by Barbara Eastom Bates

So you’re pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change in ways you might find unthinkable (and we’re not even talking about the surrender of your once slim waistline to proportions most comparable to that of a Dr. Suess character). Pregnancy is the beginning of a new life for a baby, but also a new life for you as a parent. If this is your first baby, you may be filled with an endless list of questions and concerns. If you’re a veteran of the labor and delivery room, you’ve got a better idea what to expect, yet every pregnancy, like every mother and child, is different.

Making Choices
While pregnancy and birth have physiologically been the same since the beginning of time, your options as a pregnant woman today are greater than at any previous time in history. After confirming your pregnancy, your first (and arguably most important) decision to make is choice of caregiver. While traditionally in the U.S., maternal care has been provided through obstetrical physicians and hospital births, there is a growing movement towards the return of low intervention, midwife-assisted births.

How do you know which is right for you? Consider what is most important to your birth experience (always remembering that birth is anything but predictable and flexibility is vital). Are you interested in birthing naturally, without the aid of drugs or invasive procedures? Would you rather give birth at home or in a birthing center as opposed to a hospital? A midwife may be the right choice for you. Conversely, if you know upfront you’ll want an epidural at the first sign of labor pain you’ll probably find the anesthesiologist at your local hospital to be your best friend.

Keep in mind, each choice has its pros and cons and it’s up to you to weigh which option is the best for your needs. If you give birth at home and have complications, you’ll need to be transported to the hospital. Epidurals may provide excellent pain relief (or not), but have potentially serious, although rare, side effects. Some birthing centers will not accept a mother attempting vaginal birth after caesarean section (VBAC). Being an educated consumer in your pregnancy will allow the best possible birth experience and beginning for your new baby.

Planning for Baby
Somewhere around middle to late pregnancy (usually about the time you can no longer see your toes because of your protruding middle), you’ll want to start making accommodations at home for your baby’s expected arrival. If this is your first, trust yourself to the care of an experienced mommy friend who can prevent “New Mother Shopping Syndrome,” i.e., going to Babies ‘R Us and spending an exorbitant amount of money on baby paraphernalia that, not only do you not need, but you will never use. Yes, the mommy bear that emits sounds of the womb is cute. No, your baby will not be fooled. This is the time to cultivate self control, which will particularly come in handy when your precious baby has become a 16-year old who has just wrecked the family car.

Babies actually need very little in the way of gear for the first few months of life. If you’re planning to family bed, you can skip the nursery furniture altogether. Some good choices of useful items include a five-point harness convertible car seat, a quality hospital grade breast pump if you’re planning to breastfeed (Medela is the gold star standard), and plenty of onesies for sleep and play. A baby sling is also useful for helping mom get things done around the house while still meeting the baby’s need to be held, and also for discreet public breastfeeding. Skip the infant carrier, which can only be used for about six months, at which point you’ll have to purchase a convertible seat anyway. Also unnecessary (at least for now) are baby toys, gyms, etc., which will not be of interest to the baby until at least six months of age.

Delivering the Goods
Prepare for labor and delivery by compiling a plan for your caregiver sharing your wishes for birth. Discuss your feelings on all types of medical intervention including the use of epidural, IV’s, amniotomy, fetal monitors, episiotomy, etc. Remember that a birth plan is simply that, a plan. Since no one knows exactly how any given birth will proceed, it is not a guarantee of any kind. While the mother’s experience with birth is important, the ultimate goal is a healthy baby, whatever it takes to achieve it. A birth plan is simply helpful in communicating the type of birth experience you would like to have, and if you have made a wise selection in caregiver, you will have someone who will work with you to honor these wishes to the extent they are possible. You may want to hire a doula to assist during labor. A doula’s purpose is to support and be an advocate for the mother, and can be helpful in achieving the mother’s goals towards birth.

Surviving the First Weeks
After nine months of waiting and planning, your baby is finally in arms. What next? Despite that you might feel you’ve gotten away with something when the hospital staff actually allows you to leave with your baby (whom you think you have no idea how to care for), remembering a few simple tips can help things go more smoothly.

Feed your baby on demand. Don’t try to schedule feeding sessions, which can be detrimental to establishing proper milk supply if breastfeeding, and simply isn’t good for baby.

Keep a record of wet and soiled diapers for the first few weeks to assure baby is taking in enough breast milk or formula.

Hold baby as often as possible. Contrary to what grandma might tell you, he can’t be spoiled.

Always remember to place your baby on his back to sleep and tummy to play, to lower the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).

Call your pediatrician if your baby develops a fever, or if you have any questions or concerns.

Most importantly, remember motherhood is a work in progress and cut yourself some slack. You will make mistakes, learn, grow and change. Both babies and parents are born, and neither reaches their full potential overnight.

About The Author
Barbara Eastom Bates is the author of the upcoming release, “Basic Training for Brides-to-Be,” and editor-in-chief of Operation Military Spouse, opmilspouse@yahoo.com

By Don Schmitz

1. Boundaries are necessary for control and safety.
All children need and must learn to respect boundaries. Being clear about expectations before an activity begins frees you and the child to enjoy the event and ensures the safety of everyone involved. If you observe the boundaries are being violated, don’t be afraid to remind your grandchildren again. Restate the rules as many times as necessary. Writing the rules and posting them or bringing them along is a good idea. If a rule is violated during the activity, ask the child to repeat or read the rules again.

2. Gift giving is not a requirement of grandparenting.
Establish a practice with your first grandchild and stick with it; what you do for one doesn’t necessarily have to be done for all. Financial and family situations change as our children grow. If a family experiences loss of a job or divorce, don’t be afraid to make temporary changes. Gifts are gifts especially when they are unexpected. Surprise gifts are the best. Gifts don’t have to cost a lot. Research supports the fact that “time together” is the best gift we can give. Travel provides time for the grandparent and grandchildren to discover and appreciate each other’s gifts.

3. All rules must be consistent with parents’ wishes.
Anything you do with and for your grandchild needs to be discussed first with the parents. After all, parents make the rules and effective grandparents support them.

Don’t keep secrets from the parents and don’t ask the grandchildren to keep secrets from their parents. Many grandparents believe that some information should not be shared with the parents, but this only undermines the relationships.

4. There is no substitute for planning.
Proper planning ensures that the activity will be discussed with the parents. No matter what the age or sex of your grandchild, planning makes any activity more successful. This is not to say you can’t be spontaneous, but it’s often better and safer to have a plan.

Discuss with the child what he or she would like to do. Give careful thought to the age appropriateness of the activities before you begin. Giving children choices increases their self-confidence and is great training for the future.

5. Grandchildren and grandparents want to have fun!
There is no substitute for good old-fashioned belly laughs. It’s good for you, your grandchild and your relationship. During the activity itself, share with your grandchildren how excited you are about being with them.

Children enjoy getting away from their parents for short periods of time and grandparents enjoy being part of a very important relationship. Parents enjoy their break too.

About the Author
Don Schmitz is a well-known writer and speaker on parenting and grandparenting. He is the author of “The New face of Grandprenting…Why Parents Need Their Own Parents” and founder of Grandkidsandme, which includes: Grandparent Camps and Grandkid Days. Don holds graduate degrees in Education, Administration, Human Development and is father to three sons and grandfather to four granddaughters. Contact Don Schmitz at Don@grandkidsandme.com.

by Kimberly Hargis

Age 1: Invite only family members and close friends only because this birthday is more for the parents than for the child. At age 1, a child doesn’t understand the concept of “Birthday Party.” He or she is getting a lot of attention—which is all a 1-year-old wants or understands anyway. You should not go overboard on presents because too much could scare or confuse a child. You should consider getting specialty items such as a plate that says “First Birthday,” a 1-year-old candle, and possible a table cover that everyone could sign with fabric paint to have as keepsakes that can someday be shown (or given to) to your grown child.

Age 2: 2-years-olds should have one or two playmates over for a small Birthday Play Day. Again I suggest you keep a birthday plate and other keepsakes for your 2-year-old.

Age 3: 3-year-olds should have three to four playmates over, and at this age you might have try a birthday game such as “Who can stack the blocks the highest?” I do not recommend having a clown or playing any games that require a blindfold over a child’s eyes such key due to the fact either can scare children at this age. Remember your child has just turned 3, and the playmates are around that age. They are still not able to understand fully structured games very well. They only know if they do something good or better than other children, everyone will give them attention. Again I suggest you collect keepsakes.

Age 4: At 4, children should now be ready for a “real” party. I suggest four or five playmates. 4-year-olds are ready now for party decorations, but I suggest you do less and save your money for the big number “5” birthday (or buy decorations that you can put away and use again). Games such as Musical Chairs, and carrying a hard boiled egg on a spoon to the finish line without dropping it relay race can be appropriate, but remember that games will be played and finished much sooner than you think. Consider having a few of your child’s favorite videos on hand. Even if the kids have seen them 100 times, they will enjoy them. After an hour or so, you will probably need a break and the children might be cranky. A movie they are all spellbound by will be a great way to relax the kids and you. You might want to consider spreading a couple of blankets on the floor and have some pillows handy for sleepyheads!

Age 5: 5-year-olds should have a big party, but remind them that this is because they are the big “5,” and either starting school or just in school, and having a “big” party will not happen every year. Explain to them that big parties are only for special birthdays such as 5 because they have started or are starting school, 10 because that is the first double-digit number, and of course 16 (“Sweet 16” for girls and “Driving Age” for boys). This will save you money in the long run. On the fifth birthday, I suggest you first decide if you want to do it yourself, rent a building or park area but still do it yourself, or call local businesses (like McDonalds) to see what party-planning packages they offer. I personally suggest renting a park area if weather permits because the kids will be just as happy playing on park equipment as they would if you spent a ton of money on a professionally planned party. Have several inexpensive disposable cameras on hand and let your Birthday Boy or Girl take pictures of his or her first “big” party!

Great games for 5-year-olds whether inside or outside are:

by: Adriana Copaceanu

One of the most exciting events an expecting mother looks forward to is celebrating her baby shower.

Deciding to Throw a Baby Shower
Baby showers are often thrown by a friend or family member. Formal tradition dictates that someone other than a family member throws the baby shower, but this certainly does not have to be the case and many modern women go against the grain and welcome any offers from family willing to throw a party on their and baby’s behalf.

Preparing Ahead of Time: The First Critical Steps
Planning and throwing a shower can be a cumbersome task if you go into in unprepared. It certainly does not have to be however, if you keep a few things in mind.

One of the most important considerations is planning where and when the baby shower will take place. The majority of baby showers are held before mom gives birth, but this is not always the case and certainly does not have to be. Some mothers are superstitious and prefer to have the baby shower after birth, to ensure the happy and healthy delivery of their newborn. Be sure if you are planning the happy event to check in with mom to be to ensure you plan it at a time that is comfortable for her.

Most showers are held in someone’s home other than that of the new mom. Typically the person throwing the baby shower hosts the party at their house or at an alternate location such as a park or reception hall.

Invitation List
The next step in planning a shower is figuring out who to invite. The guest list should be the responsibility of the guest of honor. Letting mom develop the invitation list will ensure that no one gets left out.

Most parties held are women-only parties, though this trend is rapidly changing. As fathers continue to become more involved in the planning for new babies, many couples are starting to hold co-ed parties that invite couples. Be sure to check in again with the guest of honor to ensure that the theme of the party matches her preferences.

Themes and Thrills
Deciding on a theme isn’t necessary, but can add fun and excitement to the party. The theme of the party for an expectant parent who is having a boy baby might be something as simple as a color, such as “green”. Guests might be encouraged to bring gifts that correspond with the nursery room theme as well. Many parents for example, design baby’s room with a certain theme in mind such as ducks. Guests might consider brining items that match this idea. Even the cake and decorations can be designed to incorporate a selected topic or idea.

No baby shower would be complete without incorporating a few fun games. Deciding on games doesn’t require a degree in rocket science. One popular and traditional game involves having everyone get together in a circle and write down one piece of advice for the mom to be. Another one might have everyone right down one prediction for the new baby’s future. These cards can be collected at the end of the party and stored in baby’s memory book for review at a later date, providing a wonderful memento for mommy to be and baby.

Though it is not required, some hosts provide gag gifts for anyone participating in a game. This can be a fun way to allow mom and guests enjoy the gift giving bonanza.

One last tip to consider prior to throwing the party is finding out where an expectant mom is registered. Including this information on the invitation or having it available to give out to guests will truly help mom receive special gifts that will match her preferences for baby’s first year. One of the reasons for throwing a shower is to help new parents collect much needed items for baby’s first year.

About The Author
Adriana Copaceanu provides people with creative gift ideas that don’t blow the bank. Gift Baskets for Baby to Birthday and Beyond, are just some gift ideas you’ll find at her site: www.abcgiftsandbaskets.com Want regular reminders on gift-giving? Sign up for her free monthly newsletter at www.abcgiftsandbaskets.com/gift-news-signup.htm.

by Criss White

Planning and organization are crucial to hosting a successful baby shower. Below are some important topics to consider when planning:

1) Who will host the shower?
The person that plans and hosts the shower can be anyone, but is usually someone who is close to the new or expecting mother. Normally, a close friend or family member will do all the preparations, but sometimes the new mother will help as well, particularly with the guest list. Sometimes a small group of friends can plan the event together.

In the event of a surprise baby shower, planning must occur more carefully and invitations should be sent out in secret. In this circumstance, people who are not as close to the new mother will be involved in acquiring supplies and getting the word out.

2) Who should be invited?
Be sure to invite all the mother’s friends and family to the event. If planning a surprise party, make sure that everyone you tell helps spread the word. A close friend or family member may know most of the mother’s friends, but it can also be helpful to ask co-workers and other friends to make sure that no one is left out.

Also, men are increasingly being included in these parties. An all women’s shower can be different than a shower with both men and women, so the planner should consider these things as well.

If other young children will be in attendance, then make sure to plan events for them too. Not planning for children is a common oversight that adults make when planning parties of this nature. Baby shower games are a fun way for both children and adults to celebrate.

3) Where and when should the shower occur?
The party should be held at a location that is comfortable to the new mother. Oftentimes, the most common place to host a party is at a friend’s or family member’s home. In this case, the mother will not have to worry about cleaning up afterwards.

Sometimes, the party is hosted at the mother’s place. This can be convenient as well because the mother doesn’t have to go anywhere. Friends of the mother can help with the clean up afterwards.

For larger baby showers, banquet halls or other locations can be rented. Other places include parks, restaurants, catered dining rooms, or anywhere else that might be appropriate. It is okay to plan things differently as long as the mother and everyone else has a good time.

Most baby showers occur several weeks before the baby is due. Sometimes showers occur after the baby is born, which allows the guest to see the new baby. When to have the baby shower is entirely based on the preferences of the host and the mother.

Most showers occur on the weekends. Saturday is a popular day for these parties. They can occur in the afternoon or evening, depending on various factors, like people’s schedules and how much you want to spend. Generally, dinner parties are more expensive than hosting lunch.

4) What activities should be planned?
There are many games and activities that can be planned in advance to make a baby shower memorable. Baby themed games are a fun way for everyone to celebrate a new baby. Do a search for “baby shower games” on the internet and you will find many games, some of which you can purchase and some that are free.

A short speech of congratulations is also a nice surprise for the new mother. If such a speech occurs, it is usually from a close friend or family member. A good time for congratulations is before eating lunch or dinner.

Finally, make some time before, between, and after events for everyone to mingle with the new or expecting mom.

5) What kind of food is appropriate?
The food at the party does not necessarily have to be baby-themed, although that can be a nice touch. The most common baby-themed food is baby shower diaper cake. Your local bakery can also make other items like cookies and pastries in the shape of baby blocks, pacifiers, rubber ducks, and other baby items. Or you can make them yourself. Most importantly, make sure to pick food that everyone will enjoy.

If you are hiring a caterer, then be sure to ask them about their ideas and experiences with baby showers. They may have some creative ideas that you may not have thought about.

6) Decorations and party favors.
Your local party supply store will probably have plenty of decorations for your baby shower. Specifically themed decorations can also be purchased online.

Buying party favors for your guests is always a nice way to say thank you for coming. These gifts for your guests can range from themed candies to more expensive keepsakes, including personalized items. Special prizes can also be given out for game winners or other people who have been important in the mother’s life and during the pregnancy.

7) During the party.
Greet the guests when they arrive and have others help out if necessary to make sure everything runs smoothly. And finally, don’t forget to have fun after all the planning and preparation.

About the Author:
Criss White is a professional web writer on baby and new mother topics for baby and pregnancy websites. For more articles on baby showers, check out our Baby Shower Ideas and more baby articles at Baby Lullaby.