Does your toddler run away from you? Does he run into the street at times or run towards it, nearly giving you a heart attack? All mothers have felt the panic of seeing their little guy sprinting toward the street! My mother used to say; “you’ll die a million deaths before you get em raised”.

I often see mothers chasing their toddlers. The little guy is charging wildly toward the street and the mother has a frightened look in her eye. Once she catches Jr. she usually has some harsh words for him and in turn, he giggles and attempts to wiggle away from her. She might even give him a little swat on his diapered bottom to let him know she really means business. The mother then calms down because, after all, he is still a just a baby.

What are you supposed to do as a mother?

Let’s start with a question. What is your job as a mother? Is it to simply protect your child from harm? To feed him, clothe him and take care of his needs? Since the role of a mother is not clearly defined in our culture, we think mothers are supposed to love our child. Period. That’s it. Loving them means taking care of them and doing everything for them, right? Wrong! Get ready because I am about to define your real role as a mother and I want you to write this down! Your job as a mother is to…….TEACH. That’s it. Teach your children how to get along without you. God gave children a mother for this one thing in mind.

You are saying, yeah, but what about training? Isn’t it my job as a good mother to train my children in the way they should go? Yes and no. Training shows your children “how” to do something. Teaching gives them the reason “why” they do something. It is imperative to teach and not just train.

Jeffery Gitomer said it best when he said, “pretend you have a teenage daughter, do you want her to have sex EDUCATION…or…sex TRAINING? Yikes! When you put it that way, it makes sense, doesn’t it?

When you teach your children, you give them the concrete information they need to make wise decisions on their own. They have to think and decide for themselves. They have the information needed to embrace your reasons in a clear, logical way. It is even more imperative to do this with boys than it is girls because boys are usually more logical.

By now you are thinking I forgot about the toddler in the street. Well, I didn’t. My children never went into the street because I taught them “why” they shouldn’t go in the street. Now I will teach you how to teach your children the same thing.

A TRAINING statement would be, “If you go in the street, you will get hit by a car.” Haven’t most little kids been hit by a brother, sister, playmate, or cousin? If they haven’t personally been hit, they have seen people hit or they have hit others! The point is, no one died. No one wiggled around in severe paid and then disappeared. They know they WILL recover if the car HITS them. Hitting is not life threatening, is it?

Scare Them

Now, let’s do a TEACHING situation. Scare them. Does this go against your motherly instinct? Sorry. Reality is, if they run in front of a car, they are most likely going to die. This is scary. They need to fear the cars. How can you scare your own child you ask? First of all, I am not saying go out and rent a copy of Stephen King’s, “The Car” and show it to your child. I am saying fear is sometimes healthy.

If you go in the street, the cars will eat you!

What is a realistic way to make sure your child would have a healthy fear of cars? When my children were little I had a stroke of genius when I said, If you go in the street, the cars will eat you! Children know about eating. They know that chewing would have to hurt. Most have bitten their own finger hard enough to know it would hurt and hurt BAD. They also know that anything they eat is GONE FOREVER.

Once you learn to develop healthy fears in your child, your child will see that the world is a delightful yet scary place and it does have boundaries that limit all of us. After all, that is the truth. Doesn’t your child deserve the truth?

© 2003 by Michelle Shelton. All rights reserved

About the Author
Michelle Shelton is an author, parenting coach, parent consultant, acclaimed public speaker, and parent educator. Michelle is the author of the well known column Life with all these Kids. Contact her at 480-888-9352 or michelleshelton@yahoo.com.

Babies Online can not garauntee that this statement will keep your child safe – this article is posted as an educational resource only.

When a baby finds that her signals are validated and responded to appropriately—that troubles are soothed and pleasure enhanced—she begins to sense that her feelings, expressions, of her very being, are of value and important. A baby learns that she counts for something. This is the foundation of the development of self-esteem—a combination of who you are, how you feel about yourself, and what you think about your future potential.

Self-esteem takes root or withers depending on how you handle your child’s signals of fun—interest and enjoyment—and validating and attending to the signals for help—distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust, and dissmell.

As parents you are the most important people in your baby’s world. You provide your child with his first definitions of himself. You tell him through your every word, gesture, and action just how important he is and how he is perceived by the outside world.

Over the coming months and years, as your child matures and becomes an adult, his self-esteem will become a more complex web of interlocking emotions and thoughts about himself and about how he sees and is seen by others. It’s common for growing children and as well as adults to fluctuate between episodes of high and low self-esteem over the course of months or years. However, a solid foundation of self-esteem—built by appropriate responses to a child’s signals and nurtured throughout childhood—will help most people maintain a basically optimistic view of their lives and their future over the course of life’s ups and downs.

Your goal now, with your baby, is to help him develop a sense of himself that is reasonably solid and stable. As he grows, that will allow him to perceive his talents and abilities accurately, respond to life with flexibility, and look at his goals and capacities realistically.

Of course, the real key is loving the very essence of your child—loving and valuing the child for himself or herself, who he or she is. But this is often easier said than done—especially if the parents have not been loved and valued. Yet, understanding the nine signals can be useful here too: Much of the child’s essence is wrapped up in her interests and enjoyments; and understanding and attending to the negative signals can help prevent the cycles of frustration, hurt, and anger which can so contaminate the parent-child relationship and erode the child’s internal world.

The Foundation of Self-Esteem
From the first days of your baby’s life, you can lay the foundation for self-esteem by responding appropriately to your child’s signals for help (distress, anger, etc.) and fun (interest and enjoyment).

Many experts believe that another important building block of self-esteem involves a child’s experience of competence. Competence is initially achieved as a result of the brain’s capacity to create order out of the disorder of all the incoming stimuli. An infant’s inherent ability to develop competence lays the foundation for later, more sophisticated mastery of interaction with the world and people, which in turn may produce a sense of self-esteem. One part of this development, as a child grows, is learning that he is able to exert control over external events. Another, as he interacts with his environment, is learning how to adapt in a healthy way to the external world’s social requirements and expectations.

How to Help Your Child Build Self-Esteem
Focusing Appropriate Attention on the Child. Babies thrive when they feel they are of genuine interest to you and are the center of your universe. They use their nine signals to express their entire range of emotions. When a baby cries, or fusses, or coos, she expects you to react with as much enthusiasm or distress as she does about what is happening to her.

What parents sometimes forget is that to babies those reactions of distress are proportional to the situation. Not being able to get a hold of a ball that rolled into a corner is terrible! And your baby wants you to pay attention to him when he announces it in no uncertain terms. He finds himself incapable of righting the situation himself—no matter what he does, he’ll never be able to reach the ball. Talk about frustration! So he asks for your help in the only way he can—by making a scene. If that doesn’t elicit your sympathy and attention, if you don’t respond and help your baby out of his distress, he will begin to think that his problems don’t really matter, how he feels doesn’t count. Instead, if you take the opportunity to pay attention, validating and confirming his feelings and perceptions, you will help your child become confident.

Provide Reward and Praise. Along with paying attention, reward and praise from you are essential to child’s self-esteem. You must never forget how much your child wants to be like you and to be liked by you. Kids need to hear that you approve of them and think they are wonderful. They long to see the “gleam in your eye” that signals love and approval. You can’t assume they know how you feel. They don’t. They need to be told, over and over and over. In the long run, reward and praise tend to be better and healthier motivators than fear and shame. Of course, whenever you’re dealing with behavior, it is also important to explain to the child the pros and cons, the reasons and rationales, for whatever issue is at stake.

Offer Protection. If a child perceives the world as threatening or dangerous, it is almost impossible for her to feel brave and strong, to know that she can make her way through it successfully. But when you respond to your child’s negative signals of distress and anger by allowing expression of the signals and then removing the triggers, you have begun to give her the tools to deal with the world. When it comes to feeling confident, nothing helps a helpless baby like knowing she can depend on you to shield her from danger and distress.

How Self-Esteem is Damaged
Some parents inadvertently diminish their children’s self-esteem by interfering with or belittling their signals for interest and enjoyment. This triggers the automatic, built-in response of shame, and shame erodes self-esteem.

In my clinical practice, I frequently work with families in which both the parents and children have a variety of troubles related to a poor sense of self and self-esteem. The adults in these families often don’t understand how feelings and emotions work. The family ends up in a toxic situation because there is a mismatch between the child’s expression of emotional needs and the parent’s ability to respond appropriately. Often, then, the children fail to develop a solid sense of self—who they are, what they like and don’t like, a confidence in their perceptions and feelings, and so on. The resulting tension that develops between parent and child can contribute to the erosion of his self-esteem. The child may become angry, defensive, intolerant, and inflexible, or withdrawn, self-destructive, envious, and fearful. In fact, a whole variety of the less pleasing personality traits can be directly attributed to a person’s lack of belief in his own essential worth. Think bully. Think timid. Think depressed, depleted, and drained. These different qualities result, in part, from a lack of self-esteem.

The results of these kinds of parenting missteps can be heartbreaking. But the results of positive parenting are tremendous. You and your child are able to enjoy one another’s company, to delight in the deepening of your friendship. You gain access to the delightfully quirky way the world looks to a child. You learn as your baby learns. You gain confidence in your parenting skills; your self-esteem increases. Over time, you become ever more able to allow your child to grow into a unique, self-confident being. And because she has a solid sense of self, she will become capable of forming fulfilling relationships and of maintaining a healthy autonomy.

Copyright ©2005 Paul C. Holinger, M.D.

About the Author
Paul C. Holinger, M.D., M.P.H., is the author of What Babies Say Before They Can Talk. Dr. Holinger is a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who has been working with children and adults for the last twenty-five years. He is Professor of Psychiatry at Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke’s Medical Center and is Training and Supervising Analyst at the Chicago Institute for Psychoanalysis. He earned a Masters of Public Health from Harvard University School of Public Health and has held fellowships in both Psychiatric and Psychosocial Epidemiology. He is a reviewer for the American Journal of Psychiatry, Pediatrics, Psychoanalytical Psychology, along with the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, to name a few. Dr. Holinger resides in the Chicago, IL area. For more information, please visit the author’s Web site www.paulcholinger.com.

Young children often have imaginary friends. Sometimes they’re human, other times they’re animals, like the life-size rabbit in the old Jimmy Stewart movie, “Harvey.” Sometimes the imaginary friend is an occasional visitor, stopping by only once every few days. But other times it may be a child’s constant companion.

Children may talk to their imaginary friends, draw with them, or even read books to them. And plenty of parents have had to set an extra place at the dinner table for the “friend.” So are children’s imaginary playmates cause for concern? In most cases, the answer is No. Imaginary friends are a pretty normal part of growing up—especially during the toddler years—and they serve several important functions:

As your grandchild or grandchildren increase in age, you may find them speaking with you more, especially on a more personal and private level. This is most often the case when you maintain a constant presence in your grandchild’s life. The conversations that you discuss will likely mature in content, as your grandchild increases in age. While you may hear about fun and exciting adventures, you may also hear things that cause you concern. But, are these conversations ones that should be repeated?

When it comes to grandparent confidentiality, there are some unwritten rules that should apply. One of those rules is that you should respect your grandchild’s request of privacy and confidentiality if no harm is done. For instance, your grandchild may talk about an art project in school that they plan to give their mom or a new crush that they may have on a fellow classmate. These are conversations and instances in which no harm will come from you staying quiet.

On the other hand, there are instances in which you will want to speak up. These are instances in which you feel that your grandchild is in danger. For example, did your grandchild recently tell you that they were bullied at school? Are they in an abusive relationship or where they touched inappropriately? If these are conversations that you have with your grandchild, you will want to take action immediately. Depending on the situation at hand, you may want to speak with their parents, school officials, or the proper authorities.

One of the biggest concerns that grandparents have with confidentiality is ruining the trust that they have developed with their grandchildren. Once that trust is broken, many grandparents are worried that it will never be repaired. While this feeling is completely normal and the result may include a strained relationship with your grandchild, it is important that you keep their health and safety in mind. As much as you would like to respect confidentiality requests, it is your responsibility, as a grandparent, to offer protection, even if they feel it isn’t needed.

The majority of them are harmful to the environment and can be harmful to your children, especially newborn babies. This is not just some scary story to try to encourage you to buy another product. A truth is that your current cleaning products are no more effective than homemade products that can be made in just a few moments with natural ingredients. In fact, those natural ingredients are often to be found in your home anyway. Lemon juice is a prime example.

You can protect your children and the environment by using the following recipes and tips to create your own cleaning solutions and save money at the same time!

• For an all-purpose cleaner, mix 125mls of pure soap with four litres of boiling water and stir well. Add 60mls of lemon juice to the solution and stir. Use the solution while it is still warm for an intensive clean. You can then bottle what is left over and use it as a spray.

• Baking soda is effective for cleaning carpets and scouring surfaces. To clean carpets, simply sprinkle baking soda over the area that you want to clean and leave it for an hour or so before vacuuming it up. This will bring any dirt and stain right out. For scouring, mix baking soda with an equal amount of pure soap and use a scrubbing brush. Baking soda is extremely effective for all sorts of household cleaning chores. It works as an oven cleaner and a bathroom cleaner when used with a damp sponge. It’s the one item that you must have at home for a cleaning solution!

• If you want to freshen the air in your home and introduce nice smells then adorn your home with plants. All air fresheners have a chemical component that coats you nasal passages instead of removing the existing smells. Plants do exactly the opposite and enhance your home as a result!

• Use vinegar to clean your windows. You literally only need a little vinegar to polish up the glass and remove lingering dirt. Vinegar also works to cut through greasy pots and pans and remove lingering stains on carpets. Lemon juice also works for these purposes but vinegar is slightly more efficient.

So there you have it! You can clean your home from top to bottom with household natural products and protect your children from the harmful effects of various chemicals at the same time, not to mention that you will save an awful lot of money this way!

Question:
Our local public pool offers swimming classes for parents with babies. This sounds like fun, but I’m wondering: Is this something I can do safely with my eight-month-old baby?

Learn about it
Swimming classes can be a fun experience to share with your baby and with other parent-baby pairs. The term “class” in this context shouldn’t mean that your baby will “learn” anything. Until a child is over four years old, any swim program should be viewed as simply a pleasurable way to introduce your baby to the fun of being in the water.

At what age can you take a baby in a pool?
As long as the water and weather are warm enough, you can take any baby over a few weeks old into a pool while in your arms. The younger the baby, of course, the more closely you’ll need to monitor the reaction to the water, and the more careful you’ll need to be about the chill that can occur when wet skin hits cooler air. Keep in mind that your baby will chill before you do, and if your baby is shivering or his lips look blue, he should have been out of the water some time ago. Quickly wrap him up and warm him.

How can I make our swimming experience safe?
The one most important rule for swimming with a young baby is to always keep him in your arms when he’s in or near the water. Always.

How can I help my baby enjoy his first swimming experiences?
When taking your baby for a swim, make sure he isn’t hungry or tired so that he and you can both enjoy the water. Avoid taking a swim immediately after your baby has been fed.

Very young babies don’t really need any floats or swimming aids, since they will not be out of your arms at any time (right?). If you decide to let your older baby float around in a baby boat or swim ring, always keep in mind that these are not designed for safety or protection; you should keep your hands and eyes on your baby at all times.

Follow your baby’s lead. If he seems happy and curious, then move him around in the water. If he seems nervous or frightened, don’t push him beyond his comfort zone. Some babies take time to warm up to the idea of a big body of water, even if they love to splash in the bathtub at home. You may even find that your baby takes numerous trips to the pool or beach before he’s even willing to get wet. Be patient!

How do I choose a class?
Ideally, look for an instructor who has knowledge of child development in addition to swimming. A teacher like this can gear the class activities to the proper developmental abilities of the babies in the group. It’s important to work with a teacher who understands children and can be sensitive to a baby’s fear or uncertainty of the water, and who doesn’t expect a baby to do more than what he is comfortable doing ¾ even if that means just dangling his feet in the water for the first few lessons, or even just looking at it from a deck chair!

What should your baby wear?
At the beach, your baby can wear a diaper, a bathing suit, or a birthday suit ¾ whatever you and he are comfortable with. Many parents keep their babies in a t-shirt to protect against the sun. If your baby is a walker, you might want to invest in some aqua socks to protect little feet against sand, rocks, and shells and to prevent slipping while walking poolside. If you are in a pool, disposable or reusable swim diapers are a great option. These don’t swell up like a sponge, but they do retain the unmentionables that other swimmers would rather not see floating in the water!

Protect your baby from the sun and chemicals
If your swimming extravaganza is taking place outside, be certain that you protect your baby from the sun with a hat and (if the baby is older than six months) sunscreen. This is very important, since the sun’s rays are magnified when reflected off the water.

Be cautious about emerging your baby in a pool that has a high level of chlorine as this may irritate his delicate skin.

Après swim
Remember, just like you, your baby will probably be ravenous after a swim so plan to feed him soon after you’re out of the water. A breastfeed, bottle-feed or snack will keep your baby happy. And a snuggly feed after a swim is extra warm and cozy for both mom and baby.

An important warning
No matter how many swim classes your baby has had, and no matter what his comfort and skill levels while in the water are, and no matter what kind of swimming float he is wearing, you should never, ever leave your baby unattended while in or near water ¾ not for even a second. Babies are unpredictable. They easily can fall into the water and drown even in water just a few inches deep. Swimming lessons for babies have nothing whatsoever to do with reducing the risk of water hazards. As a matter of fact, they can increase the risk of water accidents when parents are lulled into thinking their baby is safer because he has had swimming lessons ¾ which is not the case. Plus, swimming lessons, if they are successful, dispel your baby’s natural wariness about water and make it more likely that he’ll explore on his own if given but a second. You are many years away from watching your child swim independently while you sit on the beach in a lounge chair.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

It is well known that there is a tight connection between the mother and the child, sensations are transmitted between the two, and if you want your baby to feel comfortable, you must perfect a few aspects with regard to the proper clothes. What you like, he / she likes too; consequently, it is advisable to dress the baby just as you dress yourself. But be careful, when your baby does not move yet, he / she gets cold easier. For this reason, it would be best for you to be equipped as well as possible, even in summer, and always try to have an additional article of clothing with you in case the sun hides behind the clouds…

During the day:
If you cannot stand long sleeves, especially when it is hot, the baby cannot stand them either! But in case weather conditions are unstable it is better to have a supplementary protection waistcoat with you.

As a rule, the clothes which come in direct contact with the skin should be cotton made. In this case, avoid body articles with caps and use body undershirts which stop below the waist and allow air to circulate. Also, it is better not to dress the baby in dark clothes because they preserve heat. The child’s head should be always covered, especially when sun is powerful. If light is intense it is indicated for the baby to wear a pair of sunglasses of the best quality. The T-shirt is indispensable in order to protect the baby from air currents when the baby’s skin is perspired, but during summer you can seize the opportunity and leave the baby with the bottom and legs naked.

For sleeping:
When there are around 24 degrees outside, do not let the baby sleep in the “sleeping bag” anymore and dress him / her in pyjamas. When there is over 27 degrees, you can dress the baby in a body, he / she won’t catch a cold!

About the Author:
Copyright 2006 www.BabiesPlaza.com, All Rights Reserved. Find a great deal of articles about feeding, baby care, birthdays, gifts and baby shower tips by visiting Babies Plaza.

Disclaimer: Please remember that you should always put sunscreen on your baby when out in the sun.

Question:
My baby is only three months old, and summer is just starting. I’d love to enjoy some beach time with her, but I’m wondering about her being out in the sun at such a young age. Is this okay? Is sunscreen safe for her?

Learn about it
Babies have very delicate skin, so they are especially vulnerable to the dangerous effects of the sun. Babies burn much more easily than adults, and sun damage done during childhood can affect skin health for a lifetime. You can take your baby outside, but you would be wise to take precautions to protect her from the sun.

Protecting your baby’s delicate skin
While protecting your baby from the sun is important, it’s unrealistic to think that you’ll never be outside with your baby on a sunny day! Here’s how to keep your baby safe while enjoying the outdoors:

Keep her out of direct sunlight, particularly when the sun’s rays are the strongest, between 10:00 am and 4:00 pm. Sit under a tree, an umbrella, or in the shade of a building, or put your baby in her stroller with the canopy over her head.

Put a wide-brimmed hat on your little one whenever you’re out in the sun. Your baby will get used to wearing a hat if you start when she is little. If your baby is older and resists keeping a hat on, you’ll need to use your powers of persuasion and distraction to keep the hat where it belongs.

Professionals often recommend dressing your baby in a long-sleeved shirt and long pants; these can be lightweight as long as the material is tightly woven. You can determine how much sun will come through clothes by holding them up to a bright light. The tighter the weave, the less light ¾ and sunlight ¾ that will come through the fabric. This can be tricky because she may get warmer dressed like this, so pay attention to how your baby feels and looks, and if you put her in shorts be extra vigilant about the time she spends in the sun.

Consider adding sunglasses with UV protection to your baby’s summer wardrobe.

What about sunscreen?
In general, avoid using sunscreen on a baby younger than six months old. There are exceptions, however, and you should defer to common sense. For example, if you want to let your baby explore the beach, but hot weather prevents you from keeping all of her skin covered, it is fine to use a small amount of sunscreen on the areas not covered. (Be careful not to put lotion around her eyes, and keep the lotion away from her hands, since they may end up in her mouth.) Slight exposure to sunscreen is better than damaging, painful exposure to the sun.

With babies older than six months, always use sunscreen when going out into the sun. First, test a patch of sunscreen at home and wait for a few hours, or even overnight, to be sure your baby doesn’t have an allergic reaction to the lotion. Read the label on your sunscreen to determine how often it needs to be reapplied ¾ its effectiveness does wear off.

Choose sunscreen formulated especially for children. Read the label to make sure the lotion protects against both UVA and UVB rays. Sunscreen should have an SPF (Sun Protection Factor) of at least 15 and should be waterproof if your baby is going to be getting wet. If your child is fair skinned, if you are going to be spending a long time outside, or if you just want more sun protection, opt for a much higher SPF. Alternatives to typical sunscreens include non-chemical varieties available in health food and body lotion stores, and zinc oxide (good for the face and shoulders).

More sun facts
Keep in mind that sand, water, concrete, and snow all reflect the sun’s rays, making them even more potent. And don’t forget that the sun’s ultraviolet rays are almost as strong on a cloudy day as on a sunny one.

You’ll also want to keep on eye on your baby to make sure she doesn’t develop heat exhaustion. You can protect her by keeping her in shady areas, and having her stay well hydrated.

What if my baby does get sunburn?
Even with the best planning, sometimes we get caught off-guard. If you notice that your baby has become bright pink or red from the sun, here’s what to do: