by Vera RaposoDuring my pregancy I didn’t really have the desire to have my pregnancy-photos taken, I really wish I would have made more time to get them done.

If you’re anything like me, you’re usually the one holding the camera. Make sure to give the camera to hubbie so he can get the shots you can’t.

Here is what I believe are the best pregnancy-photos that you need to have done. Ok, some may sound a little strange, but believe me you will love looking back on even the silly ones!

Read my list of must have pictures!

Photo #1
Of course the day you found out you were pregnant! There are lots of women who keep the actual pregnancy test… why not take a picture of it and that can go into your pregnancy album?

Photo #2
If you have children…. take a picture of their reaction to the news.

Photo #3
Don’t forget the picture of the surprised daddy!

Photo #4
Get hubbie to take a picture of you calling your family & friends. If you’re having a dinner party to announce the wonderful news, be sure to click away that night.

Photo #5
Get a picture of yourself infront of the doctor’s office on your first visit, even get one with your doctor.

Photo #6
The next time I would bring the camera is when you get to hear the heartbeat for the first time. What a moment to capture! That’s the best moment there is for a mom to be.

Photo #7
Time for some mugshots! Get a nice front shot of yourself, then turn to your side for a profile shot. Do this every month as your pregnancy progresses. Easy to do.

Photo #8
Do you know a friend who can take some pictures of you and your husband? Get some nice shots of your husband with his head on your tummy….putting the music to your tummy…. kissing your tummy…. I could go on and on. Very cute and loving pictures.

Photo #9
Repeat Photo #8, but insert your older children.

Photo #10
Did your older children make something for your baby? Take pictures of them with their proud creations.

Photo #11
Get at least one picture of your doctor measure your belly. This is something that us women do every month with the doctor and it’s so comforting that the baby is growing properly.

Photo #12
Waiting around for an ultrasound? Bring the camera, get a picture of you infront of the hospital. You know they will make you drink a ton of water, so you’re doing the dance anyhow. Bring the camera to keep yourself busy. If there’s no one there with you……you’re in your gown right? Get a nice shot of those swollen feet.

Have fun with your pregnancy-photos! Create your pregnancy album during pregnancy is alot of fun.

About the Author
Vera Raposo has been scrapbooking since her oldest child was 5. With tons of scrapbooking tips and ideas, Vera is now sharing some of her best scrapbooking ideas for your new baby in her newsletter www.baby-scrapbooking.com.

By Judy Williams

You have made the decision to grow your own vegetables. It’s a lifestyle and health choice. You want the best for your family and there are no shortcuts on the way. Good for you!

So now you’ve got all these wonderful fresh vegetables growing in your garden how do you get the kids to eat them? We should be eating 5-9 servings of fruit and vegetables a day. Many adults don’t get the full servings required and you know the kids are getting a fraction of that.

If you’ve got problems getting vegetables into the kids, try a few of these strategies…

by Susie Cortright

Anyone can splurge on a formal dinner or a pricey bottle of perfume, but it takes creativity and forethought to be truly romantic.

The key lies in personalizing your celebration. Here are ten ideas to fuel your own creativity:

1. Empty a box of chocolates. Then cut out 50 to 100 hearts from lace doilies, construction paper, or fabric. On each cutout, record something about your mate that you love. Be specific, “The way you smell when you come to bed at night,” “The way you take care of me when I’m sick,” “Your recipe for pancakes”…

   Fold the cutouts, place them in the chocolate box, and top with a red satin bow.

   The time you spend coming up with these ideas will contribute to your own romantic mood, and what your partner thinks is a plain-old box of chocolates will instead be a treasured gift for years to come. Plus, you can add to the box for future birthday, holiday, or Valentine’s Day celebrations.

    

2. Build a romantic fire. Before the kids go to bed, have fun roasting marshmallows. After their lights are out, host your own indoor picnic, complete with a bottle of wine and chocolate-covered strawberries.

    

3. Recreate your first date together. What were you wearing? Where did you go? Do you remember what you talked about? Spend the evening reminiscing and reflecting on how far you’ve come as a couple.

    

4. Spoon all night.

    

5. Choose a book in which you are both interested, fiction or nonfiction. Read a new chapter each night before bed. This cozy tradition will allow you to spend some quality time together and often makes for thought-provoking breakfast conversations.

    

6. Make a tape of the songs special to your relationship. Include “your song,” songs from your wedding, songs from favorite movies. Add a personal voice dedication and leave it in your partner’s briefcase, Walkman, or car stereo.

    

7. Turn off the TV.

    

8. Kidnap your spouse. Arrange for a babysitter for a few hours–or a few days. A friend of mine had a lot of success with this one. She knew her husband had always wanted to get married in Vegas, but he had agreed to a large, formal ceremony hosted by her family. So, after they had been married 10 years, she surprised him at work with a packed suitcase. They caught an evening flight and renewed their vows before an Elvis impersonator in a Vegas chapel. Years later, they’re still talking about it.

    

9. This one requires a babysitter, too. Next time you’re visiting your parents or in-laws, leave the kids with the grandparents and travel to another town, where no one will recognize you. Check into a hotel or B&B. Dress like another person. Act like another person. It’s fun to slip into another persona from time to time.

    

10. Have a scavenger hunt. Write a few poems, wrap candy kisses inside, and hide them around the house. Each poem should be a clue to finding the next one. Make sure the final clue lands your mate someplace you want to end up for the entire evening. A romance package, including a bottle of champagne and new lingerie, is a nice touch.

Create some romantic memories today. Not with your pocketbook, but with your imagination.

Copyright 2004 Susie Cortright

About The Author
Susie Michelle Cortright is the author of Rekindling Your Romance after Kids and More Energy for Moms. She is also the founder of the award-winning Momscape.com, a website designed to help busy parents find balance. Visit www.momscape.com today and get Susie’s *free* course-by-email “6 Days to Less Stress.”

by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC

“What are you thinking? Haven’t we talked about this before?” My seven-year-old son looked down at the food that had just spilled on the kitchen floor. He stood statue-still, as children often do after an accident. The words and tone I’d used were having their impact. He braced himself to fight the tears, and prepared to clean things up.

When I thought about it later, I realized the worst moment wasn’t the food hitting the floor. The worst moment was seeing his face hiding the shame and anguish he was feeling. It was in knowing I’d been responsible for helping him “shove down” big feelings too painful to deal with.

The truth was difficult.

I was teaching my son to feel shame.

How does all of this happen? How is it that our parenting brings out the “worst” in us?

The dynamics of shame are fairly simple. They are often at the heart of toxic relations between parents and children. When we’re unable to change the behavior of our children, we may have a rush of feelings that include frustration, humiliation, and anger. Our own sense of being defective may accompany the sense of shame, and may be related to our history as a child.

As children, there were times when we felt misunderstood and mistreated. The feelings of shame that were generated from those times produced defense mechanisms that protected us from having to experience those painful moments again.

When we become parents, we are constantly reminded of past shame-filled experiences in our interactions with our children. The shame comes rushing back in an avalanche of feelings and defenses.

When we’re “in” our own shame, everything is distorted. When our children make mistakes, they’re our mistakes. When they appear defective, we feel defective. We become overly concerned about other people’s opinions, and about what’s right and wrong.

And in this avalanche of shame, we lose sight of the most important thing of all—the needs of our children.

Here are some steps to limit or avoid the impact of shame on your family:

By Michell Muldoon

The Basics
Children today don’t really just “play” anymore. The main reason for this is that, sadly, our lives have become so ridiculously over-booked that even children’s play is relegated to the infrequent openings on family calendars. More importantly, spontaneous, innocent and adventurous play time is no longer a real option for most children. What has developed in the past 14 years or so to replace the magical wonder of play is now referred to as a “PlayDate.”

A PlayDate is a scheduled time period in which parents arrange for two or more children to play together for a few hours. Here are a few tips for parents to consider when making a PlayDate:

Use Some Good Old-Fashioned Common Sense

For Children Ages 2 to 3
When you invite a child of this age to your house, it is important to include the parent in the PlayDate. There are several reasons for doing this:

1. The guest child will probably feel extremely uncomfortable if his mother or father leaves.

    

2. As a parent, you will want to make your child feel comfortable socially and you will want to help them begin to learn how to develop those skills.

    

3. Sometimes small children can feel jealous if the host parent is too accommodating to the guest child. When you are the only parent present, you will have to be ready to help the children and to provide comfort if anyone’s feelings are hurt in any way.

    

4. Having a parent present at the PlayDate is a great way to learn more about the other family. You will have the chance to develop a new friendship and this will help both sets of children to see a “give and take” model for conversation, as well as for taking turns and sharing toys.

For Children Ages 4 to 5
When children are in the 3 to 5 year age group, a lot of changes happen for them socially. This is usually a time when these children begin Pre-School. Some parents feel comfortable leaving them at other people’s homes when they are in this Pre-School age group. But they are still very young and you will want to know the host parent well enough to make sure that the children will be comfortable and safely supervised.

Make a PlayDate and stay when you feel comfortable, then leave for a short time.

PlayDates are really wonderful for parents and for children, but there is a genuine concern when you begin to leave a child in someone’s home. It is always best to ask the guest parent if they have any concerns while their child is visiting in your home.

For best results:

1. Have parents stay for the playdate.

    

2. As a guest parent, if you need to run an errand, stay for most of the PlayDate. When you see that your child is visibly comfortable, let them know that you are going to “be right back” and slip out for a short time.

    

3. In this awkward period of social transition, if you are the host parent, be prepared for the guest parent to want to stay, even if you have pre-planned a time to do other things. This age group is very fragile and even the best of plans can go haywire. What is most important here is for the children to begin to feel comfortable with other people.

Important Considerations
Birth order really makes a big difference in the adaptability of children. When you are hosting a PlayDate, be aware of the guest child’s birth order. Generally speaking, an only child is probably going to be far more “clingy” than a middle child. And the parent of many may be much more relaxed than a parent of one or two. There are so many variables in the way a PlayDate can be handled. For overall best results, be open to sharing the fun!

Snacks
Always ask the guest parent if you can offer the guest child a snack during the PlayDate. As silly as this may seem, many parents do not believe in giving “Snacks” between meals. And many more do not want their children eating sweets or prepared calorie-rich foods without nutritional benefit. You will always be safe with vegetable sticks or fruit and a glass of water. Many parents today are not in favor of Juicy Boxes either because of the high sugar content.

Allergy Alerts
It’s also important to take allergies into consideration. Not only does this show that you are a very concerned parent, but it’s important to know if a child faces any potential dangers from contact with anything from peanut-butter to insect stings.

Elementary School Children: Ages 6 to 11
By the time your children are in Elementary School, there is a new pattern to their days. They are usually gone for a six to seven-hour period during the day. It’s very important for children to play, but in today’s world, after-school play is a luxury. Usually this happens in the form of Brownies or Boy/Girl Scouts. Of course, there are also sports programs, but they usually entail structured, non-exploratory play. The good old fashioned kind of non-structured running around with other kids really doesn’t happen as much as it used to. The bottom line: If you’re going to have play time, you must be prepared to take the initiative.

After-School PlayDates
For a lot of children, there is little or no after-school play time unless it is put onto calendars in the form of PlayDates. To make this happen, it’s best to plan ahead. Busy moms need a bit of lead-time. One of the best ways to make this happen, without the constant back-and-forth on the telephone or through e-mails, is to use the download invitations from FunPlayDates.

After-school play time can easily be planned if you use the FunPlayDates invitations or if you take the time to write a note and send it to school with your child.

Specify Time, Date of PlayDate and Phone Numbers
It’s important to be specific with regard to all contact numbers. This will make it easy to keep track of your child’s calendar and any vital information from both sets of parents. One busy mom I know has six children and keeps a social calendar for each of them right by the phone. At a quick glance, she can keep track of their busy schedules, including each of their PlayDates, times and contact numbers.

For best results:

1. Some parents will not allow an after-school PlayDate unless their child has done their homework. When inviting a child for an after-school PlayDate, let the host parent know they will need to finish their work before they play.

    

2. As a guest parent, always be prompt with your child’s pick-up times.

    

3. As a host parent, be aware of after-school PlayDate pick-up times. Usually, after-school PlayDates run parallel to high traffic patterns and a parent may be a bit late. This is always a potential problem, so accept this possibility when making an after-school PlayDate.

    

4. Make sure each parent has all the phone numbers needed in case of any emergencies or difficulties related to pick-up times.

    

5. For after-school snacks, keep it simple and natural.

Weekend PlayDates
Even Saturday and Sunday afternoon PlayDates have to be planned.

It’s the rare neighborhood where parents feel safe having their children go out and knock on a neighbor’s door to see if their children can come out to play. For most families, the high demands of our lives keep us from feeling spontaneous about people dropping by without an invitation. With all of our time going to so many different kinds of activities, it’s always best to plan ahead.

Once again, we must consider the success of a PlayDate often depends on making sure that there is adequate lead-time. This can save the host parent a lot of time and pressure by preparing to receive the guest parents into your home.

This is what you should consider:

1. Many families that have two working parents are not eager to have to get up early on a Saturday or Sunday morning, so it’s best to plan PlayDates for sometime in the afternoon.

    

2. Unless you know a family well, the guest parents will probably stay for at least 15 to 30 minutes when they drop their child off. This happens frequently, so be prepared for this possibility. After all, it’s their child they’re leaving, so they’re naturally going to be concerned. Be ready to offer them a light refreshment.

    

3. There are many aspects to PlayDates that you might want to think about before you leave your child in someone’s home. Some of these concerns include safety, watching TV, playing computer games and snacks. For most parents, not only is a PlayDate a social time, but it can also be a time to play outdoors and get exercise (weather permitting). Carefully survey the surroundings to see that you are comfortable leaving your child with this family. Don’t be afraid to ask the parent(s) if someone will be keeping an eye on the kids. And mention that you would prefer that your child not watch too much TV. You may also want to suggest that you reciprocate, with a PlayDate for their child in your home.

    

4. Always pick up your child at the specified time when the Play Date is to end. Have your child thank the host parent(s) and child. One way to make this a smooth transition to is practice with your own child before you go to the PlayDate. You will want to review the “thank you” and then tell your child to be ready to leave. It is very awkward for the host parent(s) to have to wait for you to leave, especially if they need to be other places or have other commitments.

    

5. Although this is optional, a Thank You note is always lovely. This is not necessary but will almost always be appreciated.

Potential Problems:

Reciprocal PlayDates
One of the problems that I have run across with the PlayDates is the issue of reciprocal play invitations. This is one of the most common complaints. What usually happens is a situation where your child likes another child and you find that you are always hosting the PlayDates for that relationship. Not only is this unfair, but there is really not very much you can do about it.

The only way that I have seen a turnaround occur, is if you very politely ask if it would be possible to have the other parent watch your child on a particular occasion. If they don’t repond to this request in a thoughtful way, then it is time for you to reassess that friendship.

Parenting Styles
When you begin to introduce your child to other families, you’re going to have to make some decisions about what kinds of friends you want to encourage your children to develop friendships with. Some people may do things in a completely different way than you would do them. In cases like this, you will have to decide whether you want to continue to have your children play together. Parenting styles would affect these kinds of decisions.

For instance: If you find that the mother of one of your children’s friends smokes continually, you may decide that you don’t want your child to be exposed to the smoke, so you may wish to discontinue the relationship. This is an extreme example, but there are many characteristics to parenting styles. Some of these styles run the gamut from extreme religious practices and strict punishments to the opposite: unstructured casual styles of parenting that include abrasive language, lack of supervision and older children who do not set a good example for the younger kids. There are also families who watch excessive amounts of TV or play computer games continuously.

The list is virtually endless. However, the bottom line is this: if you feel that your child is, in any way, learning something that you are not ready for them to learn, it is best to have that other child play at your house or to meet on some neutral ground, such as a Museum or playground.

When PlayDates look more Like Babysitting Than PlayDates
Sometimes you may have a mother ask you to have her child for a playdate while she has lunch with another friend. Even though this may seem offensive, it is a lovely gift to give someone else the chance to get out every now and then. By having her child over to your house, you are giving this mom a chance to get a much-needed break. Every mother needs one now and then. If you are the “babysitting” mom, it’s best to let the other mother know that you hope she has a good time and ask her if she could reciprocate this PlayDate for you sometime. More than likely, this situation can be a nice opportunity for both of you.

Admittedly, there are also mothers who might take advantage of this situation.

There is one other consideration here. That is the situation where you have all the kids at your house, all of the time, and the other mother does not want her “perfect house” to get messy, so she constantly encourages you to keep having the PlayDates at your house. This is one call that you’ll have to make for yourself. This is a value judgment, and the essential value that needs to be looked at is this: Are the children playing? As you think about this, you will want to ask yourself, who is this issue really about… the children playing or children not playing… or is it about the woman with the “perfect” house? If that’s the case, you must decide what works for you and for the children. If you feel taken advantage of, decline her request to watch her child.

Fighting Children
Sometimes children have disagreements during PlayDates. When there is no psychologist to jump in and make the appropriate suggestions on how to defuse an awkward moment, there is still something you can do to stop the kids from fighting.

Try to get the children to calm down and, to the best of their ability, describe the problem to you. Listen to both kids and make a decision based on what is objectively fair for both children. Be careful and sensitive to the guest child’s side of the story. Remember that this child is at a disadvantage, especially if the guest parent is not present to provide emotional support. The next best solution is to get them to play another game or to have them take a break and then change the focus of the activity.

When A Child Gets Hurt
This is such an unfortunate situation. This is also why it is very important to have all of the contact phone numbers you will need for a PlayDate. In this case, you will want to call the parents immediately and you will also want to care for the child that is hurt and probably frightened, as well. It is very essential to calm the child and do all that you can do to make them feel comfortable until their parents pick them up.

About The Article
This information provided by www.funplaydates.com.

by Rae Pica

Most people can understand how physical activity can impact not only their child’s physical development but also his social/emotional development. But intellectual development? What could movement possibly have to do with learning? After all, schools – where most of the child’s learning is supposed to take place – are our prime promoters of inactivity. (“Sit still.” “Stop squirming.” “Don’t run.” “Stay in your seat.”) If movement were critical to learning, wouldn’t the schools be employing it?

Certainly, you’d think so. Those of us who’ve understood the connection between moving and learning for a very long time have been waiting just as long for the educational “revolution.” And yet, not only is movement in the classroom a rarity, but also physical education and recess are being eliminated as though they were completely irrelevant to children’s growth and development. Perhaps the revolution will only finally arrive when you, as a parent, become aware of movement’s role in cognitive development and learning and begin to insist the schools do what’s right for children and not merely what the policy makers think they should be doing.

As Einstein so succinctly pointed out, “Learning is experience. Everything else is just information.” Piaget, the noted child development specialist studied by future teachers, labeled this learning sensorimotor and determined it was the child’s earliest form of learning. Since then, brain research has proven them both right.

But the most recent brain research has done much more than that. It’s now understood that, because a child’s earliest learning is based on motor development, so too is much of the knowledge that follows. The cerebellum, the part of the brain previously associated with motor control only, is now known to be, as Eric Jensen, author of numerous books on brain-based learning, puts it, a “virtual switchboard of cognitive activity.” Study after study has demonstrated a connection between the cerebellum and such cognitive functions as memory, spatial orientation, attention, language, and decision making, among others.

Thanks to advances in brain research, we now know that most of the brain is activated during physical activity – much more so than when doing seatwork. In fact, according to Jensen, sitting for more than 10 minutes at a stretch “reduces our awareness of physical and emotional sensations and increases fatigue.” He tells us this results in reduced concentration and, most likely, discipline problems.

Movement, on the other hand, increases blood vessels that allow for the delivery of oxygen, water, and glucose (“brain food”) to the brain. And this can’t help but optimize the brain’s performance!

All of this, of course, contradicts the longstanding and much-loved belief that children learn best when they’re sitting still and listening and working quietly at their desks. It also helps us understand why

• one Canadian study showed academic scores went up when a third of the school day was devoted to physical education.

   

• Canadian study demonstrated children participating in five hours of vigorous physical activity a week had stronger academic performance in math, English, natural sciences, and French than did children with only two hours of physical activity per week.

   

• study of third-grade children participating in dance activities improved their reading skills by 13 percent over six months, while their peers, who were sedentary, showed a decrease of two percent.

   

• in France, children who spent eight hours a week in physical education demonstrated better academic performance, greater independence, and more maturity than students with only 40 minutes of PE a week.

   

• children who participate in daily physical education have been shown to perform better academically and to have a better attitude toward school.

   

• a study conducted by neurophysiologist Carla Hannaford determined that children who spent an extra hour a day exercising did better on exams than students who didn’t exercise.

   

• recent research demonstrates a direct link between fitness and intelligence, particularly in children under 16 and in the elderly.

It is a huge mistake to think the mind and body are separate entities. The truth is that the domains of child development – physical, social, emotional, and cognitive – simply do not mature separately from one another. There’s an overlap and interrelatedness among them. And children do not differentiate among thinking, feeling, and moving. Thus, when a child learns something related to one domain, it impacts the others.

Research shows that movement is the young child’s preferred mode of learning – because they best understand concepts when they’re physically experienced. For example, children need to get high and low, small and large, wide and narrow shapes to truly understand these quantitative concepts. They need to act out simple computation problems (demonstrating the nursery rhyme “Three Little Monkeys” to discover three minus one equals two) to comprehend subtraction. They have to take on the straight and curving lines of the letters of the alphabet to fully grasp the way in which the letters should be printed.

Writing in Early Childhood Exchange, developmental and environmental psychologist Anita Rui Olds says: Until children have experiences orienting their bodies in space by going up, on, under, beside, inside, and in front of things, it is possible they will have difficulty dealing with letter identification and the orientation of symbols on a page. The only difference between a small “b” and a small “d,” for example, both of which are composed of a line and a circle, depends upon orientation, i.e., which side of the circle is the line on?

Eric Jensen labels this kind of hands-on learning implicit – like learning to ride a bike. At the opposite end of the spectrum is explicit learning – like being told the capital of Peru. He asks, if you hadn’t ridden a bike in five years, would you still be able to do it? And if you hadn’t heard the capital of Peru for five years, would you still remember what it was? Extrinsic learning may be quicker than learning through exploration and discovery, but the latter has greater meaning for children and stays with them longer. There are plenty of reasons for this, but one of them just may be that intrinsic learning creates more neural networks in the brain. And it’s more fun!

Carla Hannaford, in Smart Moves: Why Learning Is Not All in Your Head, states, “We have spent years and resources struggling to teach people to learn, and yet the standardized achievement test scores go down and illiteracy rises. Could it be that one of the key elements we’ve been missing is simply movement?”

About the Author
Rae Pica is a children’s movement specialist and the author of Your Active Child: How to Boost Physical, Emotional, and Cognitive Development through Age-Appropriate Activity (McGraw-Hill, 2003). Rae speaks to parent and education groups throughout North America. Visit her at www.movingandlearning.com.

by Kate Hufstetler

Vacations are fun! Weekends with the family are nice. But, Late Night Adventures are “simply marvelous”. If you really want to shine in your child’s eyes on a more regular basis– try some late night adventures with them.

By late night I am talking about adventures that start from 10pm on.

Shouldn’t kids be in bed at that time? — yes

Shouldn’t parents keep structure? — yes

Don’t parents need to set an example? — yes

Aren’t kids only young once? — YES and that is the point.

Take time to be magical in your child’s eyes. I applaud organized, structured family systems. I think it can be quite difficult for many families today that are over worked, tapped out, and stretched as far as time will allow for cramming in activities. Yet, since your kids are only young once– why not give it a shot and build a couple memories as the coolest parent on the block.

Here are a couple ideas that won’t take up much time or money but go a long way with kids:

• Wake up and watch a lightening / thunder storm at 11pm
• Grab a skateboard and hit the pavement at 1am
• During a snow freeze on the driveway and street out front– ice skate in athletic shoes at 2 am
• Go to bed early and make a run for Denny’s at 3 am
• Watch the sun rise together while eating Krispy Kreme donuts and drinking milk at 6 am (or even add homemade fortune cookies so you both have something cool to open up with a positive outlook pronounced on your day ahead)

The difference with about late night adventures with your children vs. weekends or vacations is simply that late night adventures are novelty, costing less money and more quality attention. Your kid will be the envy of the other kids– because what other parent do you know that does these things?! Believe me, the kids in our neighborhood still can’t get over some of the things my son tells them we do. In fact, they want to come along.

Every now and then, go on and forget about the adult in you and join your child in being a kid. Regain your sense of wonder and enchantment. Throw rules to the wind and have some innocent fun. If you do, I promise you will shine in their eyes and fill both your hearts with rich memories that will last your life time.

Until next time— all the best,

Kate

About The Author
Kate Hufstetler is a well established business, personal, and relationship coach. Her clients come from both the United States and overseas. She offers coaching services via email and phone consultations at flexible timing and financing to meet your every need. Through personal, business, spiritual mentorship, she could help you too! Please visit for available packages within your range: www.comedreamwithme.com/start_today.html.  Kate@comedreamwithme.com

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation

Question:
I always have to call my child repeatedly before he’ll respond. It’s like he has cotton in his ears! I can’t stand being ignored. How can I get him to come when I call him?

Think about it:
If your child knows that the worse consequence for not coming when called is that he has to listen to your repeated yodels, he may decide that you’re easy to ignore. He may have learned that he doesn’t have to take your calls seriously until your face is bright red, the veins are sticking out on your neck, and you bellow his middle name. This means, you need to change your behavior to get him to change his.

Do this:
Children learn through experience. When you repeatedly call, but he doesn’t show up until he’s ready, you’re actually teaching him to ignore you. Follow this procedure: Visually locate your child. Call once. Wait three minutes. Go to your child, take him by the hand, say, “When I call, I expect you to come.” Then lead him to the desired location. If you do this once or twice in front of his friends, I guarantee he’ll change his ways.

What are you modeling? Watch how the adults in your family call to each other and respond when someone calls them. Does the caller yell from two rooms away? Does the callee mumble, “in a minute” and then have to be reminded several times before responding? These are the models for your child’s behavior. Change the ways you respond to each other. Children learn what they live!

Understand your child:
Making a transition from one activity to another can be difficult for many children. Instead of calling, “Come here now!” try giving two warnings first, “Willard, you’ll need to come in five minutes.” A few minutes later, “Willard, two minutes.” Then,”Willard, please come in now.” At this point, wait a minute, and if he doesn’t respond go to him and take him by the hand saying, “When I call I expect you to come.”

Let him KNOW you understand:
Acknowledge your child’s desire to continue playing, followed by a firm statement and an action that promotes compliance, “I bet you wish you could stay in the pool forever, but it’s time to go now. Here’s your towel.”

Save your voice:
Use a dinner bell or timer to call your child. Tell him that when he hears the bell, he needs to come before you count to fifty. After a few practice runs you can create a consequence for not coming in response to the bell, such as skipping desert – just let your child know the specifics in advance as fair warning!

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

by Bridget Messino

Our children are probably the biggest clutter creators we have in our homes — even more so than the dreaded paper flow. It starts out innocently, when we find out we are expecting; then the purchasing frenzy swings into high gear and does not let up until, well, let’s just say many years down the road.

The clutter begins on the highly anticipated homecoming day when our countertops fill quickly with samples and instructions from the hospital. The bottles of formula, diapers, blankets and wipes all begin to take root on the counters and any and all other flat surfaces. You can kiss that nesting mode goodbye and say hello to survival mode!

Stage 1: Infant Organization

Obviously, organizing for an infant is the sole responsibility of the parent. The main areas for infant organization are:

• the changing table
• the diaper bag

The nursery’s changing table is a great place to start with simple organizing techniques. Divide the shelves below the changing surface with baskets; fill one with diapers and wipes, one with crib bedding and blankets, one with onesies and socks, etc. Baskets are a great accessory for the nursery because they are portable, lightweight and decorative. They are also readily available everywhere from discount stores to high-end decorating stores.

Next, the diaper bag can be your best friend when stocked and organized properly. Take some time before your next outing and take inventory of your contents. Diaper bags today have all these great little dividers and compartments for storing all your stuff. Upon returning from your outing re-stock and refresh your bag, so you will be ready for the next time you go visiting.

Stage 2: Toddler-Preschool Organization

Organizing this active group can be a challenge, but there are several organizing exercises in which you can involve your child, including putting away:

• books
• videos
• toys

The clear plastic containers that you can find all over these days are great kid-friendly storage solutions. Try labeling each one with a picture of its contents to make for easy cleanup for those little non-readers (store advertisements and catalogs are a great picture source, as well as printing pictures from internet sites).

Baskets are also great for storing their favorite books and videotapes, though you might want to store them out of reach to prevent them from constantly being dumped out on the floor! Little hands can manipulate a basket with much more confidence than a tightly stuffed bookshelf. Lastly, designate an area in your home for the toys. It is important for your child to understand that their toys have a place and need to make their way back there before bedtime.

Stage 3: School Age Organization

By this time, your kids are busy with many of their own activities and all the required “stuff” that goes with it. As frustrating as it may be the tenth time you have to remind your child to put away their belongings or straighten up their shelves, do not give in to the temptation to just do it yourself. This is a critical time period for developing life-long habit and you will both gain from a little patience and consistency.

Encourage your children to keep a calendar of their activities and after school commitments. Display a master family calendar, so everyone is informed and no one is left ride-less or out of the loop.

Laundry at this stage of parenting can become quite an overwhelming task. Invest in basket-sorter hampers for the kids’ laundry; your kids are quite capable at this age of sorting their dirty clothes by color. The pre-sort saves you time on laundry day.

Stage 4: High School and Beyond
Keep up the encouragement — these young adults have a lot on their minds and schedules. This can be an extremely stressful time with the college applications, spring break plans, graduations, not to mention a full course load and endless extra-curricular activities. Good time management skills are critical to maintaining these over-extended calendars. Paired with time management skills, organizational skills will help create a smooth transition to whatever path your children choose (restocking the diaper bag now seems like a cinch, doesn’t it?).

Rest assured that all your hard work building a good organizing foundation will remain with your children throughout their adult life. Who knows — maybe they will win the lottery one day and know exactly where they filed their winning ticket because they were raised in a home that stressed organization, and to show their gratitude share the prize with mom and dad.

Copyright 2004
Bridget Messino

About the author
Bridget Messino is a Professional Organizer and co-owner of Clutter Free Living, Inc. Her work frequently appears on many Internet sites and on her own organizing site Clutter Free Living as well as in her monthly Home Organizing Newsletter How to Be Clutter Free. Subscribe to the FREE monthly e-newsletter by sending a blank e-mail to cflnews-subscribe@topica.email-publisher.com

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

None of us want “spoiled” kids – kids who are bratty, self-centered, demanding, inconsiderate. So, what spoils children and what doesn’t?

When I was raising my children, I was often told that I would spoil them if I didn’t let them cry – if I held them a lot. Fortunately, I didn’t believe this nonsense.

You can’t spoil a child with love. Children need love as much as they need food and water. The problem is in defining “love.”

We are not giving love to our children when we give them everything they want on the material level. Parents often think they are loving their children when they pile them up with all the toys or activities they desire, but what is the actual result of indulging our children in this way?

There are three big negative consequence of “spoiling” our children on the material level:

1. It fosters addictive behavior – filling up from the outside with things and activities rather than filling up from the inside through caring and creativity. Too many adults are addicted to spending or other activities to fill up their emptiness. If they are stressed, instead of dealing with the source of their stress – which is generally some way they are not taking care of themselves – they cover their feelings with some addictive behavior such as spending, TV, food, alcohol, and so on. When we offer our children too many toys, too many activities, too much comfort food, or allow too much TV, we are not loving them. We are training them to be addicted.

    

2. Often parents provide things and activities for their children while denying their own needs. It’s not loving to children to give in to their every demand, especially if it means putting yourself aside. When you constantly give in to your children and deny your own needs, children learn that it’s okay to disregard others needs and be demanding brats. Children may not learn to consider others if you do not expect them to consider you by considering yourself. They will learn to treat you the way you treat yourself, so it is not loving to your children to disregard yourself. When you disrespect yourself, you teach your children to be disrespectful.

    

3. One of the big issues in our society is that children learn to identify their self-worth with others’ approval for how they look, how many toys they have, how expensive their clothes are. Unless parents show their children that they value them for their inner qualities – their caring, creativity, compassion, laughter, joy, passion for life – rather than for their looks, possessions and performance, children learn to attach their self-worth to other’s approval. True self-worth comes from inside, from knowing we are valuable for who we are, not for how we look or what we do. Unfortunately, our materialistic society fosters attaching self-worth and lovability to others’ approval for things such as a car or a house or clothes. When we “spoil” our children with material possessions, we foster co-dependency, which is dependency on others’ approval for our sense of worth.

We can spoil our children with material things, but we can’t spoil them with love. Love is the energy of acceptance for who the child really is. Love is understanding, compassion, caring. You are loving your children when you spend time just being with them, hanging out with them, being fully present with them, really listening to them. The greatest gift you can give to your children is to value them for who they really are on the inside. This is love, and nothing material can ever replace it.

As we move into the holidays, you might want to examine the values and expectations you are imparting to your children. Perhaps instead of all the money being spent on presents for your children, the whole family could participate in buying clothing and food for those who are in need. Imagine the real gift you could give your children if Thanksgiving, Christmas and Chanukah were times of true service in addition to feasting and sharing gifts with each other. Rather than “spoiling” our children by giving them too much, why not enhance their self-worth by providing them opportunities to be giving, caring human beings?

About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? She is the co-creator of a powerful healing process called Inner Bonding. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com.