by Elizabeth Pantley author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007)

Family life is complicated and unpredictable. Day-to-day expectations and responsibilities can create angry emotions in both parents and children. No matter how skilled you are at parenting, no matter how wonderful your children are, you cannot eliminate or avoid the unpleasant situations that occur in all families. However, once you understand where the anger comes from you can modify the situation and learn ways to control your reactions, so that anger can occupy a smaller place in your home.

Our children bring us incredible joy. Yet, there are times that they can bring out the anger in us. It is helpful to identify the things that provoke your anger so you can make positive changes in your household.

What sets you off?
Most parents get angry over issues that are insignificant in the grand scheme of life, yet happen on such a regular basis that they become blown out of proportion. Some of the most common parenting issues that trigger anger are whining, temper tantrums, sibling bickering, and non-cooperation. Determine which behaviors most bother you and set about making a plan to correct each problem that sets off your anger.

Notice your hot spots
In addition to triggers, there are “hot spots” in the day when anger more easily rises to the surface. These are typically times when family members are tired, hungry or stressed. These emotions leave us more vulnerable to anger. This can happen in the early morning, before naptime, before meals, or at bedtime. You may also encounter situations when misbehavior increases, and so does your anger: grocery shopping, playdates, or family visits, for example.

Set a plan
Determine if there are things you can do differently to ward off some of the issues that spark your anger. For example, if the morning rush brings stress, you can prepare things the night before: set out clothing, pack lunches, collect shoes. Then create a “morning poster” that outlines the daily routine step-by-step.

If you find that tempers are shorter in the hour before dinner, set out healthy appetizers, enlist the kids’ help in preparing dinner, get the kids involved in a craft activity, or plan an earlier meal time.

Doing things the way you’ve always done them and expecting different results only leaves you frustrated and angry. Instead, identify your anger triggers and take action to change things for the better.

Learn something new
Once you’ve identified a problem, consider several options for solving it. Jot down possible alternatives on paper, or talk it over with another adult. Read through a few parenting books and check the indexes for your topic. Visit an online parenting chat group or posting board. There’s no reason for you to make decisions in a vacuum – I guarantee that the problems you are dealing with are common and there are lots of sources for solutions.

Be flexible
Anger is not something that can be dealt with once and then will go away. Your children grow and change, and new issues appear. From time to time take a fresh look at the issues that create negative emotions in your family and take action to change things for the better.

Let love help
And, finally, at times of anger, hold on to the feeling of love that is the foundation of your relationship with your child. Take time every day to bask in the joy of being a parent. Take time to play, talk and listen. Hug, kiss and cuddle your child often. When you build up this foundation of positive love and emotions you will find yourself less likely to experience intense anger.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

By Candice Silsby

We are all overwhelmed by constant advertising. Parents are likely overwhelmed by all the challenges of being parents. I was an early childhood teacher for six years and I have been a children’s entertainer for over eight years. When I browse through K-*rt and the like, I think “landfill waste” and crying children.

I hear over and over again, “she has so many toys” While I love the idea of moderation and know that this culture has way too many possessions, I am concerned about the quality of the toys children have and how carefully they were selected.

A close friend of mine is constantly says “no” to her children when we are shopping- perfect strangers comment to me about how good she is at saying no to her kids as if they have never heard a parent do so. She refuses to buy them cheap junk that they beg for…I suppose they are attracted to the bright colors or the anticipation of the plastic ball coming out of the gum ball machine.

I say value is everything. Selecting a toy should be a careful process- not one motivated by “mommy I want…” Play is so important to child development. Shouldn’t the toys they play with be an educational investment?

These are my personal pointers: 1) What will the toy teach my child? This answer should be obvious and there should be more then one answer.

2) How safe is this toy?

3) *** this one is so very important in the electronic age- Is it an active toy for a passive child or a passive toy for an active child. I am sorry to say that too many are active toys for passive children which is not only lacking in educational benefit, but also encouraging children to be passive therefore uninvolved, anti-social and inactive.

4) How long will this toy last? What is the guaranteed offered by the company selling the toy? Believe it or not Discovery Toys has a lifetime guarantee on all toys.

5) How long will my child make use of and learn from this toy? Does the toy grow with my child or does the child grow out of the toy? Remember if there is a lifetime guarantee younger siblings will also enjoy your toy investment.

About the Author
Candice Silsby has an extensive background in Early Childhood Education and Human Dev elopement. She have six years experience working with young children as a pre-school teacher and caregiver for children under 3. She worked with special ed children for two years. She has eight years experience as a child entertainer and currently has her own business doing puppet shows for children. She is a Discovery Toys Educational Consultant because the toys are educational and developmentally appropriate. These toys meet the high scrutiny of her Developmental Education background. Discovery Toys improve the quality of life for children and families therefore the world.

by Rae Pica

Most people can understand how physical activity can impact not only their child’s physical development but also his social/emotional development. But intellectual development? What could movement possibly have to do with learning? After all, schools – where most of the child’s learning is supposed to take place – are our prime promoters of inactivity. (“Sit still.” “Stop squirming.” “Don’t run.” “Stay in your seat.”) If movement were critical to learning, wouldn’t the schools be employing it?

Certainly, you’d think so. Those of us who’ve understood the connection between moving and learning for a very long time have been waiting just as long for the educational “revolution.” And yet, not only is movement in the classroom a rarity, but also physical education and recess are being eliminated as though they were completely irrelevant to children’s growth and development. Perhaps the revolution will only finally arrive when you, as a parent, become aware of movement’s role in cognitive development and learning and begin to insist the schools do what’s right for children and not merely what the policy makers think they should be doing.

As Einstein so succinctly pointed out, “Learning is experience. Everything else is just information.” Piaget, the noted child development specialist studied by future teachers, labeled this learning sensorimotor and determined it was the child’s earliest form of learning. Since then, brain research has proven them both right.

But the most recent brain research has done much more than that. It’s now understood that, because a child’s earliest learning is based on motor development, so too is much of the knowledge that follows. The cerebellum, the part of the brain previously associated with motor control only, is now known to be, as Eric Jensen, author of numerous books on brain-based learning, puts it, a “virtual switchboard of cognitive activity.” Study after study has demonstrated a connection between the cerebellum and such cognitive functions as memory, spatial orientation, attention, language, and decision making, among others.

Thanks to advances in brain research, we now know that most of the brain is activated during physical activity – much more so than when doing seatwork. In fact, according to Jensen, sitting for more than 10 minutes at a stretch “reduces our awareness of physical and emotional sensations and increases fatigue.” He tells us this results in reduced concentration and, most likely, discipline problems.

Movement, on the other hand, increases blood vessels that allow for the delivery of oxygen, water, and glucose (“brain food”) to the brain. And this can’t help but optimize the brain’s performance!

All of this, of course, contradicts the longstanding and much-loved belief that children learn best when they’re sitting still and listening and working quietly at their desks. It also helps us understand why

• one Canadian study showed academic scores went up when a third of the school day was devoted to physical education.

   

• Canadian study demonstrated children participating in five hours of vigorous physical activity a week had stronger academic performance in math, English, natural sciences, and French than did children with only two hours of physical activity per week.

   

• study of third-grade children participating in dance activities improved their reading skills by 13 percent over six months, while their peers, who were sedentary, showed a decrease of two percent.

   

• in France, children who spent eight hours a week in physical education demonstrated better academic performance, greater independence, and more maturity than students with only 40 minutes of PE a week.

   

• children who participate in daily physical education have been shown to perform better academically and to have a better attitude toward school.

   

• a study conducted by neurophysiologist Carla Hannaford determined that children who spent an extra hour a day exercising did better on exams than students who didn’t exercise.

   

• recent research demonstrates a direct link between fitness and intelligence, particularly in children under 16 and in the elderly.

It is a huge mistake to think the mind and body are separate entities. The truth is that the domains of child development – physical, social, emotional, and cognitive – simply do not mature separately from one another. There’s an overlap and interrelatedness among them. And children do not differentiate among thinking, feeling, and moving. Thus, when a child learns something related to one domain, it impacts the others.

Research shows that movement is the young child’s preferred mode of learning – because they best understand concepts when they’re physically experienced. For example, children need to get high and low, small and large, wide and narrow shapes to truly understand these quantitative concepts. They need to act out simple computation problems (demonstrating the nursery rhyme “Three Little Monkeys” to discover three minus one equals two) to comprehend subtraction. They have to take on the straight and curving lines of the letters of the alphabet to fully grasp the way in which the letters should be printed.

Writing in Early Childhood Exchange, developmental and environmental psychologist Anita Rui Olds says: Until children have experiences orienting their bodies in space by going up, on, under, beside, inside, and in front of things, it is possible they will have difficulty dealing with letter identification and the orientation of symbols on a page. The only difference between a small “b” and a small “d,” for example, both of which are composed of a line and a circle, depends upon orientation, i.e., which side of the circle is the line on?

Eric Jensen labels this kind of hands-on learning implicit – like learning to ride a bike. At the opposite end of the spectrum is explicit learning – like being told the capital of Peru. He asks, if you hadn’t ridden a bike in five years, would you still be able to do it? And if you hadn’t heard the capital of Peru for five years, would you still remember what it was? Extrinsic learning may be quicker than learning through exploration and discovery, but the latter has greater meaning for children and stays with them longer. There are plenty of reasons for this, but one of them just may be that intrinsic learning creates more neural networks in the brain. And it’s more fun!

Carla Hannaford, in Smart Moves: Why Learning Is Not All in Your Head, states, “We have spent years and resources struggling to teach people to learn, and yet the standardized achievement test scores go down and illiteracy rises. Could it be that one of the key elements we’ve been missing is simply movement?”

About the Author
Rae Pica is a children’s movement specialist and the author of Your Active Child: How to Boost Physical, Emotional, and Cognitive Development through Age-Appropriate Activity (McGraw-Hill, 2003). Rae speaks to parent and education groups throughout North America. Visit her at www.movingandlearning.com.

by Francie Kelley

Does music need to be “dumbed-down” for kids? The answer became quite clear to me and my husband as we observed how our own child responded to complex melodies and varied musical styles in the first months of her life.

When I embarked on the recording of my children’s music CD (“Wake Up & Go To Sleep”, Artsong Music) shortly after my daughter was born, it didn’t occur to me to create a happy little watered down collection of songs made just for young listeners. The songs simply evolved as the experiential narrative of a new mom.

My husband, jazz guitarist and composer Pat Kelley, arranged and produced the CD bringing his rich diverse musical experience into play and giving the CD a broad stylistic range. Our daughter Katie seemed delighted by the whole project, which took four years to complete. She even contributed song writing and vocal performances.

It was only later, when the CD was released and people began to listen, that we discovered how much parents were moved by it. We have received many thanks for creating music that is a pleasure to listen to alone and with children.

Children have a more innate ability to absorb music than most adults. At a young age they have minds that are open to everything rather than filled with influences telling them what they should and should not like. Our daughter feels joy listening to Mozart, Hawaiian music, The Beatles, or Glenn Miller. Music only requires an open mind to find enjoyment in its beauty.

The earliest experience of music is in a child’s first cry. Crying has tone and is the earliest sound that expresses emotion. For many infants, the next experience of music is the intimate songs a mother sings as she rocks and soothes her baby to sleep. Indeed this is a mother’s own sound language that is completely unique to her and her baby. These may be some of the most meaningful and bonding moments of the mother/infant relationship.

But where do you go from here? If you begin to expose babies to myriad musical styles, you can witness early responses. Even in the early weeks of life, a baby will respond to complex classical works. Our daughter at three weeks old reacted to a Rachmaninoff piano concerto, eyes searching, facial changes pronounced. Clearly these sounds had a dramatic and positive effect. After having been very active kicking and fussing, she became still, seemingly enthralled in the music.

By exposing kids to a variety of musical styles, they begin to develop their response to what moves them to sing and dance, or be calmed, and even what turns them off. Critical listening can start early. And by exposing them to varied music they will develop the ability to appreciate many different styles. Your kids are completely open and ready to absorb anything new. There is no reason to limit what they hear just because you might think they are too young to understand it. Great music does not require understanding to be enjoyed and absorbed on the most organic level.

Sometimes music helps children express what they aren’t able to articulate. In the earliest days, it is often simply the sheer joy of singing and using the voice that enables a child to begin to develop a love of music. Singing just feels good, both emotionally and physically to a child. Dancing or moving to music is a natural expression of rhythm, which is part of life. Encourage your children to sing and dance and they will be more free and expressive.

As you explore the world of children’s music, also introduce the music you like to your kids. This can be a time for both of you to explore new musical styles such as jazz, classical, bluegrass, blues, funk, and a variety of world and ethnic music. If you aren’t sure what to buy, visit your local library. Most libraries have a very good section of CDs in a broad range of styles. Ask the librarian for suggestions. Try checking out a different style CD each week. Of course you can browse the Internet and visit your favorite on-line music stores. Many sites offer downloadable music samples.

Music is at the heart of a child’s spirit. In our CD “Wake Up & Go To Sleep” we celebrate that spirit and the preciousness of childhood. We make music for fun and for interaction. Music should inspire little souls to think outside the box!

As your children develop a musical vocabulary, let them take you along for the ride.

Attend outdoor concerts where kids can dance and run around to the music. Many venues offer free concerts in the summer, in a variety of styles. Get Jammin’ with your kids. It’s a blast!

Let music fill your children’s hearts with joy, and in return it will do the same for you.

About The Author
Francie Kelley is a singer, songwriter, art dealer and mom. Her CD “Wake Up and Go to Sleep” is the winner of a prestigious 2003 Parent’s Choice Award and is available on Amazon.com and CDBaby.com. For more info about Francie and her music, visit www.franciekelley.com.

by Shelley Ruiz

Nurture and Teach
The single most important thing caregivers can do for a child is provide a nurturing environment. By doing this, we influence children’s brain development and their ability to learn. Introducing nurtured children to learning opportunities every day will help them become happy, well-adjusted adults. In all stages of child development, each experience builds on the one before it. The most basic foundations can serve as the basis for the comprehension of more complex ideas in future years.

Learning Begins at Birth
We are born with billions of brain cells – in fact, all we will ever have. What is missing is a large amount of connections – synapses – between those brain cells. Synapses start developing based on a child’s experiences. Children’s brains develop faster from birth to age three than any other time; and more learning takes place during this time than any other. The more learning opportunities parents provide for their children from birth until school age, the more synapses are made. The connections will serve as a pool of knowledge for a child to access in later years.

Because children’s earliest experiences affect how they will think, learn and behave, helping children learn from birth to school age is a crucial activity. Parents and other caregivers can create a strong foundation for learning by providing a nurturing and rich learning environment from the very beginning.

Children Seek Learning Experiences
Not only do children need to be physically active, it is their nature to look for opportunities to learn. They participate in learning by using their senses and asking countless questions in order to more fully understand the task at hand.

Creating a Learning Environment
Children enjoy learning when they can master an activity. Begin with a simple task and expand or complicate it after your child has enjoyed some successes.

Create a safe and secure learning environment. This will help children do their best learning rather than distract them. Key to creating this environment is treating your child with respect and caring.

Where Do Children Learn?
Children learn everywhere from school to the doctor’s office to the grocery store. As do adults, children learn from interacting with others and watching their parents’ behavior. Kids are highly influenced by the people in their lives, especially adults who they are close to.

Not All Children Learn in the Same Way
In the book Frame of Mind, Howard Gardner described his theory of multiple intelligences. We all have a certain way we prefer to learn. The seven multiple intelligences Gardner points to are interpersonal, intrapersonal, bodily-kinesthetic, spatial, musical, logical-mathematical and linguistic. We have the most success teaching our children when we can recognize their style of learning (as well as our style of teaching) and incorporate activities accordingly.

Playing and Learning
The main way children collect and process information is through play. Play is the repetition that reinforces old skills and encourages new ones. Because play is enjoyable, children’s minds are open. Children are capable of much learning through play because they are very receptive and relaxed. Take advantage of this benefit and select activities that are fun and educational. Your children will learn, and you will both enjoy the experience.

About The Author
Shelley Ruiz is a homeschooling parent and the owner of Magic Lark Learning which provides parents and teachers with resources for making learning fun, including a free quarterly online journal of poems and stories for kids. anything@magiclarklearning.com.

By Candice Silsby

Children rarely make a conscious decision to play. For a child to play is a natural response to being alive. Children play to explore, learn and understand their place in the world.

Often play is a problem solving task- children don’t set out to conquer tasks and problem solve it occurs as they relate to others, to objects and to their environment. It starts at infancy looking, tasting, touching- experience by observation for the most part. Once an infant can move and grasp objects they begin to experience the world around them through interaction and manipulation objects, the environment and others.

I have observed babies repeated working with cause and effect- they perform the same action to a passive object repeatedly. It is almost as if they are ensuring that the same action creates the same response. Usually outside stimuli will interrupt this repetition sequence and the infant is distracted and on to the next experience. Sometimes the infant will vary the action.

Passive objects are important to learning and have enormous potential for years to come. With a passive toy a child can use and manipulate it in more sophisticated ways as she develops. Typically electronic toys give temporary pleasure- the child will beg for them and initially be very excited about this fancy gadget.

However, once the novelty of what this fancy high tech object can do wears off, the child will loose interest. Why would they stay interested in something that eventually becomes predictable? A non-electronic passive educational toy may not produce the same initial excitement but interest will be sustained indefinitely. The reason for this is that the child has the power to change what the toy can do and their experience continually evolves. The toy thus grows with the child and learning is significantly enhance.

About the Author
Candice Silsby has an extensive background in Early Childhood Education and Human Dev elopement. She have six years experience working with young children as a pre-school teacher and caregiver for children under 3. She worked with special ed children for two years. She has eight years experience as a child entertainer and currently has her own business doing puppet shows for children. She is a Discovery Toys Educational Consultant because the toys are educational and developmentally appropriate. These toys meet the high scrutiny of her Developmental Education background. Discovery Toys improve the quality of life for children and families therefore the world.

By Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, PhD, Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, PhD, and Diane Eyer, PhD

How can we help children blossom socially and emotionally? Read on for some specific tips.

Look for opportunities to discuss other people’s feelings
By explaining how other people would feel if a particular act occurred, you teach your child to take the perspective of others. “If you hit Irving over the head with that truck, he will probably feel very bad and cry. Do you want that to happen?”

Creating a sensitive human being takes work! It often seems a lot easier to just stop vexing and dangerous toddler behavior without explaining what consequences would follow and why, and how someone would feel as a result. Of course, tomorrow someone will probably come out with a video that claims to teach your child how to work and play well with others. But that product would be a drop in the bucket compared with the power that comes from ongoing human relationships where both mind and heart are learning together. What fills the bucket is the interaction children and adults experience: a product of basic social need.

Watch your language
One way to bring up the perspectives of others is to ask your child about the characters in the stories you read together. Ask questions such as “How do you think this person (the character) feels? How would you feel if you were this person? What do you think the person’s friends could do to help him to feel better?”

In fact, many of the current social and emotional programs that teach children about how to be a good person use games in which children adopt different perspectives. One example is the Interpersonal Cognitive Problem Solving program for elementary school children, which was developed by Professor Myrna Shure of Drexel University in Philadelphia. After the adult shows the children pictures of scenes or verbally describes scenarios such as a fight in school or a moment of frustration, the children are asked, “How do you think this person felt in the story? How might you feel if you were that person? How would you want others to react to you?” At Pennsylvania State University, Professor Mark Greenberg created another program of this type called PATHS (Promoting Alternative Thinking Strategies) that helps children talk about their feelings. These programs have been maximally effective in reducing aggressive behavior and are training children on how to understand others’ minds. They are now used widely in school programs.

Explain to your child that there are causes for people’s feelings
Research by Professor Judy Dunn and her colleagues at Pennsylvania State University examined the conversations that fifty 33-month-old children had in their homes with their mothers about feelings and about what causes them. For example, a mother might say, “You broke my glass (the cause) and that makes me sad (the outcome).” Such conversations were just what Professor Dunn and her colleagues looked for in the parent-child dialogues.

She found that at 40 months, children differed widely in their appreciation of emotions and other minds. The results of this study tell us that talk about emotions and what causes emotions impacts children’s developing theory of mind. Hearing an explanation for others’ behavior does at least two things. It may help stunt the natural anger that arises when you are thwarted so you can respond more constructively. It may also help you look for such mitigating explanations on your own in future altercations. And these differences, in turn, will influence how well children interact with their peers and teachers.

Stop bullying in its tracks
The extreme example of children who are not thinking of the welfare of others is the bully. If your child is frequently the target of bullies, it may be a sign that she is less socially competent and, therefore, has fewer friends and is seen as vulnerable. It turns out that children who are more socially competent and who have more friends are less likely to be bullied.

Researchers have determined that both the bullies and the bullied tend to have certain typical characteristics: The majority of victims, for instance, reinforce bullies by giving in to their demands, crying, assuming defensive postures, and failing to fight back. Victims tend to have a history of overly intrusive parenting, with parents who are controlling and overprotective. These parenting behaviors prompt anxiety, low self-esteem, and dependency, which combine to radiate vulnerability. Bullies often bank on their victim’s dependency and vulnerability; they know the other child won’t fight back. This makes the bully feel powerful. Of course, bullies have their own social deficits. They tend to come from families where there is little warmth or affection. The families also report trouble sharing their feelings. Sometimes parents of bullies have very punitive and rigid discipline styles. Finally, bullies feel less discomfort than average children at the thought of causing pain and suffering.

So what can be done for bullies and their victims? Preschools and kindergartens where peer socialization is integrated into the curriculum are good places to start helping them. Anxious, withdrawn children will benefit greatly from developing just one good friendship. And even when they have conflicts with their peers (yes, conflict is inevitable), they’ll be learning valuable lessons in how to interpret social cues accurately. But in addition to the teaching of social skills at school, it’s also important to evaluate the relationship you have with your child, especially if you suspect that he’s a bully. Remember: Bullies tend to come from families where there’s a lack of affection or little sharing of feelings. Take the time to ask your child how he’s feeling and to really listen to his answer. When he expresses anger or rage, work with him to help him regulate his negative emotions and find peaceful ways to resolve them. Finally, when he talks about problems he’s having with his peers, brainstorm with him to come up with skillful ways he could resolve them.

Finally, children who are not bullies or victims have a powerful role to play in shaping the behavior of other children. Teach your children to speak up on behalf of children being bullied. “Don’t treat her that way; it’s not nice.” “Hitting is not a good way to solve problems. Let’s find a teacher and talk about what happened.” For more examples and role-play situations, check out Sherryll Kraizer’s The Safe Child Book.

Make space for social time
Children sometimes just need to hang out with others or to be by themselves. It might seem as if they are doing “nothing,” but there’s a lot to learn from unscheduled time on their own or with other children. Children need to be able to be spontaneous — to be able to just goof off! Creating playdates for our children helps them diversify their social world and develop additional social tools for dealing with a greater variety of social challenges. And social interactions give you opportunities for discussing emotional situations and others’ perspectives. This cannot be obtained on the fly, in the car between activities, but only from real social interaction that you are present to observe and comment on and coach as the occasion arises.

If your child is in child care or preschool, be sure to build strong connections with your child’s caregiver or teacher
You want your child’s emotions taken seriously when he is not with you, too, and you want that emotional coaching going on whenever a conflict comes up. If you talk with the caregiver on a daily basis about how your child is doing and ask questions about how he gets along with his peers and how disagreements are handled, you’ll have a better sense of whether emotional coaching and mentoring is going on. Get in the habit of building strong ties to the people whom your child spends time with just as it makes a difference when children get consistent messages from their parents, it’s important that the messages they receive from their child care providers are consistent as well.

While there are many things we can do to foster social development, here are some general suggestions for helping your children to tune in to their own feelings.

Avoid ignoring or belittling your child’s feelings
Although often you’d wish such moments would just go away, times of emotional upset can be understood as key opportunities for teaching children how to avoid or resolve such situations, while also taking the feelings of others into consideration. View these times as opportunities to teach your children how to make lemonade out of lemons, while still allowing them to experience their feelings of hurt or disappointment. A versatile recipe for lemonade will be very useful for dealing with life’s inevitable frustrations.

Try to see the world through your children’s eyes
Once you do, you’ll recognize that the things that cause our children pain are often different from the things that cause us, as adults, pain. You don’t want to treat your children any differently than you would want to be treated when you express your emotions. How would you feel if you confided in a friend about something that bothered you and she made fun of you and laughed? Make a point of teaching your child that it’s okay to show negative emotion, such as sadness or fear. Likewise, try to demonstrate positive ways of coping with your own anger and negative feelings. Remember: Your children are watching you for lessons on regulating their emotions.

The bottom line is to talk to your children and invite them to talk to you. The more you try to understand how they feel and help them understand how an event happened, the more coping skills your child will develop. And, as we have documented, social skills are essential for doing well, both in school and in life.

Reprinted from: Einstein Never Used Flash Cards: How Our Children Really Learn — And Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D., and Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D., with Diane Eyer, Ph.D. © 2003 by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D., and Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D.

About the Authors
Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D., is a member of the psychology department at Temple University, where she directs the Infant Language Laboratory and participated in one of the nation’s largest studies of the effects of child care. The mother of three sons, she also composes and performs children’s music. Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D., is the H. Rodney Sharp Professor in the School of Education at the University of Delaware, where she holds a joint appointment with the departments of linguistics and psychology and directs the Infant Language Project. She has also been a recipient of the John Simon Guggenheim Memorial Fellowship and is the mother of a son and a daughter. Together, the authors were featured on the PBS Human Language series and are the authors of How Babies Talk. Diane Eyer, Ph.D., is a member of the psychology department at Temple University and author of Motherguilt and Mother-Infant Bonding.

For more information, please visitwww.writtenvoices.com.

Learning to scrapbook has never been this easy! Now you can create beautiful scrapbooks, letting you enjoy your memories for generations to come. Years from now you’ll be able to look back at the moments and memories that are happening right now.

Scrap Tutor is an easy-to-use CD-ROM that will teach you how to start scrapbooking. You’ll then learn how to create beautiful pages using some of the most popular techniques used by scrapbookers today.

You’ll learn how to:

• Organize an album and choose the right photographs
• coordinate papers and achieve balance
• create memorable titles and journaling
• and you’ll learn to perform 14 popular scrapbooking techniques

The Scrap Tutor CD-ROM contains:

• 45 minutes of instructional videos so you can see how others make scrapbooks
• example layouts from some of the best scrapbookers
• step by step instructions and tips for better scrapping
• access to our online community so you can ask questions
• and much more!

Preserve your baby’s life today!     Benefits | Features | Samples

Are you a first time grandparent? If you are, you may be nervous and unsure of yourself and your intended roles. After all, a large amount of time has likely passed since you were a parent yourself. That is why many new grandparents are urged to take the time to re-familiarize themselves with newborns and infants.

Although you are likely well aware of the fact that newborns and infants are fragile, you may need to refresh your memory when it comes to feeding, burping, bathing, dressing, and changing your new grandchild’s diapers. When your new grandchild comes home, you will want to keep a close eye on your son or daughter to examine their actions. In all honesty, once you see your new grandchild getting a bath or having their diaper changed, it should all come back to you. Just remember to proceed with caution.

Grandparents often spend large amounts of time with their new grandchildren, especially in the first years. Whether you stop by for a visit or take on the role of a babysitter, it is important to know your grandchild’s feeding schedule and habits. This is particularly important if you will be watching your grandchild in your own home. While many parents will send a supply of diapers and baby formula, you may also wish to purchase your own supply. This is okay, as long as you receive the proper information first. Constantly changing diapers and baby formula can unintentionally cause problems for newborns and infants.

One of the many tasks that you will likely complete, when assisting your son or daughter with your new grandchild, involves dressing. When dressing your new grandchild, especially newborns and infants, it is important to double check everything. Newborns and infants are at an increased risk of suffocation from wearing the wrong clothes or from clothes that weren’t properly put on. Make sure that there are no dangerous or loose buttons on your grandchild’s clothing, as well as strings that may pose chocking hazards. If anything looks out of the ordinarily, it may be best to choose a new outfit. You are also advised to keep these safety points in mind when shopping for baby clothes.

The above mentioned tips are just a few of the many that can help you adjust to your new role as a grandparent. There is nothing wrong with purchasing a baby book for yourself or doing additional research online. In fact, the more knowledgeable you are about newborns and infants, the more helpful support you will be able to provide your family with.

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Kid Cooperation and Perfect Parenting

During their growth and development, children go through many stages of self-doubt. They are always comparing themselves to others, and they often see themselves as coming up short. As parents, we can offset this natural tendency in our children by giving them the skills to think more positively. It is important that you really listen to your children, and help them overcome their negative thoughts and beliefs. This is, of course, easier to do if you practice positive thinking yourself.

Our world is so full of negative feedback. We need to arm our children with a positive attitude, so that they can stay focused in the right direction. Let’s look at some typical negative statements from children, along with some positive responses from their wise parents:

I can’t do it
Take your time and try again. I have confidence in you.

Heather hates me
Sounds like you’re feeling rejected by Heather, and that must hurt. I know you want Heather to like you. Remember that you’re a very lovable kid and a terrific person, no matter what Heather, or anyone else, says or does. And, you know, she may have a problem that has nothing to do with you.

I’m just no good in history
You’ve brought up Cs before—I know you can do it again. Besides that, honey, nobody is good at everything. And look at this A in math, you’ve always done well with numbers!

I’m so clumsy. I’ll never learn to rollerblade!
It’s tough learning something new. Remember when you first tried to ski, how hard it was? But you stuck with it, and now you’re really good at skiing.

There is real value in discussing positive thinking and self-esteem with your children on a regular basis. Sadly, these subjects are not yet included in the school curriculum. There are good books written for children, as well as adults, which demonstrate the use of positive thinking. Reading a book together is a good launching pad for starting a conversation. Pointing out positive versus negative attitudes from news stories or life stories is an excellent way of showing your children just how this all works in real life, too.

A great web site for finding lots of wonderful positive messages is: greatday.com.

Modeling a positive attitude is one of the most effective ways of teaching your children. Children learn what they live. So start presenting your thoughts in a positive way, Oh well, I burned the dinner—guess that means we get to eat cereal for dinner!

Parents always hope that their children will have a positive outlook on life, but most often how this happens is left to chance. When you take this matter into your hands, and look for ways to guide your children’s thoughts in a positive direction, you will see very exciting results.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.