by Kristyna CullenKids don’t come with a handbook; I keep trying to tell myself that. As a mother of three babies under the age of three, it is becoming a daily thought for me. My daughter Rielly has just turned three and has approached the age of defiance and independence. Her younger brother Jamieson, 19 months, struggles to keep up with her, but is very much in harmony with his younger brother Connor, 5 months. With every day that passes I find myself questioning more and more about what I am doing, and what the residual outcome on their personalities will be.

Coming from a large family of seven, resulting in a plethora of nieces and nephews (10 to be exact!), I find that instead of being more secure in my own parenting skills, I am more apprehensive than I ever expected myself to be. Today’s parents are bombarded with so much information about what to do or not to do. Do I discipline with a smack or with words, or a combination of both? Just how long do I let her cry at night, as the wallpaper comes peeling off with every scream, and the door jam buckles with every kick? The girl has got stamina and those nightly delay tactics can last for hours! And do I make her sit at the table until all the food on her plate is gone?

If I was to ask my mother any of these questions, her answers are my own experiences. I lived through them and I remember everything! My mother was no tyrant, but she did keep us all in line and I am so very thankful for that, but I often wonder how did she get us to behave? I have asked my mother that very question, and she had the reply “I just did what I needed to do.” We weren’t always in trouble, we just somehow “knew better”. She also said that one day I would find out for myself. So far, I have no clue.

I don’t necessarily agree with every rule my mother had, but some how she made it all work. I have tried different types of discipline techniques for my daughter, from bribery, to the time out chair, to just putting her in her room to scream it out and fall asleep. The problem is… she is just like me. I find that I am fighting with myself. I often have to give my head a shake and remember that she is three and there is no reasoning with a three-year-old.

I just hope that as time goes by, she remembers that I am her mother, I made her, and she is part of me, she can’t kid a kidder! I hope she knows that no mater how “mean” I appear to be, I will always love her and always be her friend. I am worried though, that she may outsmart me one day, that is a day I dread. I am making such an effort to remember every thought I ever had as a teenager, no matter how painful, distorted or unrealistic, in the hopes that it will help me with the challenges that lie ahead with my precious daughter when she gets to those dreaded teenage years.

There is so much those parenting books don’t tell you about the real parenting experience. Such as what it feels like to teach your children to fall asleep on their own. And about how, in order for them to learn for themselves, you have to sit back and watch your children make mistakes, with the hopes that they will see the truth behind your advice. The books make it seem like it is a difficult journey the children must endure.

What they don’t tell you, is that the hardest part of it all is how we, as parents, must hold back and refrain from acting on those God-given impulses that make us the parents we are. We mustn’t go running in the room when our child yells bloody murder to get out at bedtime. We must remember that our children won’t starve themselves, so it is ok to leave food on their plate and for them not eat if they choose not to, in order to develop healthy views on mealtime.

We must watch our daughters fall for that boy that we know is no good for her, only to watch her heart get broken. But as long as we are there to help them pick up the pieces later, and to, God forbid, encourage more growth and maturity, than I guess all our painful actions (or lack there of) will not go unrewarded.

I do often doubt my parenting skills when I listen to the nonchalant ramblings of others about parent dos and don’ts. But as look at my precious babies today, as I uncurl Jamieson’s fingers from his sisters hair, jiggle Connor on my knee wildly, and offer more stickers to Rielly for successful trips to the bathroom, I wouldn’t have my family any other way. Except maybe a little quieter…nah, I like the squeals!

About the Author
My name is Kristyna Cullen and I have been married for 9 years. After five years of trying to get pregnant and sustain the pregnancy (after two over 12 week old miscarriages with D&C’s, and oral progesterone) I finally delivered my first child, a baby girl Rielly, in 2001. A difficult pregnancy and even more difficult delivery, complicated by gestational diabetes, and low hormone levels. But following the same protocol, I successfully had two more baby boys, Jamieson 2002, and Connor 2003. I have returned to work full time as a cytotechnologist at a medical laboratory in Mississauga and share daycare with my husband, who also works full time as a transit operator. I live in Brampton, where my daughter has just begun JR kindergarten. I happily take refuge in my newly purchased first home with all of my wonderful children and their just as stressed, father…my husband Gerry. We have two birds, four koi, three goldfish, two hermit crabs and a hamster…and a partridge in a pear tree!

Pregnancy is supposed to be a wonderful, exciting, time for a woman. They pee on a stick, find out they are pregnant, call their doctor, schedule a prenatal check-up, and take their insurance card in with them. But what happens when a woman doesn’t have maternity insurance?

This happens more often than some people realize. Many times insurance offered by an employer does not cover prenatal care, and the woman is not made aware of this until she needs the insurance after she conceives. It can leave a pregnant women panicking wondering how she will be able to afford all the cost of prenatal care and delivery without the help of insurance.

There is now help available to 90% of the country’s uninsured pregnant mothers, whether they lack insurance because of a lack of employment, their employer doesn’t offer insurance, or because their insurance plan doesn’t cover prenatal care. It is called the MaternityCard.

The MaternityCard was created by the Austin based company Affordable Health Care Options (ACHO), to help expectant mothers find financial relief in the growing high costs of prenatal care, when they have no insurance. It was created for women who do not have health insurance, don’t qualify for government assistance because their income is too high, or are not offered prenatal coverage through their current insurance plan.

MaternityCard can save a woman up to 60% off of what she would pay out of pocket if she had to pay for all prenatal and delivery care on her own. The premiums are not high, there are no co-pays or deductibles, and a woman is not turned away for an pre-existing conditions, which she might find with other insurance companies she investigates.

The coverage includes every aspect of pregnancy from the first doctor’s appointments, to prescriptions, lab work, labor and delivery, and postnatal care for both mom and baby. It is the newest alternative for the new, uninsured mom-to-be.

New mom, Kelly Jones from Nevada said that MaternityCard not only saved her THOUSANDS of dollars on one doctors bill, but allowed her to free up her time to spend taking care of her newborn twins, instead of spending hours on the phone dealing with the hospital on the fees from her care. She states, “When I finally decided to make the call, everyone was so helpful and supportive. It really made me feel more at ease knowing I had some help when I needed it.” That confidence that you are not dealing with the rising costs of having a baby all by yourself would put any new pregnant woman at ease.

If you are without insurance and looking for help with your doctor, hospital and lab bills, please visit www.maternitycard.com.

by: Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Naps are important for your child’s health and growth. A nap refreshes a child so that she can maintain her energy for the rest of the day. Studies show that children who nap are more adaptable, have longer attention spans, and are less fussy than those who don’t nap.

Does your child needs a nap?
Here are signs that your child would benefit from a nap:

1. Wakes up happy, but gets cranky later
2. Has more patience early in the day
3. Cries more easily in the evening
4. Has an afternoon slump then gets a second wind
5. Has temper tantrums during the bedtime routine
6. Falls asleep in the car or when watching TV

How much naptime does your child need?
Children differ in their sleep needs — but this chart applies to most. Even if your child’s sleep hours add up to the right total, his behavior tells you more than any chart could. When in doubt try for a nap, since even quiet time can help a child feel refreshed.

Average hours of day and night sleep

*These averages don’t signify unbroken stretches of sleep since night waking is normal. © Elizabeth Pantley, The No-Cry Sleep Solution (McGraw-Hill)

Timing and length of naps
Timing of naps is important. A late nap will prevent your child from being tired at bedtime. Generally, the best nap times are:

• Two naps: midmorning (9:00 – 11:00) and early afternoon (12:00 – 2:30)
• One nap: early afternoon (12:00 – 2:30); after lunch

If your child tends towards short naps, don’t assume it’s all she needs. Try these tips for better naps:

• Provide a healthy lunch or snack before nap.
• Keep the room dark.
• Play lullabies or white noise during the nap.
• Dress her in comfortable clothes.
• Be sure that discomfort (teething, allergies, etc.) isn’t preventing sleep.

Watch for signs of tiredness
Tired children fall asleep easily. If you miss the signals they become overtired and are unable to sleep. Your child may show one or more of these signs that tell you he is tired and ready to nap:

• losing interest in playtime
• becoming whiny or fussy
• losing patience
• having tantrums
• rubbing eyes or yawning
• caressing a lovey or blanket
• asking for a pacifier, bottle or to nurse

The nap routine
Once you’ve created a schedule that works with your child’s periods of tiredness, follow a simple but specific nap routine. Your child will be comfortable with a pattern to his day. He may predict when naptime approaches and willingly cooperate with you.

Nap routines change
Children’s sleep needs change over time. The routine that you set up today won’t be the same one you’re using a year from now. Be adaptable!

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

By Tony Luck

Sleeping…

A newborn baby spends most of her time on two things: sleeping and feeding – although, as she needs an average of 8 diaper changes a day, maybe that should be three things

Newborn babies sleep for around 17-18 hours a day, but the bad news is she will sleep only for 3 or 4 hours at a time. When she wakes she will probably need feeding and/or a diaper change.

Babies are not born with a conception of day and night, so you have to teach her to take short naps in the day and longer sleeps at night. During the first few weeks you will have to feed on demand and let her decide when she will sleep. Then you should try to encourage her to take the majority of her sleep at night by changing her surroundings: at night she should sleep in a darkened room (either her own bedroom or a corner of yours), in her cot. During the day keep her in bright light (but not direct sunlight, babies get sunburnt very easily), in her buggy.

After about 4 months baby should be sleeping for a total of about 15 hours, but she should now be sleeping for around 8-10 hours at night and without a break. She will benefit from a set routine at bedtime. A bath followed by a feed and a clean diaper, then settle her in her bed while she is still awake and play her some soothing music. Mobiles suspended over the cot work wonders.

Getting baby to establish a routine is a gradual process so don’t worry if it takes a while. There will still be the odd night-time feed required until she reaches about 6 months when she should last all night without refuelling! Aren’t you looking forward to that!

Sleeping Position
To minimise the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (also known as cot death):

• place baby on her back,
• tuck in the sheet and blanket (don’t use a duvet until she is at least 12 months),
• make sure the room is neither too hot nor too cold – ideal temperature 65?F,

Sleeping Problems
If baby isn’t sleeping well at night, it may be because:

• she is too hot, too cold, hungry, thirsty, or needs changing,
• she is getting too much sleep in the day. A recent study found that keeping baby in bright light during the daytime naps will teach her the difference between a night-time sleep and a daytime nap,
• she isn’t tired enough. Introduce more energetic playtimes, then wind down an hour before bedtime,
• she is over-tired. Introduce a quiet time before bed to calm her down. You might also try baby massage.
• she has colic. That’s a whole different problem and you will find a separate article about colic.

Finally, remember that, like adults, all babies are not the same and some will need less sleep than others.

About the Author:
Tony Luck who runs a site with advice about babies. You will also find the fascinating chinese pregnancy calendar which is supposed to tell you whether the baby you are expecting will be a girl or boy, and a conception chart to tell you when baby is expected.

Your baby’s skin is a funny thing. You always hear about having skin as soft as a baby’s bottom, but no one ever tells you that your baby’s bottom may be the softest part of your baby’s skin. When a baby is in the womb it is subjected to all the hormones running through his mom’s body as it comes through the placenta. In the weeks after birth as your baby’s body takes over his growth and development his skin will be going through a lot of changes. You may be surprised at what he might go through.

Baby Acne
Pimples on your baby are as common as the breakouts you had during your teenage years. As the hormones leave your baby his skin is caused by an increase of oil production. This normally clears on its’ own within a few weeks without needing treatment. It is also no indication of acne problems in your baby as they reach puberty.

Eczema
Dry skin can be very common in your baby and toddler. It is often describes as an itching, oozing, crusty rash that can be found mainly on your baby’s face and scalp. Unlike cradle cap which will generally go away on its’ own before your baby’s first birthday, eczema will require either a prescription or over-the-counter topical, steroid-free antihistamine in order to clear up. Be sure you ask your baby’s pediatrician about any rash on your baby’s skin at your next well-check.

Diaper Rash
Your poor baby’s bum is not always soft. There will probably come a time when it will be red and sore, possibly even a bit bloody if your baby develops a severe diaper rash. While it can be caused by infrequent diaper changes, diaper rash is not necessarily caused by you not changing a baby’s diaper quick enough. It can be caused by a food or juice that your baby eats or drinks that doesn’t agree with him. It can also come as a side effect to teething. Diaper rash can be treated with over-the-counter creams or prescription medications if your doctor deems necessary. Be sure to ask your pediatrician at your baby’s next appointment.

Birthmarks
In most cases a birthmark on your baby’s skin is not dangerous. If you are concerned about one your baby has ask your pediatrician. Most of the time it is a little light red or brown colored spot. Sometimes they can grow. If your baby’s pediatrician thinks that there is a problem with your baby’s birthmark, there are medicines he can prescribe to help it fade or disappear.

All these skin problems that your baby can have can be exhausting for you! Between the acne, rashes and birthmarks the fun never ends for you as a new parent. Like many other things when it comes to your new baby…this too shall pass.

One of the biggest fears of all expectant parents is there baby being born and ending up having to go to the neonatal intensive care unit. It can be very hard for parents to deal with the fact that their newborn has ended up in the NICU, when they had been preparing to have the baby and bring him home with them, problem free.

So what is the NICU and why would your baby have to go there? The NICU is a specialized nursery with specialized nurses that is put in place to help babies who are born with problems. The most common reason for a baby to be placed in the NICU is because they are born premature, or too early to survive out of the womb on their own. It has special equipment designed to quickly stabilize your baby and help him get healthy enough for you to take home, as soon as possible.

Reasons your baby may go to the NICU vary, but can include:

• Being born prematurely
• Difficulties occur during birth
• Problems arise within the few days immediately following birth

Only the youngest of babies are treated in the NICU, normally babies who have not yet been sent home from the hospital. If you are sent home with a healthy baby and he later has to be hospitalized in intensive care, he will generally go to the pediatric intensive care unit, or PICU.

Babies who are sent to the NICU are normally given more hands on care by the nurses, and rarely is the nurse taking care of more than 2 babies at a time. However, not only does your baby have his nurse taking care of him, there is also the nurse in charge of the shift to help, as well as other additional doctors and nurses who specialize in different areas of neonatal care. These may include:

• Neonatologist
• Medical residents and students
• Respiratory specialists
• Nutritionists
• Physical Therapists
• Pharmacists
• Other specialists
• Hospital Chaplain
• Social Worker

Depending on the problems your baby is experiencing you may meet all or just a few of the above hospital staff during your baby’s stay in the hospital.

Be sure to write down all your questions if you are not at the hospital when you think of them to ask immediately. You will have many questions arise regarding the health and care of your baby including, “What is wrong with my baby? How long will my baby be here? Is my baby ok?” You will have new questions and concerns coming up daily that you will want to get answers too as soon as possible. Remember, besides taking care of your baby, the nurse is there to answer your questions and reassure you.

The NICU is likely to seem very much like another planet when you walk in. There may be several babies in the NICU at once. It will probably be very quiet in there as parents sit with their babies and talk to them, and the nurse’s move around quietly taking care of babies. At times it may be very bright in the room, although often it will be darker while the babies sleep. Even though there are parents with their babies and nurses moving around, it will seem silent as the many machines around you are beeping.

If your baby is going to be in the NICU for a while, it is important that you find ways early on to make it manageable for you. Explore the hospital, the cafeteria, the surrounding restaurants and hotels so that you know quickly and easily where you can stay if needed and where you can eat. Find a quiet place in the hospital where you can lay down to rest during the day if necessary. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Try to remain positive for your baby, and keep yourself rested so that you can properly care for your baby when you bring him home.