You don’t have to give up dining out, and you don’t have to skip a date night if the babysitter cancels. There are ways to teach children how to behave appropriately in a restaurant so that it is a fun evening out for everyone in the family.

Children can be both excited and bored when at a restaurant. They can find it difficult to sit in one place for the length of time necessary to order, wait, eat, and pay for the meal. This problem is one that improves with age, development and practice. With a good game plan, you can help your children learn how to behave appropriately in a restaurant so that you can all enjoy the experience.

Pick the right restaurant.
Choose a restaurant based on its level of child-friendliness. What’s important? The availability of a children’s menu that includes food your kids will actually eat. The absence of a long wait for a table. Booster seats or high chairs. Private booths or eating nooks as opposed to one large open room. And a noisier, family-friendly atmosphere is always a plus. (Save the hushed candlelit ambience for adult-only nights out.)

Teach restaurant manners at home.
If you are casual about mealtime manners at home, don’t expect your children to miraculously develop table manners because you happen to be sitting in a restaurant. Practice good manners at home for every meal, and your children will be prepared when you eat out.

Have longer sit-down meals at home.
Typically, at home we call our children to the table when all the food is ready, and then excuse them as soon as they are finished eating. If you want to practice for restaurant visits it’s a good idea to have them come to the table a few minutes earlier. Then sit and chat for a bit after you are finished with the meal. Make it fun by telling stories or jokes or talking about upcoming plans. Not only will this be great practice for eating out, it’s a wonderful family-bonding ritual to introduce into your home.

Dine out at your regular meal time.
When possible, stick close to your daily routine. Plan to dine at a reasonable time, before the kids become famished and tired. If you must go out later than your usual time, then provide your children with a snack at the normal time, and allow them to have a smaller meal at the restaurant, or to eat half the meal and bring the rest home.

Review your restaurant rules before you go.
Be very specific and leave no stone unturned. A sample list of “restaurant rules” might be: Sit in your seat. Use a quiet inside voice. Use your silverware, not your fingers. Have nice conversation, no bickering. If you don’t like something, keep your comments to yourself and fill up on something else. If you have to use the restroom, ask me privately and I’ll take you.

Ask for an immediate appetizer.
Many restaurants automatically bring bread or chips to the table as soon as you are seated. If this isn’t the case, ask for something to be brought out for the kids. This will ward off hunger and provide something to do before the meals arrive.

Prevent boredom.
Bring along a few simple toys like a deck of cards, plastic animals, or small quiet toys that can keep the kids occupied while they wait.

Don’t imagine that eating out with kids is the same as dining without them.
When you take children to a restaurant the focus is not the cuisine or the atmosphere. It’s all about controlling the excitement and boredom, teaching your children formal manners, and having quality family time.

Don’t stay too long after eating.
Keep your post-meal conversation short. The longer you stay, the more likely your children will run out of patience and act up. Ask for to-go boxes and the check at the same time you order your food. This way, if you have to leave because of a tired or whiny child, you can make a fast get away

Don’t make the kids eat what they don’t like.
Stick with familiar foods when possible. If the grilled cheese sandwich your child ordered turns out to be Swiss cheese on sourdough allow your child to eat the French fries and pack up the sandwich to go. A restaurant is not the place to battle over new and unfamiliar foods.

Don’t stay if you’re not having fun.
If a child’s behavior gets out of hand, take her to the restroom or out to the car for a break so that she can calm down. If she continues to misbehave, don’t be afraid to ask for doggie bags and leave the restaurant. But don’t give up! Review your expectations and try again.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

Family meetings provide opportunities for feelings to be aired and validated. They also allow younger children to feel they are an important part of the decision-making process when it comes to family vacations and other major and minor family functions.

Before the first meeting commences, set a few ground rules such as:

• Speak in a calm tone.
• Avoid name-calling, finger-pointing, and sarcasm.
• Turn off the TV, radio and telephones.
• Allow each person to voice his or her concerns and ideas.
• Listen to all opinions before making a decision.
• If a person voices a complaint, they must also bring to the table at least one possible remedy to the situation.

Locations for future family meetings may also be brainstormed at the first meeting. Here are a few examples:

Circle Time
Very simply, sit on the floor together, in a circle. Designate an object as a “talking token”. This can be a small stuffed animal, a necklace to be worn, a hat, or any other item that will be passed around. Whoever holds the talking token may speak. Once they are finished, they must pass the token to the next person.

Restaurant Rendezvous
Take turns choosing a favorite restaurant to host your family meetings. For this option, choose an afternoon or evening in the middle of the week, or at off-peak times, to avoid heavy crowds. End the meeting before dessert arrives, so everyone can indulge their sweet tooth happily.

Hobby Haven
I know of several families who hold their meetings at places that cater to their favorite hobbies. For instance, one family conducts their meeting at a bowling alley. Once the meeting is over, they enjoy bowling together. Another family combines their gathering with their love of books, by meeting at a café in their favorite bookstore. And yet another family I know holds their weekly meeting after a joyful round of put-put golf. This option combines family communication and fun.

However, and wherever, your family decides to host the meetings, remember this all-important point: Always end each meeting with a hug!

About The Author
Deborah Shelton is a mother, freelance writer, and author of the brand new book, The Five Minute Parent: Fun & Fast Activities for You and Your Little Ones. Visit Deborah’s website for more family-friendly ideas: www.fiveminuteparent.com.
deborah@fiveminuteparent.com

According to a study* by Impulse Research, while 99 percent of parents eat out with their kids, 25 percent find the experience hectic, hurried and not at all enjoyable. The top reasons for this displeasure: waiting a long time for food (40 percent), unable to find a menu that will please both parents and children (35 percent) and dealing with misbehavior (30 percent).

Is It Really Worth the Wait?
“Waiting anywhere with your children can be a problem, but it becomes exacerbated when they are hungry. Sometimes it’s too much to ask our young ones to stand in line with the aroma from the kitchen filling the air and tantalizing food posters on the walls around them, “ explains Elizabeth Pantley, parenting expert and author of Perfect Parenting: The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips. “Having a plan and realistic expectations are both important,” she continues. “When possible, plan to dine at a reasonable time, before the kids become famished. Seat the kids at a table while you stand in line. Bring along a few simple toys, like a deck of cards, that can keep the kids occupied while they wait. For younger kids, have a bag of dried cereal to munch on until the meal arrives.”

Pleasing Parents and Their Kids
Many restaurants that appeal to children aren’t the first choice of parents. “There are places that cater to all generations,” Pantley says. “You just need to look around. For example, a comfortable, casual destination like KFC offers a Kids Laptop Pack with choices like chicken strips and macaroni & cheese. They also serve real homestyle chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy and baked beans that satisfy more grown-up tastes. If everyone can find a favorite on the menu, then eating out can be fun for the whole family.”

Keeping the Kids Entertained
“Adults view dining out as a rich, social experience, while kids just want to eat and run,” Pantley explains. Once the kids have eaten enough to satisfy their hunger, they look for entertainment. “Bored kids misbehave; busy kids tend not to act out. So bring toys with you or use what’s available. Try letting the kids stack sugar packs, play ‘I spy,’ or enjoy a few rounds of tabletop coin hockey. And keep your post-meal conversation short. The longer you stay, the more likely the kids will act up.”

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.