By Amy Cummings

1. Don’t waste time buying a nice outfit for the hospital. After women give birth, they bleed (like a heavy period). I was much more comfortable in the hospital gown and those undergarments they give you to wear. It is so much easier.

2. There is a pretty good chance you may go number #2 while pushing the baby out! This certainly isn’t something to be embarrassed about, it happens naturally when you are bearing down.

3. Don’t plan on sleeping while you are in the hospital. Nurses are in and out at all hours. If you’re nursing the baby, they will bring her/him in to nurse, etc. Don’t be annoyed. Their job is to take care of you and your new little gift, let them.

4. You are charged for all the stuff that is under the baby in the hospital bassinet! I didn’t know this the first time. However, the second time around, I took everything I could, including diapers, blankets, nasal aspirator (AKA “The Boogie Sucker”), the water jug, etc. If I am paying for it, I am taking it!

5. You might be modest before you go into the hospital, but it is a good idea to shed it before you check in. Everyone comes to check your “Belly” every hour or so, no shame left at all! Don’t be embarrassed, they do this everyday. In addition, their job is to take care of you and your little one on the way, so let them!

6. Although things can get pretty uncomfortable, it all melts away once you see your baby. All the pain is worth it when you hear your baby’s first cry and hold them for the first time.

7. Try not to have expectations when you go into the hospital to deliver. Don’t have your mind set on having/not having an epidural, giving birth naturally, having a c-section, etc. Remember, it doesn’t matter how the baby gets here, as long as it’s healthy.

8. I wish I had known to tell friends not to come to the hospital – you are there such a short time and you need all the sleep and help from the nurses you can get!!!! You’ll have the rest of your lives to show off your new addition.

9. Use the nurses for all the knowledge that they have. Nurses do this everyday, all day. Therefore, use them for their knowledge. Ask them to show you how to correctly change the babies diaper, give them a bath and feed them. Even if this is not your first child, get a “refresher” course. If there is something that you forget to ask, call them!

10. If you are nursing, ask to meet with a lactation nurse. These nurses specialize in making both mommy and baby successful in breast-feeding. In addition, you may want to ask for some breast shields to take home with you. If you are not nursing, as the nurses the best way to help you feel comfortable when your milk comes in and drying up.

About the Author
Amy Cummings is currently a stay at home mom who takes care of her two daughters. Amy is a special education teacher by trade. She created the “Knot Me” which helps eliminate knots and bald spots from riding in the car seat or stroller. They are available at http://www.theknotme.com. In addition, Amy sells gourmet soy candles and soaps. Visit her website at http://www.soycandleshome.com.

by Elizabeth Pantley, Contemporary Books, released October 2000

She opened with a question. “Mom! What are we having for dinner?”

“Well, hello to you, too, honey,” Judy said with a chuckle, leaning over to press a kiss on Jennifer’s cheek. “We’re having fish.”

“What kind?” asked Jennifer, chin raised in suspicion.

“Cod,” warily answered Judy. She knew the prosecution would begin straightaway.

Jennifer peered down her nose into the pan. “And how are you making it?” she inquired.

“I’m baking it. With lemon and seasoning,” Judy replied, trying to sound nonchalant about her gourmet cooking skills.

“But Mom,” Jennifer’s voice reflected the grimace on her face. “You know I HATE it that way! . . . Don’t you?”

Judy had to admit: the kid was good. But Judy held her own, patiently explaining that it was the family’s favorite. To which Jennifer responded, “But why can’t you just bread a few pieces for me?”

“Because,” Judy began, “it takes too much time and effort for the one small piece you’ll manage to eat.” Motion denied.

“Well, it can’t be that difficult!” wailed Jennifer. “Why don’t you just…”

“Jennifer! Stop with the fish already!” Judy interrupted. “It’s garbage day. Please collect the trash and take it out while I’m making dinner.”

“Why do I have to do it every time?” huffed Jennifer.

“It’s your job,” Judy countered over her objections.

“But it’s been my job forever,” pleaded Jennifer. “I don’t see why Jason can’t do it.”

Judy calmly listed Jason’s jobs and explained that he, too, had responsibilities.

Jennifer was not appeased by the alibis presented on Jason’s behalf. “Taking out the garbage for the whole family is just asking too much. It’s smelly and heavy and icky. I’d much rather sweep the kitchen floor. I think it’s time that we switched jobs.”

“I’ll think about it,” responded Judy distractedly, her fatigued head taking a little unscheduled adjournment.

“Well, why can’t you think about it right now?” hammered Jennifer.

“Because I’m making dinner right now.”

“So, you can’t make dinner and think at the same time?” asked Jennifer.

Judy closed her eyes, her hands going limp on the counter. Objection! She paused to restore order in the court that had taken over her kitchen, then looked over at Jennifer. “Will you just take out the trash and let me make dinner?”

“But you didn’t answer me! Why can’t we talk about this now?”

“Jennifer, please. Just do it.”

Jennifer, never ready to concede a case, shouted, “I’m sick and tired of taking out the garbage!”

Judy, her patience at its end, yelled back, “I don’t care! Just do the job!”

Jennifer’s volume also increasing, she bellowed, “I DON’T WANT TO!”

Judy slammed down the spoon she’d been holding. “I don’t care what you want, young lady! Take that trash out!”

Jennifer recognized her Mother’s danger zone, knew she’d be held in contempt soon if she didn’t back off. She roughly grabbed the kitchen trash (into which Judy was still tossing fish remnants) and stomped out of the kitchen, mumbling something about a dictatorship and unfairness on her way out.

The Hidden Message
“It takes two to argue, and I’m ready whenever you are!”

Think About It
If you have a child like Jennifer, and you’re constantly frustrated with her, it’s time for an exercise a wise old teacher once described: point your index finger in the classic way, and check out the three fingers now pointing back at you. In other words, you need to acknowledge and take responsibility for your own argumentative behavior before you attempt to correct your child’s. Every time you rationalize, explain and bicker with a child who is willing to deliberate every point, you give her more and more leeway in which to plead her case.

Consider the question a famous philosopher posed long ago—you know the one—that begins with, “If a tree falls in a forest…” and adapt it to Judy’s situation. If a tree argues with another tree that doesn’t argue back, is there indeed an argument?

Changes You Can Make
If you really want your child to stop arguing with you, give her less feedback when she begins her dispute process. Shut it right down by stating your case in a firm, authoritative manner—and then being quiet. Ignore the ensuing argumentative comments or simply repeat your original request. If you‘re too tempted to argue back then walk away for a few minutes and promise yourself you won’t let this issue turn into a two-way argument. Teach your child that your word is final. Realize that, when you do this, your very vocal child will have to complain a bit. But when you fail to respond to her, these arguments turn into harmless mumbling.

A different option is to change the tiring process of ‘arguing’ into a more productive mode of ‘debating’. The idea here is to adopt and enforce the standard rules for formal debate. Since some children really do enjoy the give-and-take of a debate, you can encourage this process—which is healthy and instructive in the right context—by setting limits. Let your child know which issues can and can’t be debated. Have a standard reply for a non-negotiable issue such as, “This is not open for discussion.” Let her know that raising of voices, name-calling or rude comments will not be accepted or acknowledged, and that each party must be given time to explain a point of view without interruption. To help her understand that these are universally accepted bylaws, show her books that instruct in the fine art of debate. Explain that debating is an extracurricular activity in many fine schools, and that a well-established set of rules governs the highly refined process. Amaze her with the fact that many perfectly sane people pay vast sums of money to learn the intricacies of that very process—in law school. Be sure, however, to show her how the process employed between parent and child differs from a standard court. In the High Court of Home, you are Supreme Court Judge—and you decide which things can be debated and which cannot, when an argument is concluded, and what the final decision will be, regardless of her finesse during the debate process.

One parenting skill that every parent of a Lawyer Wannabe would be wise to master, and use often, is offering choices instead of issuing commands. Kids with a ready answer to every statement often do very well when given a choice. In this story, if Judy would have revised her command —“Take out the trash while I’m making dinner”—into a choice—“Would you like to take out the trash now or after we eat?”—Jennifer may well have done the job without complain, since she has been given some control over her destiny. (If Jennifer concludes that she doesn’t want to do either, you can just smile and respond, “That wasn’t one of the choices. Now or after dinner?”)

Another way to reduce the number of times your Lawyer Wannabe takes on a case is to implement specific routines and rules in your home. As an example, if kitchen clean up and trash removal occurs immediately after the last bite of food is consumed at the table, and homework is done immediately after clean up, then your child will develop routine habits that leave less room for argument. In the same vein, having specific family rules that are agreed to and written down will create specific expectations between you.

A child’s desire to argue with a parent has its roots in the eternal childhood quest for power. And if she can provoke a spirited response from you, and open the floor for an argument between equal parties, she knows she has the power. You can take it away by implementing the procedures described in this chapter. Or you can choose to control how much power she has by setting limits to your debate or by giving her choices; this allows her the sense of control she’s after, while allowing you to retain firm grip on the gavel.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

By Elizabeth Pantley, author of Gentle Baby Care

Choosing your baby’s doctor several months before her expected arrival is a good idea. This way, you won’t feel rushed and can take the time to make the right decision. During the first few years of life, your baby will have frequent visits for routine checkups and illness; so selecting a healthcare professional you trust is important.

Decide which type of healthcare provider

Different types of healthcare professionals are qualified to care for your baby:

A pediatrician is a medical doctor with specialized training in caring for children from birth through adolescence.

A family physician or general medical practitioner (GMP) is a physician who is educated and trained in family practice, which is medical care that covers every member of the family for well and sick care. You already may have a family physician for your own healthcare.

A nurse practitioner (NP) is a registered nurse (RN) with advanced education and training. Nurse practitioners often work in partnership with a licensed physician.

Once you’ve determined what type of professional you would like to consider, find prospective doctors through these sources:

• Recommendations from friends who have children
• Your obstetrician
• Your local hospital’s referral service
• Medical schools and medical directories
• The American Board of Pediatrics

Determine your insurance company’s requirements

Check out the rules of your insurance policy prior to choosing your baby’s doctor. You may have to designate your baby’s doctor for your health insurance carrier, or you may be required to have your selection approved in advance. Many health plans have strict rules about which doctors you can visit, so it’s important to determine if your choice of primary care physician also decides which specialists and which hospitals you will be able to use if your baby should need specialized care, since oftentimes these are linked together by the rules of a health plan.

Consider your parenting philosophy

Choose a doctor who has a similar philosophy with regard to important parenting issues, since most parents turn to their pediatrician for advice and guidance on more than just health-related issues. While this similarity in outlook is not crucial, it certainly makes for a more complete and enjoyable relationship that allows open conversation and precludes the need to avoid topics on which you disagree. A like-thinking pediatrician understands your starting point when advising a particular course of action, and is more likely to prescribe one that suits your ideals. An easy way to find out what a doctor’s opinion is to ask open questions, such as, “What are your recommendations about breastfeeding and bottlefeeding?”

Here are just a few of the important topics you should consider:

• Feeding – Does the doctor support your goals for breastfeeding, bottle-feeding and weaning?
• Sleep – What is the doctor’s opinion on sleep-related issues, such as co-sleeping and letting the baby cry herself to sleep? Are her views similar to yours?
• Immunizations – Will the doctor provide you with ample information to make decisions about various vaccinations? Do his standard recommendations suit you?
• Discipline – Does the doctor believe in the same approach towards discipline as yours?

Take the time to interview prospective doctors

Most medical professionals are happy to provide a brief interview meeting at no charge. This gives you an opportunity to meet the doctor and ask questions. Here are a few tips to make this a productive event:

• Make an appointment.
• Arrive early and observe the waiting room, staff and other patients. Is the staff helpful? Is the atmosphere child-friendly? Is the office clean and tidy? How long do people wait for their appointments?
• Be prepared with a brief list of questions.
• Stick to your most important topics.
• Refrain from small talk or lengthy explanations.
• Remember that your main purpose is to listen, not to talk.

Before your interview

If you do a little research and handle the technical details before your appointment, you can use your time with the doctor to obtain answers to your most important questions.

You can obtain information about a doctor, such as certifications and residency background, from:

• The American Board of Pediatrics
• American Academy of Pediatrics
• The American Medical Association
• Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Canada

You often can get information from a receptionist or secretary at the doctor’s office. First, ask for a brochure or other written information about the doctor and the practice. If the following information isn’t covered, then call the office and ask for the following:

1. The background and experience of the doctor. (Asking for a verbal answer from the doctor during your upcoming appointment may well take up a large portion of your meeting.)
2. What are office hours? Are there evening or weekend hours?
3. How is billing handled?
4. What insurance is accepted?
5. What are your after-hours and emergency procedures?
6. What hospitals is the doctor affiliated with?
7. How do you handle questions by telephone?
8. Will my doctor personally see us for every scheduled appointment?
9. If he is unavailable, who will see us?
10. How many doctors share this office?
11. Do you have a special waiting room or a separate entrance for sick children, or how do you separate them from others?
12. Do you have a lactation specialist in the office? If not, can you recommend one?

Interview questions

Arrive at your appointment to interview a medical professional with your list of questions. Don’t ask about issues that sound good but don’t really matter to you; the meeting likely will be short, maybe five to 15 minutes (ask in advance how much time you will have).

Stay focused on your own priorities. Relax and be friendly, but stay on track. Here is an assortment of sample questions to help you create your own list:

1. Can you explain how we will work together during our baby’s first year?
2. Will you examine our baby at the hospital (or at our home) directly after birth?
3. What is your typical advice to new parents about… Circumcision? Breastfeeding? Bottlefeeding? Sleeping through the night? Immunizations?
4. Can we come to you with questions about non-medical issues, like feeding or behavior?
5. What do we need to know about our newborn’s health and care?

After your interview

Consider the answers to these questions to help you make your final decision:

• Is the office conveniently located for you?
• How long did you have to wait in the waiting room?
• Did you feel good about the office and staff?
• Did the doctor listen thoughtfully to your questions?
• How willingly and thoroughly did the doctor answer questions?
• What was his attitude when he answered them?
• Do you feel comfortable with the doctor’s specific child-rearing philosophy?
• Did you feel that you could freely ask questions?
• Did the doctor appear knowledgeable and current with his information and advice?
• Would you feel comfortable bringing your baby to this person for care?
• Would you feel confident having this doctor handle an emergency with your child?

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author

Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines.

Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.