By Michelle Shelton, Parenting Coach
Keys2Kids.com

Does your toddler run away from you? Does he run into the street at times or run towards it, nearly giving you a heart attack? All mothers have felt the panic of seeing their little guy sprinting toward the street! My mother used to say; “you’ll die a million deaths before you get em raised”.

I often see mothers chasing their toddlers. The little guy is charging wildly toward the street and the mother has a frightened look in her eye. Once she catches Jr. she usually has some harsh words for him and in turn, he giggles and attempts to wiggle away from her. She might even give him a little swat on his diapered bottom to let him know she really means business. The mother then calms down because, after all, he is still a just a baby.

What are you supposed to do as a mother?

Let’s start with a question. What is your job as a mother? Is it to simply protect your child from harm? To feed him, clothe him and take care of his needs? Since the role of a mother is not clearly defined in our culture, we think mothers are supposed to love our child. Period. That’s it. Loving them means taking care of them and doing everything for them, right? Wrong! Get ready because I am about to define your real role as a mother and I want you to write this down! Your job as a mother is to…….TEACH. That’s it. Teach your children how to get along without you. God gave children a mother for this one thing in mind.

You are saying, yeah, but what about training? Isn’t it my job as a good mother to train my children in the way they should go? Yes and no. Training shows your children “how” to do something. Teaching gives them the reason “why” they do something. It is imperative to teach and not just train.

Jeffery Gitomer said it best when he said, “pretend you have a teenage daughter, do you want her to have sex EDUCATION…or…sex TRAINING? Yikes! When you put it that way, it makes sense, doesn’t it?

When you teach your children, you give them the concrete information they need to make wise decisions on their own. They have to think and decide for themselves. They have the information needed to embrace your reasons in a clear, logical way. It is even more imperative to do this with boys than it is girls because boys are usually more logical.

By now you are thinking I forgot about the toddler in the street. Well, I didn’t. My children never went into the street because I taught them “why” they shouldn’t go in the street. Now I will teach you how to teach your children the same thing.

A TRAINING statement would be, “If you go in the street, you will get hit by a car.” Haven’t most little kids been hit by a brother, sister, playmate, or cousin? If they haven’t personally been hit, they have seen people hit or they have hit others! The point is, no one died. No one wiggled around in severe paid and then disappeared. They know they WILL recover if the car HITS them. Hitting is not life threatening, is it?

Scare Them

Now, let’s do a TEACHING situation. Scare them. Does this go against your motherly instinct? Sorry. Reality is, if they run in front of a car, they are most likely going to die. This is scary. They need to fear the cars. How can you scare your own child you ask? First of all, I am not saying go out and rent a copy of Stephen King’s, “The Car” and show it to your child. I am saying fear is sometimes healthy.

If you go in the street, the cars will eat you!

What is a realistic way to make sure your child would have a healthy fear of cars? When my children were little I had a stroke of genius when I said, If you go in the street, the cars will eat you! Children know about eating. They know that chewing would have to hurt. Most have bitten their own finger hard enough to know it would hurt and hurt BAD. They also know that anything they eat is GONE FOREVER.

Once you learn to develop healthy fears in your child, your child will see that the world is a delightful yet scary place and it does have boundaries that limit all of us. After all, that is the truth. Doesn’t your child deserve the truth?

© 2003 by Michelle Shelton. All rights reserved

About the Author
Michelle Shelton is an author, parenting coach, parent consultant, acclaimed public speaker, and parent educator. Michelle is the author of the well known column Life with all these Kids. Contact her at 480-888-9352 or michelleshelton@yahoo.com.

Babies Online can not garauntee that this statement will keep your child safe – this article is posted as an educational resource only.

by Armin Brott

It’s hard to admit, but like it or not, your baby could be running your life. She cries, you pick her up. She’s hungry, you feed her. She fills her diaper, you change it. She wants to play, you play. She needs a nap, you drive around the block twelve times until she falls asleep. She wakes up in the middle of the night, you’re up too. The ancient rabbis of the Talmud described it pretty well.

The first stage of life, they said, “commences in the first year of human existence, when the infant lies like a king on a soft couch, with numerous attendants about him, all ready to serve him, and eager to testify their love and attachment by kisses and embraces.” It’s all happening on your baby’s schedule, not yours.

Being out of control is hard for anyone, but it’s especially discombobulating for people who feel the need to be in control all the time. Before my oldest daughter was born, I was incredibly anal about time; I always showed up wherever I was supposed to be exactly when I was supposed to, and I demanded the same from others. But, as you now know, going on a simple trip to the store with baby in tow takes as much planning as an expedition to Mt. Everest. And getting anywhere on time is just about impossible.

You may be a great salesman or negotiator or a cult leader but your ability to turn adults to your way of thinking won’t work with a baby. Babies are, almost by definition, irrational and not at all interested in your timetables. In no time at all your baby will figure out what you’re most rigid and impatient about and she’ll begin pushing your buttons. That leisurely walk in the park you planned might have to be cut short when the baby panics and won’t stop crying after a friendly dog licks her face. Or you might end up having to stay a few extra hours at a friend’s house so as not to wake the baby if she’s sleeping or, if she’s awake, not to upset her nap schedule by having her fall asleep in the car on the way home. And just when you think you’ve figured out her routines and the sure-fire tricks to comfort her or get her to sleep, she revamps everything.

So you’ve got a very Zen-like choice to make: you can either learn to accept change and bend or you can break. It took a while, but I eventually learned that trying to be a father and Mr. Prompt at the same time just wasn’t going to work. Most of the new parents I’ve interviewed over the years have said basically the same thing: Since becoming parents, they’d learned to be a lot more flexible and tolerant—not only of themselves and their limitations, but of other people’s as well.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

If you think you are in trouble after your baby learns how to crawl, beware of when he learns how to walk. Along with walking comes running and a whole new set of problems.

When your baby is walking you no longer have to make sure that your house is baby proofed two feet and below, but you need to make sure it is completely baby proofed several feet up. You will want to get all your drawer locks installed and keep items out of reach on your counters so that your baby’s little hands which can now reach do not get into dangerous areas and pull anything down.

Your baby will learn to walk first by learning how to stand. He will probably crawl over to a couch or a table, something he can reach, and either sit down to grab it, or grab it with one hand from his hands and knees. He will then learn to use his arm strength to pull himself up on his feet. This may take a few tries and end in a few tumbles before your baby gets it right. Make sure you are nearby in order to keep him from hitting his head on a hard surface like your table as he falls down.

Once your baby can successful stand he will probably begin “cruising” before he can actually walk. Cruising involves your baby walking around furniture and objects on the ground, holding onto them so that he doesn’t fall. He will start with two hands, eventually holding on with just one hand.

The day will come, probably when you least expect it, that your baby will all of a sudden let go and walk without the use of furniture to hold onto. The first few times that he lets go he might either grab the furniture immediately or sit down on the ground, but he will gain courage eventually. He will probably either walk to you that first time, or possibly to a toy on the ground that he wants that is not in his reach. When your baby is accomplishing these feats, be sure to encourage him, clap and cheer so that he knows he is doing something good. Like anyone, when a baby feels like he is doing something that makes you happy and proud of him, he will keep doing it.

When your baby first learns to walk on his own, he will probably be slow and a bit clumsy. Probably too slow for your liking when you are out and about. Don’t be afraid to still carry your baby some, but when it is possible and your baby wants too, let him try walking outside or in a store for a few seconds. Buy a good pair of supportive shoes for when your baby is outdoors, and indoors let him walk around barefoot or just in his socks in order to strengthen the natural arch in his foot.

After your baby gets the walking down pat, he will eventually get faster and will begin to run. Running is a great exercise for your baby and can be a lot of fun for you. When your baby is running though make sure he is running in a safe place so that when he trips and falls, which he will do, he doesn’t get hurt.

When your baby was born diaper changing was probably pretty simply and as you got the hang of it, became pretty quick. About the time your baby reaches the halfway point of the first year of his life that may all change. Your baby, who may have once just lain there, letting you do what you needed to do, might start fighting and twisting and turning now as you try to just make him more comfortable.

The diaper changing battles generally start not because your baby doesn’t want his butt cleaned or doesn’t want you to change his diaper, but because he is getting bigger and there are bigger and better things he can be doing. Your baby isn’t just lying there anymore, he can now roll, sit and possibly crawl which have all opened up a whole new world to him. He has toys and things to do that are much more exciting than a diaper change, so he figures there is no reason to take a time out!

Diaper changing battles however can become very frustrating for mom and dad. It adds a whole new factor to diapering as now you have to try to use one hand to hold your baby down, leaving you just one hand to do all the dirty work. At times you may have to use both hands to keep your baby from rolling and to lie still so that you can do what should be a 10 second job.

Since your baby is moving so much, it is very important that you stay right there with your baby and keep a hand on him at all times. Your baby could easily fall off the table at this point and it would happen faster than you could react. You may want to start changing your baby’s diapers on a pad on the floor so that you know your baby will be safe and won’t be able to get hurt.

To encourage your baby to lay still and let you change his diaper, offer him a special toy that he can play with during diaper time, or bring his favorite toy, that he is playing with already, with you when possible. Sometimes a little distraction is all you need in order to quickly and smoothly get through the diaper change.

If worse comes to worse and you just can’t get your baby to lie still, let him have a little freedom. Five minutes of sitting, crawling, walking or even running around in his birthday suit will not hurt your baby. This amount of freedom to do what he wants may help him settle down easier when you do decide to put the diaper back on. Just stay near him so if he has an accident you can quickly clean it up, or if you can tell he is about to go that you can quickly lie him on a diaper.

Remember, the diaper changing battles won’t last forever. After a while your baby will realize that all he has to do is lay still and let you do your job and he will be back up and playing with his favorite toys faster than when he fights you. Eventually your nice, easy and quiet diaper changes will come back and the battles will be fewer and farer in between.