by Evan L. Mestman, MS, RD, CDE, CDN

There isn’t a school day that goes by that I worry about my son’s lunch. Of course, I ask myself the usual questions: Is he eating what he has in the bag? Will he trade his apple for a cookie? Will the school lunch he’s ordering once a week be nutritious? He’s a kid! He’s not a fussy eater, but there are plenty of days that he has come home with a bag full of food. I’ll ask him “what did you eat for lunch?” He always says, “nothing.” What’s a parent to do?

Plenty of Mom’s worry about what to feed their kids for lunch. They always ask me which foods are the best to pack. I believe there’s no such thing as a good or bad food. Remember, the food police aren’t arresting anyone at Ben and Jerry’s. Some foods are much more nutritious than others. The key to feeding your child well is to offer variety and make sure to include fruits and vegetables. Unfortunately, 90% of Americans don’t eat the recommended five or more servings of antioxidant-rich and nutritious fruits and vegetables daily. Kids eat even less. While supplementation may guarantee you get enough Vitamin C and Beta Carotene, it‘s not a substitution for all the thousands of healthful nutrients found in fruits and vegetables that you can’t get in a pill. You want your kids to grow up healthy and strong. Here are some winners that will compliment any school lunch and help make your fruit and vegetable choices count.

Broccoli: Here’s an all American winner, as if you didn’t already know! Broccoli is chock full of vitamins, fiber, and minerals. It taste great, too. Broccoli is high is Vitamin C and carotenoids. These are antioxidants that help boost our immunity and protect our body from environmental insults like cigarette smoke and pollution. The two types of fiber in broccoli , soluble and insoluble, help lower cholesterol, fight cancer, and keep our digestive systems in tip-top shape. Broccoli also contains indoles and isothiocyantes that help decrease estrogen’s effectiveness and protects our cell’s DNA (the building blocks of genetics and reproduction). It’s also an excellent source of folic acid-a B vitamin that seem to be critical for cardiovascular health. Not bad for being green!

Kids either love it or hate it. Here are some ideas to help you kids eat more of the green stuff. Broccoli tastes best if it’s blanched first, cooked in boiling water or steamed for 3 to 4 minutes. Stop the cooking with an ice bath if you want to eat it cold. Marinate it in your favorite light Italian dressing and place it in a zip lock bag for lots of flavor. Substitute broccoli for half the cabbage in your favorite coleslaw recipe and add to a sandwich instead of lettuce and tomato. Don’t throw away the stalks.

Carrots: If this vegetable was marketed for its benefits, I bet it would sell for $20 per pound! Carrots have over 200 carotenoids, one of which is beta carotene. Scientists aren’t sure which caroteniod is responsible for protecting us from cancer. Since beta carotene provided such disappointing results in recent research, I’ll keep eating carrots and skip the beta carotene. Carrots also contain phenolic acid, a phytochemical that may reduce the risk of cancer.

A great way to get your kids to start eating carrots is top his/her favorite sandwiches with shredded carrots along with lettuce and tomato. Kids will enjoy a bag of baby carrots (they are large carrots cut into small bite-sized pieces) with some low fat dressing on the side for dipping. Even try it shredded on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if your kids won’t eat their vegetables.

Beans: Most kids won’t eat beans, “I don’t like them.” “They taste yucky.” My son loves black beans, soybeans and chickpeas. There are so many different types of beans all with a different texture and flavor. Don’t give up on your first try. Beans are a great way to add a powerful nutritious punch to any meal. A large portion of the world population depends on beans to provide them with nutrition. People of the orient uses soybeans, Americans use peas, Mediterranean and Middle Eastern countries depend on chickpeas and lentils, Africans uses a combination of beans. Beans have the highest source of fiber for a whole food. They also are loaded with cancer-fighting phytochemicals like genistein and flavones. Soybeans have the most impressive list of plant chemicals to help fight, cancer, and high blood pressure, and menopausal symptoms. Add to its long list of benefits its ability to lower blood cholesterol and you have a winner. Use canned beans if you’re in a rush. Open a can of chickpeas, chop up an onion and some red pepper (if your child doesn’t like them, you can always substitute another bean and vegetable until they are happy), toss in your favorite salad dressing and let it marinate overnight. Let your child spread black beans or prepared humus (a chickpea spread) on a flour tortilla. When at home, add cheese and chopped onion and cilantro, heat it in the toaster oven or microwave and have a side of salsa with carrot sticks for a delicious and well rounded lunch.

Apricots, Melon, and Papaya: All these fruits are loaded with nutrients. They’re high in Vitamin C and mixed carotenoids, potasium and have lots of fiber. Papaya has enzymes that help digestion and break down protein. Some of these enzymes have anti-inflammatory qualities. All of these fruits are great as snack foods in a lunch bag. Whether dried or fresh, these fruits taste great solo or with other foods. Combine dried apricots and toasted almonds for a tasty snack.

Spinach: Here’s another vegetable with abundant amounts of beta carotene and potassium. Most kids say they don’t like spinach probably because it’s cooked incorrectly. Spinach tastes best if cooked when young and tender. Older spinach tends to be woody and tough. Don’t use aluminum cookware. The spinach will pick up an acidic taste and lose its beautiful green color. Don’t overcook spinach. It gets waterlogged easily and is probably the reason why many don’t like it. Use it on sandwiches with lettuce and tomato.

Herbs and Spices and Tea: Don’t to forget to spice up your kid’s life with garlic, turmeric, ginger, rosemary and green and black tea. Many parents think kids don’t like spices. It’s true their taste buds are more sensitive to hot and spicy foods. But, if you don’t introduce these flavors at an early age, your children won’t learn to like them. These additions to your children’s diet will provide antioxidants such as curcumin, lycopene, allicin, and flavonoids. They taste great and may be the hidden ingredients that provide protection from cancer, heart disease, and high blood pressure. Use lightly sweetened green tea mixed with juice for a great tasting thirst-quencher.

Next time you question whether your children’s lunch is packing enough nutrition, try these easy ways to add more fruits and vegetables. You’d be surprised how easy it is to fee your children power foods for a powerful body!

About the Author
Evan L. Mestman, MS, RD, CDE, CDN is the owner of www.roundyourplate.com, the home of the Pleasure Principle Weight Loss Plan. Lose Weight, With Pleasure! info@roundyourplate.com

By Michell Muldoon

The Basics
Children today don’t really just “play” anymore. The main reason for this is that, sadly, our lives have become so ridiculously over-booked that even children’s play is relegated to the infrequent openings on family calendars. More importantly, spontaneous, innocent and adventurous play time is no longer a real option for most children. What has developed in the past 14 years or so to replace the magical wonder of play is now referred to as a “PlayDate.”

A PlayDate is a scheduled time period in which parents arrange for two or more children to play together for a few hours. Here are a few tips for parents to consider when making a PlayDate:

Use Some Good Old-Fashioned Common Sense

For Children Ages 2 to 3
When you invite a child of this age to your house, it is important to include the parent in the PlayDate. There are several reasons for doing this:

1. The guest child will probably feel extremely uncomfortable if his mother or father leaves.

    

2. As a parent, you will want to make your child feel comfortable socially and you will want to help them begin to learn how to develop those skills.

    

3. Sometimes small children can feel jealous if the host parent is too accommodating to the guest child. When you are the only parent present, you will have to be ready to help the children and to provide comfort if anyone’s feelings are hurt in any way.

    

4. Having a parent present at the PlayDate is a great way to learn more about the other family. You will have the chance to develop a new friendship and this will help both sets of children to see a “give and take” model for conversation, as well as for taking turns and sharing toys.

For Children Ages 4 to 5
When children are in the 3 to 5 year age group, a lot of changes happen for them socially. This is usually a time when these children begin Pre-School. Some parents feel comfortable leaving them at other people’s homes when they are in this Pre-School age group. But they are still very young and you will want to know the host parent well enough to make sure that the children will be comfortable and safely supervised.

Make a PlayDate and stay when you feel comfortable, then leave for a short time.

PlayDates are really wonderful for parents and for children, but there is a genuine concern when you begin to leave a child in someone’s home. It is always best to ask the guest parent if they have any concerns while their child is visiting in your home.

For best results:

1. Have parents stay for the playdate.

    

2. As a guest parent, if you need to run an errand, stay for most of the PlayDate. When you see that your child is visibly comfortable, let them know that you are going to “be right back” and slip out for a short time.

    

3. In this awkward period of social transition, if you are the host parent, be prepared for the guest parent to want to stay, even if you have pre-planned a time to do other things. This age group is very fragile and even the best of plans can go haywire. What is most important here is for the children to begin to feel comfortable with other people.

Important Considerations
Birth order really makes a big difference in the adaptability of children. When you are hosting a PlayDate, be aware of the guest child’s birth order. Generally speaking, an only child is probably going to be far more “clingy” than a middle child. And the parent of many may be much more relaxed than a parent of one or two. There are so many variables in the way a PlayDate can be handled. For overall best results, be open to sharing the fun!

Snacks
Always ask the guest parent if you can offer the guest child a snack during the PlayDate. As silly as this may seem, many parents do not believe in giving “Snacks” between meals. And many more do not want their children eating sweets or prepared calorie-rich foods without nutritional benefit. You will always be safe with vegetable sticks or fruit and a glass of water. Many parents today are not in favor of Juicy Boxes either because of the high sugar content.

Allergy Alerts
It’s also important to take allergies into consideration. Not only does this show that you are a very concerned parent, but it’s important to know if a child faces any potential dangers from contact with anything from peanut-butter to insect stings.

Elementary School Children: Ages 6 to 11
By the time your children are in Elementary School, there is a new pattern to their days. They are usually gone for a six to seven-hour period during the day. It’s very important for children to play, but in today’s world, after-school play is a luxury. Usually this happens in the form of Brownies or Boy/Girl Scouts. Of course, there are also sports programs, but they usually entail structured, non-exploratory play. The good old fashioned kind of non-structured running around with other kids really doesn’t happen as much as it used to. The bottom line: If you’re going to have play time, you must be prepared to take the initiative.

After-School PlayDates
For a lot of children, there is little or no after-school play time unless it is put onto calendars in the form of PlayDates. To make this happen, it’s best to plan ahead. Busy moms need a bit of lead-time. One of the best ways to make this happen, without the constant back-and-forth on the telephone or through e-mails, is to use the download invitations from FunPlayDates.

After-school play time can easily be planned if you use the FunPlayDates invitations or if you take the time to write a note and send it to school with your child.

Specify Time, Date of PlayDate and Phone Numbers
It’s important to be specific with regard to all contact numbers. This will make it easy to keep track of your child’s calendar and any vital information from both sets of parents. One busy mom I know has six children and keeps a social calendar for each of them right by the phone. At a quick glance, she can keep track of their busy schedules, including each of their PlayDates, times and contact numbers.

For best results:

1. Some parents will not allow an after-school PlayDate unless their child has done their homework. When inviting a child for an after-school PlayDate, let the host parent know they will need to finish their work before they play.

    

2. As a guest parent, always be prompt with your child’s pick-up times.

    

3. As a host parent, be aware of after-school PlayDate pick-up times. Usually, after-school PlayDates run parallel to high traffic patterns and a parent may be a bit late. This is always a potential problem, so accept this possibility when making an after-school PlayDate.

    

4. Make sure each parent has all the phone numbers needed in case of any emergencies or difficulties related to pick-up times.

    

5. For after-school snacks, keep it simple and natural.

Weekend PlayDates
Even Saturday and Sunday afternoon PlayDates have to be planned.

It’s the rare neighborhood where parents feel safe having their children go out and knock on a neighbor’s door to see if their children can come out to play. For most families, the high demands of our lives keep us from feeling spontaneous about people dropping by without an invitation. With all of our time going to so many different kinds of activities, it’s always best to plan ahead.

Once again, we must consider the success of a PlayDate often depends on making sure that there is adequate lead-time. This can save the host parent a lot of time and pressure by preparing to receive the guest parents into your home.

This is what you should consider:

1. Many families that have two working parents are not eager to have to get up early on a Saturday or Sunday morning, so it’s best to plan PlayDates for sometime in the afternoon.

    

2. Unless you know a family well, the guest parents will probably stay for at least 15 to 30 minutes when they drop their child off. This happens frequently, so be prepared for this possibility. After all, it’s their child they’re leaving, so they’re naturally going to be concerned. Be ready to offer them a light refreshment.

    

3. There are many aspects to PlayDates that you might want to think about before you leave your child in someone’s home. Some of these concerns include safety, watching TV, playing computer games and snacks. For most parents, not only is a PlayDate a social time, but it can also be a time to play outdoors and get exercise (weather permitting). Carefully survey the surroundings to see that you are comfortable leaving your child with this family. Don’t be afraid to ask the parent(s) if someone will be keeping an eye on the kids. And mention that you would prefer that your child not watch too much TV. You may also want to suggest that you reciprocate, with a PlayDate for their child in your home.

    

4. Always pick up your child at the specified time when the Play Date is to end. Have your child thank the host parent(s) and child. One way to make this a smooth transition to is practice with your own child before you go to the PlayDate. You will want to review the “thank you” and then tell your child to be ready to leave. It is very awkward for the host parent(s) to have to wait for you to leave, especially if they need to be other places or have other commitments.

    

5. Although this is optional, a Thank You note is always lovely. This is not necessary but will almost always be appreciated.

Potential Problems:

Reciprocal PlayDates
One of the problems that I have run across with the PlayDates is the issue of reciprocal play invitations. This is one of the most common complaints. What usually happens is a situation where your child likes another child and you find that you are always hosting the PlayDates for that relationship. Not only is this unfair, but there is really not very much you can do about it.

The only way that I have seen a turnaround occur, is if you very politely ask if it would be possible to have the other parent watch your child on a particular occasion. If they don’t repond to this request in a thoughtful way, then it is time for you to reassess that friendship.

Parenting Styles
When you begin to introduce your child to other families, you’re going to have to make some decisions about what kinds of friends you want to encourage your children to develop friendships with. Some people may do things in a completely different way than you would do them. In cases like this, you will have to decide whether you want to continue to have your children play together. Parenting styles would affect these kinds of decisions.

For instance: If you find that the mother of one of your children’s friends smokes continually, you may decide that you don’t want your child to be exposed to the smoke, so you may wish to discontinue the relationship. This is an extreme example, but there are many characteristics to parenting styles. Some of these styles run the gamut from extreme religious practices and strict punishments to the opposite: unstructured casual styles of parenting that include abrasive language, lack of supervision and older children who do not set a good example for the younger kids. There are also families who watch excessive amounts of TV or play computer games continuously.

The list is virtually endless. However, the bottom line is this: if you feel that your child is, in any way, learning something that you are not ready for them to learn, it is best to have that other child play at your house or to meet on some neutral ground, such as a Museum or playground.

When PlayDates look more Like Babysitting Than PlayDates
Sometimes you may have a mother ask you to have her child for a playdate while she has lunch with another friend. Even though this may seem offensive, it is a lovely gift to give someone else the chance to get out every now and then. By having her child over to your house, you are giving this mom a chance to get a much-needed break. Every mother needs one now and then. If you are the “babysitting” mom, it’s best to let the other mother know that you hope she has a good time and ask her if she could reciprocate this PlayDate for you sometime. More than likely, this situation can be a nice opportunity for both of you.

Admittedly, there are also mothers who might take advantage of this situation.

There is one other consideration here. That is the situation where you have all the kids at your house, all of the time, and the other mother does not want her “perfect house” to get messy, so she constantly encourages you to keep having the PlayDates at your house. This is one call that you’ll have to make for yourself. This is a value judgment, and the essential value that needs to be looked at is this: Are the children playing? As you think about this, you will want to ask yourself, who is this issue really about… the children playing or children not playing… or is it about the woman with the “perfect” house? If that’s the case, you must decide what works for you and for the children. If you feel taken advantage of, decline her request to watch her child.

Fighting Children
Sometimes children have disagreements during PlayDates. When there is no psychologist to jump in and make the appropriate suggestions on how to defuse an awkward moment, there is still something you can do to stop the kids from fighting.

Try to get the children to calm down and, to the best of their ability, describe the problem to you. Listen to both kids and make a decision based on what is objectively fair for both children. Be careful and sensitive to the guest child’s side of the story. Remember that this child is at a disadvantage, especially if the guest parent is not present to provide emotional support. The next best solution is to get them to play another game or to have them take a break and then change the focus of the activity.

When A Child Gets Hurt
This is such an unfortunate situation. This is also why it is very important to have all of the contact phone numbers you will need for a PlayDate. In this case, you will want to call the parents immediately and you will also want to care for the child that is hurt and probably frightened, as well. It is very essential to calm the child and do all that you can do to make them feel comfortable until their parents pick them up.

About The Article
This information provided by www.funplaydates.com.

By Deanna Mascle

You want to raise a reader. That much you know. But how? That’s the $20,000 question. You could probably spend that $20,000 on how-to books for you, readers for your child, flash cards and other accessories, and specialized reading programs promoting every possible avenue to full literacy.

You could, but you don’t have to do all that. The facts are simple. Between 80-85 percent of children learn to read by the middle of first grade and most of those children will learn without the benefit of fancy reading programs and books. Many of those children will learn to read as the result of simple preliteracy activities they encountered at home and/or school.

In fact, studies show that starting early is not necessary and could do more harm than good. Formal reading instruction, especially if introduced too early and if focused on “skill and drill,” can actually interfere with emergent literacy. However there are things you can do before you get to that point–and these activities are fun and can lay a strong early literacy foundation to make it easier for your child to learn to read later on.

As a basic foundation for learning to read and write, kids need strong speaking and listening skills. When you and other adults around your kids encourage them to talk, ask questions, and use dramatic play, it increases their vocabulary, allows them to hear and practice building sentences, and gives them more knowledge to understand spoken and written language.

Simply reading, talking, and listening to a young child in a warm and positive environment at every opportunity are among the most important things you can do.

There are three skill areas that form the foundation for reading. Kids who develop strong skills in these areas have greater success learning to read: Print Knowledge, Literacy Awareness, and Language Understanding.

Print knowledge is simply the understanding that print (letters, words, symbols, and printed media such as books and signs) carries a message. This encompasses learning that people read text rather than pictures and the correct way to read a book or page (right side up, left to right, top to bottom).

Literacy awareness encompasses a child’s first efforts to use print in a meaningful way. This includes recognizing letters and groupings of letters (the child recognizes his or her name or the name of a store) and attempts to write letters and words such as his or her name.

Language understanding is just that-understanding how language works. This includes being able to sound out individual letters in a word and counting the words in a spoken sentence.

Children develop these skills by having many early experiences with language, books, and print. They can have these experiences as part of everyday life, through play, conversation, and a wide range of activities. Young children use play and talk as a way to expand, explore, and make sense of their world. When kids talk about daily tasks and special events, tell stories, sing songs, and scribble, they are laying the groundwork for reading and writing.

The primary reason many children struggle with learning to read is because they simply do not have enough experiences with language, books, and print. They need more time at home and in their early childhood programs devoted to helping them develop the skills that lead to reading. A lack of developmentally appropriate skill-building at an early age can significantly limit the reading and writing level a child attains.

Becoming literate
Becoming a literate person is something that every human begins almost from birth. In essence, we are actually programmed to become literate. However, that does not mean the path to literacy is smooth and easy.

While the progression to literacy is a natural evolution we are all programmed to follow, literacy does not occur in a vacuum. Literacy emerges in individuals only when they are immersed in a community of literacy. Interactions such as sharing a picture book, telling a story, and talking about experiences are central to emergent literacy.

Most parents are aware of the importance of reading to their child, but it is so important that it cannot be emphasized enough. According to the Partnership for Reading, a project administered by the National Institute for Literacy, “Reading aloud to children has been called the single most important activity for building the knowledge required for success in reading.”

Typically, parents play an important role in developing this skill by reading to children and showing how important reading is to their daily life. Find time to read aloud with your child every day. Lap time with picture books and stories can strongly motivate your child to enjoy reading.

Studies focusing on parents of successful readers found that they do more than simply read to their children. They also engage in specific strategies, which maximize the reading experience. These strategies are actually fairly simple: talk about the book with your child before reading it; read aloud using an enthusiastic voice; and let your child ask questions about the book. Parents can also encourage their child to “read” the story back to them (especially if it is a favorite that has been read many times to the child) and/or share fun variations of the story.

However, while this is significant, this is not the only way your child learns. Knowledge is constructed as a result of dynamic interactions between the individual and the physical and social environments. In a sense the child discovers knowledge through active experimentation. Try to make books available for your child to explore and enjoy on their own as well as with you.

It is important to remember that literacy is much broader than simply reading. Allowing a child to draw or color and playing word games and singing songs are also a part of literacy. Sometimes literacy development does not actually involve print. There are many ways of learning to read and write. Some of these ways may look suspiciously like play which makes them all the more effective.

Children learn through play. Play provides opportunities for exploration, experimentation, and manipulation that are essential for constructing knowledge and contributes to the development of representational thought. During play, children examine and refine their learning in light of the feedback they receive from the environment and other people. It is through play that children develop their imaginations and creativity. During the primary grades, children’s play becomes more rule-oriented and promotes the development of autonomy and cooperation which contributes to social, emotional, and intellectual development.

Make-believe among peers also plays an important role in emergent literacy. Pretending is, in fact, an ideal area in which children can develop literacy-related language skills. In pretend play, children use language to create imaginary worlds; and the manner in which language is used when pretending has much in common with reading. It is important to provide children time and settings in which they can use language with each other in a variety of social dramatic play activities.

Block play, too, can serve as a foundation for literacy. While reading and writing and playing with blocks seem miles apart at first glance, block play offers the literacy-related benefits of helping children understand symbolization, refine visual discrimination, develop fine-motor coordination, and practice oral language.

So remember, your goal is not to teach your child to read so much as it is to help them become literate. Immerse your child in literacy by talking, reading, singing, pretending, and playing and you will have done a great deal to prepare your child to become a reader.

About The Author
Deanna Mascle is the publisher of Preschoolers Learn More. She has three post secondary degrees and 15 years professional experience teaching (plus more years than she’d like to admit as a camp counselor, Sunday School teacher, and Bible Camp staff member) and she needs every scrap of her education and experience to keep up with Noah Mascle, age 4. Visit for more tips and resources for teaching your preschooler including Teach Your Child the Alphabet and Learning to Read through Rhyme

Between family members, friends, and the photos that you snap yourself, you’ll certainly have an abundance of pictures to go through, organize and select for preparing your baby’s first photo album. Maybe you received a beautiful, hand-made book at your shower or have chosen one on your own, but whichever the case, you’ll want to make that first album as precious as the little bundle of joy in your arms.

And photo albums don’t have to be all about pictures. With so many new experiences about to occur for both you and your newborn, they’ll be lots of opportunities for collecting memorabilia to add to your baby’s album. And nothing is too silly, so if you adore it, include it.

Of course, the beginning is the easiest part. Starting with the very first photo taken of your baby – the hospital has already supplied you with what you need to get started – your sonogram picture, baby’s footprint, name tag bracelet, birth certificate, and even the receiving blanket your newborn was swaddled in. So your first page can incorporate all or parts of those things. For sentimental reasons, you may not want to snip that receiving blanket, but later on, a patch of the fabric placed on the birth page makes for a precious addition to your baby’s first photo album.

As we know, lots of babies are born lacking in the hair department. But once it does start to grow in and you give him or her their very first haircut, be sure to save part of those silken locks to add to the pages of your baby’s first photo album. For girls, you can also include a pretty bow they wore or their first barrette.

What about their first bowl of real cereal? Wouldn’t a few of those Cheerios be an adorable piece of memorabilia to include in baby’s first photo album? It may not mean much to your baby now, but once they’re old enough to realize what you’ve done it will surely bring a giggle and a smile when they see it, and the memory it has created for you is priceless.

First birthday photos, pieces of ribbon, and wrappings from the gifts they receive, even one of the candles from their first birthday cake are more creative ideas to add to your baby’s first photo album.

Pictures of the first day of nursery school, masterpieces they’ve created there or at home, first report cards and all of those other extraordinary firsts, are things that you’ll treasure throughout the years. As time goes on, growth and changes occur such as their first baby tooth is also something special that can be kept and cherished in your baby’s first photo album.

So include as many of the pictures and items you adore in your baby first photo album. Because it’s something that you will not only consider your most prized possession as time goes by, but you can also bet that your child will thank you for spending the time and devotion that made their first baby photo album so special.

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Hidden Messages : What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children

Melissa woke up after a perfect night’s sleep feeling refreshed and energetic. The sun shining through the window added yet more joy to this beautiful spring day. As she sprang out of bed, a thought hit her, and she began to giggle like a schoolgirl.

“What a wonderful day to play hooky!” she said to herself. An idea began to take shape. She’d never done anything like this before, but, after all, what was life for? “Yes!” she thought, “I’ll take a personal day off of work, actually let the boys skip school, and the three of us will spend this glorious day at the zoo!”

As she got dressed she added up her reasons to validate this slightly naughty endeavor: She’d get to spend some quality time with the boys, they’d get to enjoy a day with each other, they’d all have a respite from the rigors of their daily routine. She enjoyed her vision of the three of them laughing and strolling through the zoo, the boys chatting together and gushing their appreciation for their delightful day and their hip mom….

She headed off to wake up her kids and share her pleasant surprise. She bounded into Kevin’s room first and sat beside him on the bed. “Okay, sleepyhead! Time to get up.” The answer was a groan from under the covers.

Next was Luke’s room. She rolled his wheelchair beside the bed and suggested he choose shorts and a tee shirt for this fine warm day. She almost blurted out her plans, but thought better of it: she decided to get the kids up and dressed before telling them.

As the boys were eating breakfast, Melissa sat at the table across from them. Fairly bursting with her idea, she blurted, “How’d you guys like to skip school today? I thought we’d play hooky and head to the zoo!” Her eyes wide with excitement, she waited for their expressions of glee.

Luke looked mildly pleased, but not overly excited. Kevin scrunched up his face and wrinkled his nose. “The zoo? I don’t want to go to the zoo!” he moaned.

Melissa was a little disappointed, but she knew—just knew—they’d have a great time once they got there. “Oh come on!” She said, “We’ll have a ball!”

Kevin looked doubtful. “Who has fun at the zoo?”

She wasn’t about to give up on her wonderful plan, but her short-tempered response sounded like a bursting balloon. “We’re going to the zoo, and you’re going to have fun, it’s a sunny day, I’ve already called in for the day off, and this is quality time with your mother.”

Kevin and Luke just stared at their mom. “Yeah, yeah,” said Kevin, “Let’s go to the zoo. Whoopee.”

Determined not to let this little setback ruin her plans, Melissa gathered up their stuff and herded the boys into the van. Once she’d folded and loaded Luke’s chair, she hopped into the front seat with a broad smile on her face. “Here we go!” She didn’t see the looks her boys shot each other behind her.

They weren’t even out of the neighborhood when Luke’s voice pierced Melissa’s cheerful mood. “Mooommm! Kevin took my markers!”

“Did not!” Kevin retorted, “They’re mine!”

“Are not!” yelled Kevin, “Make him give ‘em back!”

“Boys!” growled Melissa. “You’re not even supposed to have markers in the van. Give them to me.” Melissa waved her hand backward over the seat, motioning for the markers.

“Well if they’re yours, then you give her the markers,” Kevin sneered at his brother.

“I can’t reach. You do it.”

“No. Figure it out.”

Melissa snapped her fingers. “Just give me the markers!” she growled.

They rode down the street in relative silence for the next fifteen minutes. Melissa turned on the radio and began to sing along. Her cheerful mood was returning.

Soon, they arrived at the zoo. Melissa found the handicapped spots full—with cars that didn’t belong there, of course—so she had to drive around the enormous lot twice before finding a spot. After unloading the chair, their gear, and themselves, they headed toward the zoo entrance. It wasn’t until they were nearly at the gate—and the steep flight of stone stairs—that she spied the “Wheelchair Access” sign, with its arrow pointing to the opposite side of the parking lot. In frustrated silence, they trudged back to the van and reloaded, only to repeat the process at the opposite side of the lot. As they approached the promised entrance, Luke piped up. “Kevin’s right. This isn’t gonna be any fun at all.”

Melissa didn’t even have the energy to answer. She paid for their tickets, posted her complaint about the inappropriately filled handicapped parking spots, and ushered the boys through the large iron gates. “Where do you want to go first?” she asked.

“Let’s go see the lions and tigers,” Kevin suggested.

“No way! I wanna see the elephants and giraffes,” protested Luke.

“Why do we always have to do what you want?” complained Kevin. “I vote for the lions and tigers.”

Melissa pulled the plug on the argument. “We’ll go to the reptile house.” She stated it firmly and stomped away, both boys groaning as they followed.

Melissa was enjoying the reptile house until she turned to see Kevin racing with Luke through the halls, nearly knocking over a woman and her baby as they popped wheelchair wheelies along the way. Her tightly clenched teeth were all that stood between a controlled but angry reprimand and a loud, angry outburst.

The disgruntled trio headed to the African Jungle. On the way, they passed a cotton candy stand. “Oh, what the heck,” Melissa thought. “Cotton candy before lunch—why not?” “Wait here a sec,” she said to the boys. But her big sweet surprise brought nothing but more complaints.

“Why’d you get pink?” complained Luke.

“How come only one?” Kevin whined. “I suppose Luke gets to hold it!”

“Well, if you hold it, nobody else will get to eat any since you’re such a PIG!”

“KNOCK IT OFF!” yelled Melissa, on the verge of tears. “This is supposed to be FUN!”

Kevin rolled his eyes at her. “Well, I told you the zoo wasn’t any fun!”

Melissa whirled Luke around so fast, he lost his balance. “Come on,” she growled at Kevin. She walked away so quickly, he had to run to catch up.

“What are you doing?” Luke asked.

“I have a headache,” Melissa responded. “We’re going home.”

The boys cried all the way home, while Melissa held her aching head and fumed over a totally wasted day.

The Hidden Message
“My expectations are so far from reality that the only possible result is my disappointment and anger.”

Think About It
Expectations: Our lives are full of them. On the day the pregnancy test is positive, we begin painting beautiful rosy pictures of what our lives as parents will be like; it’s Mother Nature’s way of fostering parent/child bonds and the hope that keeps us going.

As our children grow, we continue to envision how we hope things will turn out. We set up ideals, some realistic, some not. Eventually, the former delight us, and the latter…sometimes they break our hearts.

A mother discovers her robust newborn will never run on a baseball field, or even walk to school, and that they will face problems that she never even knew existed. The parents of four girls hope the birth of number five will add some variety to the family makeup, only to discover they will have plenty of use for the pink frilly dresses packed in the attic. A father, himself an only child, envisions a close and loving relationship between the twins his wife is expecting—only to find years later that daily bickering and fighting are more common than friendship between them. A mother with a close and loving relationship with her daughter turns around one day to ask who this sullen, selfish, moody, and demanding teenager living with her is.

Our great expectations frame the big picture as well as the small innumerable closeups of our daily lives. We set up countless ideal scenarios for our every day: the little one will behave in church; the painstakingly planned birthday party will be a smash hit; the new puppy will fit into the family perfectly. It’s a fact of life: Many of these small expectations are destined for failure.

The difference between expectation and reality equals unhappiness. The more specific and lofty our expectations, the harder we fall when reality crashes down on us.

Changes You Can Make
Take a good look at your own expectations for your children and your life. Examine these expectations and determine if they are realistic and likely. Don’t be afraid to make an honest assessment of where you are, how this compares to what you know to be ‘typical’ and where you think you may be headed.

One important way of making this exercise work is to become more knowledgeable about the stages of child development. When you are familiar with typical patterns of childhood—and there are many—you have a benchmark against which to measure the issues that arise daily. The vast bodies of research and observation available to you can help you see when your child’s behavior is usual for his age and situation, and when it is outside the norm and requires more attention. For example, if the Mom with the selfish and demanding teenage daughter were well read about what to expect in adolescence, she wouldn’t feel responsible for her daughter’s behavioral changes. She would have known that, no matter how close and loving the relationship with parents, nearly all teenagers endure hormonal and emotional upheaval at this time in their lives.

I am by no means suggesting pessimism, and actually, realistic expectations prevent pessimism. The more realistic your expectations the more possible it is to raise your children with optimism. In other words, when your expectations are realistic enough your children’s success is at least possible, and you will feel success as a parent. When expectations are extreme and unrealistic then failure is the most likely result. As an example, if you have more than one child, and you expect that they will NEVER bicker, NEVER fight, and that they will ALWAYS be cheerful-best-of-friends, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and anger.

On the flip side, I’m not suggesting that you passively accept “typical” misbehavior just because you expected it! Understanding and accepting your child’s behavior in a realistic way can help you see areas that may require your attention or may act as a warning light telling you that the situation requires taking the time to explore various solutions. So, when you understand that siblings WILL bicker and fight, sometimes just as often as they are cheerful-best-of-friends (and sometimes, more!), then you can relax and know that they are behaving normally—and then—explore the many ways you can encourage a more positive relationship between them. As another example, if your child doesn’t handle transitions well it doesn’t mean that you have to live your life on a rigid routine schedule—it means that you need to find ways to help your child learn to cope with life’s transitions in a more positive way.

When you have realistic expectations, you can calmly approach this momentous job we call parenting with a calm demeanor and a level head.

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Kid Cooperation and Perfect Parenting

During their growth and development, children go through many stages of self-doubt. They are always comparing themselves to others, and they often see themselves as coming up short. As parents, we can offset this natural tendency in our children by giving them the skills to think more positively. It is important that you really listen to your children, and help them overcome their negative thoughts and beliefs. This is, of course, easier to do if you practice positive thinking yourself.

Our world is so full of negative feedback. We need to arm our children with a positive attitude, so that they can stay focused in the right direction. Let’s look at some typical negative statements from children, along with some positive responses from their wise parents:

I can’t do it
Take your time and try again. I have confidence in you.

Heather hates me
Sounds like you’re feeling rejected by Heather, and that must hurt. I know you want Heather to like you. Remember that you’re a very lovable kid and a terrific person, no matter what Heather, or anyone else, says or does. And, you know, she may have a problem that has nothing to do with you.

I’m just no good in history
You’ve brought up Cs before—I know you can do it again. Besides that, honey, nobody is good at everything. And look at this A in math, you’ve always done well with numbers!

I’m so clumsy. I’ll never learn to rollerblade!
It’s tough learning something new. Remember when you first tried to ski, how hard it was? But you stuck with it, and now you’re really good at skiing.

There is real value in discussing positive thinking and self-esteem with your children on a regular basis. Sadly, these subjects are not yet included in the school curriculum. There are good books written for children, as well as adults, which demonstrate the use of positive thinking. Reading a book together is a good launching pad for starting a conversation. Pointing out positive versus negative attitudes from news stories or life stories is an excellent way of showing your children just how this all works in real life, too.

A great web site for finding lots of wonderful positive messages is: greatday.com.

Modeling a positive attitude is one of the most effective ways of teaching your children. Children learn what they live. So start presenting your thoughts in a positive way, Oh well, I burned the dinner—guess that means we get to eat cereal for dinner!

Parents always hope that their children will have a positive outlook on life, but most often how this happens is left to chance. When you take this matter into your hands, and look for ways to guide your children’s thoughts in a positive direction, you will see very exciting results.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

by Elizabeth Pantley, Contemporary Books, 2001

“Dad! I’m home!” Melody announced her arrival from school in the typical way. “Where are you?’

“In my office, Mel,” Kevin answered. She ambled in, knowing she’d get a hug, a smile, and an inquiry about her day. After they exchanged greetings and Melody told him about her day at school, she turned to leave the room. Kevin stopped her. “Mel? Before you go out to play, would you mind picking up the dog doo in the yard? You know you’re suppose to do it in the morning before you leave.”

Melody wrinkled her nose. “Sorry, Daddy. I forgot. I’ll do it.”

A while later, Kevin finished his work. As he entered the kitchen to start dinner, he spotted Melody out on the swing set. He also spotted the various brown lumps decorating his lawn. Kevin opened the window and called out to remind his daughter, “Melody! Don’t forget to pick up the dog doo!”

“OK!” she answered back cheerfully.

Soon after, Kevin called Melody for dinner. “What do you say we eat outside? It’s really nice out.” As the two of them toted their food out to the picnic table, Kevin had to sidestep several doggie deposits. “Mel, this is really gross. I wish you’d get it picked up.”

“I’ll do it right after dinner. Promise.” Melody looked contrite, but her Dad looked unconvinced.

Dad and daughter enjoyed a very pleasant dinner, despite the canine ambiance, catching up on the day’s news and tossing around ideas for the upcoming weekend. As soon as they’d cleared the picnic table and tidied up the kitchen, Melody gathered up her homework and began studying diligently for her math test.

Kevin put his hand on her shoulder. “Honey…I’m really proud of you for being so conscientious about your homework. . . but are you ever going to pick up that dog doo?”

The Hidden Message
“If you can put up with the drone of my voice, go ahead and feel free to ignore me. I don’t plan to take any action about this issue at all.”

Think About It
An inescapable part of parenting is getting our children to do many things they’d rather not, like picking up dog doo, taking out trash, cleaning their rooms, and finishing homework. When a parent continues to remind, ask, beg, pester, and yes, nag a child about a task, but fails to follow through with any action, the parent actually gives the child an interesting choice: either listen to the nagging, or do the task. The child is free to decide that the minimal pain of listening to a parent beg over and over is a small price to pay for sidestepping the dreaded deed. And children often do, sometimes without realizing it.

All of Kevin’s comments to Melody are vague, and without any follow through action on his part he may as well say, “If you could manage to pick up the dog doo sometime before your next birthday, that would be really nice…”

Changes You Can Make
You can avoid falling into the nagging trap. Simply follow this four-step process:

1. Think;
2. Tell;
3. Warn;
4. Act.

1. Think. Before you ask your child to do something, think about exactly what you want, when you want it done, and how your child should proceed. Be clear about your purpose.
2. Tell. Once you’re certain about what you want, tell your child. Be specific. Avoid any phrase that makes your request sound optional. For example, “Melody, I would like the dog doo picked up before we sit down to dinner at 6:00.”
3. Warn. If the deadline looms and the requested task has not been completed, let your child know that you are aware of this, and remind her to get the job done. “Melody, dinner will be ready in ten minutes. You are to pick up the dog doo before we eat.”
4. Act. If the deadline has been reached and the task has not been performed, you have a wide variety of options that all come under the heading “Act.”A) You could nudge your child in the right direction either with physical help (Put the shovel and bucket in her hand and guide her out to the yard.)B) You could use a when-then statement (“Melody, I’ll be eating my dinner in the kitchen. When you have picked up the dog doo, then you may join me.”)C) You might follow through with a consequence (“Melody, since you didn’t do as I asked, you’ll be staying home after dinner instead of going to your friend’s house as you had planned.)

   D) If this is a repeat offense, you might invite your child to sit down for a heart-to-heart. Express your displeasure and your expectation. Brainstorm a solution to the problem. For example, you may decide that she needs to create a checklist and keep it posted in a prominent place, such as on the front of the refrigerator, so that she’ll remember to do her chore each day. Then hand her a piece of paper, a ruler and a box of markers and ask her to create the checklist then and there.

   E) You might choose to do it yourself. I know, I know—you’re thinking, “What!?!” But wait, you didn’t let me finish. Do it yourself and let her know which of your jobs she can do for you. (“It’s 6:00, and since you did not pick up the dog doo, I took the time to do it for you. Which means that, in return, you’ll take the time to pull the weeds for me after dinner.”)

Keep in mind that, if you already have demonstrated a gift for ‘gentle reminding, asking, nagging and hinting’, it will take some time to convince your child that you have changed. And she’ll only get the hint that you mean business if you’re consistent in employing the last step (“act”). If you repeat step 3 (“warn”), twice, three times, a dozen times … then you defeat the process and default into your old Nag Mode.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

By Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers

Entertaining your children’s friends is never an easy task and coming up with an idea for a birthday party is often harder. Recently, Fresh Baby creator Cheryl Tallman’s son Spencer turned five and the event was celebrated with a cooking school extravaganza. For 2 1/2 hours Cheryl and her husband transformed their home into “The Cooking School for Brilliant Kids.” Here she shares just how she did it!

We started out doing a little research on the Internet and found a neat web site called www.kidsaprons.com. We ordered disposable chef hats and aprons, and picked up a few kidsized cooking utensils to use in the take home gift bags. We also planned the menu and developed a schedule for the party.

Before the children arrived, we covered a ping pong table with white paper, did some prep on the foods, and decorated the dining room table for the birthday luncheon with balloons and the Star Wars tablecloth and plates that Spencer picked out.

When each kid arrived, they were fitted with their chef hat and apron, and we took a digital photo. We printed out their names (i.e “Chef Spencer”) on plain paper, cut it out, and used clear packaging tape to stick their name on their apron and hat. While we were waiting for all the guests to arrive, the children were given stickers to decorate their chef hats. This gave them something to do and also gave them some time to get comfortable.

The party menu included French bread pizza, pigs in a blanket, carrots sticks and green beans, and for dessert, ice cream and cupcakes. Our school started with a “group” experience of making ice cream. Each child took a turn pouring, measuring, or whisking, while the others watched attentively. We poured our ice cream in the machine and moved on to making lunch.

We spread the kids out around the table and started with the French bread pizza, each child took a piece of bread and “painted” it with pizza sauce, sprinkled cheese, added pepperoni, and placed their creation on a cookie sheet. The pigs in a blanket were next. Each child took a piece of crescent roll dough that were already separated onto a piece of wax paper. They picked up a hot dog with tongs and then rolled the dough around the hot dog, and they were placed on another sheet pan.

After the main course was prepared, we took a class photo, and it was time for a break while the master chef (me!) put everything in the oven. The kids all went into the living room for a game of “Pin The Mustache On The Chef”, and a magic show put on by my husband Roger, who picked up some magic books at the library the week before. By the time entertainment was done, the kid’s masterpieces were ready to be served. In the dining room each child’s plate had a piece of pizza, a pig in the blanket, some carrot sticks and green beans. The kids were so excited about their accomplishments. They all happily and proudly ate their lunch.

After lunch, it was back to cooking school for cupcake decorating. We had colored icing bags (tied at the top) and an assortment of sprinkles. This was the BEST event of all, the kids had great time. The creativity of a five year old is absolutely precious. After about 20 minutes, it was back to the dining room, were we sang “Happy Birthday”, and gobbled up our cupcakes and homemade ice cream. After that, we opened gifts and gave out the take home gift bags. Two and half hours seemed to fly by.

Spencer’s thank you notes were sent with a certificate (printed on our home computer) from “The Cooking School for Brilliant Kids”, and it included the child’s picture and the class photo.

If you are thinking of having your own cooking extravaganza, here are few tips that you might find useful:

As the beginning of the school year draws near, parents and children alike are storming the stores for all the back to school gear they will require. High on most priority lists are clothes, shoes, notebooks, pens, pencils, and highlighters. The one item some parents may not have thought about is a booster seat. School-age children, who have outgrown car seats with a harness, need to use a booster seat to ride safely.

A 2003 study by Partners for Passenger Safety (www.chop.edu/carseat) found that 100 % of children below 1 year of age and 96% of 3 year olds involved in traffic collisions had been using a car seat or booster seat at the time of a crash. However, only 59% of 5-year-olds, 14% of 7-year-olds, and 9% of 8-year-olds were restrained at the time of the crash. Most people are well aware of the need for infants, toddlers and small children to be in a car seat that is appropriate for their age and weight. Regrettably, few parents understand that most children need booster seats until they are age 8-11, depending on the child’s size and how the vehicle seat belt fits.

California law requires that children ride properly restrained in the back seat until they are at least 6 years old or weigh 60 pounds. California is one of 33 states that require use of a booster or other child restraint beyond age 4; some states have increased the requirement to age 8. NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) recommends that ALL children age 12 and under ride in the back seat. A recent study suggests that children ride in the back seat longer – until they are at least 15 years old.

By law, older children must also ride properly buckled up. Regardless of age or size, if the seat belt does not fit correctly because the child is too small, too thin or just not mature enough to sit in a seat belt correctly, the parent or driver can be fined more than $350. Even more tragically, the child could be injured or killed if there is a car crash. So, before you move your child out of a booster seat, try the 5 Step test. Ask your child to sit using the vehicle lap and shoulder belt without the booster. If you answer “NO” to any of the questions below, your child still needs to ride in a booster seat.

5-Step Test

1. Does the child sit all the way back against the auto seat?

2. Do the child’s knees bend comfortably at the edge of the auto seat?

3. Is the shoulder belt centered on the shoulder and chest?

4. Is the lap belt as low as possible, touching the thighs?

5. Can the child stay seated like this for the whole trip?

Booster seats come in a wide array of shapes and sizes, including high back, backless and high back with removable back. The backless booster might be a good choice for carpools and play dates. It may be preferred by an older child since it cannot readily be seen from outside the car.

For more information or a low cost car seat or booster, call Safely on the Move at (619) 594-0784 or toll free (866) 700-7686 or visit www.safelyonthemove.sdsu.edu.

About the Article:
This information provided by the San Diego State University Foundation.