Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting would be easier if you didn’t have to make family decisions? Having a partner that is not in agreement with your parenting ideas or discipline approaches is more than just frustrating. It can be a cause of division in even the best of relationships. Furthermore, how you handle your disagreements will have a direct impact on your relationship with your partner and with your children.

It would be great if every couple agreed on everything but that is an unlikely event. One partner may have been raised in a relaxed environment; another may have been raised in a very strict home. What is acceptable by one partner may be appalling to another. It is important to discuss with your partner what your parenting objectives are. Decide what values are important to both of you. You will find that some things are more important to you than to your partner and vice versa. Here are some steps you can do to work towards resolving parenting disagreements.

1. Discuss your parenting objectives. What is important to both of you? Sit down with your partner and decide what values are most important. Also what areas are not as important? 
2. Talk about where your children are developmentally and what they are capable of understanding. Sometimes the reasons for parenting disputes are because one partner thinks that a child is capable of understanding something and the other disagrees. Knowing what your child’s cognitive level is will help you to make better decisions. Do not compare your child to other children. You can use examples based on what they are capable of doing and not doing. For instance, if you ask them to get something out of their toy box, do they understand and go get it? If not expecting your child to be able to understand certain things may be unreasonable. 
3. Find out what both of your parenting strengths and weaknesses are. Many times both parents want the same things for their kids. Compliment your partner on his/her strengths. Don’t just point out your partner’s flaws. 
4. The majority of parenting disagreements are over discipline methods and when it is appropriate to discipline. One parent may think that spanking is the best method and the other may prefer time outs or something else. One of the most effective ways to resolve this issue is to talk about it. Find out the reasons why your partner feels the way he/she does. There are pros and cons to every form of parenting. Talk about why your partner thinks his/her discipline style is the better method. Sometimes talking about it will help you to see each other’s point of view. 
5. If the discussion gets heated, agree to disagree. Fighting about how to parent is only going to make the situation worse. Walk away, take a break and discuss it when you are not angry. 
6. Plan ahead. Discuss problem situations you are having with your children. For instance, if you are having a problem with your child having temper tantrums, discuss how you think this should be handled. If you have a plan in action, it will be easier for both of you to follow each other’s wishes. 
7. Pick your battles. Some things you may never agree on. You don’t have to agree on everything. Find the issues that are most important to you and work on resolving those first. 
8. Do not argue about parenting in front of your children. This is easier said than done. The best way to handle a situation you don’t agree with is not to interrupt but to wait till later and then discuss how you think it could have been handled differently. 
9. Work on role modeling communication. If your children see that you communicate and problem solve together, they will grow up to do the same. Children often repeat patterns of their own parents. Look at your relationship and evaluate how you communicate. Is this the way you would like your children to communicate with their future partner? 
10. Parenting and relationships are a growing process. The more you communicate the better parent/partner you will be. Learn from each other and listen to each other. Build on your parenting strengths and tackle your parenting weaknesses a little at a time. It won’t happen over night but if you continue to discuss things with your partner calmly and positively you will become better parenting partners.

About The Author
Patty Hone is a wife and mommy to three kids. She is also the owner of Justmommies.com. Justmommies is an online community for mommies to make friends and find support. Please visit Justmommies at http://www.justmommies.com. email@justmommies.com

1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don’t rely on the schools, the government, television, the movies or music to teach their children values and the difference between right and wrong. They do it themselves.

2. They have a vision for their family and its future, one that is discussed and shared often. And they support the vision with clearly articulated, clarified and communicated values and beliefs. Every action, behavior, and decision is taken with those values and beliefs firmly in mind. They constantly emphasize the relationship between family successes and acting in accordance with the values and beliefs. They make a clear distinction between right and wrong. Everybody is clear on how things are to be done and why.

3. They are behavioral models for their children. Their behaviors reflect those that they want the kids to emulate. They are honest because they value honesty; open because they value openness; forgiving because they value forgiveness. They make tough decisions when necessary and they take responsibility for the results. They don’t just tell their children what to value and believe; they show them through words and deeds.

4. They enable their children. They communicate high, but achievable behavioral and performance expectations and provide the spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual and financial resources the children need to successfully achieve them. They know that self-esteem is a function of achievement.

5. They talk with their kids, not at them. They develop feedback loops so the children can come to understand the impact of their behavior on others. They make sure the kids understand the relationship behavior and consequences. And they distinguish between the child and his or her behavior so, when there are problems, they unconditionally love the child while looking for a solution to the problem.

6. They take pains to understand how children develop. As the children are finding their way in the world these parents use a combination of maturity and skill to firmly direct when direction is needed; discuss when the circumstances merit; push the kids away when they are ready to make provisional tries when they are ready to and, finally; they set them free altogether. Through it all, the door is left open for the kids to come back if they needed to.

7. They take an active role in their children’s education, both formal and informal. They are active contributors to both the schools and communities. They enrich the home environment in every way they can. They go to concerts, games, on camping trips and, unfailingly, to the ceremonies that mark the graduations from one stage to the next.

8. Although their children are outstanding in any number of ways, these parents freely admit their kids were anything but perfect. They accept and openly talk about the fact that, while good kids, their children are just as prone as others to the vicissitudes of growing up and, on occasion, their behavior reflects that fact.

9. When the time comes, they discuss the future and provide appropriate advice and guidance regarding career and other life choices that children must eventually make.

10. Through it all they encourage independent, critical thinking so, in the final analysis, each child becomes his or her own person.

© Dr. Tom Olson 2004, all rights reserved Permission to reprint article granted as long as this signature remains intact.

About the Author
Dr. Tom Olson is the author of Don’t Die With Your Helmet On. Visit www.Dontdiewithyourhelmeton.com for more information about Dr. Tom, the book and his work. Contact Dr. Tom at info@dontdiewithyourhelmeton.com.

Children rarely make a conscious decision to play. For a child to play is a natural response to being alive. Children play to explore, learn and understand their place in the world.

Often play is a problem solving task- children don’t set out to conquer tasks and problem solve it occurs as they relate to others, to objects and to their environment. It starts at infancy looking, tasting, touching- experience by observation for the most part. Once an infant can move and grasp objects they begin to experience the world around them through interaction and manipulation objects, the environment and others.

I have observed babies repeated working with cause and effect- they perform the same action to a passive object repeatedly. It is almost as if they are ensuring that the same action creates the same response. Usually outside stimuli will interrupt this repetition sequence and the infant is distracted and on to the next experience. Sometimes the infant will vary the action.

Passive objects are important to learning and have enormous potential for years to come. With a passive toy a child can use and manipulate it in more sophisticated ways as she develops. Typically electronic toys give temporary pleasure- the child will beg for them and initially be very excited about this fancy gadget.

However, once the novelty of what this fancy high tech object can do wears off, the child will loose interest. Why would they stay interested in something that eventually becomes predictable? A non-electronic passive educational toy may not produce the same initial excitement but interest will be sustained indefinitely. The reason for this is that the child has the power to change what the toy can do and their experience continually evolves. The toy thus grows with the child and learning is significantly enhance.

About the Author
Candice Silsby has an extensive background in Early Childhood Education and Human Dev elopement. She have six years experience working with young children as a pre-school teacher and caregiver for children under 3. She worked with special ed children for two years. She has eight years experience as a child entertainer and currently has her own business doing puppet shows for children. She is a Discovery Toys Educational Consultant because the toys are educational and developmentally appropriate. These toys meet the high scrutiny of her Developmental Education background. Discovery Toys improve the quality of life for children and families therefore the world.

1. Boundaries are necessary for control and safety.
All children need and must learn to respect boundaries. Being clear about expectations before an activity begins frees you and the child to enjoy the event and ensures the safety of everyone involved. If you observe the boundaries are being violated, don’t be afraid to remind your grandchildren again. Restate the rules as many times as necessary. Writing the rules and posting them or bringing them along is a good idea. If a rule is violated during the activity, ask the child to repeat or read the rules again.

2. Gift giving is not a requirement of grandparenting.
Establish a practice with your first grandchild and stick with it; what you do for one doesn’t necessarily have to be done for all. Financial and family situations change as our children grow. If a family experiences loss of a job or divorce, don’t be afraid to make temporary changes. Gifts are gifts especially when they are unexpected. Surprise gifts are the best. Gifts don’t have to cost a lot. Research supports the fact that “time together” is the best gift we can give. Travel provides time for the grandparent and grandchildren to discover and appreciate each other’s gifts.

3. All rules must be consistent with parents’ wishes.
Anything you do with and for your grandchild needs to be discussed first with the parents. After all, parents make the rules and effective grandparents support them.

Don’t keep secrets from the parents and don’t ask the grandchildren to keep secrets from their parents. Many grandparents believe that some information should not be shared with the parents, but this only undermines the relationships.

4. There is no substitute for planning.
Proper planning ensures that the activity will be discussed with the parents. No matter what the age or sex of your grandchild, planning makes any activity more successful. This is not to say you can’t be spontaneous, but it’s often better and safer to have a plan.

Discuss with the child what he or she would like to do. Give careful thought to the age appropriateness of the activities before you begin. Giving children choices increases their self-confidence and is great training for the future.

5. Grandchildren and grandparents want to have fun!
There is no substitute for good old-fashioned belly laughs. It’s good for you, your grandchild and your relationship. During the activity itself, share with your grandchildren how excited you are about being with them.

Children enjoy getting away from their parents for short periods of time and grandparents enjoy being part of a very important relationship. Parents enjoy their break too.

About the Author
Don Schmitz is a well-known writer and speaker on parenting and grandparenting. He is the author of “The New face of Grandprenting…Why Parents Need Their Own Parents” and founder of Grandkidsandme, which includes: Grandparent Camps and Grandkid Days. Don holds graduate degrees in Education, Administration, Human Development and is father to three sons and grandfather to four granddaughters. Contact Don Schmitz at Don@grandkidsandme.com.

1. Give your child a spray bottle of water and watch them spray every possible thing outside of the house!
2. Use shaving cream in the bathtub for extra fun. It is usually possible to find cans of shaving cream that cost only a dollar each.
3. Remember that Barney dolls, Sesame Street dolls, and the like are as real to your child as any other person that they have met. Respect their relationship with their ‘cloth’ friends.
4. Buy a small pet, such as a frog, lizard, goldfish, bunny, hamster, etc. Toddlers need something to love. A pet will add much more stimulation to your child’s life than any other toy will.
5. Replace your child’s stroller with the wagon for outings to the park, the mall, etc. Wagons can make both toddlers and their parents very happy. Wagons are symbolic of you and your child making it through the baby stage and entering the world of “big kids.”
6. Teach your toddler to march to the beat of “one-two-three-four!” while the two (or more) of you play your instruments. Your child will never want this marching band game to end!
7. Make a sandbox out of a large plastic container for your child to play in. If you put the container outside, covering it will keep the cats from mis-using your new toy.
8. Build towers together with blocks. Your child will learn about spatial relationships, balance, etc.
9. When using Play-Doh with your child, show them how to make little snowmen, snakes, etc,. since it is difficult for their little fingers to mold clay at this developmental stage.
10. Set up finger painting in an empty bathtub with your child wearing only a diaper. This can make finger painting a much less stressful activity for a parent.

About The Author
This piece was written by Dr. Clare Albright, Psychologist and Parenting Coach, and author of “100 Tips for Parents of Two Year Olds”, which can be downloaded for only $5.77 from www.ParentsOfTwoYearOlds.com

Many parents share custody of their children, which presents a unique problem when it comes to potty training. It’s best to discuss potty training and agree on a strategy before you start. Both parents need to be informed about potty training and have the necessary potty training aids.

Potty Training Aids
To maintain consistency throughout the potty training process, it’s best if both parents either share the potty training aids or purchase the same aids. This way your child will have a potty seat she is comfortable with at each parent’s home.

Potty Training Methods
Both parents need to use similar potty training methods so your child doesn’t get confused. Make sure you are both informed and decide how you’re going to handle potty training instruction, rewards, and accidents.

In some cases, the divorced or separated parents don’t have a good relationship and this level of communication is not possible. If this is your situation, it may be easiest to pack your child’s potty seat along with a note describing your potty training strategy (and any other necessary information) and send it with your child.

Copyright © 2004 ZIP Baby. All Rights Reserved.

Danna Henderson
ZIP Baby
101 Convention Center Drive, Ste 700
Las Vegas, NV 89109
www.zipbaby.com

About The Author
Danna Henderson started ZIP Baby in order to provide parents with comprehensive potty training information as well as a large variety of potty training products. For more information about potty training, visit the ZIP Baby Potty Training Store.

It’s hard to admit, but like it or not, your baby could be running your life. She cries, you pick her up. She’s hungry, you feed her. She fills her diaper, you change it. She wants to play, you play. She needs a nap, you drive around the block twelve times until she falls asleep. She wakes up in the middle of the night, you’re up too. The ancient rabbis of the Talmud described it pretty well.

The first stage of life, they said, “commences in the first year of human existence, when the infant lies like a king on a soft couch, with numerous attendants about him, all ready to serve him, and eager to testify their love and attachment by kisses and embraces.” It’s all happening on your baby’s schedule, not yours.

Being out of control is hard for anyone, but it’s especially discombobulating for people who feel the need to be in control all the time. Before my oldest daughter was born, I was incredibly anal about time; I always showed up wherever I was supposed to be exactly when I was supposed to, and I demanded the same from others. But, as you now know, going on a simple trip to the store with baby in tow takes as much planning as an expedition to Mt. Everest. And getting anywhere on time is just about impossible.

You may be a great salesman or negotiator or a cult leader but your ability to turn adults to your way of thinking won’t work with a baby. Babies are, almost by definition, irrational and not at all interested in your timetables. In no time at all your baby will figure out what you’re most rigid and impatient about and she’ll begin pushing your buttons. That leisurely walk in the park you planned might have to be cut short when the baby panics and won’t stop crying after a friendly dog licks her face. Or you might end up having to stay a few extra hours at a friend’s house so as not to wake the baby if she’s sleeping or, if she’s awake, not to upset her nap schedule by having her fall asleep in the car on the way home. And just when you think you’ve figured out her routines and the sure-fire tricks to comfort her or get her to sleep, she revamps everything.

So you’ve got a very Zen-like choice to make: you can either learn to accept change and bend or you can break. It took a while, but I eventually learned that trying to be a father and Mr. Prompt at the same time just wasn’t going to work. Most of the new parents I’ve interviewed over the years have said basically the same thing: Since becoming parents, they’d learned to be a lot more flexible and tolerant—not only of themselves and their limitations, but of other people’s as well.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

Dear MrDad: Since becoming a father my wife and I haven’t been able to spend as much time with our friends as we used to. Some of them seem to understand but others don’t. Is there anything we can do to keep our friendships alive?

Armin answers: Considering how small and helpless babies are, it’s really amazing that they can have such a powerful impact on the lives of the adults around them. Simply by being born, your baby has already transformed you and your partner from a “couple” into “parents” and your parents and in-laws into, gasp, “grandparents.” Even more amazing is the impact that babies have on the pre-existing relationships between the adults in their lives. Babies can bring a couple together, for example, or they can create a lot of stress (or at least magnify it). They can reunite families and mend old wounds or they can open new ones. They can even change the nature of your friendships. Here are a few ways this might play out:

When babysitting your grandchild, even just for a few hours, you will want to have an unlimited number of fun filled activities on hand. These activities will help prevent boredom and they will also ensure that grandma or grandpa’s house is “cool.” For fun filled activities that your grandchild may enjoy, please continue reading on.

Before focusing on the fun filled activities that your grandchild may enjoy, it is important to remember age. Your grandchild’s age will play an important role in the activities that are best suited for them. To have fun, as well as to prevent injuries, it is important that you choose activities that are age appropriate.

If your grandchild is a newborn, you will find that just about any activity keeps them occupied. In fact, many newborns prefer to be cuddled. With that in mind, there are a number of other fun activities that you may want to look into. One of those activities involves swinging. There are a number of infant and newborn swings that are affordable and perfect for visits to grandma or grandpa’s house. You may also want to examine floor gyms that are designed for newborns, as they are often filled with fun, safe activities.

If your grandchild is an infant but still in the first year you may want to examine traditional toys, such as those that are designed for stacking. In addition to purchasing stacking toys, you can also use a number of items around your home, such as yogurt cups, margarine cups, and so forth. When doing stacking activities with your grandchild, it is important that you participate with them. Children this age often learn by example. You can help your grandchild understand cause and effect by stacking cups or other items and then by allowing them to fall.

The above mentioned activities are just a few of the many that you may want to use the next time your grandchild comes for a visit. Often times, you will find that you don’t need to have big, expensive toys to have a good time. As a reminder, it is important that you choose activities for you and your grandchild to enjoy that are age appropriate.

According to a study* by Impulse Research, while 99 percent of parents eat out with their kids, 25 percent find the experience hectic, hurried and not at all enjoyable. The top reasons for this displeasure: waiting a long time for food (40 percent), unable to find a menu that will please both parents and children (35 percent) and dealing with misbehavior (30 percent).

Is It Really Worth the Wait?
“Waiting anywhere with your children can be a problem, but it becomes exacerbated when they are hungry. Sometimes it’s too much to ask our young ones to stand in line with the aroma from the kitchen filling the air and tantalizing food posters on the walls around them, “ explains Elizabeth Pantley, parenting expert and author of Perfect Parenting: The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips. “Having a plan and realistic expectations are both important,” she continues. “When possible, plan to dine at a reasonable time, before the kids become famished. Seat the kids at a table while you stand in line. Bring along a few simple toys, like a deck of cards, that can keep the kids occupied while they wait. For younger kids, have a bag of dried cereal to munch on until the meal arrives.”

Pleasing Parents and Their Kids
Many restaurants that appeal to children aren’t the first choice of parents. “There are places that cater to all generations,” Pantley says. “You just need to look around. For example, a comfortable, casual destination like KFC offers a Kids Laptop Pack with choices like chicken strips and macaroni & cheese. They also serve real homestyle chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy and baked beans that satisfy more grown-up tastes. If everyone can find a favorite on the menu, then eating out can be fun for the whole family.”

Keeping the Kids Entertained
“Adults view dining out as a rich, social experience, while kids just want to eat and run,” Pantley explains. Once the kids have eaten enough to satisfy their hunger, they look for entertainment. “Bored kids misbehave; busy kids tend not to act out. So bring toys with you or use what’s available. Try letting the kids stack sugar packs, play ‘I spy,’ or enjoy a few rounds of tabletop coin hockey. And keep your post-meal conversation short. The longer you stay, the more likely the kids will act up.”

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

It is truly amazing the development that a baby experiences in the first year of life. Every week seems to bring another milestone for parents as well as baby! The primary way a baby learns is through play and baby games, it is how they start to make sense of their world. By providing a nurturing and safe environment for our babies we help to promote this learning that aids their early development.

The main groups for baby development in the first year are

1. Cognitive- relating to learning and problem solving
2. Social-relating to language and interacting with others
3. Motor Skills-both fine and gross motor skills. Learning to crawl and walk as well as pick up small objects.

In the early months babies love their hands and are endlessly occupied just playing with them and putting them into their mouths. Once they start being able to efficiently grasp at objects they will enjoy being given new toys to explore with hands and mouth. Make sure these objects are baby friendly, there is a wide range of baby specific toys to promote learning and exploration at different ages.

Once a baby is able to sit and roll the world takes on a whole new appearance. She is now able to see her surrounding as others do, and rather than passively laying on her back she can move towards something if it interests her. She has gained control of her head and neck and can visually track an object before grabbing for it.

Around this time rosy cheeks may appear as the first teeth start coming through. Some babies sail through teething while others do not cope well at all. Provide plenty of different textures and shapes for chewing. Sugar free icy poles are available which you can hold for your youngster or portions of watermelon or other cool fruits that he will not choke on.

After the first six months babies become much more social, enjoying many more games, particularly those that involve clapping, singing or tickling. Very early in life babies are able to recognise games of anticipation and seem to love knowing that they are going to be tickled, as much as the tickle itself! They will love story time and enjoy the process of turning pages and exploring the textures found in many books. You will find them smiling and playing with those they know but often quite reserved around strangers.

The culmination of all these ‘baby steps’ in development is that by the time your child turns one he will be close to saying his first words and possibly pulling himself up in preparation for walking. Your once helpless and tiny baby is almost a toddler!

Enjoy the pleasure your baby gets from his play and enjoy your time spent playing with him. Your reactions and words of encouragement mean more than any milestone he may pass.

About the Author:
The place to go for all your games needs for 0-6 year olds is Kids Fun and Games. Educational baby and toddler games, party games, crafts, indoor and outdoor games, festivals and more.