By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers (McGraw-Hill)

We parents today have demanding schedules, and we juggle multiple tasks all day long. There’s too much to do, and never enough time to do it. The bedtime routine often gets slotted as one more “thing to do” after which we can get on to yet another task on our never-ending to-do list.

I’d like to present you with a new way of looking at your child’s bedtime routine: as a wonderful opportunity for a nightly ritual of quiet connection and bonding. Sort of like a forced savings account – a daily slice of time out of a busy day, given to you so that you can bask in the joys of parenthood and build the foundation for a close lifetime relationship. Pretty heady stuff, when you look at it this way, isn’t it?

Simply said, you must get your child ready for bed each and every night. The time will be spent, one way or another. Would you like it to be peaceful, nurturing and bonding – or rushed and stressful? You have the power to set the tone of your evenings, so why not choose a pleasant routine? You will enjoy it more, and your child will no longer resist bedtime –won’t that be marvelous!

Begin your routine earlier
If you are starting your child’s bedtime routine fifteen or twenty minutes before you’d like him to be asleep, it will inevitably create problems. This provides barely enough time for the essentials, little time for pleasure, and no time at all for the inevitable dawdles and delays. As a parent, you’re watching the clock move forward, stressing over the time, and trying to rush things along. Your child, who senses your tension and feels pressured, reacts by dawdling, or fashioning new requests that simply must be met, but of course, there’s no time, so a meltdown occurs. Following this pattern, night after night, makes both parent and child dread bedtime, further increasing the stress, and making things even worse. So goes the cycle, from bad to worse, night after night.

The answer is to avoiding all this turmoil is to allow plenty of time for the pre-bed routine. For most families this means allocating at least an hour from the time the process begins to lights out. While an hour or more may seem like a lot to spend on a bedtime routine, most families with struggles end up spending more time than this dealing with a fussy child who won’t cooperate. And said fussy child gets so worked up that once in bed he’s wide awake and takes a long time before nodding off.

Decide in advance on the best bedtime for your child, and then identify a specific time that you will begin the getting ready for bed routine. You may have to work backwards from this time to be sure that dinner and post-dinner activities are completed by the time you wish to start your pre-bed plan.

Once you understand the power of a long-enough routine to ward off the problems, and if you look at this time as an opportunity to spend some peaceful time connecting with your sweet child, then this hour can be something wonderful to look forward to each night.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers (McGraw-Hill) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

by Elizabeth Pantley author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007)

Does your child dawdle, complain or fuss when you drop her off at daycare or preschool? Some children have a difficult time adjusting to changes. They like things to flow in a predictable way. Anything that upsets their current activity is cause for alarm. These children require a bit more thought to help them maneuver the changes they encounter in their day.

Create very specific routines.
Consistency can help your child be more comfortable. Very specific means that you do and say the exact same things every time you drop her off and pick her up. For example, park in the same area, enter through the same door, approach the cubby, hang the coat, check the job chart and comment on the day’s assignment, give two hugs and two kisses and say, “See ya later alligator!”

Let your child know when you will arrive each day.
It’s comforting for a child to know that you will be there at a certain time. Tie in your arrival with a specific activity, such as after snack time, and let your child know when to expect you.

Schedule an adjustment period.
When you drop off your child, and again when you pick her up, allow a five-minute adjustment period. (The time is worth it, as you’ll save at least fifteen minutes of fussing!) When you arrive at the center allow your child to play or show you something for five minutes. When it’s time to leave, use a fun indicator, such as a tickle on the neck, or hold up your key ring and have it tell your child (in a funny voice) that the car is waiting and ready to go.

Have a fun routine for the drive home.
Leave a snack bag on your child’s seat with different contents every day, such as graham crackers, dry cereal, pretzels, or fruit. Play a certain game in the parking lot as you walk to the car, such as counting all the red cars you see, or counting your steps. Mention something that your child can look forward to at home, such as reading the new library books, or Grandpa coming over for dinner.

Don’t cater to the complaints.
If you try to hard to convince her that everything is okay you may just make her nervous. Instead, stay light-hearted and have confidence that everything will be fine. Most children stop crying within five minutes of a parent’s departure. Ask your daycare provider if this is true for your child. If you’d like, call the center when you get to work or arrive at home, so they can reassure you that your child has finished crying and is playing happily.

Don’t get mad.
Your anger will just make your child fuss and cry even more, and it won’t solve a thing. It’s also a very unpleasant way to start the day (for both of you.)
Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

by Elizabeth Pantley author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007)

You don’t have to give up dining out, and you don’t have to skip a date night if the babysitter cancels. There are ways to teach children how to behave appropriately in a restaurant so that it is a fun evening out for everyone in the family.

Children can be both excited and bored when at a restaurant. They can find it difficult to sit in one place for the length of time necessary to order, wait, eat, and pay for the meal. This problem is one that improves with age, development and practice. With a good game plan, you can help your children learn how to behave appropriately in a restaurant so that you can all enjoy the experience.

Pick the right restaurant.
Choose a restaurant based on its level of child-friendliness. What’s important? The availability of a children’s menu that includes food your kids will actually eat. The absence of a long wait for a table. Booster seats or high chairs. Private booths or eating nooks as opposed to one large open room. And a noisier, family-friendly atmosphere is always a plus. (Save the hushed candlelit ambience for adult-only nights out.)

Teach restaurant manners at home.
If you are casual about mealtime manners at home, don’t expect your children to miraculously develop table manners because you happen to be sitting in a restaurant. Practice good manners at home for every meal, and your children will be prepared when you eat out.

Have longer sit-down meals at home.
Typically, at home we call our children to the table when all the food is ready, and then excuse them as soon as they are finished eating. If you want to practice for restaurant visits it’s a good idea to have them come to the table a few minutes earlier. Then sit and chat for a bit after you are finished with the meal. Make it fun by telling stories or jokes or talking about upcoming plans. Not only will this be great practice for eating out, it’s a wonderful family-bonding ritual to introduce into your home.

Dine out at your regular meal time.
When possible, stick close to your daily routine. Plan to dine at a reasonable time, before the kids become famished and tired. If you must go out later than your usual time, then provide your children with a snack at the normal time, and allow them to have a smaller meal at the restaurant, or to eat half the meal and bring the rest home.

Review your restaurant rules before you go.
Be very specific and leave no stone unturned. A sample list of “restaurant rules” might be: Sit in your seat. Use a quiet inside voice. Use your silverware, not your fingers. Have nice conversation, no bickering. If you don’t like something, keep your comments to yourself and fill up on something else. If you have to use the restroom, ask me privately and I’ll take you.

Ask for an immediate appetizer.
Many restaurants automatically bring bread or chips to the table as soon as you are seated. If this isn’t the case, ask for something to be brought out for the kids. This will ward off hunger and provide something to do before the meals arrive.

Prevent boredom.
Bring along a few simple toys like a deck of cards, plastic animals, or small quiet toys that can keep the kids occupied while they wait.

Don’t imagine that eating out with kids is the same as dining without them.
When you take children to a restaurant the focus is not the cuisine or the atmosphere. It’s all about controlling the excitement and boredom, teaching your children formal manners, and having quality family time.

Don’t stay too long after eating.
Keep your post-meal conversation short. The longer you stay, the more likely your children will run out of patience and act up. Ask for to-go boxes and the check at the same time you order your food. This way, if you have to leave because of a tired or whiny child, you can make a fast get away

Don’t make the kids eat what they don’t like.
Stick with familiar foods when possible. If the grilled cheese sandwich your child ordered turns out to be Swiss cheese on sourdough allow your child to eat the French fries and pack up the sandwich to go. A restaurant is not the place to battle over new and unfamiliar foods.

Don’t stay if you’re not having fun.
If a child’s behavior gets out of hand, take her to the restroom or out to the car for a break so that she can calm down. If she continues to misbehave, don’t be afraid to ask for doggie bags and leave the restaurant. But don’t give up! Review your expectations and try again.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

by Elizabeth Pantley author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007)

Does your child move at an excruciatingly slow pace? Do you find it frustrating when you need to get somewhere and you’re rushing about – yet you have to keep prodding him along? Children live according to a much slower clock than we adults do. They don’t give a moment’s thought to what they might be doing next. They prefer to enjoy each moment for what it is. They pause as they watch the cat sleep, examine the color patterns in the carpet, and ponder the reasons for having toes. If you think about it, it’s a shame that we can’t all live on “kid-time.” But since we can’t, here are a few tips to keep things moving along.

Give specific step-by-step directions.
Make incremental requests that your child can easily follow. Give your child one or two tasks at a time, and when complete, assign the next. “Please put your puzzle in the box and go to the bathroom.”

Make a list.
Write down the sequence of tasks to be completed and give the list to your child with a pencil to cross things off as they’re done.

Give an incentive to finish.
Encourage your child to finish the task with a “When/Then” statement, such as, “When you get in the car, then you can have your crackers.”

Analyze your own daily schedule.
Determine if you are trying to do too much. If you are, see if you can make some changes. Start focusing on the priorities in your life, eliminate some of the unnecessary time-wasters, and slow yourself down a little bit.

Check your child’s nap and sleep schedules.
Children who aren’t getting a proper amount of sleep will lack energy and tend to move slowly and dawdle.

Don’t rush your child with the words, “Come on!” or “Hurry up!”
These requests tend to frustrate children and then they rush to the point of taking extra time to make up for the mistakes that happen when they move too fast.

Don’t reinforce the pattern.
Children often dawdle out of habit. A parent will announce, “Time to go” and then be distracted by a phone call or a household task (so then it really isn’t time to go.) Children come to expect that you’ll repeat yourself numerous times before they have to respond. Practice this: think before you speak, make a very specific request, and then follow through.

Don’t expect speed.
Allow a reasonable amount of time for your child to meet your request. Watch your child to learn his pace. Just because you are in a hurry doesn’t mean your child will move any faster than his usual speed.

Avoid miscommunication.
Make clear, specific statements that don’t leave room for misunderstanding. As an example, instead of the vague statement, “Get ready to go,” clarify by saying, “Right now, would you please put on your shoes and your coat, and get in the car.”

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

by Patti Teel

Getting your child to sleep is about much more than what happens once they get into bed. Here are some ways to establish a healthy bedtime routine each and every night:

• Make sure bedtime is at the same time every night. Children feel safe and are much more likely to be good sleepers when they have a consistent bedtime and a predictable bedtime routine. It helps ensure that they get enough sleep while giving their world a sense of order.

• On weekends, don’t vary bedtime for more than an hour each night. This creates a kind of “jet lag” in your child when Monday rolls around. If necessary, plan activities for weekend mornings so your child has a reason to get out of bed.

• Try to limit active play, television, video-game playing and computer time for an hour or two before bed.

• Tell your child five or ten minutes before their bedtime routine begins so they can finish what they are doing.

• Create a customized bedtime ritual that you and your child can participate in every night. Choose quiet, relaxing activities like telling stories, singing songs, stretching or saying prayers. For instance, your ritual may include telling a short story, singing a song and then saying a prayer. You can change the story, song and prayer but keep the order the same each night.

• Take care of your child’s physical needs so there’s no reason to get out of bed. Make sure he or she is wearing comfortable pajamas and has a favorite stuffed animal or blanket within reach. Some children like to have a glass of water by the bed, the door slightly open or a nightlight on.

• The air in your child’s room should be fairly cool – around sixty-five degrees Fahrenheit. If the air is particularly dry, use a vaporizer.

• If older brothers or sisters are allowed to stay up later, make sure they’re doing quiet activities that don’t disturb the younger sibling.

Leave your child’s room while they’re still awake so they can learn to settle themselves. If this is a problem for your child, practicing the Floppy Sleep Game exercises will systematically teach children to relax and fall asleep on their own.

About the author
Dubbed “The Dream Maker” by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the author of The Floppy Sleep Game Book, which gives parents techniques to help their children relax or fall asleep. She is holding Dream Academy workshops at schools, hospitals, and libraries across the country where parents and children learn the playful relaxation techniques from her book and widely acclaimed children’s audio series. Children at the Dream Academy workshops practice the three R’s by resting their bodies, relaxing their minds, and refreshing their spirits. Visit her online at www.pattiteel.com.

by Colleen Langenfeld

“Mom, I’m bored!”

“Dad, play with me!!”

Sound familiar?

If you’re a parent, these plaintive cries from your children can become daily shouts. As busy moms and dads, we’re continuously torn by the demands on our time. Here are some simple ways to spend time with your kids while getting the jobs done that need to be done (including the toughest job of all, parenting). These Sneaky Fun ideas are also great ways to teach our children exactly how to successfully accomplish many routine tasks.

• Make a silly dinner together.
  Think ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ or try a picnic on the living room floor. Bring your child along for the meal planning, shopping, prep time and clean-up. Involve them each step of the way.

• Turn on the music and clean, clean, clean.
  Forget TELLING your kids to go clean; side-by-side, with some of their favorite music playing, move through the house dancing and cleaning. They’ll love it (and so will you).

• Exercise together.
  You know you need to do it. Your child is your perfect exercise partner. Make it a ‘talk and play’ time and you’ll both get fit together.

• Share a hobby.
  Love to fish, garden, sew, paint, sing? Share that love with your youngster. Try an interest that fascinates them. Learn a shared passion – together.

• Start a girls or boys night out.
  You will make an incredible impression with this one. Take your daughter out for regular manicures and lunch. Stay close to your son with a favorite concert or sporting event. Teach your children about wholesome entertainment and the joy of healthy relationships. You can even team up with another parent and child for regular fun; just make sure that honest conversation is the true priority.

• Improve their skills.
  Do you have a student struggling with homework? Quit nagging and ask them to teach YOU what they’ve learned. Be a patient listener. The fastest way to learn is often to teach.

• Wash the cars.
  Need I say more? Water, the chance to soak mom or dad, and a sense of accomplishment when it’s all done. Follow up with an ice cream cone for a job well done.

• Growing things.
  Countless gardeners have discovered deep satisfaction in sharing their love of growing things with children and grandchildren. Gardening is a useful de-stressing tool and the most frustrated child tends to loosen up and share their heart while getting their hands dirty alongside a trusted adult.

• Plan, plan, plan.
  If your household is anything like mine, it benefits greatly when I take the time to map out regular activities. Menu-planning, budgeting and vacationing come to mind, for starters. Show your child (of the appropriate age) how to use their time and money wisely by including them in the planning of everyday family activities. As they mature, they can easily be put in charge of some of these planning sessions, teaching them to younger siblings. Your trust and belief in your kids can ease the stress on them as they grow, too.

• Organize.
  Almost all families struggle with organization in some area. Truth be told, we’re simply busy people and have often outgrown the simplistic organizing methods that once worked just fine. Give your kids the opportunity to be the creative organizer in your family. Whether its making sense of the family photos or tackling the hall closet, do it with them to get the job done and make a memory that’s shared.

• Schedule the fun.
  Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. Try scheduling a set time of fun in exchange for a set time of work. For example, Monday can be family board game night while Saturday morning sees the family hard at work in the yard. Sometimes it’s easier for kids to see the point when it’s a straight trade off of time and energy.

  The idea here is simple and clear. Use everyday activities to build relationships and teach responsibility. After all, everybody wins when ‘fun’ becomes a part of daily life!

About the Author
Colleen Langenfeld offers helpful resources to working moms. Make your life feel easier, healthier, smarter by reading our One Good Idea ezine. Start by visiting PaintedGold.com and clicking on the happy kids’ picture now!

Photographing a baby can be very difficult, especially if you have a squirmy baby or one who is camera shy. While you can not control the baby, you can control the surroundings and hopefully make the baby a little more comfortable so that you are able to capture a good picture, easily.

1. Make sure your camera is ready.
If your camera runs on batteries, you will want to make sure you have a fresh set. Carry a spare set with you as well. Be sure to have your memory card ready to go if you are using a digital camera. In a standard camera, make sure you have fresh film. As for the film, make sure it is at a constant temperature. You do not want it lying around for several years, then dig it out of the trunk of your car and expect great results. To always be ready, keep a disposable camera in the diaper bag to catch the photo opportunity while you are running around with your precious bundle.

2. Play with colors and lights.
Soft colors, soft light and soft textures work best when photographing babies. These take away from distracting backgrounds or clothing colors and allow the photograph to be focused on the baby. Don’t overlook their hands and toes. A baby’s personality is often found in these digits and cute pictures can be captured as your baby discovers them.

3. Use a blanket.
Covering the baby seat with a solid colored blanket will draw attention to the child, not to the busy pattern of the seat itself.

4. Minimize surrounding light.
Bright light makes babies and all other people, squint. A soft source of light by a window or under the shade of a tree works well. In the house turn on a lamp across the room from where the baby is in order to provide light for your picture and not bother the baby. If you are going to do outdoor photographs, morning light or sundown is a good time to take your baby out.

5. Work around your baby’s schedule.
The best photographs are taken when the baby is rested, fed, clean, and ready to play. Prepare everything during your baby’s nap so that when he wakes up and eats you are ready to have a successful picture taking session.

6. Ordering pictures.
If you are at a professional studio keep in mind that they will try to sell you at least one of everything. Plan before you go the amount of money you want to spend and who you want to buy for. If you are taking your own pictures you can print them out in your own lab at home, or upload them to an online site for processing. If you know sizes and quantities that you need ahead of time then you can quickly order what you need without spending all your grocery money accidentally.

7. Keep a record of your pictures.
Write the date on the front of the envelope that the pictures come in, as well as what it contains. Be sure to store your CDs or negatives in a dry, temperature-controlled place. You can put these photos in your albums or scrapbooks to create a visual diary of your baby’s life.

8. Take frequent pictures.
Your baby is growing up fast. If you are taking your own pictures take them often so that you can see the growth in your baby. When your baby is a year old you will appreciate being able to look back and see all the different ages. If you prefer a professional photographer consider going every three months during the first year to capture the changes in your baby. Many people will do newborn, three-month, six-month, nine-month, one year, 18 month and 2 year old pictures before just slowing down to one pose a year. If your baby’s birthday is around holidays you can take holiday pictures at the same time. If not you may find yourself at the photographers mid-year for holiday pictures.

by Armin Brott

It’s hard to admit, but like it or not, your baby could be running your life. She cries, you pick her up. She’s hungry, you feed her. She fills her diaper, you change it. She wants to play, you play. She needs a nap, you drive around the block twelve times until she falls asleep. She wakes up in the middle of the night, you’re up too. The ancient rabbis of the Talmud described it pretty well.

The first stage of life, they said, “commences in the first year of human existence, when the infant lies like a king on a soft couch, with numerous attendants about him, all ready to serve him, and eager to testify their love and attachment by kisses and embraces.” It’s all happening on your baby’s schedule, not yours.

Being out of control is hard for anyone, but it’s especially discombobulating for people who feel the need to be in control all the time. Before my oldest daughter was born, I was incredibly anal about time; I always showed up wherever I was supposed to be exactly when I was supposed to, and I demanded the same from others. But, as you now know, going on a simple trip to the store with baby in tow takes as much planning as an expedition to Mt. Everest. And getting anywhere on time is just about impossible.

You may be a great salesman or negotiator or a cult leader but your ability to turn adults to your way of thinking won’t work with a baby. Babies are, almost by definition, irrational and not at all interested in your timetables. In no time at all your baby will figure out what you’re most rigid and impatient about and she’ll begin pushing your buttons. That leisurely walk in the park you planned might have to be cut short when the baby panics and won’t stop crying after a friendly dog licks her face. Or you might end up having to stay a few extra hours at a friend’s house so as not to wake the baby if she’s sleeping or, if she’s awake, not to upset her nap schedule by having her fall asleep in the car on the way home. And just when you think you’ve figured out her routines and the sure-fire tricks to comfort her or get her to sleep, she revamps everything.

So you’ve got a very Zen-like choice to make: you can either learn to accept change and bend or you can break. It took a while, but I eventually learned that trying to be a father and Mr. Prompt at the same time just wasn’t going to work. Most of the new parents I’ve interviewed over the years have said basically the same thing: Since becoming parents, they’d learned to be a lot more flexible and tolerant—not only of themselves and their limitations, but of other people’s as well.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Kid Cooperation and Perfect Parenting

Question:
My child wants to eat only her two favorite foods: cereal and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She eats tiny amounts of any other food and complains about what’s put in front of her. What can I do about this?

Think about it:
As long as your child is healthy, and is of normal height and weight, relax your attitude about food. The more you worry and scold, the bigger battleground food will become. In addition, if you also have specific rules about food, and enforce them with a calm demeanor, you’ll have fewer battles.

Offer healthy choices:
Limit the high-fat and high-sugar foods that are available to your child. Offer healthy choices and don’t worry so much about the occasional food jags. Evaluate your child’s diet on a weekly, not daily, basis. Most kids, when given nutritious options, will eat a balanced diet when viewed over a weekly time period.

Schedule:
Have a specific schedule for meal time and snack time, and don’t allow snacking on unhealthy food at other times. (A piece of fruit or a veggie at any time is fine!) If your child is hungry when a meal is served she’ll more likely eat what’s put in front of her. Modify meal times, if possible, to take advantage of your child’s hungry parts of the day. As an example, most kids are truly hungry when they walk in the door after school. Take advantage of this by serving dinner at that time and a light snack later. This way, the kids will eat a healthy meal instead of filling up on snacks while they wait for dinner.

Serve smaller portions:
Your child’s stomach is about the size of her clenched fist, smaller than you thought! If you serve meals on smaller plates and include just a small amount of each food, the meal won’t appear so intimidating to your child.

Give in – a little:
Serve your child’s favorite food as a small side dish to meals. A half peanut butter and jelly sandwich makes a fine side dish to roasted chicken!

Create rules:
Do you remember eating the dinner your mother set in front of you without a fuss? Most of us do. The reason is that our mothers did not feel the ambivalence about serving meals that we do. Try to modify your way of thinking to one simple thought, “This is dinner. If you’re hungry eat, if not, you’re excused from the table.” Save a plate of dinner for your child, and if she’s hungry an hour later offer the dinner, and nothing else. Be consistent with this rule, and your child will begin to eat what’s served, just like you did when you were a kid.

One night off:
Allow your child the option to have toast or cereal for dinner one night a week, passing on a meal he doesn’t like. When he knows he can skip one meal he’ll make a decision to eat things that aren’t favorites, and save his “cereal day” for the day you’re having the food he likes least.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of No Cry Sleep Solution

According to sleep research, and motherly experience, the length and the quality of naps affect nighttime sleep. (And, conversely, nighttime sleep affects naps.)

Babies differ in their napping needs – but here’s a general guide that applies to most babies:

When should your baby nap?
Timing of naps is important. A nap too late in the day will negatively affect nighttime sleep. Certain times of the day are better for napping because they suit your baby’s biological clock; these optimum periods balance sleep and wake time to affect nighttime sleep in the most positive way.

All babies are different, but generally, the best nap times are as follows:
If baby takes three naps: midmorning/early afternoon/early evening
If baby takes two naps: midmorning/early afternoon
If baby takes one nap: early afternoon

Watch your baby’s sleepy signals!
Naps should happen immediately when your baby shows signs of tiredness. If you wait too long, she becomes overtired, “wired up,” and unable to sleep.

Once you are familiar with the your baby’s nap needs you can plan a nap routine to start the wind-down process. If consistent naps are new to you look more for your baby’s signs of tiredness and scrimp on the routine until you settle into a predictable pattern. In other words, don’t begin a lengthy pre-nap routine if your baby is clearly ready to sleep! Watch for these signs of fatigue; your baby may demonstrate one or more of these:

Decreasing activity quieting down losing interest in people and toys rubbing eyes looking “glazed” fussing yawning laying down caressing a lovey or asking for a pacifier, bottle or to nurse

Timing is very, very important!
You have probably experienced this scenario: Your baby looks tired and you think, “Time for a nap.” So, you wash her hands and face, change her diaper, answer a phone call, put out the dog, and head for baby’s crib or the family bed, only to find that she’s suddenly wide awake and anxious to play!

What happened? She has moved through her window of tiredness and gotten that “second wind” that buys her another hour or two of alert time before she re-enters her tired state. This can often happen later in the day. Suddenly, your baby is (finally!) ready for a nap at dinnertime, and the plot thickens- do you put her for a late nap and thus extend bedtime, or keep her awake and deal with a tired, fussy baby? Rather than face this ordeal, respond earlier to her signs of fatigue and get her in for her nap right at that time.

Once you have watched your baby carefully for a week or so, you should be able to create a nap schedule that works with her daily periods of alertness and tiredness, thus making your nap schedule easy to adhere to.

The nap routine
Once you’ve established a nap schedule for your baby, it is very helpful if you create a simple but specific nap routine. This routine should be different from your nighttime routine, although it can have similarities that signal sleep- for example, the presence of a lovely or special sleep-inducing music. Follow your nap routine the same way every day. (Except, as I mentioned before, if your baby is showing clear signs of being tired and ready to sleep. Then abbreviate or even eliminate your routine for that day.)

For a reluctant napper, your routine might include some relaxing motion, such as rocking/relaxing in a swing/walking in a sling or stroller, and some gentle lullaby music.

A nap routine doesn’t have to be long and involved to be effective. If your baby’s nap occurs about the same time every day there will be many subtle cues, such as the timing of his lunch, that tell your baby that nap time is nearing.

Better naps mean better nighttime sleep.

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.