by Royce Armstrong

“Dad, you’re going to be a grandfather.” My son was calling from his Naval base. He could have told me anything else on earth and I would not have been more surprised. At first I thought he was joking. I waited for the punch line. It was no joke.

He had come home on leave a few weeks earlier. He had met a girl. We knew very little about her. They had dated while he was home. It turns out they had kept contact, calling, writing and e-mailing to each one another. Soon after he had gone back to his base she discovered she was pregnant. They were, of course, not married.

It took a few moments for what he was saying to sink in. How could this happen? (Stupid question.) What was he going to do about it? (We are Catholic. Another stupid question.) How could he let this happen? (My first sensible question.) Surprise rolled over into anger. We ended up slamming down the phones in anger.

A jillion things raced through my mind. I was barely in my 40’s. I was too young to be a grandparent. What were our friends going to think? What was our pastor going to think? How were these two kids going to get along raising a baby? What was the mother really like? After all, we barely knew her. How were they going to be able to build a marriage relationship with a baby in the middle of all of that adjustment? How were they going to start a family with him in the Navy and away at sea part of the time?

Sure, I wanted to be a grandparent someday. Just not yet and not this way.

The next few months were a period of change and adjustment for all of us. It wasn’t easy.

One of the toughest adjustments was accepting that my son was stepping into both adulthood and fatherhood. He was barely out of high school. He still had two years remaining on his Navy enlistment. Suddenly he was no longer the boy, who it seemed like only yesterday I had been scolding for not cleaning his room, taking out the garbage and for denting a fender on the car.

A girl we barely knew was suddenly part of the family. We had to quickly develop a relationship with her. Like my son, she seemed so young. Was this girl really going to be the mother of my grandchild?

And then he was born. He was so tiny. I had forgotten how small a new baby is. The first time I held him I swear he smiled at me. I knew we were going to be buddies. They tell me he was too young to really smile. I know better. In that moment I caught a glimpse, in my mind’s eye, of all of the fishing trips, ball games and camp outs we were going to share.

Suddenly none of the would’ve, could’ve, should have’s counted for a thing. A new little innocent person, who had no say at all in the matter, had just been born. The only thing that mattered from that day forward was giving him everything that family love and support can possibly provide.

That is what we have been learning to do. Along the way I have picked up a few tips to share.

1. It is your child’s home, your child’s rules. A role reversal takes place. When your child establishes a home, you are a guest. The rules change. You are no longer in charge’ and you are sharing your child’s life in a new way. Respect that and be grateful for the opportunity.

2. Offer to give the parents a break. Babies and small children demand constant attention. This level of attention day after day and week after week is wearing on anyone. Offer to give your child and his or her spouse a break. Even a break of a few hours can be a very welcome gift.

3. Do not criticize. Your child and his or her partner are going to do things and say things that you wouldn’t do or say. They are going to make mistakes. Don’t criticize them for those mistakes. Your criticism will not be received well and will get in the way of your relationship. Besides, you’ve made plenty of mistakes of your own. They are entitled to theirs.

4. Offer advice only when asked. It is a funny thing about advice. The more you offer it, the less it is appreciated. The less you offer advice, the more it’s sought. That truism has never been more valid than dealing with an adult child.

5. The world has changed. The parenting styles and discipline techniques your children use may be different than those you employed. Most likely the techniques you used were different than those of your parents. You may not always agree with your children, but as long as everyone is safe from harm, with food and shelter, accept them. If you did a good job teaching your children your basic values, they will not stray far from them, regardless the techniques used.

6. Make time to be a grandparent. Most people I know that are my age live very hectic, busy lives. We are at the height of our careers. Most of us are healthy and very active. Time is a precious commodity. Most of us also spent so much time developing careers and supporting our lifestyles that we found our children were grown almost before we knew it. Arrange your life with time to be a grandparent. The rewards are greater than work and personal activities will ever be.

7. Share your grandchild’s world. Suddenly you are looking at a whole new round of ball games, school plays, scout meetings, graduations and the other events in your grandchild’s life. They are even more fun now than they were with your own children. Your grandchildren grow and change every day. There is a special pride in watching a grandchild develop and perform. These events are an excellent way to stay in touch with his or her developing personality.

8. Ask how you can help. Do not assume you know. Your child’s life, like yours has been, will be a series of challenges, success and failures. Let you child know that you are always there, willing to help. Don’t assume you know when and how to help. Your child will let you know when he or she needs your help.

9. Establish limits of help. Being a grandparent is special. It does not mean giving up your own life. If a parent is willing to provide unlimited assistance, it may become too easy for the child to take advantage of that. There should be limits of financial and personal assistance. Occasional babysitting is fun, for example. Providing a free daycare service may not be. Determine limits that are reasonable and comfortable for you and then discuss them with your child.

Becoming a grandparent is a very special time in life. In many ways it is more fun than being a parent. It is part-time. It is a second chance to do all of the things you meant to do or should have done with your children. The relationship with my grandchildren is more relaxed and easier than with my children. I may not have been ready when it happened, but I’m glad it did.

About the Author
Royce Armstrong is a grandparent and freelance writer featured at Happy Tulip Toys and Gifts for Grandchildren. This and other articles and tips about grandparenting can be found here.

by Dr. Michele BorbaDo you have a biter on your hands? Biting is among the most bothersome and embarrassing kid behaviors. I remember the horror the first time I saw one of child in our playgroup I quickly learned that biting is usually temporary, and much more common than I had thought. The other moms and I read up on biting behavior, and shared what we’d learned with one another. We learned that infants and toddlers often bite to relieve teething or gum soreness, or think it’s just a game. Preschoolers typically bite because they haven’t yet developed the coping skills to deal with stress appropriately or the verbal skills to express their needs. Whatever the reason, we knew that this behavior is clearly upsetting to all involved. And has been known to continue as kids get older if not dealt with. Our job was to nip this behavior before it becomes a habit. Here are a few Mommy Secrets and steps you can take to help you handle this annoying (but common) behavior:

Step 1. Confront the Biter A.S.A.P.
Step in the very minute your child bites and call it what it is: “That’s biting!” Then in a very stern voice say: “You may not bite people!” Firmly express your disapproval, and quickly remove your child from the situation. Remember Mom: No matter what you hear from other parents, do not bite your kid back! It is not helpful, and in fact, you’re only sending him the messages that kids can’t bite, but adults can.

If your kid has developed a history of biting, you’ll need to take emergency action. Arrange a private meeting amongst your child and other caregivers (such as his teacher, coach, daycare worker, babysitter) with whom he’s displaying the behavior. Create a consequence everyone understands: this could be the loss of a privilege, time out, or going home. You’ll want to all be on the same page and consistently enforced whatever consequence you all agreed upon. All the moms in our playground, for instance, decided to get on the same page together. Because we all responded the same way (yes, their was one mom who was a bit too laid-back, but we knew we couldn’t change her behavior), we were more successful in stopping our four-year-old Vampire Wannabees.

Step 2. Comfort the Victim and Boost Empathy
Kids always need to know that biting hurts! So in the presence of your kid focus your concern on the victim. “I’m so sorry! That must hurt. What can I do to help?” Doing so shows your child not only that his action caused pain but also how to convey sympathy. If possible, find a way to help your child to make amends. He might offer the victim a Kleenex or band-aid, draw a picture to apologize, say he’s sorry, or give the other child a toy. Do also apologize to the child’s parents on the spot or with a phone call. (Word to the wise: I learned the hard way that it is far better that I make the call then having the parent hear the story from someone else).

Step 3. Teach a New Behavior to Replace the Biting
If your toddler is teething, she’s probably biting because of sore gums. In that case, offer something appropriate to bite on: such as a frozen juice bar, a hard plastic teething ring, or toy to relieve the discomfort.

Kids often bite because they haven’t developed the verbal skills to communicate their needs or frustrations. Identify what skill your child lacks, and then teach a more appropriate way to respond that will replace the urge to bite. Practice the new skill together, until he can successfully use it on his own. One youngster bit because he didn’t know how to say he wanted a turn. Once his dad recognized the problem, he taught his son to say: “It’s your turn, then it’s my turn.” The biting quickly stopped. If your child has trouble verbalizing feelings or needs, teach him to say: “I’m getting mad.” Or: “I want to play.” Remember to let him know how proud you are when he uses good control.

Step 4. Anticipate Biting Behavior as the Best Prevention
If your child has developed a pattern of biting, then supervise those play times closely. You can then immediately step in and stop your biter before it happens. Put your hand gently over his mouth firmly saying: “You may not bite. Use your words to tell what you need.” Then show how: “I want a turn.” Sometimes you can distract your child from the situation: “Would you like to play with the clay or blocks?” You may have step in a few times before the biting is stopped, so watch closely then intervene pronto.

The most important part of this Mommy Secret to learn is that kids usually bite because they lack the ability to handle their frustrations. It’s up to us to help find better ways to get their point across.

About the Author
Michele Borba, EdD, is an internationally renowned educational consultant and recipient of the National Educator Award. She has presented workshops to more than 750,000 participants worldwide. She is the award-winning author of 20 books including Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them, Don’t Give Me That Attitude!, No More Misbehavin’ and Building Moral Intelligence. She is recognized for her practical, solution-based strategies to strengthen children’s behavior and social development. She has lectured to over one million participants and has been featured on NPR Radio, the Today Show, The Early Show, The View, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, and been interviewed by Redbook, Newsweek, U.S. News & World Report, and many others. She is an advisory board member for Parents magazine, is a former classroom teacher and mom of three. For more about Dr. Borba visit www.moralintelligence.com.

Learning to scrapbook has never been this easy! Now you can create beautiful scrapbooks, letting you enjoy your memories for generations to come. Years from now you’ll be able to look back at the moments and memories that are happening right now.

Scrap Tutor is an easy-to-use CD-ROM that will teach you how to start scrapbooking. You’ll then learn how to create beautiful pages using some of the most popular techniques used by scrapbookers today.

You’ll learn how to:

• Organize an album and choose the right photographs
• coordinate papers and achieve balance
• create memorable titles and journaling
• and you’ll learn to perform 14 popular scrapbooking techniques

The Scrap Tutor CD-ROM contains:

• 45 minutes of instructional videos so you can see how others make scrapbooks
• example layouts from some of the best scrapbookers
• step by step instructions and tips for better scrapping
• access to our online community so you can ask questions
• and much more!

Preserve your baby’s life today!     Benefits | Features | Samples

by Danna Henderson

Potty training can be a stressful experience for you and your child. It’s best to start potty training when your child has an established daily routine and is not dealing with any additional stress. Potty training should be the only major change in your child’s life.

If your child is showing signs of potty training readiness, ask yourself if any of the following situations exist:

New baby – Although the thought of double diaper duty may be overwhelming, your child needs time to adapt to the new baby before you begin potty training.

Divorce or Separation – Divorce or separation is always stressful for children. Your child may be living in two different homes or under two separate sets of rules. When things calm down, share your potty training plan so that you are both aware of the other person’s plan and can work together for the benefit of your child.

New daycare/babysitter – If your child has recently switched day cares or baby-sitters, wait a couple of weeks/months (depending on how your child adapts) before you start potty training.

New bedroom or bed – Small changes, like a new bedroom or bed, can have a big impact on your child. Wait until your child has adapted to his new bed before you begin potty training.

Copyright © 2004 ZIP Baby. All Rights Reserved.

Danna Henderson
ZIP Baby
101 Convention Center Drive, Ste 700
Las Vegas, NV 89109
www.zipbaby.com

About The Author
Danna Henderson started ZIP Baby in order to provide parents with comprehensive potty training information as well as a large variety of potty training products. For more information about potty training, visit the ZIP Baby Potty Training Store.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a new father. I haven’t had much experience with infants and I want to be involved in my daughter’s care, but every time I try to pick her up, she starts to fret. How can I feel more competent?

Armin answers: Few things can make a man feel less like a man than feeling incompetent. And nothing can make a man feel more incompetent than a baby. Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to overcome these feelings.

First of all, let’s start with what NOT to do: Do not hand your daughter off to your wife. She may be able to get her to stop crying a little quicker than you do, but the truth is that whatever your wife knows about children, she learned by doing–just like anything else. And the way you’re going to get better is by doing things, too. Research shows that lack of opportunity may be one of the biggest obstacles to fathers’ feeling more comfortable with their children. In other words, the more time you spend with your child, the more competent you’ll feel.

And don’t give in if your wife offers to take over, either. Instead, try a few lines like, “I think I can handle things,” or “That’s okay–I really need the practice.” There’s nothing wrong with asking her for advice, of course–you both have insights that the other could benefit from. But have her tell you instead of doing it for you. Don’t be afraid to make a few decisions–and a few mistakes–on your own.

Another way to start building confidence is to get to know your baby. And the place to begin is with learning her language. Although her vocabulary is pretty limited right now, if you pay close attention you’ll soon be able to tell the difference between her “I’m tired,” “Feed me now,” “Change my diaper,” and “I want to play” cries. Once you’ve got that down, you’ll be better able to take care of her needs and the two of you will feel a lot better about each other.

New fathers are often quite concerned about what to do with their infants. After all, they don’t talk, they can’t catch a fly ball, and they don’t seem to do much else besides drool. But even if your baby is just a few days old, you can do plenty. Carrying her around and listening to music together are great at this age, and just talking to her is wonderful, but my favorite has always been reading. It doesn’t really matter whether you read War and Peace or the ingredient panel from your toothpaste tube–she won’t understand you yet anyway. The point here is to get her used to hearing your voice, which will make her feel comfortable and secure with you. And that’s what close relationships are built on.

Finally, don’t ever devalue the things you like doing with your child. Men and women have different ways of interacting with their children–men tend to stress the physical and high-energy, women the social and emotional. But don’t let anyone tell you that wrestling, bouncing on the bed, and all the other “guy things” you’re going to do when your daughter is a little older are somehow less important than the “girl things” your partner may do (or want you to do).

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

The Greatest Gifts in Life, which are always created for free, but never come with instructional guide, are your children. The following suggestions may help any new parents feeling blessed by the birth of their first baby, but also feeling overwhelmed by this wondrous experience.

1. You cannot love, hug, kiss, cuddle, or hold your newborn too much. He needs your affection to feel safe in a world that’s all new to him.

2. This tiny person is totally dependent on you for everything in his life. He cannot survive without you.

3. Establish a routine. Your baby needs to be able to count on certain activities occurring around the same time each day. Feeding, naps, fun and affection should be a part of every schedule.

4. Sleepless nights may seem never-ending as your newborn awakens you with his cries. But time will fly by and your baby won’t be a baby for long. Treasure each moment of this experience.

5. Nobody can teach you how to be a parent. You will learn on the job. Trust your instincts. Nobody knows your baby better than you.

6. Being a parent will be the most challenging and most rewarding experience of your life. Cherish every day with your child.

7. A child is not a possession or a toy or someone to take for granted. A baby is a blessing.

8. Respect your child’s father or mother whether you’re still married to them or not. Your baby will remember how you treat each other. Children learn by example.

9. Being a parent is at minimum an 18 year commitment. You can’t quit halfway through.

10. Your life will never be the same. Respect the value of this little miracle and remember he will always be a part of you. Nothing in the world should compete with your commitment to love your child.

Resource Box – © Danielle Hollister (2000)

About the Author:
Danielle Hollister is the Writing Host at BellaOnline and Publisher of BellaOnline’s Writing Zine. To subscribe send mail to: bellaonlinewriting-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

By Michael Russell

You just found out the exciting news. The positive sign on the pregnancy test is proof of the new addition to your family. Since this isn’t your first pregnancy, you can focus more on your expanding family.

How will your family adjust to the news? How will you tell them? Will they be happy or upset? These may be just some of the questions on your mind. With the proper preparation, your family will start to have fun with the idea of a new baby. 

When is a good time to tell your children? This depends on their ages. Children, age ten or older, are usually excited about bringing a new baby into the family. They understand the pregnancy will take nine months for the baby to develop and grow.

Children between the ages of five and nine will have a harder time comprehending that the pregnancy will take nine months. They will recognize that your body is changing and usually have many questions.

Children under the age of five usually aren’t capable of understanding that it takes nine months for the baby to arrive. You may want to wait until the second trimester to tell your children, especially very young children. This makes the waiting time a little shorter for them and gives you time to prepare for any questions they may come up with.

Regardless of the ages of your children, always be sensitive to their questions. Spend time together as a family to talk about their new sibling. Explain how you will be going through changes (both physically and emotionally) so they are not scared or worried if you experience morning sickness or other pregnancy symptoms.

Talking about feelings is very important. Ask your children how they feel about having a new sibling. Discuss with them that it’s all right if they feel scared or jealous. Try to find out why they feel this way and ease their concerns. Maybe they’re scared the baby will get all their toys. When you explain that the baby will have his or her own toys, your child’s fear should subside. It may also help to take your child shopping to help pick out new toys for the baby.

Go through pictures with your children when they were newborns. Explain the time and attention a baby requires. If your children show interest in helping you when the baby arrives, let them. It depends on their age to what they’re capable of doing but even a preschooler can get things for you such as diapers or help find a lost pacifier.

Getting the children involved with the pregnancy will help them to accept the arrival of the baby. Let them help pick out clothes, bedding and toys for the baby. Ask their opinions about themes, designs and colors for the nursery.

As your due date arrives, prepare the children for your hospital stay. Explain to them why you need to go to the hospital for the delivery. Tell them that you will be home in a couple of days and until then they can visit. When you pack your hospital overnight bag, pack their bags as well if they are staying at a relatives or a close friend’s house. Allow each child to select a small inexpensive gift for the baby such as socks or bibs. Give them paper to wrap the gift themselves to bring to the baby when they visit you in the hospital. You may also want to buy inexpensive gifts for each of the children from the new baby.

With a little preparation, your children will accept the new addition to your family with open arms.

About the Author
Your Independent Baby and Toddler guide.

by: Barbara A. Eastom Bates 

Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It makes a family. So why does it seem the moment you have a baby, love, or at least your love life as you know it, goes right up in a cloud of baby powder? Let’s face it, you’re tired, you’re overwhelmed, and there’s a good chance you’re wearing baby spit-up on the shoulder of your blouse.

Obstetrician and gynecologist, Laura Filojek McKain explains another reason why many new moms have lost that loving feeling. “New babies are demanding. They require round-the-clock attention and a great deal of physical contact. This can be both physically and emotionally draining. When you finally have a moment to yourself, you may need a break from intense physical attachment…” 

New moms have the added challenge of contending with very powerful physical changes and hormonal shifts as their bodies’ transition back to a non-pregnant state.

Shifting Sand
Having a baby changes everything, including your relationship with your partner. While ideally the ultimate in bonding, having a baby is also a major life altering experience and can cause strain in even the best of relationships. In the early, often overwhelming days of new parenthood, it’s easy to get so wrapped up in your fascinating newborn that other parts of your life are neglected. When it’s hard enough trying to work a shower into your daily routine, it seems nearly impossible to worry about anything of less urgency than a hungry baby.

The good news is the hormonal shifts, physical fatigue, and blinding obsession with your newborn (well, at least the hormonal shifts and physical fatigue) are temporary. But in the meanwhile, how do you retain a close connection with your partner? And why is it so important?

Making Marriage a Priority
Statistics show that better than half of all new parents experience a decline in marital satisfaction following the birth of a child, with nearly 1/3 of all divorces occurring within the first five years of a child’s life. Similar decline is reported following the birth of each subsequent child. Does that mean having children will be detrimental to your marriage? No. It does mean, however, many new parents develop unhealthy ways of relating, or not relating, after children come along.

The downside of blinding obsession with your children is the tendency to neglect other facets of your life, which might include your partner. Without communication and team work, mom may feel overwhelmed and unappreciated, while dad is left feeling the odd man out unnecessary except to give a break to mom’s tired arms. Neither of these are a prescription for closeness. The lack of relating that starts as a simple survival instinct can easily become habit as babies become toddlers and preschoolers making new demands on your time. In the absence of regular, conscious maintenance, parents may drift apart without even realizing what’s happened until they see the gulf between them.

Survey Says
University of Washington doctoral student Alyson Shapiro, and renowned marital researcher, John Gottman, PhD., found three core concepts that successfully help couples make the transition from partners to parents in their study, “The baby and the marriage: identifying factors that buffer against decline in marital satisfaction after the first baby arrives” in the Journal of Family Psychology (Vol. 14, No. 1):

• Building fondness and affection for your partner.
• Being aware of what is going on in your spouse’s life and being responsive to it.
• Approaching problems as something you and your partner have control of and something you can solve together as a couple.
• Take Time to Date and Relate

Combat new parent stress by using the postpartum period to foster intimacy with your partner. Think a baby-sitter is a luxury? Think again. A happy marriage equals happy parents. By nurturing your connection with each other, you directly impact the future happiness and emotional well-being of your child.

Schedule a date with your partner to help rekindle those feelings that made you a couple before it made you mom and dad. Not ready to leave baby yet? You don’t have to. Hire a sitter to entertain your wee one, and stay home and spend an uninterrupted evening together with your partner. The object isn’t to get away from baby; it’s to spend quality time together as a couple.

Remember the things you liked to do together before you became parents. Laugh together. Have a conversation about something other than the color of the contents of your baby’s last dirty diaper.

Most importantly, throw out any preconceived notions you might have about life with your new baby. The realities of every day parenting often fall short of the blissful images cultivated by the media and our own minds. Both parenting and partnering are hard work. Unrealistic expectations of a utopian Gerber baby existence will prevent you from seeing the true joy of new parenthood, which, like childbirth itself, it as messy as it is beautiful.

About The Author
Barbara Eastom Bates is the author of the upcoming release, “Basic Training for Brides-to-Be,” and editor-in-chief of Operation Military Spouse, www.operationmilitaryspouse.com. opmilspouse@yahoo.com

When you bring home your first baby you probably think that life couldn’t be any better. You have your partner and this beautiful, new bundle of joy to love and care for. You have to worry about the needs of this one new little person, but other than that, life hasn’t changed “too” much and isn’t too difficult. When you get pregnant again however you may start worrying about how you will do it with more than one baby. Can you love the second one as much as the first? How will you give your first the time and attention he needs now that you have two? And what happens when you have your third or forth child?

You Will Love Them The Same
You have so much love in you for your first baby. You probably never imagined that you could love another person as much as you love your baby. You may be asking yourself now, how in the world could you love this new baby as much as your first child. Well not only is it possible, but it is very probably. The love a parent feels for their child can not be described adequately to someone who is not a parent themselves. This love is able to multiply, grow, and mirror itself in all your children. You may find it hard to believe before your baby is born, but you will find that you feel the same amount of love for your new baby as you did for your first.

Spreading out Moms Attention
It is a fact — newborns need A LOT of attention. Not only that, but they can be pretty boring, at least to an older siblings eyes. A toddler may see the new baby as a “thing that just eats, sleeps and cries”, but somehow manages to monopolize all of their mommy’s time, so that mommy can’t play anymore. In many cases this is true. With a newborn when mom isn’t feeding or changing the baby she is probably cleaning up after the baby, making the next meal, or cleaning the house. When that is done the new baby is probably crying again, ready to eat. The baby is too small to play with his older sibling, and at this point really needs nor wants anything but his mother.

It is important to try to take time to sit and color or play like you did before with your other children. Also try to include them in your effort to take care of their new brother or sister. Ask them to bring you a diaper and wipes, or to pick out an outfit for the baby to wear from the closet. Let them sit next to you while you are feeding the baby and touch the baby’s feet, or hold his hands. If you include your first child it can cut down on the level of resentment that he may feel towards the new baby.

It Will Get Easier
The first six months of your new baby’s life is probably the hardest, not only for you but for your older children as well. Until your new baby can sit, play and interact more with his siblings, he isn’t going to be seen as fun or exciting. However, as soon as your older children are able to play and interact with their baby brother or sister, it can help set and strengthen a bond between them that can not be broken. It won’t be long before your new baby is running around and chasing after his older brothers or sisters.

Adding Number Three, Four or More!
In some areas having your third baby is easier than having your second. By the time you have number three, number one and two are already playing with each other, neither of them demanding too much of your attention. Number one is definitely old enough to help out, and number two might be as well. If your older children are old enough, they might even be able to help set the table, gather laundry and do the dishes. You will also have more little faces to play with, talk to and teach your newborn as he grows.

Making the transition is easier than some would think. After all what choice do you really have? Remember to remain patient with all your kids, and know that your older ones may get a little testy. Show them all as much love as you possibly can, and know that in time, ever obstacle that comes your way, will pass.

As with any major transitions in their lives, our children will need our help adapting and adjusting to their new sibling. There are many things we can do to ease this transition.

Prepare Your Child for the Changes Ahead
Explain in realistic terms what changes will occur when the baby arrives. Tell your child that new babies cry a lot — when they are tired, hungry, hot or cold, have a wet diaper, need to be cuddled, or sometimes just because they are babies.

Setting up realistic expectations will help them through this challenging, exhilarating time. And, always refer to the baby as “ours” to let your older child have ownership in the arrival of your new member.

Let Your Child Discuss Things Bothering Him
Being heard is probably the most crucial thing you can do to help your child with the transition. And, understand that jealousy is universal. All children experience it in some manner. It is not a predictor of how well your children will relate to each other in later years. But, we do know that if children are not allowed, and even encouraged, to express negative feelings, these feelings will come out in non-productive ways.

Help your child talk through any negative feelings about the baby. This may be difficult for you to hear, but it is much better than the alternative. Anger, jealousy and confusion when kept inside can turn into violence. Children will find a way to express these feelings, through either physical or emotional outlets, if safe spaces for communicating these ideas are not created.

Reassure Your Child You Love Them
It is so important to keep reminding your older children how special they are to you, how much you love them, and how there is no one that could ever take their place in your heart and in your life. Lots of extra hugs and cuddles are a definite must!

Avoid Comparisons
We want to allow our children to be and become their own special selves. Highlight your children’s unique gifts and mirror those back to them so they can see and be proud of their own talents and qualities.

Comparisons are just one of the ways we can cause jealousy and anger. Be aware of your actions and words; children are very sensitive during times of change.

Set Aside Alone Time with Your Older Child
Have your partner, a friend or a sitter watch the baby and take your child out for special times (to the park, to get ice cream or for a walk — just the two of you). Also, use the baby’s naptime to read, sing, dance, play, and talk to your older child.

Time alone will be crucial to your child’s self-esteem and to let them know how important they are to you.

Ask Your Older Child for Help
Explain that babies need lots of extra attention because they can’t do anything for themselves. They will need help eating, getting dressed, bathing – and all of these are things that the big brother/sister can help with. Giving them responsibility with the new baby makes them feel special and a part of the new energy around the baby.

Don’t make the mistake of building an artificial wall between the baby and the older sibling in an effort to protect the new baby. Instead, broaden your already existing family circle to allow for your new member. Don’t shut out the older siblings, but allow them to nurture, cuddle, rock, feed and even help with changing diapers for the baby.

Allow your older child to keep special toys and clothes. Seeing all your toys disappear into the baby’s room can cause anger and jealousy. Know that your older child may have outgrown certain toys but still be attached to others (stuffed animals in particular).

Just Because He Is OLDER Doesn’t Mean He is “Older”
Overnight, your child’s role has changed in the family. Don’t expect him to grow up overnight just because he is the big brother. Many children revert to younger behaviors when the baby arrives and want you to call them baby, too. Knowing that this is perfectly normal (and only temporary) will help you deal with their changes.

Don’t Fuss
There will be enough relatives lavishing attention on the baby and plenty of time for that when your older child is not present. You should talk to your child about all the attention that the baby will get. Let your older child know that you understand how he feels with all the attention going to someone else.

Reinforce the Positives
Try to point out your children’s accomplishments and lavish praise on them. Reinforcing all the good things they do is extremely important at a time that will be full of “don’ts.” It is only natural that there will be many negative rules that will be established (Don’t scream around the baby, don’t pull the baby’s arms, etc.), but remember to focus on the positives.