Step 1. Confront the Biter A.S.A.P.
Step in the very minute your child bites and call it what it is: “That’s biting!” Then in a very stern voice say: “You may not bite people!” Firmly express your disapproval, and quickly remove your child from the situation. Remember Mom: No matter what you hear from other parents, do not bite your kid back! It is not helpful, and in fact, you’re only sending him the messages that kids can’t bite, but adults can.

If your kid has developed a history of biting, you’ll need to take emergency action. Arrange a private meeting amongst your child and other caregivers (such as his teacher, coach, daycare worker, babysitter) with whom he’s displaying the behavior. Create a consequence everyone understands: this could be the loss of a privilege, time out, or going home. You’ll want to all be on the same page and consistently enforced whatever consequence you all agreed upon. All the moms in our playground, for instance, decided to get on the same page together. Because we all responded the same way (yes, their was one mom who was a bit too laid-back, but we knew we couldn’t change her behavior), we were more successful in stopping our four-year-old Vampire Wannabees.

Step 2. Comfort the Victim and Boost Empathy
Kids always need to know that biting hurts! So in the presence of your kid focus your concern on the victim. “I’m so sorry! That must hurt. What can I do to help?” Doing so shows your child not only that his action caused pain but also how to convey sympathy. If possible, find a way to help your child to make amends. He might offer the victim a Kleenex or band-aid, draw a picture to apologize, say he’s sorry, or give the other child a toy. Do also apologize to the child’s parents on the spot or with a phone call. (Word to the wise: I learned the hard way that it is far better that I make the call then having the parent hear the story from someone else).

Step 3. Teach a New Behavior to Replace the Biting
If your toddler is teething, she’s probably biting because of sore gums. In that case, offer something appropriate to bite on: such as a frozen juice bar, a hard plastic teething ring, or toy to relieve the discomfort.

Kids often bite because they haven’t developed the verbal skills to communicate their needs or frustrations. Identify what skill your child lacks, and then teach a more appropriate way to respond that will replace the urge to bite. Practice the new skill together, until he can successfully use it on his own. One youngster bit because he didn’t know how to say he wanted a turn. Once his dad recognized the problem, he taught his son to say: “It’s your turn, then it’s my turn.” The biting quickly stopped. If your child has trouble verbalizing feelings or needs, teach him to say: “I’m getting mad.” Or: “I want to play.” Remember to let him know how proud you are when he uses good control.

Step 4. Anticipate Biting Behavior as the Best Prevention
If your child has developed a pattern of biting, then supervise those play times closely. You can then immediately step in and stop your biter before it happens. Put your hand gently over his mouth firmly saying: “You may not bite. Use your words to tell what you need.” Then show how: “I want a turn.” Sometimes you can distract your child from the situation: “Would you like to play with the clay or blocks?” You may have step in a few times before the biting is stopped, so watch closely then intervene pronto.

The most important part of this Mommy Secret to learn is that kids usually bite because they lack the ability to handle their frustrations. It’s up to us to help find better ways to get their point across.

About the Author
Michele Borba, EdD, is an internationally renowned educational consultant and recipient of the National Educator Award. She has presented workshops to more than 750,000 participants worldwide. She is the award-winning author of 20 books including Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them, Don’t Give Me That Attitude!, No More Misbehavin’ and Building Moral Intelligence. She is recognized for her practical, solution-based strategies to strengthen children’s behavior and social development. She has lectured to over one million participants and has been featured on NPR Radio, the Today Show, The Early Show, The View, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, and been interviewed by Redbook, Newsweek, U.S. News & World Report, and many others. She is an advisory board member for Parents magazine, is a former classroom teacher and mom of three. For more about Dr. Borba visit www.moralintelligence.com.

Diapers costing you a fortune? It may be time to tackle one of the most important challenges in your young child’s life… the dreaded potty training experience.

One of the most common questions that I am asked is in regards to subject. Many parents will ask me something like this:

“Do you have any tips on potty training a two year old, that has no desire to try?”

I have been very lucky in my own four children that they potty trained literally on their own, but I have had several daycare kids that were not as interested in this phase of their little lives.

First of all I know that everyone says not to push them, but it is very true. DO NOT try and force the issue. As a parent we must learn to pick our battles with our children and this is one that is not easily won, if they are not ready for it. I started out with “Potty Training” books. There are a lot of different ones out there at your local library, or bookstores (I saw a cute hardcover one at Wal-Mart yesterday called “I Have To Go Potty!” It was under $8.00). There are also many different videos on this topic as well, I know that Dora, and Barney have their own videos on potty training.

Second, talk to your child about the potty in their language. For example: “Mommy and Daddy go pee pee and poopy on the potty, do you think sometime you want to go potty too like Mommy and Daddy?” Make any conversation with them at their level and also answer their questions if they have any.

Third, this is a HUGE deal, so make a big deal out of it. Take your child shopping, have them help in picking out the potty chair or a package of their very own “Big Kid” underwear. Also make sure that you have rewards for them. Whether this be M&M’s, dum dum suckers, skittles, raisins, whatever is a motivator to your child. Purchase those items with your child and make sure to remind them, that the candy is for after they go potty on the potty. (If you do purchase candy, make sure it is something little that you can easily manage, because if you give them a whole bag of M&M’s each time they go potty, you will have one hyper child, just a few m&m’s or skittles at a time and that is why if you purchase suckers go with the smaller ones.) Once your child has the hang of potty training and you are working on night training, again take them to the store and have them pick out something special to them, a stuffed animal, new video, a new book, game, truck, barbie, etc. Tell them that once they are dry all the time and have no more diapers then you and your child will go purchase that special item, “because they are a BIG boy or GIRL.” I can’t stress enough to involve them and make them feel important!!!

If you child is hestitate about even sitting on the potty, do not push them, but make a big deal out of it, when he/she does finally sit on the potty. Encourage him/her to sit on the potty with their diaper on at first if they are too afraid. Gradually work to take the diaper off of them when they are on the potty. Also look for the signs that your child may have that they are about to go potty in their diaper, and then ask them then if they want to go use the potty (remind them of the treat at the end if they do go). Reward them for every little step that they take, so that they feel important. I use to make up a potty dance with my kids. Every time after they went, we would do the potty dance together, and many times even after I went to the bathroom, my kids would do the potty dance for me, because they were then proud of my accomplishment as well. This may sound corny, but it is a great way to motivate your children in not just potty training, but I’ll save that for another article.

You can never encourage your children enough in anything, so start the cheerleading team and “GO POTTY TRAIN!”

Remember, stay positive, go slow and have fun with you child during this trying process! Good Luck.

About The Author
Tammi Kauppinen is a proud stay at home mom with five wonderful children. After graduating from the University of Wisconsin – Whitewater with a degree in Special Education, she decided to find a way to stay home and raise her children. That hasn’t kept her from working with kids! She has run an in-home day care for ten years, worked in variety of school districts with children with special needs, acted as a foster parent to teenage boys and as a respite provider for other foster children. She continues to work with children – including her own – on a daily basis and publishes a weekly email on stay at home mom tips. To sign up for this FREE service go to http://www.stayathomemominc.com.