When you find out you are pregnant and tell your children that they are going to have a new brother or sister, the reactions can be mixed. Based on your child’s age and activities, they might either be very excited or upset by this new addition. Some kids can’t wait till their baby brother or sister arrives, while others worry about what it will mean to them. Will they lose a part of you? Will you have less time and attention to give to them? Will you let them help with the baby?

If you work outside of the house, when you get home at the end of the day, especially during the first trimester, you probably find that you are exhausted and just want to lay down. Your children though, no matter what the age, will want to spend time with you, or need help with homework, and you won’t be able to relax and prop up your feet. After all, a mother’s job is never done.

If you are a stay-at-home-mom with little kids who are home with you all day, then life will get really hectic. During the first trimester when you are really tired and just want to sleep, you can’t necessarily lay down on demand, rather you have to prepare meals, run errands, play with the kids, and listen to their unending questions. “Mommy, is the baby coming today? Mommy, how much longer? Mommy, is the baby kicking? Mommy, can I feel?”

During the second trimester you might be feeling better, more energetic, and more up to having fun with your children. Then comes the third trimester and the innocent childlike comments that you may hear, that make you want to laugh and cry at the same time. My favorite was, “Mom, you used to be skinny and now you are fat. I like you better skinny but sometimes being fat is ok because it means you have a baby in your belly.” Uh, thanks dear…I love you too!

Involving your children in the doctor’s appointments can help make the trips with little ones easier to handle. Ask your doctor or midwife if your child can help find the heartbeat or help measure your belly. Look into sibling classes at your hospital, that you can take your children too. They will get a chance to see other baby’s, and see where you will be when you have the new addition. Take them to your ultrasounds so that they can see their new brother or sister moving around inside your belly.

If you are a stay-at-home-mom to school age children you should consider yourself lucky! You get 7-8 hours during the day to yourself. You get to relax, run errands without tag-a-longs which makes everything more exhausting, and take a nap when you feel you need it. Older kids tend to understand a little more about mommy being tired, and will at least attempt to help you out around the house…if you are lucky.

Being pregnant with children already is a totally new experience that is rewarding and stressful at the same time. No matter what trimester you are in or what stage of pregnancy, being pregnant after having a child will be totally different than the first time you were pregnant.

New Year’s Day 2004 marked a new beginning for both myself and my family. We added a brand new little member, Maggie. Margaret Kay Doran was a huge surprise for everyone. Her older sister is nine and her older brother is twelve. Big age difference!

Yes, Maggie was quite a surprise. After years of failed attempts to add a third child to our family we had resigned ourselves that our nine year old would be the last baby. One super romantic anniversary weekend at the coast changed all of that.

For me it means starting over again. Our family was a well-oiled machine. We worked like a team, knew our roles and happily relied (with rare disappointment) on each other to handle the task at hand with very little supervision.

Maggie is almost 5 months old and I’ve spent the last eight months frustrated at not being able to keep up with everyone physically. I’ve felt guilt over having someone pick up my slack. I’ve also watched proudly as my children and husband stepped in, without being asked, to assist wherever necessary.

When I’m out and about people often ask if this is my first child and usually compliment me on how relaxed I appear with her. Then they find out that I have two others and realize that I’m somewhat of an “old hand” at this. The next observation is usually the children’s ages. I find that anytime someone realizes the age difference between my children I usually get the same remarks,

“Wow, bet that was a shock!”

“Well, at least you have TONS of help!”

The remarks may vary but they are usually in one of those two categories.

The older kids are a huge help, no doubt about it. But, when they aren’t… mom and dad both are exhausted from the constant reorganizing and planning it takes to get three and half kids out of the house whenever there are errands or simple shuttling to and from school.

Just this morning I found myself soaked in spit-up standing in the kitchen, baby on one hip coffee cup in the other hand, arguing with my daughter over what pants she would wear today (the pair she had chosen were too wrinkled) and convincing my son that although he felt nauseous he could probably try to make it to school. Ten minutes later we were finally loaded into the car, already late, the baby gurgling and cooing in her carrier oblivious to any other drama in the vehicle. My son looked doubtful as I assured him he’d be fine and if he wasn’t I’d happily (yeah, right) come get him. It was about that time my daughter’s nose started to bleed and I found myself grasping for the Kleenex while wondering why traffic had come to a screeching halt. As if things couldn’t get any worse, what looked like a mile long train was creeping along the track in front of us.

The good news is that everyone made it school safely. The baby drifted off to sleep and I was able to make it to the mall to “power” walk for an hour with my mom.

I’ve learned over the last five months that nine years means feeling like you are starting all over again. I now understand why my mom is so patient and relaxed with my brother who is fifteen years younger than me and 12 years younger than my sister. It’s partially the fact that she’s and “old hand” at it, partially because when you get to start over you get the gift of really enjoying each new baby stage without the apprehension. Mostly it’s because through all the trials and tribulations of the first 9+ years and the work it takes to bring the new addition on to the scene, you are just too whipped to fight it anymore. That’s also when you realize that your “worry” and “apprehension” with the original new task of being a parent was really just that, a fight. At some point we all make things harder on ourselves than they need to be.

I never want to get into the debate on who has it worse, moms who work outside the home or the moms who work INSIDE the home. Both take a lot of effort and for a mom neither is easy. I’ve done both, personally, I’ve found working inside the home to be more rewarding.

No doubt, some mothers have had it worse, some better. That being said, I’m beginning to have a whole new understanding of the following quote:

“By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class.”
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

The funny thing is – it doesn’t matter whether you work outside the home or not, as long as you are a mom you are always on duty. Well, I suppose the only exception are the Hollywood types who can afford to have a nanny. But, look at how much they are missing!

About the Author
Amy Doran is an Ezine Publisher, and Full time Mom! She started Home-Based-Parents and the APPP Ezine in early 2000. Subscribe to the APPP Ezine at: www.home-based-parents.com © 2000-2004 Amy N. Doran All Rights Reserved This article may be published in web based or email form as long as this credit box Is attached. It may not be altered or edited in any way.