It’s a very natural thing to blame yourself when you suffer a miscarriage. I did. I wracked my brain in a futile attempt to come up with some answers. Anything. Nothing the doctor said could convince me that there wasn’t something I did to make this happen.

So, I prolonged my suffering. By blaming myself I only made things worse. It was not my fault- just as it’s not your fault that you’ve miscarried. No, that glass of wine or beer you had did not cause your miscarriage. No, the argument you had with your husband did not cause you so much stress that you miscarried. No, the unhealthy food you ate from a fast food restaurant didn’t do it either. Please, stop knocking yourself and blaming yourself for this. I know you need answers. You want some sort of justification for your pain and loss. But, when you continually find, or try to find blame within yourself, you are hurting yourself over and over again…

About the Author
Ellen M. DuBois is a multi-published author in the fiction, nonfiction, inspirational and poetry genres. She resides in Massachusetts, and is also a singer/songwriter. To learn more about Ellen’s books and projects, please visit her website at ellendubois.com

The woman who has miscarried is just like me. I miscarried in 1991 and my days were spent weeping over my empty womb and arms for months on end. There were no Internet support groups; no books that spoke to my pain; and although people were concerned, their focus was more on me than on the baby lost.

“The fetus is no longer viable”. Those were the words I heard one terrible day in May. I was four-and-a-half months pregnant and noticed some spotting. My sister accompanied me to the hospital, and in a very tiny room, lit only by the image of my dead baby on the ultrasound screen, the doctor told me my baby had ‘expired’.

When my baby died, all the hopes, wishes and dreams I had for my child died, too. It felt like the rug was ripped from under my feet and I had no solid ground to stand upon. No matter where I looked for support, I found none- other than from well meaning family and friends. Still, I felt alone. Where was the person, book or group that could tell me I wasn’t nuts for grieving over a baby nobody ever knew? Why couldn’t somebody tell me I had every right to mourn the loss of the baby I never held?

That’s what prompted me, ten years after my miscarriage, to write a small e-book called I Never Held You. Women from around the world downloaded the booklet which described the stages I went through after my miscarriage- from grief and self-blame to letting go and moving on. Five years later, I teamed up with a Psychologist and Grief Counselor, expanded my book into paperback and included sound advice on grief and more from Dr. Linda Backman, who lived the experience some thirty-years ago.

My mission has become one of reaching women who’ve suffered a miscarriage and feel like I once did: alone, isolated, and full of tears.

Validating a woman’s grief after miscarriage won’t take away her pain, but it will make her feel less crazy and far more understood. Through connection comes awareness. Through awareness comes a stronger voice. Through a stronger voice come the masses saying: Miscarriage is a very real loss and needs to be treated as such. We, the women who have miscarried need your help, support, understanding and validation of our pain.

It’s happening. Books are available and the Internet has opened countless doors to support once invisible. The over one million women in the US alone who suffer a miscarriage are finally being heard, as are those worldwide. I am honored to be a part of bringing about the realization that miscarriage is a monumental loss, but there is help, hope and most importantly, healing after miscarriage. You are not alone, I promise.

About the Author
Ellen M DuBois is the author of Jackie’s Heart, and I Never Held You, a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery gently guides a women who has miscarried through the processes of grief and the emotional roller coaster ride following with the help of Psychologist and Grief Counselor Dr. Linda Backman, who also wrote the foreword. Ellen DuBois is also a contributing author in: More God Allows U-Turns, Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders, Sisters by Blue Mountain Arts, Soul Matters for Teens, and Romancing the Soul.

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Testing Methods
Normally testing will first be done on your newborn before he leaves the hospital, and it is recommended that it is done while your baby sleeps. There are two ways that the doctors may test your baby’s hearing.

The first one is called otoacoustic emissions testing (OAE) and it involves the detection of emissions that are produced by a normal ear in response to incoming sounds. In order to do this the doctor or nurse will insert a small plug housing a microphone in your baby’s ear and sound is then projected into the ear via the plug. If your baby has hearing loss then no emissions will be detected.

The other common test involves auditory brainstem responses (ABR), which are measured by placing electrodes on the baby’s head. While he sleeps, sounds are introduced to the baby through tiny earphones. The electrodes then measure if the brain is detecting the sounds. Even while your baby sleeps there should be some activity in the brain if your baby can hear like normal.

If Hearing Loss Is Not Detected Early
Some parents may wonder what the big deal is if hearing loss is not detected as early as possible in their baby. The answer is simple. Babies learn speech from the sounds around them. They learn to interact and talk buy hearing other people talk. If your baby can not hear sounds, then he could have a delay in speech development making it hard to ever talk to people and interact in society. It could also lead to teasing and hurt feelings once your baby starts school.

If your baby is found to have hearing loss, it doesn’t mean that he won’t be able to go to “hearing” schools or function normally with peers his age. It just means that by taking the steps necessary as early as possible to help your baby, you can make his life a little bit easier as he transitions into the speaking world and make it a little bit easier for him to communicate with those around him.