As if it isn’t challenging enough to raise children, most parents believe myths that make them feel confused and inadequate. These horrible myths can spoil the joy of raising your children. You may have never realized how intensely these beliefs affect you, but they do. After you identify the myths that color your daily life, learn the truth about each one. By acknowledging that these myths exist in your life, you take the first step towards eliminating them. Learning the truth will erase your doubts and leave you open to learning effective new ways of raising your children. Here are a few of the most common parenting myths:

MYTH: If a parent is truly attached and committed to a child, then that child will behave properly.

TRUTH: You could be totally committed to your child from the moment of birth. You could do absolutely everything right. In fact, you could be a magnificent, spectacular, utterly faultless saint, and your child would still misbehave. The truth is: ALL children misbehave. ALL children make mistakes. ALL children will have temper tantrums, whine and fuss. It’s part of the process of growing up.

REALITY CHECK: Love your child, and do the best you can. And don’t let normal misbehavior wear down your confidence. Give yourself and your child enough room to be human.

MYTH: If you love your child, and if your intentions are good, parenting will come naturally to you.

TRUTH: Loving your child is easy. Raising your child is hard. Effective parenting skills are learned. Parenting is complicated, intense, and ever-changing. In order to be a calm, effective, parent you need knowledge and skills, but almost no one is born with these skills.

REALITY CHECK: Just like driving a car, mastering a computer program, or becoming skilled at any sport or hobby – good parenting is something we need to learn. You can learn by trial-and-error – but that can be wildly frustrating. Instead, take a class, read a book, join a support group – you’ll be amazed to find that a few good tips can make your life much easier.

MYTH: You should read baby books and take a baby care class when you are a new parent, after that you’ll figure out how to raise your child on your own – through experience.

TRUTH: Taking care of a baby is our first step in the journey of parenthood. Just when we feel confident with our skills for raising babies, we turn around to find many of the things that we’ve learned do not apply to a walking, talking toddler. We adjust our approach, only to find that disrupted when our toddler turns into a preschooler, and again when he becomes a grade-schooler, and again when he enters the teen years . . . and yet again when our child graduates and moves on to college or adult life.

REALITY CHECK: We actually have a brand new parenting job each time our child passes from one milestone to another in his life. Just like any other undertaking, the more knowledge you have at each step of the way, the more confident you will feel and the easier your job will be, and the better your life-long relationship with your child.

MYTH: If parents are a perfectly matched couple, and they have a strong relationship, then they will agree about how to raise their children.

TRUTH: It’s very common for two parents, even those who are perfectly matched and in a happy relationship, to disagree about child-rearing approaches. Some may disagree about baby care issues, yet others will be perfectly in sync during the baby years and then find they are at odds when their child becomes school age or enters the teen years.

The way that we approach child-rearing is influenced by our own past experiences – both the things we choose to do, and the things we try to avoid. It is nearly impossible for two people to be in perfect agreement on every parenting decision.

REALITY CHECK: Even when we agree on basic fundamental parenting theory, we might slightly disagree on approach. Even if we agree on approach, our differing personalities guarantee that we won’t always handle things in exactly the same way. Good communication and ongoing discussion can help any couple to find agreement on important issues as they raise their children.

MYTH: Good parents don’t lose their patience and yell at their children.

TRUTH: Even the most peaceful easy-going parent loses patience and yells from time to time. No matter how much we love our children, they will try our patience, they will make mistakes, and they will make us mad. All children have their “naughty” moments. And, guess what? When children are “naughty”— parents lose their patience and <gasp> they YELL.

REALITY CHECK: It’s normal to lose your cool and yell at your children, but it isn’t fun and it isn’t productive. Take the time to learn a few new anger management skills and some parenting tools. These will help those angry moments become less intense and less frequent.

Take some time to think about these and other myths, theories, ideals and expectations that you have believed. Ponder where these beliefs originated, and why you believe them to be truth. Then contemplate what you learning about the truth of the matter. When you analyze myths and replace them with your own truth, it can help you to approach parenting in a more honest, uncluttered and enjoyable way.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

It happened during the ninth month of my first pregnancy. I was going through a department store check-out lane where a teenage girl was ringing up my purchases. She looked shyly at my burgeoning belly with an expression that could only be described as reverent.

With eyes full of dreams of future motherhood she asked, “Is pregnancy really as bad as everyone says?”

Without the slightest guilt, I replied, “No. It’s worse.”

The Deception
When my husband and I announced the birth of our blessed expectation some months prior, along with endless congratulations, I received the good news of the many wonderful changes I could expect.

“You’ll positively glow.”

“Your hair and nails will look fabulous.”

“You’ll feel absolutely beautiful.”

According to family and friends, as a gestating woman, I would feel nothing short of a precious vessel, glowing with health and radiance given only to those experiencing the miracle of growing a child.

About a week later, wearing the pallor of death, I was running away from the smell of my husband’s lunchtime tuna fish sandwich knowing I’d never been so violently ill my entire life.

The Reality
Although it’s rumored there are actually women who sail through pregnancy untouched by any ills or discomfort, I was not one of them. If I’d ever experienced a pregnancy glow, I’m certain I could only have been radioactive.

I was told to expect a little morning sickness. I didn’t anticipate 24/7 progesterone poisoning, body aches, or never ending fatigue. And in all the happy tales of pregnancy recounted to me, I’m certain I’d have remembered hearing if pure, unadulterated misery were mentioned as a symptom of gestation.

Sitting in my obstetrician’s office near the end of the first trimester, she asked how I was feeling. “Sick.”

“Good.” She replied.

Seeing my defeated look, she offered a small respite. “You’ll start to feel better after week 12 or 13.”

I crossed the days off my calendar waiting for magical week 13. It came and went. My never ending nausea did not. I was sick, tired, and sick of being both.

I’d been told how sharing a child together would make my marital relationship more intimate. I, on the other hand, hated my husband. No matter he and I had joyfully consented to make this child together, or that he worried and did the best he could to make me feel more comfortable. Somewhere in the back of my mind, as I watched him lie peacefully asleep at night while I was awake fending off nausea, all I could think was, “this is your fault.”

And so it went for the entire duration of nine months. I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt, if I ever survived this go-round on the pregnancy rollercoaster, there would be no more children in my future, ever. Motherhood just wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be.

The Grand Debut
Jacob Lyle arrived in early fall that year, bearing 10 perfect fingers and toes, a head full of brown hair and big blue eyes. He was bruised and battered from birth, yet, to my eyes, perfection unlike the world had ever seen before.

Suddenly, my entire life made sense. At 23-years old, I wasn’t yet sure what I wanted to be when I grew up, or what my future held outside of being a wife to my husband. With the arrival of Jacob, I knew exactly why I was here—to be the mother of this beautiful child. Having Jacob filled my life with a sense of awe and wonder I had never known. I was a mother, and that was enough.

Altered Expectations
While I had expected sleepless nights with my newborn, what I hadn’t expected was how much I would enjoy them. I gladly gave up sleep to have the chance just to hold my tiny son in my arms and look at his sweet face.

I expected life to change. I never expected the very foundations of my world to be rocked. It came as a total shock that the simple act of becoming a mother—wasn’t simple.

Previous to motherhood, tragedy in the world was sad. After the birth of my son, it was heart-wrenching. No longer could I watch a movie or read a news report depicting harm to a child without emotion. Every child became my child. What if it were Jacob who was sick? What if it were Jacob who was injured?

Issues I’d previously given no thought suddenly became of substantial importance. Was there truly a difference between breastfeeding and formula feeding? Should we circumcise? If I vaccinated my child, he could have a serious adverse reaction. If I chose not to vaccinate, he could become very ill.

I became an information addict and read every book on childcare I could get my hands on and spent endless hours researching my concerns and second guessing my decisions. The rest of my waking hours were spent staring at Jacob as he slept, assuring myself he was still breathing and would only continue to do so thorough my conscious willing of it. Fortunately, he survived my new mother paranoia and came out relatively unscathed– or at least, I will assume so until I’m presented with a bill for therapy.

Personal Truths
I had gone into motherhood with the words of many fostering my belief I’d have a baby, but life would eventually go back to normal again by the magical six-week check-up (at which point I’d also have lost all my baby weight). What I didn’t know when I gave birth was normal was gone forever, along with any peace of mind, my figure, and any hope of a good night’s sleep, but that I’d never trade a moment of my new life to have it back again.

Motherhood, I’ve come to find, is a journey rather than a destination. And while we may endeavor to share experiences with a new mom-to-be, the truths of motherhood remain personal and hers alone to find. The only certainty is the journey is well worth traveling.

I only wish I could talk to that teenager one more time.

About The Author
Barbara Eastom Bates is the author of the upcoming release, “Basic Training for Brides-to-Be,” and editor-in-chief of Operation Military Spouse, opmilspouse@yahoo.com

Pregnancy myths really vary from country to country. Most women follow some of these folklores due to the tradition they have ever since. But then, medicine and technology have changed the pregnancy experience of modern women. The development of medical testing has helped couples in determining the gender of their child. Discussion here will involve the facts regarding common pregnancy myths.

Women believe that standing on your head after making love can increase the chances of becoming pregnant. But according to some experts, this method has no proof to help women in getting pregnant. Though they contend that lying down after sex for 20 to 30 minutes can increase the chances of getting pregnant.

Another myth is that, people can determine the gender of a child through the shape and height of a woman’s stomach. The famous belief states that, women who carries a boy has a low belly. While women who will give birth to a girl, has a high stomach. But this is a total misconception. Because the shape and height of a woman’s stomach is determined by uterine tone, muscle tone and the baby’s position. In order to know the real gender of a baby, getting an ultrasound is very much recommended.

It is also erroneous to say that there is an association between the shape of a woman’s face and the gender of a baby. Pregnant women gain weight differently during pregnancy and their skin changes. People cannot tell that if a woman has a rosy cheek, is an indication that she will give birth to a baby girl.

Others also believe that taking a bath is unsafe and unhygienic. In contrast to this popular myth, there is no clear evidence which shows that tap water which enters the vagina can contaminate the pregnant woman. Actually, hygiene is very much needed during pregnancy.

Some women are afraid that if they put their arms around their head, the umbilical cord will muffle the baby. But there is no definite connection about this. Because according to a study conducted, 25 percent of all babies are born with their cords around their necks. Another myth that they believe is that, women lose a tooth for every birth that they have. But with the availability of supplements and vitamins nowadays, pregnant women will be ensure of preserving their maternal health. If a woman has a vitamin deficiency in her diet, calcium may be lost from the her teeth and bones. That is why pregnant women are advised to take at least 1500 mg of calcium everyday, either from food sources or supplement. Teeth will really fall if calcium is deficient or depleted.

During pregnancy, other women don’t begin any exercise that they are not already doing prior to pregnancy. This one has some basis. Because this will add protection to the newly pregnant woman from injury. In starting a pregnancy exercise, it is really important to seek the advice of a healthcare provider. It is advisable for pregnant women to join in a prenatal exercise or much better a yoga class not only to be physically fit but also to build a support group and even future social network. It is advised that pregnant women should take a walk for 30 to 40 minutes everyday plus a light exercise session after any physical activity.

With the modern technology and medicine being developed today, pregnant women should not anymore rely on these myths because there is no really clear evidence that these are true. What is best is that you must have a regular check-up with your doctor and ask for further questions if ever you want to clarify something. Because definitely they know best.

About The Article
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