By Michelle Shelton, Parenting Coach
Keys2Kids.com

Does your toddler run away from you? Does he run into the street at times or run towards it, nearly giving you a heart attack? All mothers have felt the panic of seeing their little guy sprinting toward the street! My mother used to say; “you’ll die a million deaths before you get em raised”.

I often see mothers chasing their toddlers. The little guy is charging wildly toward the street and the mother has a frightened look in her eye. Once she catches Jr. she usually has some harsh words for him and in turn, he giggles and attempts to wiggle away from her. She might even give him a little swat on his diapered bottom to let him know she really means business. The mother then calms down because, after all, he is still a just a baby.

What are you supposed to do as a mother?

Let’s start with a question. What is your job as a mother? Is it to simply protect your child from harm? To feed him, clothe him and take care of his needs? Since the role of a mother is not clearly defined in our culture, we think mothers are supposed to love our child. Period. That’s it. Loving them means taking care of them and doing everything for them, right? Wrong! Get ready because I am about to define your real role as a mother and I want you to write this down! Your job as a mother is to…….TEACH. That’s it. Teach your children how to get along without you. God gave children a mother for this one thing in mind.

You are saying, yeah, but what about training? Isn’t it my job as a good mother to train my children in the way they should go? Yes and no. Training shows your children “how” to do something. Teaching gives them the reason “why” they do something. It is imperative to teach and not just train.

Jeffery Gitomer said it best when he said, “pretend you have a teenage daughter, do you want her to have sex EDUCATION…or…sex TRAINING? Yikes! When you put it that way, it makes sense, doesn’t it?

When you teach your children, you give them the concrete information they need to make wise decisions on their own. They have to think and decide for themselves. They have the information needed to embrace your reasons in a clear, logical way. It is even more imperative to do this with boys than it is girls because boys are usually more logical.

By now you are thinking I forgot about the toddler in the street. Well, I didn’t. My children never went into the street because I taught them “why” they shouldn’t go in the street. Now I will teach you how to teach your children the same thing.

A TRAINING statement would be, “If you go in the street, you will get hit by a car.” Haven’t most little kids been hit by a brother, sister, playmate, or cousin? If they haven’t personally been hit, they have seen people hit or they have hit others! The point is, no one died. No one wiggled around in severe paid and then disappeared. They know they WILL recover if the car HITS them. Hitting is not life threatening, is it?

Scare Them

Now, let’s do a TEACHING situation. Scare them. Does this go against your motherly instinct? Sorry. Reality is, if they run in front of a car, they are most likely going to die. This is scary. They need to fear the cars. How can you scare your own child you ask? First of all, I am not saying go out and rent a copy of Stephen King’s, “The Car” and show it to your child. I am saying fear is sometimes healthy.

If you go in the street, the cars will eat you!

What is a realistic way to make sure your child would have a healthy fear of cars? When my children were little I had a stroke of genius when I said, If you go in the street, the cars will eat you! Children know about eating. They know that chewing would have to hurt. Most have bitten their own finger hard enough to know it would hurt and hurt BAD. They also know that anything they eat is GONE FOREVER.

Once you learn to develop healthy fears in your child, your child will see that the world is a delightful yet scary place and it does have boundaries that limit all of us. After all, that is the truth. Doesn’t your child deserve the truth?

© 2003 by Michelle Shelton. All rights reserved

About the Author
Michelle Shelton is an author, parenting coach, parent consultant, acclaimed public speaker, and parent educator. Michelle is the author of the well known column Life with all these Kids. Contact her at 480-888-9352 or michelleshelton@yahoo.com.

Babies Online can not garauntee that this statement will keep your child safe – this article is posted as an educational resource only.

by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.There’s no doubt about it – parenting small children takes a lot of time. So much time that it’s very easy to forget about your child within. Yet you cannot be a really good parent while forgetting about your own feelings, needs and well-being.

Haven’t you noticed that if you do not take care of yourself by having enough time for yourself you are much more irritable with your mate and children? Whether your job is being with your children all day, or you work out of the home all day, or you work in your home and tend to your children all day – you need some time for yourself.

When my children were small it was challenging to find the time for myself. I worked at home, tended to my children, and had very little money for household help. Yet if I didn’t have time to myself to read, take a bath, do creative stuff or just stare at a flower, I had a hard time being a patient, loving and fun mom.

What I did at that time is seek out adolescents who loved playing with little kids. I hired them (for not a lot of money – they were delighted to earn a little spending money and get to play with children as well) to play with my kids while I was in the house taking time for myself. After an hour or so of restful or creative time, I was filled up enough within to be able to give to my children. When I didn’t take this time, my own Inner Child would feel unloved, unimportant and resentful.

A part of good parenting is letting your children know that their needs are neither more nor less important than yours. In the past, children were supposed to be seen and not heard and were given the message that adults were more important than children. In more recent times, many children are given the message that their needs and feelings are more important than adults’ needs. Neither message is based on the truth of the equality of each soul. For children to understand this equality, parents need to role model loving their children and loving themselves – not one at the expense of the other. If children are taught that adults are more important then children, the children learn to be caretakers, putting themselves aside in deference to others. If children are taught that children are more important than adults, they learn to be brats, demanding attention and not caring about others. This is just one of the reasons why it is so important for parents to take responsibility for caring about themselves – for lovingly parenting the child within.

It might be helpful to imagine that you have an actual child that lives inside you. You are the mom and dad for this child. You are the only one who can feel and hear this child’s needs and who can take action on behalf of this child. You already know what happens if you ignore the needs of your actual children. In some way or another, they will act out until they get the love and attention they need. The same is true for your Inner Child. Our Inner Child, which is our feeling self, can even cause us to be sick if we don’t pay attention to him or her. Your Inner Child lets you know when you are not being loving to him or her with anxiety, stress, anger, or resentment. When you are feeling these feelings, instead of looking outside yourself for the cause, look at whether or not you are lovingly parenting yourself. It is one of the best things you can do for you and for your children. (For help in self-parenting through the Inner Bonding process, See our FREE Course at www.innerbonding.com).

About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

by Angela Renee

The word mother and mothers day are simple, yet powerful little words that you hear all the time especially so around the time of mothers day when everyone seem to be scrambling for ideas to say thank you, you are surely loved and you are appreciated all over again.

But if you would just take time out, you would realize that useful hints were probably being dropped all alone and throughout the year. In fact, with that special day being only a few weeks away, some of your thoughts at this time can range anywhere from what are you going to do for your mother, spouse or other loved one to should it be a product gift or something more personal. If it is the product route, how can it be made more personalized? If it is the gift of time, how can it be made more personal?

Mothers Day for some will be welcomed with feelings of excitement while for others it may be a day of mixed feelings especially so if the mother you will honor has lost a child to tragedy. So that is why whenever you wish to honor someone in your own little way, you should consider where that person may be in their life and then the event. Many people say that it’s the thought that counts and yes that’s a very good point but so is too know a person and mother’s day is no exception.

To give you some examples, consider a single mother who’s been struggling to raise her children and doing it all alone in every sense of the word, what would make her day on mother’s day? What about a seventy-two year old mother who has raised her children but suddenly took on the new responsibilities of raising her grand children, what would she possibly want or deserve?

Sure a bouquet of flowers or some other last minute gift would be nice and probably get you off the hook but what would that mother really want to do for that special day? Would she want to spend her day filled with family and special friends or have a day of being responsibility free? If you were in that person’s shoes, which would you hope that someone would honor you with for mother’s day?

You see mothers day or any other day can be made more personal when you put some careful thought into your gift idea. What else would that mother enjoy? What has she wanted to do for a long time? What has she not gotten to experience in her lifetime? How can you really show her she is appreciated?

Even a gift that is accompanied with a carefully written letter or note with meaning can put a smile on a mother’s face! Yes, I know this will not work for all moms but that’s why in the article it says that YOU need to really know that person. So please just remember it really is the thought that counts especially when you did take some time out to put some thought into your mother’s day gift.

Oh, one last thing, I invite you to help every day become a Mother’s Day. By the way moms, it is ok to drop hints about how you would like to spend your special day and with hope, your spouse, partner, or other loved one will graciously honor your small request. After all, mother’s day on the calendar only comes once a year.

Copyright 2004 – 2005 Worlds Best Mothers Guide

About the Author
Hi, my name is Angela Renee a wife, a mother of three and an infopreneur that works to support all mothers especially those with newborns and pre-teens with every single aspect of their life as a woman, as a partner in a relationship, as a mother and so much more at www.worlds-best-mothers-guide.com.

by Armin Brott

Dear MrDad: I’m really excited about my wife’s pregnancy and started to go to the doctor’s appointments with her. But the doctor basically ignores me or gives me a silly looking smile. I want to stay involved but I’m getting really angry. Is there anything else I can do?

Armin answers: For some expectant dads, the joys and excitement and anticipation they experience as the pregnancy progresses can be outweighed by the bitterness they feel at the way they’re treated by their partner’s doctors.

Sadly, most men who go to their wife’s OB appointments feel just like you do: as though they’re cute or novel or just annoying. And a big percentage of expectant dads complain that medical professionals—OBs, nurses, ultrasound technicians, and support staff—tend to treat them as though they’re little more than intruders or spectators and the wife is the only one worth dealing with. If they get talked to at all, it’s only to discuss the ways they can support their wives. The fact that the dad-to-be might have some specific and important needs, concerns, questions, worries, or anything of his own else rarely seems to occur to anyone.

Fortunately, this isn’t true of every medical professional. Some OBs will go out of their way to include the dad in the process. They make a special point of looking at him while talking about what’s going on with his wife and baby, they encourage him to ask questions and they answer them thoroughly and respectfully.

But don’t just sit back and expect to be welcomed into what is generally women’s private domain. Make it clear as early as you can that you want to be involved—especially if you have even the slightest suspicion that you’re not being taken seriously. Ask a lot of questions, behave as interested as you possibly can, and make it impossible for them to ignore you. If you still don’t get the respect and attention you deserve tell the doctor point-blank that you want to be included. You may have to do it more than once but eventually he or she will get the point.

About the Author
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Kathleen Carr

The good news for all colic sufferers is that it is only temporary but the bad news, just how long is temporary.

I am not sure what kind of pain comes with dying but if ever there was a feeling of the end nearing it was in the temporary moment of my own experience where the excruciating agony was to leave me fearing for my life.

Approx 15% of children suffer from colic and the alarming thing about it is our medical world is baffled by what exactly triggers the condition. Doctors can not agree on most theories that have been raised therefore making matters more difficult when suggesting and prescribing treatment and medicines.

One of those theories to give reason why this sort of cramp flares up is said to be that a child’s intestines are working overtime (hard) another theory raised by the medical profession for colic has us to believe it can be caused by laid back bowel movements (slow) thus allowing air into the bowel causing the intestine to swell giving cause for pain.

Within 2/4 weeks after giving birth this stomach upset can start and can run for a 3 month spell.

If baby is a sufferer then he/she may cry for up to 3-4 hours very loudly. No dummy or mothers TLC can take the pain away but it will certainly help in comforting them. Spasms usually kick in about the same time twice daily, this can vary.

Bowel pains can give cause for baby to scrunch the body pulling the feet up to the chest with clenched fists. Stomach rumbles burping or passing wind can be evident also.

As a parent you know your child better than anyone so if you notice any change in your infants health giving you reason for concern, colic related or not please consult a doctor. Symptoms can be identified to other ailments so it is best to make sure.

Babies are a lot stronger than you could imagine and will outgrow spasms of colic. Any doubts you may have where it interferes with baby’s development then I suggest you put them thoughts to the back of your head.

Colic in babies can prove to be an ordeal for parents who have tried every thing possible to comfort the infant. Lack of sleep is the main cause behind the enormous amount of stress laid upon the parents at this trying time. Mum and dads have been known to lose control of their temper and intend to bawl and shout, thus frightening the baby. (Unintentional in most cases) What we have to remember, baby is also tired and is the one in pain.

PS

If ever I thought the last rights was in order was the night I suffered a bout of colic. The doctor’s theory was down to the consumption of a citrus fruit or drink on an empty stomach, and how right he was.

Granny Smith in the form of a juicy green apple was the culprit behind this vicious assault that was to leave me living in fear of the forbidden fruit. I was lucky to find the answer for my suffering but where do the answers lie for the newborn whose only connection with a granny is one who will love them till there dying day.

No dummy or mothers TLC can take the pain away but it will certainly help in comforting them. For help and advice go to www.benidormbeaches.com where you will find more information.

by Rebecca D. Williams

New parents want to give their babies the very best. When it comes to nutrition, the best first food for babies is breast milk.

More than two decades of research have established that breast milk is perfectly suited to nourish infants and protect them from illness. Breast-fed infants have lower rates of hospital admissions, ear infections, diarrhea, rashes, allergies, and other medical problems than bottle-fed babies.

“There are 4,000 species of mammals, and they all make a different milk. Human milk is made for human infants and it meets all their specific nutrient needs,” says Ruth Lawrence, M.D., professor of pediatrics and obstetrics at the University of Rochester School of Medicine in Rochester, N.Y., and spokeswoman for the American Academy of Pediatrics.

The academy recommends that babies be breast-fed for six to 12 months. The only acceptable alternative to breast milk is infant formula. Solid foods can be introduced when the baby is 4 to 6 months old, but a baby should drink breast milk or formula, not cow’s milk, for a full year.

“There aren’t any rules about when to stop breast-feeding,” says Lawrence. “As long as the baby is eating age-appropriate solid foods, a mother may nurse a couple of years if she wishes. A baby needs breast milk for the first year of life, and then as long as desired after that.”

In 1993, 55.9 percent of American mothers breast-fed their babies in the hospital. Only 19 percent were still breast-feeding when their babies were 6 months old. Government and private health experts are working to raise those numbers.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is conducting a study on infant feeding practices as part of its ongoing goal to improve nutrition in the United States. The study is looking at how long mothers breast-feed and how they introduce formula or other foods.

Health experts say increased breast-feeding rates would save consumers money, spent both on infant formula and in health-care dollars. It could save lives as well.

“We’ve known for years that the death rates in Third World countries are lower among breast-fed babies,” says Lawrence. “Breast-fed babies are healthier and have fewer infections than formula-fed babies.”

Human Milk for Human Infants
The primary benefit of breast milk is nutritional. Human milk contains just the right amount of fatty acids, lactose, water, and amino acids for human digestion, brain development, and growth.

Cow’s milk contains a different type of protein than breast milk. This is good for calves, but human infants can have difficulty digesting it. Bottle-fed infants tend to be fatter than breast-fed infants, but not necessarily healthier.

Breast-fed babies have fewer illnesses because human milk transfers to the infant a mother’s antibodies to disease. About 80 percent of the cells in breast milk are macrophages, cells that kill bacteria, fungi and viruses. Breast-fed babies are protected, in varying degrees, from a number of illnesses, including pneumonia, botulism, bronchitis, staphylococcal infections, influenza, ear infections, and German measles. Furthermore, mothers produce antibodies to whatever disease is present in their environment, making their milk custom-designed to fight the diseases their babies are exposed to as well.

A breast-fed baby’s digestive tract contains large amounts of Lactobacillus bifidus, beneficial bacteria that prevent the growth of harmful organisms. Human milk straight from the breast is always sterile, never contaminated by polluted water or dirty bottles, which can also lead to diarrhea in the infant.

Human milk contains at least 100 ingredients not found in formula. No babies are allergic to their mother’s milk, although they may have a reaction to something the mother eats. If she eliminates it from her diet, the problem resolves itself.

Sucking at the breast promotes good jaw development as well. It’s harder work to get milk out of a breast than a bottle, and the exercise strengthens the jaws and encourages the growth of straight, healthy teeth. The baby at the breast also can control the flow of milk by sucking and stopping. With a bottle, the baby must constantly suck or react to the pressure of the nipple placed in the mouth.

Nursing may have psychological benefits for the infant as well, creating an early attachment between mother and child. At birth, infants see only 12 to 15 inches, the distance between a nursing baby and its mother’s face. Studies have found that infants as young as 1 week prefer the smell of their own mother’s milk. When nursing pads soaked with breast milk are placed in their cribs, they turn their faces toward the one that smells familiar.

Many psychologists believe the nursing baby enjoys a sense of security from the warmth and presence of the mother, especially when there’s skin-to-skin contact during feeding. Parents of bottle-fed babies may be tempted to prop bottles in the baby’s mouth, with no human contact during feeding. But a nursing mother must cuddle her infant closely many times during the day. Nursing becomes more than a way to feed a baby; it’s a source of warmth and comfort.

Benefits to Mothers
Breast-feeding is good for new mothers as well as for their babies. There are no bottles to sterilize and no formula to buy, measure and mix. It may be easier for a nursing mother to lose the pounds of pregnancy as well, since nursing uses up extra calories. Lactation also stimulates the uterus to contract back to its original size.

A nursing mother is forced to get needed rest. She must sit down, put her feet up,and relax every few hours to nurse. Nursing at night is easy as well. No one has to stumble to the refrigerator for a bottle and warm it while the baby cries. If she’s lying down, a mother can doze while she nurses.

Nursing is also nature’s contraceptive–although not a very reliable one. Frequent nursing suppresses ovulation, making it less likely for a nursing mother to menstruate, ovulate, or get pregnant. There are no guarantees, however. Mothers who don’t want more children right away should use contraception even while nursing. Hormone injections and implants are safe during nursing, as are all barrier methods of birth control. The labeling on birth control pills says if possible another form of contraception should be used until the baby is weaned.

Breast-feeding is economical also. Even though a nursing mother works up a big appetite and consumes extra calories, the extra food for her is less expensive than buying formula for the baby. Nursing saves money while providing the best nourishment possible.

When Formula’s Necessary
There are very few medical reasons why a mother shouldn’t breast-feed, according to Lawrence.

Most common illnesses, such as colds, flu, skin infections, or diarrhea, cannot be passed through breast milk. In fact, if a mother has an illness, her breast milk will contain antibodies to it that will help protect her baby from those same illnesses.

A few viruses can pass through breast milk, however. HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, is one of them. Women who are HIV positive should not breast-feed.

A few other illnesses–such as herpes, hepatitis, and beta streptococcus infections–can also be transmitted through breast milk. But that doesn’t always mean a mother with those diseases shouldn’t breast-feed, Lawrence says.

“Each case must be evaluated on an individual basis with the woman’s doctor,” she says.

Breast cancer is not passed through breast milk. Women who have had breast cancer can usually breast-feed from the unaffected breast. There is some concern that the hormones produced during pregnancy and lactation may trigger a recurrence of cancer, but so far this has not been proven. Studies have shown, however, that breast-feeding a child reduces a woman’s chance of developing breast cancer later.

Silicone breast implants usually do not interfere with a woman’s ability to nurse, but if the implants leak, there is some concern that the silicone may harm the baby. Some small studies have suggested a link between breast-feeding with implants and later development of problems with the child’s esophagus. Further studies are needed in this area. But if a woman with implants wants to breast-feed, she should first discuss the potential benefits and risks with her child’s doctor.

Possible Problems
For all its health benefits, breast-feeding does have some disadvantages. In the early weeks, it can be painful. A woman’s nipples may become sore or cracked. She may experience engorgement more than a bottle-feeding mother, when the breasts become so full of milk they’re hard and painful. Some nursing women also develop clogged milk ducts, which can lead to mastitis, a painful infection of the breast. While most nursing problems can be solved with home remedies, mastitis requires prompt medical care (see accompanying article).

Another possible disadvantage of nursing is that it affects a woman’s entire lifestyle. A nursing mother with baby-in-tow must wear clothes that enable her to nurse anywhere, or she’ll have to find a private place to undress. She should eat a balanced diet and she might need to avoid foods that irritate the baby. She also shouldn’t smoke, which can cause vomiting, diarrhea and restlessness in the baby, as well as decreased milk production.

Women who plan to go back to work soon after birth will have to plan carefully if they want to breast-feed. If her job allows, a new mother can pump her breast milk several times during the day and refrigerate or freeze it for the baby to take in a bottle later. Or, some women alternate nursing at night and on weekends with daytime bottles of formula.

In either case, a nursing mother is physically tied to her baby more than a bottle-feeding mother. The baby needs her for nourishment, and she needs to nurse regularly to avoid getting uncomfortably full breasts. But instead of feeling it’s a chore, nursing mothers often cite this close relationship as one of the greatest joys of nursing. Besides, nursing mothers can get away between feedings if they need a break.

Finally, some women just don’t feel comfortable with the idea of nursing. They don’t want to handle their breasts, or they want to think of them as sexual, not functional. They may be concerned about modesty and the possibility of having to nurse in public. They may want a break from child care to let someone else feed the baby, especially in the wee hours of the morning.

If a woman is unsure whether she wants to nurse, she can try it for a few weeks and switch if she doesn’t like it. It’s very difficult to switch to breast-feeding after bottle-feeding is begun.

If she plans to breast-feed, a new mother should learn as much as possible about it before the baby is born. Obstetricians, pediatricians, childbirth instructors, nurses, and midwives can all offer information about nursing. But perhaps the best ongoing support for a nursing mother is someone who has successfully nursed a baby.

La Leche League, a national support organization for nursing mothers, has chapters in many cities that meet regularly to discuss breast-feeding problems and offer support.

“We encourage mothers to come to La Leche League before their babies are born,” says Mary Lofton, a league spokeswoman. “On-the-job training is hard to do. It’s so important to learn how to breast-feed beforehand to avoid problems.”

Interested women or couples are welcome to attend La Leche League meetings without charge. League leaders offer advice by phone as well. To find a convenient La Leche League chapter, call (1-800) LA-LECHE.

About the author:
Rebecca D. Williams is a writer in Oak Ridge, Tenn.

By: FDA

By Jennifer Houck

Breastfeeding is the most natural, beneficial way to feed your infant. Breastfeeding provides your child an initial protection from disease and a boost to the child’s own immune system. Breast-fed infants experience less diarrhea than bottle-fed babies and breast milk is the ultimate form of nutrition for your baby. Breastfeeding will not only be of the most nutritional benefit to you baby, but studies have shown that babies who are breast-fed develop higher IQs than bottle fed babies. When a baby is ill or has diarrhea, breast milk is the most easily digestible form nutrition available.

Your baby could live exclusively from beast milk for the first 6 months of his or her life. The amount of breast milk you produce corresponds with the demand of the baby. As your child grows, your milk supply will increase accordingly. Well-nourished mothers should have little or no problems accommodating the growing appetite of her child. Breast-fed babies have a deep emotional bond with their mothers and will provide the mother with health and emotional benefits as well. Breast-feeding will reduce the mother’s risk of post-partum hemorrhaging, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, and anemia. Breast-feeding also offers a natural way to space the births of your children, as you will not ovulate while breastfeeding.

By breast-feeding your child, you will save thousands of dollars on the cost of formula and bottles. There is no more natural and environmentally friendly way to feed your child. Unless you have been diagnosed with HIV, have untreated tuberculosis, are dependent on drugs or alcohol, or have the need for certain medications regularly, consider breast feeding as the best, most economical way to feed your child. Speak with your doctor about any existing health conditions or other factors that may prevent you from breastfeeding.

About the Author
Jennifer Houck is a proud attachment mom to two beautiful girls. Be sure to visit her at http://www.attachmentmoms.com and http://www.ilovebeingamom.com.

by Cori Young

A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way babies are cared for by their mothers will determine not only their emotional development, but the biological development of the child’s brain and central nervous system as well. The nature of love, and how the capacity to love develops, has become the subject of scientific study over the last decade. New data is emerging from a multitude of disciplines including neurology, psychology, biology, ethology, anthropology and neurocardiology. Something scientific disciplines find in common when putting love under the microscope is that in addition to shaping the brains of infants, mother’s love acts as a template for love itself and has far reaching effects on her child’s ability to love throughout life.

To mothers holding their newborn babies it will come as little surprise that the ‘decade of the brain’ has lead science to the wisdom of the mother’s heart.

According to Alan Schore, assistant clinical professor in the department of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at UCLA School of Medicine, a major conclusion of the last decade of developmental neuroscience research is that the infant brain is designed to be molded by the environment it encounters.1 In other words, babies are born with a certain set of genetics, but they must be activated by early experience and interaction. Schore believes the most crucial component of these earliest interactions is the primary caregiver – the mother. “The child’s first relationship, the one with the mother, acts as a template, as it permanently molds the individual’s capacities to enter into all later emotional relationships.” Others agree. The first months of an infant’s life constitute what is known as a critical period – a time when events are imprinted in the nervous system.

“Hugs and kisses during these critical periods make those neurons grow and connect properly with other neurons.” Says Dr. Arthur Janov, in his book Biology of Love. “You can kiss that brain into maturity.”

Hormones, The Language of Love
In his beautiful book, The Scientification of Love, French obstetrician Michel Odent explains how Oxytocin, a hormone released by the pituitary gland stimulates the release of chemical messengers in the heart. Oxytocin, which is essential during birth, stimulating contractions, and during lactation, stimulating the ‘milk ejection reflex’, is also involved in other ‘loving behaviors’. “It is noticeable that whatever the facet of love we consider, oxytocin is involved.’ Says Odent. “During intercourse both partners – female and male – release oxytocin.” One study even shows that the simple act of sharing a meal with other people increases our levels of this ‘love hormone’.2

The altruistic oxytocin is part of a complex hormonal balance. A sudden release of Oxytocin creates an urge toward loving which can be directed in different ways depending on the presence of other hormones, which is why there are different types of love. For example, with a high level of prolactin, a well-known mothering hormone, the urge to love is directed toward babies.

While Oxytocin is an altruistic hormone and prolactin a mothering hormone, endorphins represent our ‘reward system’. “Each time we mammals do something that benefits the survival of the species, we are rewarded by the secretion of these morphine-like substances.” Says Odent.

During birth there is also an increase in the level of endorphins in the fetus so that in the moments following birth both mother and baby are under the effects of opiates. The role of these hormones is to encourage dependency, which ensures a strong attachment between mother and infant. In situations of failed affectional bonding between mother and baby there will be a deficiency of the appropriate hormones, which could leave a child susceptible to substance abuse in later life as the system continually attempts to right itself.3 You can say no to drugs, but not to neurobiology. Human brains have evolved from earlier mammals. The first portion of our brain that evolved on top of its reptilian heritage is the limbic system, the seat of emotion. It is this portion of the brain that permits mothers and their babies to bond. Mothers and babies are hardwired for the experience of togetherness. The habits of breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and babywearing practiced by the majority of! mothers in non-industrialized cultures, and more and more in our own, facilitate two of the main components needed for optimal mother/child bonding: proximity and touch.

PROXIMITY, Between Mammals, the Nature of Love is Heart to Heart
In many ways it’s obvious why a helpless newborn would require continuous close proximity to a caregiver; they’re helpless and unable to provide for themselves. But science is unveiling other less obvious benefits of holding baby close. Mother/child bonding isn’t just for brains, but is also an affair of the heart. In his 1992 work, Evolution’s End, Joseph Chilton Pearce describes the dual role of the heart cell, saying that it not only contracts and expands rhythmically to pump blood, it communicates with its fellow cells. “If you isolate a cell from the heart, keep it alive and examine it through a microscope, you will see it lose it’s synchronous rhythm and begin to fibrillate until it dies. If you put another isolated heart cell on that microscopic slide it will also fibrillate . If you move the two cells within a certain proximity, however , they synchronize and beat in unison.” Perhaps this is why most mothers instinctively place their babies to their left breast, keep! ing those hearts in proximity. The heart produces the hormone, ANF that dramatically affects every major system of the body. “All evidence indicates that the mother’s developed heart stimulates the newborn heart, thereby activating a dialogue between the infant’s brain-mind and heart.” says Pearce who believes this heart to heart communication activates intelligences in the mother also. “On holding her infant in the left-breast position with its corresponding heart contact, a major block of dormant intelligences is activated in the mother, causing precise shifts of brain function and permanent behavior changes.” In this beautiful dynamic the infant’s system is activated by being held closely; and this proximity also stimulates a new intelligence in the mother, which helps her to respond to and nurture her infant. Pretty nifty plan – and another good reason to aim for a natural birth. If nature is handing out intelligence to help us in our role as mothers we want to be awake ! and alert!

Touch
“The easiest and quickest way to induce depression and alienation in an infant or child is not to touch it, hold it, or carry it on your body.” – James W. Prescott, PhD

Research in neuroscience has shown that touch is necessary for human development and that a lack of touch damages not only individuals, but our whole society. Human touch and love is essential to health. A lack of stimulus and touch very early on causes the stress hormone, cortisol to be released which creates a toxic brain environment and can damage certain brain structures. According to James W. Prescott, PhD, of the Institute of Humanistic Science, and former research scientist at the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, sensory deprivation results in behavioral abnormalities such as depression, impulse dyscontrol, violence, substance abuse, and in impaired immunological functioning in mother deprived infants.4 For over a million years babies have enjoyed almost constant in-arms contact with their mothers or other caregivers, usually members of an extended family, receiving constant touch for the first year or so of life. “In nature’s nativity scene, ! mother’s arms have always been baby’s bed, breakfast, transportation, even entertainment, and, for most of the world’s babies, they still are.” says developmental psychologist, Sharon Heller in, The Vital Touch: How Intimate Contact With Your Baby Leads to Happier, Healthier Development.5

To babies,touch = love and fully loved babies develop healthy brains. During the critical period of development following birth the infant brain is undergoing a massive growth of neural connections. Synaptic connections in the cortex continue to proliferate for about two years, when they peak. During this period one of the most crucial things to survival and healthy development is touch. All mammal mothers seem to know this instinctively, and, if allowed to bond successfully with their babies they will provide continuous loving touch.

Touch deprivation in infant monkeys is so traumatic their whole system goes haywire, with an increase of stress hormones, increased heart rate, compromised immune system and sleep disturbances.6

With only 25% of our adult brain size, we are the least mature at birth of any mammal. Anthropologist, Ashley Montagu concluded that given our upright position and large brains, human infants are born prematurely while our heads can still fit through the birth canal, and that brain development must therefore extend into postnatal life. He believed the human gestation period to actually be eighteen months long – nine in the womb and another nine outside it, and that touch is absolutely vital to this time of “exterogestation.”7

Newborns are born expecting to be held, handled, cuddled, rubbed, kissed, and maybe even licked! All mammals lick their newborns vigorously, off and on, during the first hours and days after birth in order to activate their sensory nerve endings, which are involved in motor movements, spatial, and visual orientation. These nerve endings cannot be activated until after birth due to the insulation of the watery womb environment and the coating of vernix casseus on the baby’s skin.

Recall Dr. Janov’s claim that you can kiss a brain into maturity. Janov believes that very early touch is central to developing a healthy brain. “Irrespective of the neurojuices involved, it is clear that lack of love changes the chemicals in the brain and can eventually change the structure of that brain.”

Breastfeeding: Liquid Love
Breastfeeding neatly brings together nourishment for baby with the need for closeness shared by mother and child; and is another crucial way that mother’s love helps shape baby’s brain. Research shows that breastmilk is the perfect “brain food”, essential for normal brain development, particularly, those brain processes associated with depression, violence, and social and sexual behaviors.8

Mother’s milk, a living liquid, contains just the right amount of fatty acids, lactose, water, and amino acids for human digestion, brain development, and growth. It also contains many immunities a baby needs in early life while her own immune system is maturing. One more instance of mother extending her own power, (love) to her developing child.

Limbic Regulation: The Loop of Love
Another key to understanding how a mother’s love shapes the emerging capacities of her infant is what doctors Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon , authors of A General Theory of Love, call limbic regulation; a mutually synchronizing hormonal exchange between mother and child which serves to regulate vital rhythms.

Human physiology, they say, does not direct all of its own functions; it is interdependent. It must be steadied by the physical presence of another to maintain both physical and emotional health. “Limbic regulation mandates interdependence for social mammals of all ages.” says Lewis, “But young mammals are in special need of it’s guidance: their neural systems are not only immature but also growing and changing. One of the physiologic processes that limbic regulation directs, in other words, is the development of the brain itself – and that means attachment determines the ultimate nature of a child’s mind.” A baby’s physiology is maximally open-loop: without limbic regulation, vital rhythms collapse posing great danger, even death.

The regulatory information required by infants can alter hormone levels, cardiovascular function, sleep rhythms, immune function, and more. Lewis, et al contend that , the steady piston of mother’s heart along with the regularity of her breathing coordinate the ebb and flow of an infant’s young internal rhythms. They believe sleep to be an intricate brain rhythm which the neurally immature infant must first borrow from parents. “Although it sounds outlandish to some American ears, exposure to parents can keep a sleeping baby alive.”

The Myth of Independence
This interdependence mandated by limbic regulation is vital during infancy, but it’s also something we need throughout the rest of childhood and on into adulthood. In many ways, humans cannot be stable on their own-we require others to survive. Recall that our nervous systems are not self-contained; they link with those of the people close to us in a silent rhythm that helps regulate our physiology. This is not a popular notion in a culture that values independence over interdependence. However, as a society that cherishes individual freedoms more than any other, we must respect the process whereby autonomy develops.

Children require ongoing neural synchrony from parents in order for their natural capacity for self-directedness to emerge. A mother’s love is a continuous shaping force throughout childhood and requires an adequate stage of dependency. The work of Mary Ainsworth has shown that maternal responsiveness and close bodily contact lead to the unfolding of self-reliance and self confidence.9 Because our culture does not sufficiently value interpersonal relationships, the mother/child bond is not recognized and supported as it could be.

The ability of a mother to read the emotional state of her child is older than our own species, and is essential to our survival, health and happiness. We are reminded of this each time a hurt child changes from sad/scared/angry to peaceful in our loving embrace. Warm human contact generates the internal release of opiates, making mother’s love a powerful anodyne. Even teenagers who sometimes behave as if they are ’so over’ the need for a mother’s affection must be kept in the limbic loop. Children at this age might be at special risk for falling through the emotional cracks. If they don’t get the emotional regulation that family relationships are designed to provide, their hungry brains may seek ineffectual substitutes like drugs and alcohol.

Children left too long under the electronic stewardship of television, video games, etc., are not receiving the steady limbic connection with a resonant parent. Without this a child cannot internalize emotional balance properly.

Our hearts and brains are hardwired for love, and from infancy to old age our health and happiness depend on receiving it.

As the research keeps coming in and we gain a gradually expanding vision of how mother love shapes our species, we see an obvious need to take steps to protect and provide for the mother/child bond. We can take heart knowing that all the while we carry in our genes over a million years of evolutionary refinements equipping us for our role as mothers. The answers sought by science beat steadily within our own hearts.

About The Author
Cori Young has been researching human development for nearly a decade, and is currently working on a book about birth and bonding. She is also an herbalist, and publisher of www.HerbalRemediesInfo.com
cori@herbalremediesinfo.com