By Jill Brennan

You’ve done a lot of the hard work and potty training is now going well. To get things running smoothly you’ve been staying home and it’s been working. You’ve got a good system happening between the two of you and there have been relatively few accidents in recent days. You’re even starting to feel like this potty training thing is no big deal.

You wonder whether maybe it’s time to head out, to move beyond the safety of home. However, you know that potty training at home is very different to potty training in the big wide world but you aren’t sure how different and what to do to prepare yourself and educate your child on what to expect.

Just because it’s new and perhaps a bit intimidating, you can’t stay home forever. No really, you can’t! Of course, it’s tempting to put them in pull ups so you won’t have to worry about any potential accidents. The only problem is that it isn’t really sending your child the right message about the path ahead.

You know that your child can go for at least an hour in between potty visits so if you time it right you might be able to get there and back within the hour. Well, maybe. But bladders, especially children’s bladders, aren’t always like that. You know what it’s like when you get excited or nervous, you need to go to the bathroom more. Your child is like that too, only they can’t hold on like you can. So you may well find that your child needs to go more when they are out, not less.

So what can you do?
1. Explain to your child what will happen when you are out, how it will likely be different from home and any concerns you may have.

2. Get them to go, or at least try to go potty before you leave.

3. Find out where the toilets are as soon as you get wherever you are going and go straight away. It’s much easier doing this calmly before they really need it than in the rush of a sudden urge.

4. If you’re out in public, as you move around always be on the lookout for those tell-tale bathroom signs so you know exactly which direction you should head if you need to.

5. If you don’t have a portable potty with you, try getting your child to sit backwards on a regular toilet – some children find this easier because they have the wall or toilet cistern to hold onto and don’t feel like they are going to fall off the seat on to the floor.

6. Take some spare clothing, a couple of plastic bags, and some baby wipes and paper towels with you in case of accidents.

7. If they have an accident in a shop or restaurant – let the staff know and race to the bathroom with your child. Sure it is embarrassing but you won’t be the first. All you can really do is apologise – quickly – and leave a big tip.

8. If your child has an accident at a friend’s house then it’s your responsibility to clean it up. Best to take your own paper towels so you can quickly spring into action without having to ask for everything and make it a big deal.

9. Don’t forget to take your sense of humour – accidents or not, you’re going to need it. There may be several false alarms with your child wanting to find out what happens when they say the magic trigger word. If you feel this is happening, try not to get upset with them. Instead try praising them for telling you and being so responsible about their potty training, even though you know it’s not easy.

Good luck!

About The Author
Find more information on how to handle potty training road blocks and what other potty training sites won’t tell you, visit Potty Training. There you will find the advice and resources you need to succeed with potty training in the long term.

Public cord-blood banks.
A big concern with public cord-blood banking is how to guarantee the safety of the cord blood. Privacy of the donor is a concern and it is maintained by most ethical review boards that the cord blood donated cannot be permanently linked to the donor. Even though the donated cord blood is put through a series of tests for possible harmful genetic disorders or viruses, some genetic disorders such as congenital anemia’s or immunodeficiency’s might not show in a donor for months or years.

By that time all donor identifying information has long since been removed and there is a danger that the recipient of the cord blood could develop these disorders also.

The largest hindrance facing public cord-blood banking is the exorbitant costs needed to open them and maintain them. There are only a few in operation. Public cord-blood banks do not charge storage fees and many of the medical centers can’t afford to establish or maintain them. You also run into the fear that the ones that are in existence might not have the funds to ensure there is a large enough staff to make sure the cord blood samples are handled properly with the right procedures.

Private cord-blood banks.
Initial costs can be a draw back for some parents because the service is not always covered by medical insurance. However, private cord-blood banking is an affordable investment for most families as most private banks come with payment plans. Often, the payment plans are very reasonable so that the arrangements can fit into most budgets.

With private cord-blood banks, the parents can control how and if the blood will be used and the stem cells are only generally accessed if the donor or a family member needs a transplant.

So it really depends on why you are banking your newborn’s cord blood. If you are doing it for stem cell research or just donating to a good cause then for the most part a public bank will be a viable option. However, if you have a medical history of illness that cord blood can help in the treatments of said illness then by far the better bet is to bank it in a private cord-blood bank so you will have it at your immediate disposal and know where it came from.

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: My two-year-old son has started having temper tantrums. The ones that happen at home are no fun, but the ones that happen in public places—like the supermarket—are downright embarrassing. Is there anything I can do about this problem?

Armin answers: Temper tantrums are most common among two and three-year-olds, which is probably why the phrase “terrible twos” was invented. Experts have found that kids this age have tantrums because their strong wills and their desire for things outstrips their ability to express their emotions in words. Tantrum are an emotional release, which, as you well know, are characterized by screaming, crying, and kicking. The most impressive ones often involve some kind of thrashing around on the floor.

Generally speaking, the best way to deal with any tantrum—public or private—is to ignore it and let it take its course. Giving in to your son’s temper only reinforces the behavior: effectively saying to him that if he misbehaves, he’ll get what he wants. I know it’s hard, but fight the urge to give in.

Of course, ignoring a tantrum isn’t always possible. If it happens in a public place, for example, try to remove your son from the scene. If you can, take him outside to the car and let him scream it out there. The point here is to show your son that you won’t tolerate that kid of behavior.

Another effective way to deal with tantrums is to head them off at the pass. Say you’re in a store and your son starts asking for candy. He’s tired and you know that a negative response might push him over the brink. Offer him a compromise. Tell him he can’t have the candy now, but as soon as you get home you’ll make a big bowl of pudding together, or play his favorite game.

And speaking of being tired, fatigue and irritability are often the precursors to tantrums. So if it’s nap time, skip that stop at the grocery store and head straight for home. Finally, make sure your son knows what’s expected of him at all times and praise his good behavior every chance you get. Knowing he’s pleasing you will probably make him want to do whatever it takes to keep you happy.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation

Situation:
When we’re out in public my son seems to forget all the good manners he routinely uses at home. If we run into someone I know he won’t even say a polite hello. He forgets to say ‘thank you’ and ‘excuse me’. The list goes on. How can I get him to remember to use his manners?

Think about it:
As annoying as your child’s lack of manners can be, resist the urge to reprimand him in front of other people. I’ve seen many parents do this. In a misguided effort to teach manners, they display some of the worse manners I’ve seen!

Teach them what to do:
Many children are not aware of their bad manners and must be taught not only what not to do, but what to do instead. For example, if a friend of yours speaks to your child, who looks down at his sneakers and ignores the comment, it’s typically embarrassment and ignorance on the child’s part that’s causing the behavior. After the person leaves, make a brief comment to your child, “Casey, if an adult talks to you, it’s polite to look him in the eye and say something back. When Mr. Nagamine commented on your new shoes, you could have said, ‘Thank you, they’re new.’ People like it when you answer them like that.”

Correct privately:
If your child is acting in a rude way, lead him away from other people and quietly and briefly correct him. Give him a smile and a hug to show him that you love him. That way you can send him back into the situation prepared to change for the better.

Have clear expectations:
In advance of a social situation, brief your child on what manners will be expected of him. Younger children can benefit from a role-play at home previewing what they might expect.

Give lots of praise:
Praise your child for using good manners. Believe it or not, children often feel embarrassed when they socialize with adults and use good manners. Since they have heard adults say things like, “Fine thank you, and you?” they feel like an impostor when they say it themselves!

Question:
We’d like to take our children to a real restaurant – one that serves food on a plate with silverware – and actually enjoy it for once! But every time we try this kind of adventure, we end up wishing we’d stayed home and ordered pizza.

Think about it:
Ironically, this problem is one that gets better with practice, but the experience is so painful that the sessions end up being too far apart to be of value. With a specific game plan, you can increase the odds that your children will behave appropriately in a restaurant.

Teach them:
If you are very casual about mealtime manners at home, don’t expect your kids to miraculously develop table manners just because you happen to be sitting in a restaurant. Practice appropriate restaurant manners at home. On a daily basis, require good manners. Next, on a regular schedule, maybe once a month, have a “formal family dinner.” Actually use the good china that warms the shelf in your cabinet; cover the table with a tablecloth, and light some candles. Allow your children to help plan the menu and let them make a centerpiece for the table. Formal meals are likely to become a wonderful family tradition.

Choose wisely:
Don’t choose a restaurant based on its menu, but rather on its level of child-friendliness. What’s important? The availability of a children’s menu that includes food your kids will actually eat. The absence of a long wait for a table. Booster seats or high chairs. Private booths or eating nooks as opposed to one large open room.

Be specific:
Review your expectations for behavior before you enter the restaurant. Be very specific and leave no stone unturned. A sample list of “restaurant rules” might be: Sit in your seat. Use a quiet inside voice. Use your silverware, not your fingers. Have nice conversation, no bickering. If you don’t like something, keep your comments to yourself and fill up on something else. If you have to use the restroom, ask me privately and I’ll take you.

Feed ‘em quick:
If your kids are starving, they will get quite anxious waiting for their meals to arrive. Consider an appetizer that can be served quickly so that the kids can settle in.

Time out:
If a child’s behavior gets out of hand, take her to the restroom or out to the car for a time out. Make sure she understands that this is happening because she is not following the rules, not as a fun diversion to sitting at the table! During this time out, discuss proper behavior with her and take her back to her seat with a clear understanding of what is expected. (Remember that it can be tough for a little one to sit quietly for a long period of time!) If she continues to misbehave after your time-out-chat, don’t be afraid to leave the restaurant. Don’t stay and suffer. If possible, hire a babysitter for that night, or another night soon afterward, and go to dinner without her. Leaving her behind with a sitter will speak volumes about expected behavior.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care

In many parts of the world, the sight of a nursing mother is an ordinary aspect of daily life. In our society, however, some people are still uncomfortable seeing a mother breastfeed in public. Slowly but surely, though, people are coming to see breastfeeding as the natural, normal way of feeding a baby that it is. And thanks to public education campaigns, people are becoming more knowledgeable about the many benefits of breastfeeding.

Your legal right to breastfeed
Society has conditioned many people to view breasts only from a sexual standpoint and not as a body part with a crucial biological function – to feed a baby. Breastfeeding is the natural default for baby feeding ? not bottlefeeding ? yet no one harangues a woman who is feeding her baby from a bottle in a public place. If anyone even suggests that you shouldn’t be feeding your baby in public, be aware that you are well within your rights. Keep in mind that it’s the onlooker’s problem, not yours.

From a legal perspective, you have a right to breastfeed your baby in public anywhere in the United States. Some states have gone so far as to implement specific legislation to that effect to protect the rights of both babies and their mothers; these states have set out legal consequences for violations, too. As of this writing, 17 states have passed laws that say you can breastfeed your baby in any public or private location; thirteen more exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws. This may lead you to believe that the act is legal only in those states with legislation. The fact is, you have a legal right to breastfeed your baby in public even without a specific law. Don’t be shy about letting an impolite person know this. For more information about the legal aspects of breastfeeding in public, check out the website of Elizabeth N. Baldwin, an attorney who specializes in this issue [www. compromisesolutions.com].

In Canada, the Human Rights Code protects women from discrimination on the basis of sex. Breastfeeding in public is not specifically labeled as a protected activity; however, many people are lobbying to explicitly include breastfeeding under this human rights code.

What about breastfeeding when in foreign countries?
It’s best to respect the customs native to the country you are visiting. Even if you think you should breastfeed wherever you please, it’s important to understand and adhere to local customs. If you don’t see other women breastfeeding their babies, then ask around. Talk to a woman with young children, ask a health professional, or do a little research. Once you know what is typically acceptable, then you can proceed confidently without risk of offending anyone, breaking a law, or embarrassing yourself.

Getting comfortable breastfeeding in public
Although you have the right to feed your baby in public, there is still the issue of your feelings about doing so. Each woman has her own comfort level. Most women want to find the right balance of pride and modesty ? not overly exposing themselves, while feeling comfortable knowing that people are aware that they are breastfeeding. You’ll probably need some practice with the particulars, simply because breastfeeding is a function that involves a private part of your anatomy that is normally not exposed in public. Wanting to be discreet doesn’t mean that you are embarrassed or ashamed to feed your baby; it simply means that you don’t want to cause yourself or others social discomfort.

The biggest issue for most new mothers is learning how to get settled with your baby modestly. Even a new mother who is breastfeeding with ease at home may fumble and struggle when she perceives that she has an audience; her tension then causes her impatient baby to cry. That only deepens the feeling that all eyes are on her. The reality is that most people are paying attention to their own activities and their own private conversations, by and large ignorant of what’s happening with other people. Once you become adept breastfeeding discreetly, you’ll be able to comfortably nurse your baby anywhere. All it takes is a little practice.

Parent Tip
“Always remember that what you are doing is necessary, beautiful, and miraculous. Breastfeed your baby with pride.” — Deborah, mother to Peter (five), Jeremy (three), and Claire (one)

Tips for breastfeeding in public

• Give yourself permission to feel comfortable about nursing your baby in public. Feeding your baby is a natural, normal part of mothering, whether you are at home or out in public.

   

• Dress for breastfeeding. Wear a shirt or sweater that can be lifted up or unbuttoned from the bottom. When you lift from the bottom, the top portion of your shirt helps cover you from the top, and your baby covers you from the bottom. Whatever portion of your breast is shown while feeding your baby is certainly much less than is shown in the typical television show, magazine or at your local beach or public swimming pool.

   

• Try a nursing cover-up or a breastfeeding garment with a built-in flap. Many are so beautifully made that even under the most careful scrutiny, they don’t look like nursing clothes. Most stores that sell maternity clothing also sell nursing apparel. Even if you don’t use these at home, they may help you feel more comfortable when in public.

   

• Bring along a small baby blanket. Some babies are fine with having a blanket thrown over your shoulder and over their heads, but many are very good at pulling such a blanket off. A good alternative is to bring the blanket up from below, and tent it around your baby, to cover you as you settle your little one to the breast. The blanket can be loosely placed to create privacy, or even removed once you’re settled.

   

• Use your sling as a nursing cover-up. Baby slings are wonderful for nursing your baby on the go because they hold your baby perfectly in the nursing position while providing extra fabric for a screen. Some brands have a “tail” at the end that doubles as an extra blanket to keep the baby from trying to peek out while nursing.

   

• Feed your baby at the first sign of hunger, because hungry babies aren’t quietly patient! If you wait until your baby is crying to be fed, then you may become nervous; your baby may move about and make the latch-on difficult. Instead, if you nurse him promptly, you can be more relaxed about getting him settled.

   

• Remember that the alternative to public breastfeeding is usually public crying. Whether you’re in a restaurant, at church, or on an airplane, people typically would prefer that you feed your baby than let him cry, fuss or otherwise disrupt the peace. I remember once attending a live play with a very antsy two-year-old: my son, David. When I finally settled him on my lap to breastfeed, the gentleman sitting beside me actually said, “Thank you!”

Websites
For more information:

La Leche League International
www.lalecheleague.org

INFACT Canada
www.infactcanada.ca

The World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action
www.waba.org.br

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.