagues, and indeed against life — and wonder how I, who have not suffered her terrible loss, can conquer them with such courage as she has. With the coming of spring, seeing daffodils splash the moist green fields with mustard yellow, I find myself wondering how can I tune out festering resentments and instead import this beauty into my soul.

Here are four strategies on how to douse four common kinds of resentments with the fire extinguisher:

1. Listening
   With resentments against your partner, practice listening: an intimate relationship can be a prime breeding ground for powerful resentments. In a marriage, we could go on for years never really feeling seen by our partner, who seems to get by just fine meeting his needs in the relationship.We are home at our wits end dealing with the kids, but he has had to go out for an emergency meeting with a client — and as it happens, at the club playing doubles in tennis. We feel cheated and duped, but the worst part of it is, we seem to magnetically attract such situations which keep happening. 

   In the end, we resent him so furiously that it saps our energy for love, most of all to ourselves. Don’t get trapped in this cycle. Instead of letting your mind seethe with resentment, tell your partner you want to make an appointment with him for listening. Ask for ten minutes to air your feelings to him, with a rule in place that he only listen and not react for that time. Then give him the same ten minutes to air his feelings. After such listening, you may see his actions in a completely new light and find that, though your feelings may not change, you have used your energy to make them heard rather than singeing yourself with caustic resentment.

2. Distance yourself
   When it’s your boss or colleagues at work, get some distance: the modern day workplace is a pressure cooker where work needing to be competently done is nearly infinite and our time and talents, humbly finite.Under the gun for top performance, the boss may come to objectify us as the means to get it all done, rather than as the sensitive human being we are. He or she may give the coveted, creative jobs to a colleague, while we get the dirty work no one likes. 

   In such situations, I would recommend for a time that we practice what the Christian saints used to call holy indifference. Try taking a break from the job to go out on a brisk walk along the waterfront, in a picturesque part of town, or in a park. I have found that, if while walking you say an affirmation or a mantram, it will blend with the rhythm of your breathing and footstep in a healing harmony.

   When you return back to work, the deep breathing and lovely inner companionship gives you fresh energy to give yourself completely to the job you have been given, however humble. Again, this may not remove your resentment against treatment so seemingly unjust, but it gives you valuable breathing room — and the more positive energy you give to your work, the more remarkable will be the changes that can take place.

3. Put the past to rest
   Many have suffered abusive treatment from parents, siblings, teachers, or religious leaders which left us with a hole in our soul. Nothing we do can stop the burning anger we have against the person who wronged us when we were vulnerable or helpless, yet this very anger saps our will and capacities.Don’t let such feelings fester. Join a twelve step program with others who have suffered similar mistreatment, or seek therapy, so that you can air your feelings in a supportive environment. Like a person injured in a severe crash that goes to the hospital, the experience of recovery in pouring out your feelings will salve all wounds and allow you to reclaim your wholeness and your life.
4. Practice acceptance
   Resentment against our lot in life: sometimes things so awful can happen that life does not seem to have any justice at all. When you think of the loss Susan Saint James suffered, or of those with relatives who drowned in flood waters of the south Asian tsunami or of Hurricane Katrina, how can those left behind with such grief feel life is ever fair?They resent life, even God himself, for meeting out cruel injustice to those who did nothing to deserve it. There is no way to change what happened — no one can — but we can change our response to it. 

   To make sure resentment does not swallow us, I would recommend taking up a spiritual practice like passage meditation. Committing to mind the elevated words of others who suffered, like Dr. Martin Luther King or Mother Theresa of Calcutta, or of people who took refuge in nature like the Chinese recluse Han Shan, give yourself a quiet period to go through them and salve the wounds in your consciousness with them. Then, as Susan Saint James has discovered, you don’t hope the other guy dies; you ask for and totally reclaim your original, vibrant, and positive life.

About the Author
Stephen Ruppenthal is the author of The Path of Direct Awakening: Passages for Meditation. He is also the co-author of Eknath Easwaran’s edition of The Dhammapada and the author of Keats and Zen. He has taught meditation and courses on Han Shan at UC Berkeley and San Francisco State University. He is an international workshop leader in passage meditation and in courses for those looking for end of life spiritual care and for the spiritual step component of twelve step programs. Visit Stephen’s work at www.directawakenings.com.

As previously stated, grandparents will hear an uh-oh or two on more than one occasion. One of those occasions is when something is broken. Your two first impulses may be to feel anger, as well as relief. After all, the item broken may be a prized possession of yours. With that in mind, you may also feel relief, as broken items, especially glass, pose injury risks. Depending on the age of your grandchild, you may want to have them assist you with the cleanup process, even if they simply hold the dustpan. Helping to clean up an uh-oh mess will help your grandchild understand cause, effect, and consequences.

Another one of the many instances in which you may hear an uh-oh or two is with spilt food and drinks. No matter what mess is created, it is important to remember that newborns, infants, and toddlers will have difficulty controlling their food, especially when first learning to feed themselves. You can take steps to help your grandchild eat and drink the proper way, although discipline isn’t always advised. When an uh-oh occurs, it may be best to simply clean up the mess, give your grandchild a bath, and a new change of clothes.

Although the uh-oh’s are a normal part of childhood, is it important to remember that you, as a grandparent, can take steps to reduce the number of uh-oh’s you hear. Many uh-oh instances are preventable ones. For example, be sure to remove all breakable items, including glass, from your home, and so forth. Taking steps to reduce or completely eliminate accidents in your home will not only help to calm your nerves, but it will also help to keep your grandchild happy, safe, and healthy.

As a reminder, hearing uh-oh can result in anger and frustration. No matter how much you love your grandchild, these feelings are normal, especially as first impulses. Should you experience these emotions, it is important to take a step back and reexamine the situation. As a grandparent, it is important to remember that accidents do happen. Newborns, infants, and toddlers often have a difficult time controlling their actions; therefore, your role as a grandparent should involve offering support and encouragement, no matter what the uh-oh.