By Ellen M. DuBoisTo the woman who has miscarried, the world may seem a very dreary place. One in which she feels no one understands her pain, grief, sadness. The baby she lost was as real as her tears, yet, because there was never a baby seen, her loss often is quickly dismissed or not validated for what it is: a loss like any other.

The woman who has miscarried is just like me. I miscarried in 1991 and my days were spent weeping over my empty womb and arms for months on end. There were no Internet support groups; no books that spoke to my pain; and although people were concerned, their focus was more on me than on the baby lost.

“The fetus is no longer viable”. Those were the words I heard one terrible day in May. I was four-and-a-half months pregnant and noticed some spotting. My sister accompanied me to the hospital, and in a very tiny room, lit only by the image of my dead baby on the ultrasound screen, the doctor told me my baby had ‘expired’.

When my baby died, all the hopes, wishes and dreams I had for my child died, too. It felt like the rug was ripped from under my feet and I had no solid ground to stand upon. No matter where I looked for support, I found none- other than from well meaning family and friends. Still, I felt alone. Where was the person, book or group that could tell me I wasn’t nuts for grieving over a baby nobody ever knew? Why couldn’t somebody tell me I had every right to mourn the loss of the baby I never held?

That’s what prompted me, ten years after my miscarriage, to write a small e-book called I Never Held You. Women from around the world downloaded the booklet which described the stages I went through after my miscarriage- from grief and self-blame to letting go and moving on. Five years later, I teamed up with a Psychologist and Grief Counselor, expanded my book into paperback and included sound advice on grief and more from Dr. Linda Backman, who lived the experience some thirty-years ago.

My mission has become one of reaching women who’ve suffered a miscarriage and feel like I once did: alone, isolated, and full of tears.

Validating a woman’s grief after miscarriage won’t take away her pain, but it will make her feel less crazy and far more understood. Through connection comes awareness. Through awareness comes a stronger voice. Through a stronger voice come the masses saying: Miscarriage is a very real loss and needs to be treated as such. We, the women who have miscarried need your help, support, understanding and validation of our pain.

It’s happening. Books are available and the Internet has opened countless doors to support once invisible. The over one million women in the US alone who suffer a miscarriage are finally being heard, as are those worldwide. I am honored to be a part of bringing about the realization that miscarriage is a monumental loss, but there is help, hope and most importantly, healing after miscarriage. You are not alone, I promise.

About the Author
Ellen M DuBois is the author of Jackie’s Heart, and I Never Held You, a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery gently guides a women who has miscarried through the processes of grief and the emotional roller coaster ride following with the help of Psychologist and Grief Counselor Dr. Linda Backman, who also wrote the foreword. Ellen DuBois is also a contributing author in: More God Allows U-Turns, Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders, Sisters by Blue Mountain Arts, Soul Matters for Teens, and Romancing the Soul.

I was just talking to my sister in Christchurch, New Zealand earlier this week and she was complaining that the temperature on her side is “down” to 12°C (54°F). I looked outside where my kids were happily playing because we are finally “up” to 12°C after a long, cold winter. They were wearing light jackets and baseball caps.

What I am trying to say is that winter blues or seasonal affective disorder (SAD) as we call it is a year-round thing, depending on where you are. SAD is a not-very-well-understood but definitely existing psychiatric condition characterized by depressive symptoms during the long, dark, winter months. SAD is said to affect about 2 to 5% of people in the US alone. Other SAD symptoms include:

Moodiness
Lethargy, e.g. chronic fatigue and need for more sleep
Cravings for carbohydrates that easily lead to weight gain, the so-called “winter fat.”

SAD has two main characteristics:

It is seasonal.
SAD is observed in the winter time when the days are short, and daylight minimal. The symptoms usually start with the onset of autumn, peak in midwinter January when people get over the holiday mood, but resolve as soon as the sun stays a bit longer in spring.

It is geographic.
The incidence of SAD increases as one moves northward (or southward, depending on where you are). In other words, the risk and incidence of SAD is higher in higher latitudes where sunshine is practically non-existent in the winter time and the day basically consists of 24/7 of night time. It is no wonder the suicide rates are very high in winter time in these regions. In addition to the short daylight hours, winter gloominess can also be worsened by fogs and low clouds, something that you get when living close to big lakes like in Switzerland or Scotland. On the other hand, SAD incidence is practically non-existent in the tropics where winter is unheard of.

So how do we fight SAD (isn’t this abbreviation so fitting!)? Here are a few tips to help you through the winter blues:

Go outdoors.
The cure for SAD may just be outside your front door. Take advantage of the short daylight by going out late morning till early afternoon. Have you ever noticed how the snow make everything seems lighter even on the gloomiest day? Make a midday walk a daily routine. You get sunlight, vitamin D, and physical exercise.

Go somewhere bright and light.
If you have the time and the money, then follow the birds and go south (or north), even if only for a couple of days. Those of you living in the US don’t even have to go out of the country. A weekend in southern California or Florida would do just fine. Here in Switzerland, we always get daily information as to which is the closest hilltop or mountaintop to go to in order to escape the lowland fog and low clouds. You’d be surprised at the difference in visibility once you are over the clouds. The sun up there can be blinding.

Make your place as light as possible.
If you don’t have the money for a tropical, sunny vacation, then try making your home as light as possible. White walls are best in keeping a room light and airy. But if you don’t have them and you don’t feel like (understandably!) painting in midwinter, there are other things you can do. Open the curtains, blinds, shutters, drapes or whatever you have on your windows at daytime. Turn on the lights even if it’s daytime. You’d be surprised how dark it is indoors even with artificial light. Indoor illumination is approximately 500 lux. Try taking a picture with your camera. The flash automatically goes on!

Lighten up your clothes.
It’s not only the dark walls and the gloomy rooms that can affect your mood. It strikes me as strange that we tend to dress in dark, drab colors in winter time. Black maybe chic but it’s not the time to make a fashion statement. A little color on yourself could really cheer you up as well as others around you.

Use artificial light.
If you cannot have natural light, then go for the artificial type. Health experts at UC Davis recommend artificial light therapy for those with serious cases of SAD. The standard light therapy equipment is a TV-sized light box with fluorescent bulbs behind a protective filter. The box would emit between 2,500 to 10,000 lux, which is equivalent to the outdoor light at dawn or at dusk. SAD treatment consists of standing in front of the light box between 15 minutes to 2 hours every day and is said to be work better and faster than drugs. The box can be bought or rented.

Medications.
In cases where light therapy alone doesn’t help, the treatment can also be combined with anti-depressants. The drug Prozac seems to work best against SAD, according to the UC Davis experts. However, consult your doctor before taking any anti-depressants.

Choose fiber-rich carbs.
You may not be able to ignore those cravings for carbohydrates any longer. Make sure you go for the carbohydrates rich in fibers: whole grain bread and crackers, whole grain, sugar-free cereals, even whole grain pasta.

Keep a regular sleeping pattern.
If you give in to frequent daytime napping, you will end up not sleeping well at night. Keeping a regular night time sleeping pattern is the best way to avoid sleep disturbances.

Author: Science-Mom

by Sara Duggan
MommieCare

Hello my name is Sara and I am the proud Mommie of 2 beautiful boys. I enjoy my job very much. I can say that now with much confidence, but there was a time that I couldn’t. There was a time that I despised being a Mommie. I can remember that just the touch of my children sent me into a rage. This made me feel very sad and empty. Although I had these negative feelings, somewhere deep inside of me I still wanted, with all my heart to be the Mommie I was meant to be to my two little boys. I didn’t know what was going on with me. I read up on Postpartum Depression prior to the birth of my boys but what I was going through did not match up to what I had read.

I thought I would be a little flighty, weepy, and sad, but I also thought that it would go away soon after it came. Another thing I didn’t know is that Postpartum Depression can happen anytime within the first year after the birth of your child. (I didn’t experience postpartum depression with my second child until about 3months postpartum.)

Many people, like myself, think they know what postpartum depression is but, unless you have lived it, you will never know. Most women experience the “baby blues” which is crying and a little mood swings. They usually occur anywhere between 3 days to 2 weeks after she has the baby. It soon subsides and she starts to feel like herself again.

Postpartum Depression is something completely different. It is like a deep hole that you sink into and can’t get out of. It is feeling like you are unworthy to be a mom or to be alive. It is feeling like everything you say and do is wrong. It is not being able to care for your hygiene needs or the needs of your baby. It is not being able to get out of bed in the morning; the afternoon, the evening, and pretty soon, you’re just not getting out of bed. It is thinking that your children/husband/partner will be better off without you in their life. It is wishing you did not have this baby to care for. It is feeling like running away. It is angry outbursts and loving caresses. It is not wanting to hold the baby, hear the baby, or love the baby.

Sometimes it is intense fear of going outside, paranoia, or fearing someone is trying to take your child away from you. It could also be overly obsessing over the cleanliness and health of you and your child, to the point where you do not feed or care for the both of you properly.

Sometimes someone may look like a “together” Mommie, doing all the “things” she is supposed to be doing, but on the inside she is a wreck about to explode. All of these and more go on inside the head of a Mommie experiencing Postpartum Depression. More than likely, she is not aware of these feelings or does not completely understand what is going on inside of her. Is it normal? Should she tell someone? What if they think she is crazy? Or worse, What if they think she is a bad Mommie and take her baby away?

It is wise to note that PPD can happen anywhere from 3 days after the baby is born to 1 year postpartum. A mom can do well for the first 5 or 6 months postpartum and fall into a deep depression. Also, if you have had PPD with previous pregnancies, there is a chance that you will have it in subsequent pregnancies. Make sure you let your care provider know if you have had PPD in the past and they can curtail the symptoms before they cause deep depression. There are medications available today that are safe to take while breastfeeding. So don’t let that keep you from taking care of you. After all, if you take care of you, you’ll be able to care for your baby!

Although this is a dark place, with help, the time you are in the “hole” is lessened with medication and talk therapy things can and will get better. PPD affects a lot more women than most are willing to admit. It is very normal. It is a sickness and needs to be treated right away at the first signs. For a preliminary test to see if you are risk for Postpartum Depression, visit http://postpartumstress.com/ppd_risk__assessment_during.html

It is also helpful for husbands/partners to read the questions because sometimes it is they who recognize the signs first. Contact your doctor or therapist when you feel these symptoms. Sometimes all you need is talk therapy and a support group. Other times medicine may be necessary to get your hormones to balance out. For help online go to http://www.ppdsupportpage.com

Another illness likely to appear after the birth of the baby is Postpartum Psychosis. (Andrea Yates is the most recent publicized case of Postpartum Psychosis recognizable by most American.) This is a very dangerous disorder. It can occur from 3 days to about 2 weeks postpartum. Its symptoms include paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations. IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU GET THE MOTHER TO A DOCTOR OR AN EMERGENCY ROOM. This is nothing to take lightly. She could harm herself or others, including her children.

Having said all this, I would like to add, that PPD is very treatable. The sooner it is noticed and treated the sooner the mom will feel better. You can get past it. You can see the light at the end of the “hole” and you can get out. I am an example of this.

One more thing before I close, most women, about 80%, have baby blues and they go away within 2 – 3 weeks. Some even experience a heightened time of awareness and clearness. They feel Good and Happy with Mommiehood.

Something that you may want to keep in mind when preparing for the birth of your child is a Postpartum Doula. What is a Postpartum Doula you may be asking? Well, it is someone specially trained to support, encourage, and educate the Mommie during her postpartum period. You can check out the National association of Postpartum Care Services NAPCS for recommended certified doulas.

A postpartum doula will provide the Mommie with physical support, emotional support and household support. Unlike the Baby nurse, who is there for the babies needs, a Postpartum Doula is there for the Mommie. However, Postpartum Doula’s do not diagnose medical conditions for the Mommie or the baby, but they will refer them to a healthcare provider. Postpartum Doula’s do not take over the care of the baby, but assists the Mommie, in learning to care for her and her baby’s needs. To better understand the differences between the “baby blues”, “Postpartum Depression” and Postpartum Psychosis, visit http://www.geocities.com/mommie_care/defineppd.html where you will find my Definition of Terms.

References for further Study:

Postpartum Education For Parents
Wings of Support
Center for Postpartum Adjustment
Just For Dads
Postpartum Recovery: Things to Know Before You Give Birth
Postpartum Depression and Breastfeeding
Depression After Delivery
California Postpartum Health Alliance
Mood Disorder Questionnaire
Building A Support System

Personal Stories:

Ruth Rhoden Craven (March 9, 1966 – December 5, 1999) – http://www.ppdsupport.org
Karen’s Story – http://www.bcrmh.com/womens_voices/karen.htm

Postpartum Doula’s:

DONA, Doula’s of North America:
CAPPA, Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association

About the Author:
Sara Duggan is the proud Mommie of Noah and Jonah. She is the wife of Terrence, her best friend. She owns MommieCare, a place for Mommies to turn to when they need information or products to enable them be the BEST they can be. She is a Volunteer Doula and plans on opening a Volunteer Postpartum Doula Practice in the Near Future. For more information visit http://www.geocities.com/mommie_care/index2.html – sara@raisingason.com

Unfortunately we are not talking about the blue of your baby’s eyes. We are referring to the mild form of sadness a mother may experience after she delivers her baby.

Also known as maternity blues or maternity baby blues, baby blues are very common and occur in as many as 75-80% of new mothers. It is not postpartum depression unless it is abnormally severe.

What Causes Baby Blues?
When the placenta is delivered after the baby is born the part of the body creating the hormones shuts down abruptly. This causes a woman to react as if she is going through withdrawals from the high levels of estrogen, progesterone and endorphins that she had during her pregnancy.

In addition to the changes in hormones there is the exhaustion that sets in, whether it is physical, mental, or emotional after the baby is born, as well as sleep depravation you probably feel that can contribute to the baby blues.

Symptoms of Baby Blues
Symptoms may include some of these:

• Weepiness and bursting into tears.
• Sudden mood swings.
• Anxious and hypersensitive to criticism.
• Low spirits and irritability.
• Poor concentration and indecisiveness.
• Feeling ‘unbonded’ with baby.
• Restless insomnia.

Baby Pinks
Another, less referred to and less known feeling a person may have after giving birth is call the baby pinks. This is referred to when a person is overly happy and exuberant. This can be a sign of impending postpartum depression or psychosis.

If you have recently had a baby and you feel a bit of sadness, call your doctor to talk to him about it. He can help you judge and decide if you are experiencing a simple form of the baby blues, or if there is something more serious going on.