Potty training can be a stressful experience for you and your child. It’s best to start potty training when your child has an established daily routine and is not dealing with any additional stress. Potty training should be the only major change in your child’s life.

If your child is showing signs of potty training readiness, ask yourself if any of the following situations exist:

New baby – Although the thought of double diaper duty may be overwhelming, your child needs time to adapt to the new baby before you begin potty training.

Divorce or Separation – Divorce or separation is always stressful for children. Your child may be living in two different homes or under two separate sets of rules. When things calm down, share your potty training plan so that you are both aware of the other person’s plan and can work together for the benefit of your child.

New daycare/babysitter – If your child has recently switched day cares or baby-sitters, wait a couple of weeks/months (depending on how your child adapts) before you start potty training.

New bedroom or bed – Small changes, like a new bedroom or bed, can have a big impact on your child. Wait until your child has adapted to his new bed before you begin potty training.

Copyright © 2004 ZIP Baby. All Rights Reserved.

Danna Henderson
ZIP Baby
101 Convention Center Drive, Ste 700
Las Vegas, NV 89109
www.zipbaby.com

About The Author
Danna Henderson started ZIP Baby in order to provide parents with comprehensive potty training information as well as a large variety of potty training products. For more information about potty training, visit the ZIP Baby Potty Training Store.

Many parents share custody of their children, which presents a unique problem when it comes to potty training. It’s best to discuss potty training and agree on a strategy before you start. Both parents need to be informed about potty training and have the necessary potty training aids.

Potty Training Aids
To maintain consistency throughout the potty training process, it’s best if both parents either share the potty training aids or purchase the same aids. This way your child will have a potty seat she is comfortable with at each parent’s home.

Potty Training Methods
Both parents need to use similar potty training methods so your child doesn’t get confused. Make sure you are both informed and decide how you’re going to handle potty training instruction, rewards, and accidents.

In some cases, the divorced or separated parents don’t have a good relationship and this level of communication is not possible. If this is your situation, it may be easiest to pack your child’s potty seat along with a note describing your potty training strategy (and any other necessary information) and send it with your child.

Copyright © 2004 ZIP Baby. All Rights Reserved.

Danna Henderson
ZIP Baby
101 Convention Center Drive, Ste 700
Las Vegas, NV 89109
www.zipbaby.com

About The Author
Danna Henderson started ZIP Baby in order to provide parents with comprehensive potty training information as well as a large variety of potty training products. For more information about potty training, visit the ZIP Baby Potty Training Store.

Question
My baby is only happy when I’m within arm’s reach. If I dare to leave the room, she cries as if I’ve left the country! I can’t even so much as take a shower these days, let alone leave the house without her. My mother-in-law says it’s because I’ve spoiled her. Is she right? Have I made her so clingy?

Nothing you’ve done has “made” your baby develop separation anxiety. It’s a perfectly normal and important developmental adaptation. Nearly all children experience separation anxiety between the ages of seven and 18 months. Some have more intense reactions than others, and for some, the stage lasts longer than others, but almost all babies have it to some degree.

The development of separation anxiety demonstrates that your baby has formed a healthy, loving attachment to you. It is a beautiful sign that your baby associates pleasure, comfort, and security with your presence. It also indicates that your baby is developing intellectually (in other words, she’s smart!) She has learned that she can have an effect on her world when she makes her needs known, and she doesn’t have to passively accept a situation that makes her uncomfortable. She doesn’t know enough about the world yet to understand that when you leave her you’ll always come back. She also realizes that she is safest, happiest, and best cared for by you, so her reluctance to part makes perfect sense ¾ especially when viewed from a survival standpoint. Put another way: You are her source of nourishment, both physical and emotional; therefore, her attachment to you is her means of survival, and when she reaches a certain level of intellectual maturity, she realizes this.

This stage, like so many others in childhood, will pass. In time, your baby will learn that she can separate from you, that you will return, and that everything will be okay between those two points in time. Much of this learning is based on trust, which, just as for every human being young or old, takes time to build.

How do I know if my baby has separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is pretty easy to spot, and you’re probably reading this section because you’ve identified it in your baby. The following are behaviors typically demonstrated by a baby with normal separation anxiety:

• Clinginess
• Crying when a parent is out of sight
• Strong preference for only one parent
• Fear of strangers (Also see Stranger anxiety, page XX)
• Waking at night crying for a parent
• Easily comforted in a parent’s embrace

How you can help your baby with separation anxiety

• Allow your baby to be a baby. It’s perfectly okay — even wonderful — for your baby to be so attached to you and for her to desire your constant companionship. Congratulations, Mommy or Daddy: It’s evidence that the bond you’ve worked so hard to create is holding. So politely ignore those who tell you otherwise.
• Don’t worry about spoiling her with your love, since quite the opposite will happen. The more that you meet her attachment needs during babyhood, the more confident and secure she will grow up to be.
• Minimize separations when possible. It’s perfectly acceptable for now ¾ better, in fact ¾ to avoid those situations that would have you separate from your baby. All too soon, your baby will move past this phase and on to the next developmental milestone.
• Give your baby lessons in object permanence. As your baby learns that things continue to exist even when she can’t see them, she’ll feel better about letting you out of her sight. Games like peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek will help her understand this phenomenon.
• Practice with quick, safe separations. Throughout the day, create situations of brief separation. When you go into another room, whistle, sing, or talk to your baby so she knows you’re still there, even though she can’t see you.
• Don’t sneak away when you have to leave her. It may seem easier than dealing with a tearful goodbye, but it will just cause her constant worry that you’re going to disappear without warning at any given moment. The result? Even more clinginess, and diminished trust in your relationship.
• Tell your baby what to expect. If you are going to the store and leaving her at home with Grandma, explain where you are going and tell her when you’ll be back. Eventually, she’ll come to understand your explanations.
• Don’t rush the parting, but don’t prolong it, either. Give your baby ample time to process your leave-taking, but don’t drag it out and make it more painful for both of you.
• Express a positive attitude when leaving her. If you’re off to work, or an evening out, leave with a smile. Your baby will absorb your emotions, so if you’re nervous about leaving her, she’ll be nervous as well. Your confidence will help alleviate her fears.
• Leave your baby with familiar people. If you must leave your baby with a new caregiver, try to arrange a few visits when you’ll all be together before you leave the two of them alone for the first time.
• Invite distractions. If you’re leaving your baby with a caregiver or relative, encourage that person to get your baby involved with playtime as you leave. Say a quick good-bye and let your baby be distracted by an interesting activity.
• Allow your baby the separation that she initiates. If she crawls off to another room, don’t rush after her. Listen and peek, of course, to make sure that she’s safe, but let her know it’s fine for her to go off exploring on her own.
• Encourage her relationship with a special toy, if she seems to have one. These are called transitional objects or lovies. They can be a comfort to her when she’s separated from you. Many babies adopt blankets or soft toys as loveys, holding them to ease any pain of separation. The lovey becomes a friend and represents security in the face of change.

Don’t take it personally. Many babies go through a stage of attaching themselves to one parent or the other. The other parent, as well as grandparents, siblings and friends can find this difficult to accept, but try to reassure them that it’s just a temporary and normal phase of development and with a little time and gentle patience it will pass.Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

The necessity to return to a normal, active life is unavoidable no mater if we talk about shopping and personal problems, or about evenings, in case you return to a social life similar to the period preceding the pregnancy. Subsequently to the beginning period of the relation mother – child when they were inseparable, gradually there is felt the need to return to older habits that restore the feeling of normality.

The feeling of guilt should be kept under control, especially if everything is all right, for the equilibrium of both mother and child. Gradually, both ought to learn to move away from each other, and the child will understand that the mother does not exclusively belong to him.

When there are no close friends or family who can come to take care of the child, the only solution is to appeal to a baby-sitter.

It is always better to entrust the child, especially for the first time, to a person you already know, or to a person who was recommended to you and you can trust completely. Maybe during the previous weeks a young woman helped you with housekeeping? In this case, resort to her: the baby already knows her, which is an advantage. If you do not know the person who will come in your absence, ask him/her to come the day before, in order to see how he/she behaves with the baby and to make his/her acquaintance. It has no importance whether there is a girl or a boy, a younger person or an older one. What is essential is not the experience he/she has with children, but the goodness of the heart and the common sense. What matters is to find a trustworthy, sure person, who loves kids and makes kind gestures.

What you should do?

What about the separation?
Warn the child that you will be absent for a while and say good bye to him/her. Even if the child does not understand the exact meaning of the words, your voice will calm him/her down. Say good bye before leaving. The baby is more sensitive to the anxiety of the mother than to the fact that she leaves it for a few hours under the care of another person; for this reason, once the decision has been taken and everything has been organized very well, go lightheartedly and enjoy yourself. If everything gets on well, call that baby-sitter next time as well: he/she will get used to the baby and the baby with him/her.

About the Author:
Copyright 2006 www.BabiesPlaza.com, All Rights Reserved. Find a great deal of articles about feeding, baby care, birthdays, gifts and baby shower tips by visiting Babies Plaza.