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Is It Okay to Spoil Your Kids?

admin — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:27:13 +0000

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

None of us want “spoiled” kids – kids who are bratty, self-centered, demanding, inconsiderate. So, what spoils children and what doesn’t?

When I was raising my children, I was often told that I would spoil them if I didn’t let them cry – if I held them a lot. Fortunately, I didn’t believe this nonsense.

You can’t spoil a child with love. Children need love as much as they need food and water. The problem is in defining “love.”

We are not giving love to our children when we give them everything they want on the material level. Parents often think they are loving their children when they pile them up with all the toys or activities they desire, but what is the actual result of indulging our children in this way?

There are three big negative consequence of “spoiling” our children on the material level:

It fosters addictive behavior – filling up from the outside with things and activities rather than filling up from the inside through caring and creativity. Too many adults are addicted to spending or other activities to fill up their emptiness. If they are stressed, instead of dealing with the source of their stress – which is generally some way they are not taking care of themselves – they cover their feelings with some addictive behavior such as spending, TV, food, alcohol, and so on. When we offer our children too many toys, too many activities, too much comfort food, or allow too much TV, we are not loving them. We are training them to be addicted.
Often parents provide things and activities for their children while denying their own needs. It’s not loving to children to give in to their every demand, especially if it means putting yourself aside. When you constantly give in to your children and deny your own needs, children learn that it’s okay to disregard others needs and be demanding brats. Children may not learn to consider others if you do not expect them to consider you by considering yourself. They will learn to treat you the way you treat yourself, so it is not loving to your children to disregard yourself. When you disrespect yourself, you teach your children to be disrespectful.
One of the big issues in our society is that children learn to identify their self-worth with others’ approval for how they look, how many toys they have, how expensive their clothes are. Unless parents show their children that they value them for their inner qualities – their caring, creativity, compassion, laughter, joy, passion for life – rather than for their looks, possessions and performance, children learn to attach their self-worth to other’s approval. True self-worth comes from inside, from knowing we are valuable for who we are, not for how we look or what we do. Unfortunately, our materialistic society fosters attaching self-worth and lovability to others’ approval for things such as a car or a house or clothes. When we “spoil” our children with material possessions, we foster co-dependency, which is dependency on others’ approval for our sense of worth.

We can spoil our children with material things, but we can’t spoil them with love. Love is the energy of acceptance for who the child really is. Love is understanding, compassion, caring. You are loving your children when you spend time just being with them, hanging out with them, being fully present with them, really listening to them. The greatest gift you can give to your children is to value them for who they really are on the inside. This is love, and nothing material can ever replace it.

As we move into the holidays, you might want to examine the values and expectations you are imparting to your children. Perhaps instead of all the money being spent on presents for your children, the whole family could participate in buying clothing and food for those who are in need. Imagine the real gift you could give your children if Thanksgiving, Christmas and Chanukah were times of true service in addition to feasting and sharing gifts with each other. Rather than “spoiling” our children by giving them too much, why not enhance their self-worth by providing them opportunities to be giving, caring human beings?

About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? She is the co-creator of a powerful healing process called Inner Bonding. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com.

Women and Nutrition: A Menu of Special Needs

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 16:18:44 +0000

By Dori StehlinBreast cancer. Osteoporosis. Iron deficiency. Weight reduction. What do these things have in common? They are either unique to women, or are more prevalent in women. And they affect current recommendations on what women should eat for optimum health.

While new information on what’s good and what’s bad seems to surface almost daily, some basic guidelines have taken root over the past several years.

The bottom line (also known as the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, from the Departments of Health and Human Services and Agriculture) is:

eat a variety of foods

maintain healthy weight

choose a diet low in fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol

choose a diet with plenty of vegetables, fruits, and grain products

use sugar and salt/sodium only in moderation

if you drink alcoholic beverages, do so in moderation.That sounds simple enough. Except, what exactly is variety? Cake one day, cookies the next? What is a diet low in fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol? And, finally, what parts of a healthy diet have special importance for women?

Vitamins and Minerals
There are several vitamins and minerals essential to a healthy diet. A well-balanced diet will usually meet women’s allowances for them. (See Recommended Dietary Allowances.) However, for good health, women need to pay special attention to two minerals, calcium and iron.

Calcium
Both women and men need enough calcium to build peak (maximum) bone mass during their early years of life. Low calcium intake appears to be one important factor in the development of osteoporosis. Women have a greater risk than men of developing osteoporosis.

A condition in which progressive loss of bone mass occurs with aging, osteoporosis causes the bones to be more susceptible to fracture. If a woman has a high level of bone mass when her skeleton matures, this may modify her risk of developing osteoporosis.

Therefore, particularly during adolescence and early adulthood, women should increase their food sources of calcium. “The most important time to get a sufficient amount of calcium is while bone growth and consolidation are occurring, a period that continues until approximately age 30 to 35,” says Marilyn Stephenson, a registered dietitian with FDA’s Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition. “The idea is, if you can build a maximum peak of calcium deposits early on, this may delay fractures that occur later in life.”

The recommended dietary allowance (RDA) for calcium for woman 19 to 24 is 1,200 milligrams per day. For women 25 and older, the allowance drops to 800 milligrams, but that is still a significant amount, says Stephenson. “The need for good dietary sources of calcium continues throughout life,” she says.

How do you get enough calcium without too many calories and fat? After all, the foods that top the calcium charts–milk, cheese, ice cream–aren’t calorie and fat lightweights.

“There are lots of lower fat choices,” says Stephenson. “There’s 1 percent or skim milk instead of whole milk. There’s a good variety of lower fat cheeses, yogurts, and frozen yogurts, and there’s a whole flock of substitutes for ice cream.”

In addition to dairy foods, other good sources of calcium include salmon, tofu (soybean curd), certain vegetables (for example, broccoli), legumes (peas and beans), calcium-enriched grain products, lime-processed tortillas, seeds, and nuts.

Iron
For women, the RDA for iron is 15 milligrams per day, 5 milligrams more than the RDA for men. Women need more of this mineral because they lose an average of 15 to 20 milligrams of iron each month during menstruation. Without enough iron, iron deficiency anemia can develop and cause symptoms that include pallor, fatigue and headaches.

After menopause, body iron stores generally begin to increase. Therefore, iron deficiency in women over 50 may indicate blood loss from another source, and should be checked by a physician.

Animal products–meat, fish and poultry–are good and important sources of iron. In addition, the type of iron, known as heme iron, in these foods is well absorbed in the human intestine.

Dietary iron from plant sources, called non-heme, are found in peas and beans, spinach and other green leafy vegetables, potatoes, and whole-grain and iron-fortified cereal products. Although non-heme iron is not as well absorbed as heme iron, the amount of non-heme iron absorbed from a meal is influenced by other constituents in the diet. The addition of even relatively small amounts of meat or foods containing vitamin C substantially increases the total amount of iron absorbed from the entire meal.

Calories and Weight Control
The Food and Nutrition Board of the National Research Council recommends that the average woman between 23 and 50 eat about 2,200 calories a day to maintain weight. (Chart of Suggested Weights for Adults)

The best way for a woman to determine whether she’s eating the right number of calories is to “keep stepping on the scale,” says FDA’s Stephenson.

She cautions, however, that cutting back on calories isn’t always the answer to losing weight. “You don’t really want to cut back any more [calories] if you’re down around that [1,500 calories] range,” says Stephenson. She explains that the fewer the calories you have to work with, the harder it is to meet all your daily requirements for a healthy diet.

“If you find you are gaining weight, you need to think of not only cutting calories, but also about increasing exercise,” she says. “Calories are only half the equation for weight control. Physical activity burns calories, increases the proportion of lean to fat body mass, and raises your metabolism. So, a combination of both calorie control and increased physical activity is important for attaining healthy weight.

“On the other hand, if you’ve been pigging out–well, you know what you have to do.”

Cholesterol
Women tend to have higher levels than men of a desirable type of cholesterol called HDLs (high-density lipoproteins) until menopause, leading some researchers to believe there is a link between HDLs and estrogen levels. But this doesn’t let women off the hook–a diet high in saturated fat and cholesterol can still mean trouble.

For both women and men, blood cholesterol levels of below 200 milligrams are desirable. Levels between 200 and 239 milligrams are considered borderline and anything over 240 milligrams is high. High levels of blood cholesterol increase the risk of coronary heart disease.

To keep levels in the good range, the National Cholesterol Education Program of the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute recommends eating no more than 300 milligrams of cholesterol a day. Cholesterol is found only in food from animal sources, such as egg yolks, dairy products, meat, poultry, shellfish, and–in smaller amounts–fish and some processed products containing animal foods.

Even more important than limiting cholesterol to less than 300 milligrams is keeping saturated fat lass than 10 percent of total calories, says Nancy Ernst, the nutrition coordinator for the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute.

“Don’t even think about cholesterol in your diet,” says Ernst. “Focus on reducing saturated fat.”

Fat
In the United States, out of every 100,000 women, approximately 27 die from breast cancer each year. In Japan, breast cancer deaths are fewer than 7 per 100,000. Some scientists think that the difference in death rates may be related to the different amounts of fat in the average diet in each country–40 percent for American women versus 20 percent in Japan.

“We believe pretty strongly in the link [between high-fat diets and breast cancer],” says Jeffrey McKenna, director of NCI’s Cancer Awareness Program.

Population studies have also linked high-fat diets to other cancers, particularly colorectal cancer.

Fat does, however, serve a purpose in the diet. Fats in foods provide energy and help the body absorb certain vitamins. But it is as easy as pie (and doughnuts, ice cream, and sirloin steaks) to eat too much.

For a healthy diet, the diet and health report of the National Research Council recommends reducing fat to no more than 30 percent of total calories. (Figure out your fat intake.) But that’s not all. In terms of heart disease, the kinds of fat you eat are as important as how much.

There are three kinds of fat–saturated, polyunsaturated and monounsaturated. All three are equal when it comes to calories–9 per gram (compared to 4 calories per gram for protein or carbohydrate). But they aren’t equal when it comes to how they affect your health.

More than anything else in the diet, saturated fat can raise your blood cholesterol level. Because of this risk, less than one-third of your daily fat intake (less than 10 percent of total calories) should come from saturated fats.

That’s the bad news. The good news is polyunsaturated and monounsaturated may actually lower blood cholesterol levels. The diet and health report recommends that not more than 10 percent of total calories should be from polyunsaturated fat, and monounsaturated fat should make up the remaining 10 percent.

The foods with the highest amounts of saturated fat come from animals–meat, of course, and foods derived from animals, such as butter, cream, ice cream, and cheese. In addition to animal products, coconut and palm kernel oils are very high in saturated fat–over 90 percent.

The best sources for polyunsaturated fats are plant-based oils–sunflower, corn, soybean, cottonseed, and safflower. Monounsaturated fats are found in the largest amounts in olive, canola and peanut oils.

Fiber
An apple a day–that is, a whole apple with the skin–will give you approximately 3.6 grams of fiber. That’s a good start, but you still need a lot more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to meet the daily level of 20 to 30 grams of fiber recommended by the National Cancer Institute.

Eating foods with plenty of complex carbohydrates and fiber (vegetables, fruits, and grain products) is part of a healthy diet for several reasons. A fiber-rich diet is helpful in the management of constipation and may be related to lower rates of colon cancer. These types of foods are generally low in fat and can be substitutes for fatty foods.

Fiber comes in two forms–insoluble and soluble. Insoluble fiber, mostly found in whole-grain products, vegetables and fruit, provides bulk for stool formation and helps move wastes more quickly through the colon. Another benefit is the full feeling fiber may create in the stomach, a possible deterrent to overeating.

Soluble fiber has been linked to lowering blood cholesterol levels, but that’s still a research area according to the Surgeon General’s Report on Nutrition and Health. There are many sources of soluble fiber, including peas and beans, many vegetables and fruits, and rice, corn and oat bran. There are even small amounts in pasta, crackers, and other bakery products.

Although foods containing fiber seem to exert a protective effect against some cancers, the diet and health report points out there is no conclusive evidence that dietary fiber itself, rather than other components, exerts this effect. Therefore, the report does not recommend the use of fiber supplements.

As important as fiber is to good health, it can be overdone. NCI recommends an upper limit of 35 grams a day. More probably won’t further increase the benefits from fiber, and may interfere with the body’s ability to absorb iron and other minerals.

When increasing the amount of fiber in your diet, do it slowly, so your body can become accustomed to handling it. Adding too much fiber too quickly may lead to uncomfortable side effects, including abdominal discomfort, flatulence and diarrhea.

Food Preparation
Carefully selecting foods for a well-balanced diet can end up a wasted effort if equal care isn’t used in the kitchen. Some important points to help make the most of healthy food: To help reduce fat, broil, bake or microwave food rather than frying or deep-fat frying. Cook vegetables in as little water as possible, or, instead of boiling food, try steaming. The steamer basket keeps the food above the water so the nutrients can’t be washed away. Also, heat can destroy some nutrients, so don’t overcook. Use fresh foods as soon as possible to avoid loss of vitamins. Season vegetables with herbs and spices instead of high-fat sauces, butter or margarine. Try lemon juice as a salad dressing. Substitute plain low-fat yogurt, blender-whipped low-fat cottage cheese, or buttermilk in recipes that call for sour cream or mayonnaise. Use skim or low-fat milk in place of whole milk in puddings, soups, and baked products.

Getting a Variety of Foods
The Dietary Guidelines say that the many nutrients you need should come from a variety of foods, not from a few highly fortified foods or supplements. A good way to ensure variety is to choose foods each day from the five major food groups. USDA has developed a daily food guide for a well-balanced diet that suggests the following:

Vegetables – 3 to 5 servings

Fruits – 2 to 4 servings

Breads, cereals, rice, pasta – 6 to 11 servings

Milk, yogurt, cheese – 2 to 3 servings

Meat, poultry, fish, dried beans and peas, eggs, nuts – 2 to 3 servingsThis food guide is “a useful, simple way for women to look at their own diets and see how to improve them,” says Stephenson. By choosing different foods from each group daily, the food guide can serve as the basis for the dietary guideline “eat a variety of foods,” says Stephenson, and “that’s a tenet of nutritional advice for all people.” Finally, the guidelines are meant for the average person, cautions Walter H. Glinsmann, M.D., FDA’s associate director for clinical nutrition. “Almost nobody is average,” he says. Lifestyle, genetics, and conditions such as pregnancy or disease can also affect a person’s nutritional needs, he explains.

About the Author
Dori Stehlin is a staff writer for FDA Consumer.

For the Love of Mommy

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 16:06:36 +0000

For most of you being a mother is one of the most wonderful and rewarding experiences that you will have in your life. It can also be a time when you feel lost and out of touch with who you are outside of being a “mommy”. Maintaining an identity outside of your children is vitally important, not just for you, but for your family as well. So here are ten strategies that not only keep you connected with you, but also have the added bonus of being an important life skill to teach your children.

Be present – Often when we spend time with our children we are thinking about the things that we should be doing or we multi task and we are not really present with them. Then, when we are not with them, we feel guilty. Make the decision that when you spend time with your child to just be there for them, enjoy them, listen to them, and focus on them 100%. Spending this type of quality time with your child will lessen the guilt and help you focus on other activities with the same 100% attention. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to focus on and enjoy the moment.
Take care of yourself – This is a big one for most women since we get so busy caring for others we tend to forget about ourselves. Define what taking care of yourself means to you and develop a schedule to do it. Keep tweaking your schedule until you are actually fitting taking care of yourself into the day. Taking care of yourself helps to replenish your spirit, it helps you to relax, and it helps you to feel good about yourself. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to develop healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
Connect with you partner – It is so easy to get wrapped up in the kids and in everyday life that you forget about your relationship with your partner. Connect with your partner as often as you can, make a point to sit down over coffee on a Sunday morning and just talk about anything and everything, but the kids. It can be silly or profound, just make sure you connect with each other as a couple. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to maintain a healthy relationship.
Get involved – Get involved in some activity that is only for you. It can be work, volunteering, a class, or a book club. Just get involved in some regular activity where you are not a wife or a mommy, you are just you. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to participate in outside activities.
Have meaningful conversations – Sometimes when you have children your day gets so caught up with “kid stuff” that you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful adult conversation. Have you ever felt frustrated, aggravated and on edge and then gone out to a long dinner with a friend and felt like a new woman at the end of the night? That is why it is important to have meaningful conversations. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to get their needs met by more than one person.
Read – Who has time to read? We all do. It doesn’t have to be a long time, and reading is a great way to be intellectually stimulated. It exposes us to different subjects and new ideas, even when it is a light and fluffy read. Staying intellectually stimulated is important because it keeps us in touch with what we find exciting and gets those brain cells snapping. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to seek out and appreciate knowledge.
Take time for just you – Make sure you get some get some quality time for just you. It can be anything you want from spending time with a friend, to getting a manicure, or just being by yourself. Just do something that is only for you, it will fill you up and refresh you. You will feel like a new woman after you are done. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to be independent.
Remember that you have needs too – We have needs, and it is our responsibility to get them met. If you’re feeling frustrated, or unappreciated, instead of walking around feeling angry and misunderstood, figure out a way to get those needs met. Talk about them, ask for support, and be specific. And remember most people can’t read minds so you have to communicate with them to get those needs met. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to effectively meet their own needs.
Give yourself permission – Why do we feel like bad mothers for wanting to do something for ourselves? Every woman who I have ever talked to that wants to express an unhappiness about being a mother feels the need to qualify it by saying “Well, of course I love my child more than anything in the world but…”. Of course you do, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t be unhappy about the way something is going or how you feel. This is how you feel right now, there is nothing wrong with that, you’re a normal mother. Give yourself permission to feel the way you do and do something for yourself to feel better. Even if that means stepping back from your child for a couple of hours. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to recognize and healthily deal with their emotions.
Be a role model – When you ask most parents what they want most for their children they say that they want them to be happy and successful contributing adults. The very best way to ensure that comes true for your child is to be a role model. If you want your child to be confident, get their needs met, be sure of who they are, and happy with their life, just remember that they learn that from you. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to act with integrity.

Being a mother in today’s modern world is tricky business. We are bombarded all day long with messages of what makes a “good mother”. Just forget all that, and be true to you. Being joyful, present, and authentically you is the very best gift you can give to yourself and your child.

About The Author
Jen Ottolino is a Personal Coach who works with individuals to eliminate blocks to success. She partners with people to actively attract the life they know they deserve, but haven’t quite managed to achieve. You can visit her website at coachjen.com and discover articles, tips, and strategies designed to enhance your life purpose. She also publishes the bite sized weekly newsletter Little gems to subscribe send an email littlegems@coachjen.com.

by Jennifer Ottolino

More Than a Grandparent: When You Are a Guardian

admin — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 16:34:53 +0000

Are you a grandparent who has recently taken on more than a traditional grandparent role? If you have, you may be your grandchild’s guardian. No matter what the reason for your son or daughter being unable to care for their own child, it is now your responsibility to provide the love, support, and care of two people.

One of the biggest problems that guardian grandparents face is the uncertainty. After all, it is likely that some time has passed since you raised a child, especially an infant or a newborn. One of the best ways to go about successfully raising a grandchild, while keeping your head on straight, is by developing a plan. Having a plan in place for just about every situation imaginable will be able to provide you with much needed assistance and guidance.

If you are the guardian for your newborn or infant grandchild, it is important to re-familiarize yourself with the needs of this age group. For starters, you will want to focus on the proper medical care. Newborns and infants are often required to see their physicians on a monthly or bimonthly basis to undergo regular checkups and to receive all needed vaccinations. It will be your responsibility, as the grandparent guardian, to ensure that proper medical attention is sought. Before doing so, depending on your situation, you may need to make arrangements for health care payments, insurance, or other medical coverage.

Another one of the many plans that you will want to have in place, as a grandparent guardian, involves childcare. If you are caring for a newborn, infant, or toddler, you will need to make daily arrangements for them, especially if you are employed. Even if you intend to be a stay-at-home guardian or if your grandchild is school aged, you will still want to have a childcare plan in place. Every parent, even grandparent guardians, need to have breaks every now and then. Examining your options, in terms of childcare providers or other family members who would be willing to step up to the plate, can help to calm your nerves, should you ever have to leave your grandchild alone.

The above mentioned plans are just a few of the many that you will want to have in place, when taking on the role of a grandparent guardian. An additional step that you will want to take includes creating a budget for yourself. Raising a child will likely result in changes to your finances, but, if properly handled, this arrangement is one that should work successfully.

What to Buy for Your Grandchild

admin — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 16:02:23 +0000

Are you a new grandparent? If you are, you may be unsure as to which items will be best suited for your new grandchild. Whether you are interested in purchasing items for your own home or for your grandchild’s home, the information outlined below may be able to provide you with much needed assistance.

When it comes to buying items, including toys and clothes, for your grandchild, one of the first steps that you should take is speak with your son or daughter. When it comes to new babies, many parents are overrun with toys, gifts, and clothes. In fact, did you know that many newborns don’t even have the chance to wear all of their new clothes? This is just one of the many reasons why you may want to ask before you buy. This is unless, of course, your purchases are intended to be surprises.

Seeking a list of needed items for your new grandchild is ideal, especially if your purchases will be sent home with them. With that in mind, you will find that you have a little bit more freedom with items that will be staying in your own home. Perhaps, it is first important to cover the necessity bases. These are items that you will need to have in your home, should your grandchild regularly visit for extended periods of time. Items that all newborns and infants need include diapers, baby wipes, food, an extra bottle or sippy cup, and a few changes of clothes.

Once you have purchased the items that will be, without a doubt, needed for when your grandchild comes for a visit, you may want to focus on the extras. These are items, such as toys, that you don’t necessarily need to own, but can benefit from having on hand. It is always a good idea to purchase a number of toys for your grandchild. These toys do not have to be large in size or expensive in price. Traditional building blocks and stacking toys are great for newborns and infants, as well as board books, which are strong and durable.

The above mentioned items are just a few of the many that you will want to look into buying for your new grandchild. As a reminder, unless you will be taking on the role of childcare provider, a simple drawer full of clothes, toys, and other needed supplies should be enough items to have for your grandchild at your home.

How to Keep a Happy Baby

admin — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 02:47:32 +0000

By Mikael Rieck

Whether you are expecting your first child or you are a veteran parent with years of experience raising kids you have probably asked yourself the question “how will I go about keeping my baby as happy and smiling as possible?”

Well, I can’t give you a definite answer to that question because there are probably as many different answers as there are babies in the world. Every single human is unique but we do still have some things in common that you can benefit from.

Firstly, you will have to provide your baby with the basic human needs. This includes the right amount and the right type of food, enough sleep, shelter etc. Without these basics you will have a hard time keeping your baby happy and you will probably experience more crying and screaming than you will see smiles and hear giggles.

Secondly, you will have to spend your time. Time is unfortunately on of the things that most people will never have enough of and the one thing that every human will certainly run out of at some point.

By “time” I mean that you will have to spend your time with your baby. After all you are the parent and I trust that this is in your own interest as well. One thing that is extremely important is that you do not you spend time because you “need to” but that you actually “want to”.

A baby or a child is a very sensitive being and they will see right through you if you don’t want to be with them. They are extremely good at reading “between the lines” because they still have their intuition.

When you provide you baby or child with genuine love and care you can be sure that it will come back to you ten-fold. If it doesn’t then you might want to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself the question “have I really given my unconditional love and care to my baby”?

If you feel that you have then you are on the right path. Surely there can be situations where other aspects kick in. The child can become sick, have slept poorly, have had to little to eat etc. Some of these things are just “life” and we all have to live with them.

The point is that love and care goes a long way and if you haven’t already tried it then I suggest that you give it a try. You might be surprised.

About the Author
Dr. Caron B. Goode is the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents International, a training and certification program for parent coaches. In addition to duties with the academy, Goode is the founder of the website InspiredParenting.net, and the author of ten books, the most recent of which is Nurture Your Child’s Gift: Inspired Parenting and Help Kids Cope with Stress & Trauma. For more information on The Academy for Coaching Parents International or to sign up for academy announcements, visit www.acpi.biz.

What is Preventing Your Baby from Sleeping Through the Night?

admin — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 04:46:16 +0000

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of No Cry Sleep Solution

Here’s something that may really surprise you: As much as we may want our babies to sleep through the night, our own subconscious emotions sometimes hold us back from encouraging change in our babies’ sleeping habits. You yourself may be the very obstacle preventing a change in a routine that disrupts your life. So let’s figure out if anything is standing in your way.

Examine Your Own Needs and Goals
Today’s society leads us to believe that “normal babies” sleep through the night from about two months; my research indicates that this is more the exception than the rule. The number of families in your boat could fill a fleet of cruise ships.

“At our last day-care parent meeting, one father brought up the fact that his two-year-old daughter wasn’t sleeping through the night. I discovered that out of 24 toddlers only six stayed asleep all night long.” …Robin, mother of thirteen-month-old Alicia

You must figure out where your own problem lies. Is it in your baby’s routine, in your management of it, or simply in the minds of others? If you can honestly say you want to change your baby’s sleep habits because they are truly disruptive to you and your family, then you’re ready to make changes. But if you feel coerced into changing Baby’s patterns because Great Grandma Beulah or your friend from playgroup says that’s the way it should be, it’s time for a long, hard think.

Certainly, if your little one is waking you up every hour or two, you don’t have to think long on the question, “Is this disruptive to me?” It obviously is. However, if your baby is waking up only once or twice a night, it’s important that you determine exactly how much this pattern is disturbing to you, and decide on a realistic goal. Be honest in assessing the situation’s effect on your life. Begin today by contemplating these questions:

Am I content with the way things are, or am I becoming resentful, angry, or frustrated?

Is my baby’s nighttime routine negatively affecting my marriage, job, or relationships with my other children?

Is my baby happy, healthy, and seemingly well rested?

Am I happy, healthy, and well rested?

Once you answer these questions, you will have a better understanding of not only what is happening with regard to your baby’s sleep, but also how motivated you are to make a change.

Reluctance to Let Go of Those Nighttime Moments
A good, long, honest look into your heart may truly surprise you. You may find you actually relish those quiet night wakings when no one else is around. I remember in the middle of one night, I lay nursing Coleton by the light of the moon. The house was perfectly, peacefully quiet. As I gently stroked his downy hair and soft baby skin, I marveled at this tiny being beside me—and the thought hit me, “I love this! I love these silent moments that we share in the night.” It was then that I realized that even though I struggled through my baby’s hourly nighttime wakings, I needed to want to make a change in our night waking habits before I would see any changes in his sleeping patterns.

You may need to take a look at your own feelings. And if you find you’re truly ready to make a change, you’ll need to give yourself permission to let go of this stage of your baby’s life and move on to a different phase in your relationship. There will be lots of time to hug, cuddle, and love your little one, but you must truly feel ready to move those moments out of your sleeping time and into the light of day.

Worry About Your Baby’s Safety
We parents worry about our babies, and we should! With every night waking, as we have been tending to our child’s nightly needs, we have also been reassured that our baby is doing fine — every hour or two all night long. We get used to these checks; they provide continual reassurance of Baby’s safety.

“The first time my baby slept five straight hours, I woke up in a cold sweat. I nearly fell out of bed and ran down the hall. I was so sure that something was horribly wrong. I nearly wept when I found her sleeping peacefully.” …Azza, mother of seven-month-old Laila

Co-sleeping parents are not exempt from these fears. Even if you are sleeping right next to your baby, you’ll find that you have become used to checking on her frequently through the night. Even when she’s sleeping longer stretches, you aren’t sleeping, because you’re still on security duty.

These are very normal worries, rooted in your natural instincts to protect your baby. Therefore, for you to allow your baby to sleep for longer stretches, you’ll need to find ways to feel confident that your baby is safe—all night long.

Once you reassure yourself that your baby is safe while you sleep, you’ll have taken that first step toward helping her sleep all night.

Belief That Things Will Change on Their Own
You may hope, pray, and wish that one fine night, your baby will magically begin to sleep through the night. Maybe you’re crossing your fingers that he’ll just “outgrow” this stage, and you won’t have to do anything different at all. It’s a very rare night-waking baby who suddenly decides to sleep through the night all on his own. Granted, this may happen to you—but your baby may be two, three or four years old when it does! Decide now whether you have the patience to wait that long, or if you are ready to gently move the process along.

Too Fatigued to Work Toward Change
Change requires effort, and effort requires energy. In an exhausted state, we may find it easier just to keep things as they are than try something different. In other words, when Baby wakes for the fifth time that night, and I’m desperate for sleep, it’s so much easier just to resort to the easiest way to get him back to sleep (rock, nurse, or replace the pacifier) than it is to try something different.

Only a parent who is truly sleep deprived can understand what I’m saying here. Others may calmly advise, “Well if things aren’t working for you, just change what you’re doing.” However, every night waking puts you in that foggy state where the only thing you crave is going back to sleep—plans and ideas seem like too much effort.

If you are to help your baby sleep all night, you will have to force yourself to make some changes and follow your plan, even in the middle of the night, even if it’s the tenth time your baby has called out for you. So, after reading this section and you’re sure you and your baby are ready, it’s time for you to make a commitment to change. That is the first important step to helping your baby sleep through the night.

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

New Baby Checklist

admin — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 04:02:34 +0000

By Jennifer Gove

What your baby needs and may not need.

There are so many gadget out on the market, so many cute little out fits, so many baby thing that we think we need, so many we don’t need. Simply Moms offers you a list to get you started and steer you clear of the don’t needs.

Layette
Don’t spend TONS of money on these first little out fits baby will grow really fast and many clothes they may not even get to wear!

Onsies about 6-8

Sleep and plays 5

3 cute out fits

Snow suit if winter

Socks about 4 pair

Blanket sleepers for cool nights about 2

Hat for winter or summer

2 Blanket sleepers for cool nights

A sweater

6-7 receiving blankets

Other stuff

2 pack packages small diapers

Wipes

Baby lotion

Alcohol

Cotton balls

Baby nail clippers

Gentle baby soap

The big stuff

The VERY first thing you must buy is a CAR SEAT

Crib

As far a bassinet it is up to you remember baby will not use this very long.

I would suggest a good pack n play over a bassinet they often come with attachable bassinet and changing tables.

A swing great for soothing baby when you have been doing it for hours.

Also a bouncy seat is wonderful

Our list of don’t needs

Bottle warmers hot tap water run over a bottle works just as well.

Easy to hold bottles the ones with the hole in the center there are impossible to clean!!!!

A changing table…I changing mat is awesome ! used one all the time to change where ever I happened to be. Far more convenient.

Many of those tiny cute outfits. Buy a few you love for special events and pictures. Babies grow fast these out fits may only fit for a month.

There are many more needs and don’t needs. It is a personal thing for each of us. This is just a general guide.

About the Author:
Jennifer is a stay at home mother of her eight child. She is also the owner of www.simplymoms.com. If you have enjoyed this article please feel free to cheak out our site for other great resources. -Forums, Chat, due date calculator , baby name finder and much more! You can contact the author at admin@simplymoms.com.

How to Choose a Car Seat That Meets the Needs of Your Baby

admin — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 18:52:34 +0000

by Declan Tobin

There are many types of car seats available on the market today. In order to be able to make an informed decision it is best to check out car seat manufacturers. You can also check any consumer guide for information on recalls, seats that have been crash tested, the best type of restraint systems for your child. Before that even starts be aware of the fact that there are many types of car seats. The choice you make will be based on your prior research and your child’s needs. A note of caution: before you purchase a car seat check the manufacture’s recommendations and be sure the seat is compatible with your vehicle.

One type of car seat is the infant only car seat. This seat comes with a detachable base, comes with higher weight and height limits, harness slots that will help to change the seat from rear facing to front facing. The multiple slots can be adjusted to fit your baby. They also have handles that can be folded down while the child is in the car. They can be raised to make carrying your baby easier.

Convertible car seats are bigger and heavier and may not be appropriate for some newborns. The reclining position and ease of adjusting the harness are important assets. A convertible seat can be used rear facing for most newborns and front facing for older babies over twenty pounds. The American Pediatric Association recommends a child stay rear facing until s/he reaches the maximum weight and height listed by the manufacturer. The straps and are adjustable to a child’s size, the seat should be moved to the proper position for the weight and height of your baby. The seat belt should be threaded through the seat belt path.

Forward facing seats cannot be used in the rear facing position. They are only for children over a year old and over twenty pounds. They can be used with either a lap only or lap/shoulder belt system.

Combination seats also cannot be used in the rear facing position and are also only for babies over a year and over twenty pounds. It has an internal harness for children whose weight is between forty and fifty pounds. It can convert to a belt position booster seat by removing the harness for larger children. They can be used with lap only or lap/shoulder belts.

Booster seats come in different types. Some come with shield boosters that are padded bars that lock into position much like the handlebars on carnival rides. There are booster seats that come with a high back to support your child as s/he rides in a car. Some booster car seats are built into vans and some cars. Check with your vehicle manufacturer to be sure the seat will accommodate your child’s size. There are travel vests that attach to the seats with lap only belts.

Now that you know the types of car seats, there are things that must be considered in order to ensure the safety of your baby. Is the seat safe? How did it fare in crash testing? Is the restraint system easy to manipulate? If they are difficult to buckle your child in or remove him from the seat your child’s safety could be compromised. In an accident, a sudden stop, or quick swerve will the seat hold your child? If the seat moves in any way in these situations your baby could be at risk. The car seat should attach snugly to the seat if properly installed. With seats that have multiple belt slots to accommodate your child be sure you use the right one. The belt should be at your child’s shoulder level or just above.

Most newer car seats come with the LATCH (lower anchor and tethers for children) system. Installation is supposed to be easier but they are difficult to use and are not always safe. Parents complain that upon installing seats with this system there is too much slack, the seats have a tendency to move or slide out of position. In an emergency situation this could have seriously disastrous results. A company has created a tool called Mighty Tite that is used to pull in the slack and it has been safety tested and is recommended.

As previously stated check consumer guides and online sites for recalls. This is especially important if you have a used car seat. If you purchase your seat second-hand you need to inspect it thoroughly. Check that all belts and buckles are in good shape and working as recommended. Make sure the belts aren’t frayed or the buckles cracked. Check the frame for any breaks or gaps that your little one could get fingers stuck in or that are sharp. If you find such things don’t use the seat until you can get it repaired or replaced. If the seat comes with removable covers it is suggested that you remove them and wash them well. If it doesn’t have cloth covering you might want to buy some. A vinyl seat, could in the summer, burn your little one’s tender skin. In a desperate attempt to remedy this when my own child was an infant, I found a large towel and cut holes in it and place it on the seat so that anywhere my son’s skin would meet the seat, it was protected at least with the towel. If you are really creative you could make your own.

Be practical in purchasing your car seat. If you have an infant buy a seat that will convert to a front facing seat as your child grows. Infant seats also come with a base that remains installed while you are able to remove a sleeping child from the car without disturbing him too much. Some such infant seats can also attach to a stroller frame. This multi-use seat is practical and will save all the bending and unbuckling and buckling of seat belts and then stroller belts. The internal harness keeps your child appropriately restrained.

Let’s go over some important considerations in purchasing car seats. Keep in mind compatibility with your vehicle’s specifications. Check for recalls and safety testing- how did the seat fare in these situations? Is it the proper seat for the size of your child? Can the seat be converted from a rear and front facing seat – it is more economical to buy a convertible seat. Is the installation easy or does the seat seem to move around in the belt system? There is a tool called Mighty Tite that can take up any slack and make the seat secure in its position, thus enhancing your baby’s safety. Choose carefully and choose wisely, you are carrying very precious cargo.

About the Author:
Declan Tobin is a successful freelance writer providing tips and advice for consumers purchasing Baby Products, Baby Crib Bedding and Baby Strollers. His numerous articles offer tips and valuable insight on baby products.