by Rexanne Mancini

Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that my children knew how to behave in nice restaurants because they had been exposed to the atmosphere at an early age. My idea of well behaved might be different from yours, however, I think there are certain basics that are important and universal.

When my daughters were babies, we would take them wherever we went. If they began to fuss or cry, one of us would promptly remove them from the room/restaurant/market/wherever. Not because we felt their crying or fussing was a bad thing. No, it’s a perfectly normal occurrence for infants and toddlers. We removed them as a courtesy to others who we felt did not need to be as tolerant as we were with our children’s noise. In consequence, my daughters know that other people are not as wildly in love with their racket or with them as we are. Nor should they be expected to be.

As our children grew older, they were always told the rules of our outings, how to behave and to always speak softly if other adults were present. Sometimes, it’s fine to let them get a little crazy … just know your audience! If we are at a five star restaurant where many other diners have come to enjoy a gracious and expensive meal, would we expect everyone there to be enthralled with junior’s vocal or behavioral outbursts? Would we really expect them to care if our child is having a bout with walking pneumonia and coughing uncontrollably? Nope. It’s rude. And rudeness is basically nothing more than bad manners. If there is an emergency with your child, by all means don’t give a flying flamingo about what others think. But this is the exception. Besides, children who are that sick belong at home, not in public.

Last night, my girls and I were in a department store. There was a toddler carrying on and screaming for more than 15 minutes when my younger daughter said: “Now his mommy is going to tell him to stop because there are other people in here that don’t want to hear it!”

Unfortunately, his mommy did not tell him any such thing. She let him wail and scream and cry, much to the chagrin and annoyance of everyone else in the store. You know what? As much as I love kids and cannot bear to see or hear them suffering, I disliked this kid immensely!

My reasoning is this: if our kids learn that they are free to trample on the peace, space or rose gardens of others, they will develop into spoiled and inconsiderate brats. And then who will like them? Who will want to spend time with them? Who, besides their forgiving parents, will be able to tolerate their lack of social graces and good manners? No one … except maybe another ill-mannered person who feels at home with a similarly clueless individual. Do we really want our children reduced to such horrible options? I think not.

We teach our children not to steal, lie or punch their brother in the nose. Shouldn’t we teach them respect for others at the same time? That their whining and out-of-control behavior is something no one really wants to hear or witness, especially strangers who have no vested interest in their developing minds or self-esteem? A simple reminder of the rules, consistently, works wonders … eventually.

Good luck. Kids need to learn manners and social graces. They will go farther in life if we teach them well.

Copyright – 2000-2004- Rexanne Mancini

About The Author
Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, www.rexanne.com. Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne’s Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html. You can reach her at rexanne@rexanne.com.

By Michell Muldoon

The Basics
Children today don’t really just “play” anymore. The main reason for this is that, sadly, our lives have become so ridiculously over-booked that even children’s play is relegated to the infrequent openings on family calendars. More importantly, spontaneous, innocent and adventurous play time is no longer a real option for most children. What has developed in the past 14 years or so to replace the magical wonder of play is now referred to as a “PlayDate.”

A PlayDate is a scheduled time period in which parents arrange for two or more children to play together for a few hours. Here are a few tips for parents to consider when making a PlayDate:

Use Some Good Old-Fashioned Common Sense

For Children Ages 2 to 3
When you invite a child of this age to your house, it is important to include the parent in the PlayDate. There are several reasons for doing this:

1. The guest child will probably feel extremely uncomfortable if his mother or father leaves.

    

2. As a parent, you will want to make your child feel comfortable socially and you will want to help them begin to learn how to develop those skills.

    

3. Sometimes small children can feel jealous if the host parent is too accommodating to the guest child. When you are the only parent present, you will have to be ready to help the children and to provide comfort if anyone’s feelings are hurt in any way.

    

4. Having a parent present at the PlayDate is a great way to learn more about the other family. You will have the chance to develop a new friendship and this will help both sets of children to see a “give and take” model for conversation, as well as for taking turns and sharing toys.

For Children Ages 4 to 5
When children are in the 3 to 5 year age group, a lot of changes happen for them socially. This is usually a time when these children begin Pre-School. Some parents feel comfortable leaving them at other people’s homes when they are in this Pre-School age group. But they are still very young and you will want to know the host parent well enough to make sure that the children will be comfortable and safely supervised.

Make a PlayDate and stay when you feel comfortable, then leave for a short time.

PlayDates are really wonderful for parents and for children, but there is a genuine concern when you begin to leave a child in someone’s home. It is always best to ask the guest parent if they have any concerns while their child is visiting in your home.

For best results:

1. Have parents stay for the playdate.

    

2. As a guest parent, if you need to run an errand, stay for most of the PlayDate. When you see that your child is visibly comfortable, let them know that you are going to “be right back” and slip out for a short time.

    

3. In this awkward period of social transition, if you are the host parent, be prepared for the guest parent to want to stay, even if you have pre-planned a time to do other things. This age group is very fragile and even the best of plans can go haywire. What is most important here is for the children to begin to feel comfortable with other people.

Important Considerations
Birth order really makes a big difference in the adaptability of children. When you are hosting a PlayDate, be aware of the guest child’s birth order. Generally speaking, an only child is probably going to be far more “clingy” than a middle child. And the parent of many may be much more relaxed than a parent of one or two. There are so many variables in the way a PlayDate can be handled. For overall best results, be open to sharing the fun!

Snacks
Always ask the guest parent if you can offer the guest child a snack during the PlayDate. As silly as this may seem, many parents do not believe in giving “Snacks” between meals. And many more do not want their children eating sweets or prepared calorie-rich foods without nutritional benefit. You will always be safe with vegetable sticks or fruit and a glass of water. Many parents today are not in favor of Juicy Boxes either because of the high sugar content.

Allergy Alerts
It’s also important to take allergies into consideration. Not only does this show that you are a very concerned parent, but it’s important to know if a child faces any potential dangers from contact with anything from peanut-butter to insect stings.

Elementary School Children: Ages 6 to 11
By the time your children are in Elementary School, there is a new pattern to their days. They are usually gone for a six to seven-hour period during the day. It’s very important for children to play, but in today’s world, after-school play is a luxury. Usually this happens in the form of Brownies or Boy/Girl Scouts. Of course, there are also sports programs, but they usually entail structured, non-exploratory play. The good old fashioned kind of non-structured running around with other kids really doesn’t happen as much as it used to. The bottom line: If you’re going to have play time, you must be prepared to take the initiative.

After-School PlayDates
For a lot of children, there is little or no after-school play time unless it is put onto calendars in the form of PlayDates. To make this happen, it’s best to plan ahead. Busy moms need a bit of lead-time. One of the best ways to make this happen, without the constant back-and-forth on the telephone or through e-mails, is to use the download invitations from FunPlayDates.

After-school play time can easily be planned if you use the FunPlayDates invitations or if you take the time to write a note and send it to school with your child.

Specify Time, Date of PlayDate and Phone Numbers
It’s important to be specific with regard to all contact numbers. This will make it easy to keep track of your child’s calendar and any vital information from both sets of parents. One busy mom I know has six children and keeps a social calendar for each of them right by the phone. At a quick glance, she can keep track of their busy schedules, including each of their PlayDates, times and contact numbers.

For best results:

1. Some parents will not allow an after-school PlayDate unless their child has done their homework. When inviting a child for an after-school PlayDate, let the host parent know they will need to finish their work before they play.

    

2. As a guest parent, always be prompt with your child’s pick-up times.

    

3. As a host parent, be aware of after-school PlayDate pick-up times. Usually, after-school PlayDates run parallel to high traffic patterns and a parent may be a bit late. This is always a potential problem, so accept this possibility when making an after-school PlayDate.

    

4. Make sure each parent has all the phone numbers needed in case of any emergencies or difficulties related to pick-up times.

    

5. For after-school snacks, keep it simple and natural.

Weekend PlayDates
Even Saturday and Sunday afternoon PlayDates have to be planned.

It’s the rare neighborhood where parents feel safe having their children go out and knock on a neighbor’s door to see if their children can come out to play. For most families, the high demands of our lives keep us from feeling spontaneous about people dropping by without an invitation. With all of our time going to so many different kinds of activities, it’s always best to plan ahead.

Once again, we must consider the success of a PlayDate often depends on making sure that there is adequate lead-time. This can save the host parent a lot of time and pressure by preparing to receive the guest parents into your home.

This is what you should consider:

1. Many families that have two working parents are not eager to have to get up early on a Saturday or Sunday morning, so it’s best to plan PlayDates for sometime in the afternoon.

    

2. Unless you know a family well, the guest parents will probably stay for at least 15 to 30 minutes when they drop their child off. This happens frequently, so be prepared for this possibility. After all, it’s their child they’re leaving, so they’re naturally going to be concerned. Be ready to offer them a light refreshment.

    

3. There are many aspects to PlayDates that you might want to think about before you leave your child in someone’s home. Some of these concerns include safety, watching TV, playing computer games and snacks. For most parents, not only is a PlayDate a social time, but it can also be a time to play outdoors and get exercise (weather permitting). Carefully survey the surroundings to see that you are comfortable leaving your child with this family. Don’t be afraid to ask the parent(s) if someone will be keeping an eye on the kids. And mention that you would prefer that your child not watch too much TV. You may also want to suggest that you reciprocate, with a PlayDate for their child in your home.

    

4. Always pick up your child at the specified time when the Play Date is to end. Have your child thank the host parent(s) and child. One way to make this a smooth transition to is practice with your own child before you go to the PlayDate. You will want to review the “thank you” and then tell your child to be ready to leave. It is very awkward for the host parent(s) to have to wait for you to leave, especially if they need to be other places or have other commitments.

    

5. Although this is optional, a Thank You note is always lovely. This is not necessary but will almost always be appreciated.

Potential Problems:

Reciprocal PlayDates
One of the problems that I have run across with the PlayDates is the issue of reciprocal play invitations. This is one of the most common complaints. What usually happens is a situation where your child likes another child and you find that you are always hosting the PlayDates for that relationship. Not only is this unfair, but there is really not very much you can do about it.

The only way that I have seen a turnaround occur, is if you very politely ask if it would be possible to have the other parent watch your child on a particular occasion. If they don’t repond to this request in a thoughtful way, then it is time for you to reassess that friendship.

Parenting Styles
When you begin to introduce your child to other families, you’re going to have to make some decisions about what kinds of friends you want to encourage your children to develop friendships with. Some people may do things in a completely different way than you would do them. In cases like this, you will have to decide whether you want to continue to have your children play together. Parenting styles would affect these kinds of decisions.

For instance: If you find that the mother of one of your children’s friends smokes continually, you may decide that you don’t want your child to be exposed to the smoke, so you may wish to discontinue the relationship. This is an extreme example, but there are many characteristics to parenting styles. Some of these styles run the gamut from extreme religious practices and strict punishments to the opposite: unstructured casual styles of parenting that include abrasive language, lack of supervision and older children who do not set a good example for the younger kids. There are also families who watch excessive amounts of TV or play computer games continuously.

The list is virtually endless. However, the bottom line is this: if you feel that your child is, in any way, learning something that you are not ready for them to learn, it is best to have that other child play at your house or to meet on some neutral ground, such as a Museum or playground.

When PlayDates look more Like Babysitting Than PlayDates
Sometimes you may have a mother ask you to have her child for a playdate while she has lunch with another friend. Even though this may seem offensive, it is a lovely gift to give someone else the chance to get out every now and then. By having her child over to your house, you are giving this mom a chance to get a much-needed break. Every mother needs one now and then. If you are the “babysitting” mom, it’s best to let the other mother know that you hope she has a good time and ask her if she could reciprocate this PlayDate for you sometime. More than likely, this situation can be a nice opportunity for both of you.

Admittedly, there are also mothers who might take advantage of this situation.

There is one other consideration here. That is the situation where you have all the kids at your house, all of the time, and the other mother does not want her “perfect house” to get messy, so she constantly encourages you to keep having the PlayDates at your house. This is one call that you’ll have to make for yourself. This is a value judgment, and the essential value that needs to be looked at is this: Are the children playing? As you think about this, you will want to ask yourself, who is this issue really about… the children playing or children not playing… or is it about the woman with the “perfect” house? If that’s the case, you must decide what works for you and for the children. If you feel taken advantage of, decline her request to watch her child.

Fighting Children
Sometimes children have disagreements during PlayDates. When there is no psychologist to jump in and make the appropriate suggestions on how to defuse an awkward moment, there is still something you can do to stop the kids from fighting.

Try to get the children to calm down and, to the best of their ability, describe the problem to you. Listen to both kids and make a decision based on what is objectively fair for both children. Be careful and sensitive to the guest child’s side of the story. Remember that this child is at a disadvantage, especially if the guest parent is not present to provide emotional support. The next best solution is to get them to play another game or to have them take a break and then change the focus of the activity.

When A Child Gets Hurt
This is such an unfortunate situation. This is also why it is very important to have all of the contact phone numbers you will need for a PlayDate. In this case, you will want to call the parents immediately and you will also want to care for the child that is hurt and probably frightened, as well. It is very essential to calm the child and do all that you can do to make them feel comfortable until their parents pick them up.

About The Article
This information provided by www.funplaydates.com.

By Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, PhD, Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, PhD, and Diane Eyer, PhD

How can we help children blossom socially and emotionally? Read on for some specific tips.

Look for opportunities to discuss other people’s feelings
By explaining how other people would feel if a particular act occurred, you teach your child to take the perspective of others. “If you hit Irving over the head with that truck, he will probably feel very bad and cry. Do you want that to happen?”

Creating a sensitive human being takes work! It often seems a lot easier to just stop vexing and dangerous toddler behavior without explaining what consequences would follow and why, and how someone would feel as a result. Of course, tomorrow someone will probably come out with a video that claims to teach your child how to work and play well with others. But that product would be a drop in the bucket compared with the power that comes from ongoing human relationships where both mind and heart are learning together. What fills the bucket is the interaction children and adults experience: a product of basic social need.

Watch your language
One way to bring up the perspectives of others is to ask your child about the characters in the stories you read together. Ask questions such as “How do you think this person (the character) feels? How would you feel if you were this person? What do you think the person’s friends could do to help him to feel better?”

In fact, many of the current social and emotional programs that teach children about how to be a good person use games in which children adopt different perspectives. One example is the Interpersonal Cognitive Problem Solving program for elementary school children, which was developed by Professor Myrna Shure of Drexel University in Philadelphia. After the adult shows the children pictures of scenes or verbally describes scenarios such as a fight in school or a moment of frustration, the children are asked, “How do you think this person felt in the story? How might you feel if you were that person? How would you want others to react to you?” At Pennsylvania State University, Professor Mark Greenberg created another program of this type called PATHS (Promoting Alternative Thinking Strategies) that helps children talk about their feelings. These programs have been maximally effective in reducing aggressive behavior and are training children on how to understand others’ minds. They are now used widely in school programs.

Explain to your child that there are causes for people’s feelings
Research by Professor Judy Dunn and her colleagues at Pennsylvania State University examined the conversations that fifty 33-month-old children had in their homes with their mothers about feelings and about what causes them. For example, a mother might say, “You broke my glass (the cause) and that makes me sad (the outcome).” Such conversations were just what Professor Dunn and her colleagues looked for in the parent-child dialogues.

She found that at 40 months, children differed widely in their appreciation of emotions and other minds. The results of this study tell us that talk about emotions and what causes emotions impacts children’s developing theory of mind. Hearing an explanation for others’ behavior does at least two things. It may help stunt the natural anger that arises when you are thwarted so you can respond more constructively. It may also help you look for such mitigating explanations on your own in future altercations. And these differences, in turn, will influence how well children interact with their peers and teachers.

Stop bullying in its tracks
The extreme example of children who are not thinking of the welfare of others is the bully. If your child is frequently the target of bullies, it may be a sign that she is less socially competent and, therefore, has fewer friends and is seen as vulnerable. It turns out that children who are more socially competent and who have more friends are less likely to be bullied.

Researchers have determined that both the bullies and the bullied tend to have certain typical characteristics: The majority of victims, for instance, reinforce bullies by giving in to their demands, crying, assuming defensive postures, and failing to fight back. Victims tend to have a history of overly intrusive parenting, with parents who are controlling and overprotective. These parenting behaviors prompt anxiety, low self-esteem, and dependency, which combine to radiate vulnerability. Bullies often bank on their victim’s dependency and vulnerability; they know the other child won’t fight back. This makes the bully feel powerful. Of course, bullies have their own social deficits. They tend to come from families where there is little warmth or affection. The families also report trouble sharing their feelings. Sometimes parents of bullies have very punitive and rigid discipline styles. Finally, bullies feel less discomfort than average children at the thought of causing pain and suffering.

So what can be done for bullies and their victims? Preschools and kindergartens where peer socialization is integrated into the curriculum are good places to start helping them. Anxious, withdrawn children will benefit greatly from developing just one good friendship. And even when they have conflicts with their peers (yes, conflict is inevitable), they’ll be learning valuable lessons in how to interpret social cues accurately. But in addition to the teaching of social skills at school, it’s also important to evaluate the relationship you have with your child, especially if you suspect that he’s a bully. Remember: Bullies tend to come from families where there’s a lack of affection or little sharing of feelings. Take the time to ask your child how he’s feeling and to really listen to his answer. When he expresses anger or rage, work with him to help him regulate his negative emotions and find peaceful ways to resolve them. Finally, when he talks about problems he’s having with his peers, brainstorm with him to come up with skillful ways he could resolve them.

Finally, children who are not bullies or victims have a powerful role to play in shaping the behavior of other children. Teach your children to speak up on behalf of children being bullied. “Don’t treat her that way; it’s not nice.” “Hitting is not a good way to solve problems. Let’s find a teacher and talk about what happened.” For more examples and role-play situations, check out Sherryll Kraizer’s The Safe Child Book.

Make space for social time
Children sometimes just need to hang out with others or to be by themselves. It might seem as if they are doing “nothing,” but there’s a lot to learn from unscheduled time on their own or with other children. Children need to be able to be spontaneous — to be able to just goof off! Creating playdates for our children helps them diversify their social world and develop additional social tools for dealing with a greater variety of social challenges. And social interactions give you opportunities for discussing emotional situations and others’ perspectives. This cannot be obtained on the fly, in the car between activities, but only from real social interaction that you are present to observe and comment on and coach as the occasion arises.

If your child is in child care or preschool, be sure to build strong connections with your child’s caregiver or teacher
You want your child’s emotions taken seriously when he is not with you, too, and you want that emotional coaching going on whenever a conflict comes up. If you talk with the caregiver on a daily basis about how your child is doing and ask questions about how he gets along with his peers and how disagreements are handled, you’ll have a better sense of whether emotional coaching and mentoring is going on. Get in the habit of building strong ties to the people whom your child spends time with just as it makes a difference when children get consistent messages from their parents, it’s important that the messages they receive from their child care providers are consistent as well.

While there are many things we can do to foster social development, here are some general suggestions for helping your children to tune in to their own feelings.

Avoid ignoring or belittling your child’s feelings
Although often you’d wish such moments would just go away, times of emotional upset can be understood as key opportunities for teaching children how to avoid or resolve such situations, while also taking the feelings of others into consideration. View these times as opportunities to teach your children how to make lemonade out of lemons, while still allowing them to experience their feelings of hurt or disappointment. A versatile recipe for lemonade will be very useful for dealing with life’s inevitable frustrations.

Try to see the world through your children’s eyes
Once you do, you’ll recognize that the things that cause our children pain are often different from the things that cause us, as adults, pain. You don’t want to treat your children any differently than you would want to be treated when you express your emotions. How would you feel if you confided in a friend about something that bothered you and she made fun of you and laughed? Make a point of teaching your child that it’s okay to show negative emotion, such as sadness or fear. Likewise, try to demonstrate positive ways of coping with your own anger and negative feelings. Remember: Your children are watching you for lessons on regulating their emotions.

The bottom line is to talk to your children and invite them to talk to you. The more you try to understand how they feel and help them understand how an event happened, the more coping skills your child will develop. And, as we have documented, social skills are essential for doing well, both in school and in life.

Reprinted from: Einstein Never Used Flash Cards: How Our Children Really Learn — And Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D., and Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D., with Diane Eyer, Ph.D. © 2003 by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D., and Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D.

About the Authors
Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D., is a member of the psychology department at Temple University, where she directs the Infant Language Laboratory and participated in one of the nation’s largest studies of the effects of child care. The mother of three sons, she also composes and performs children’s music. Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D., is the H. Rodney Sharp Professor in the School of Education at the University of Delaware, where she holds a joint appointment with the departments of linguistics and psychology and directs the Infant Language Project. She has also been a recipient of the John Simon Guggenheim Memorial Fellowship and is the mother of a son and a daughter. Together, the authors were featured on the PBS Human Language series and are the authors of How Babies Talk. Diane Eyer, Ph.D., is a member of the psychology department at Temple University and author of Motherguilt and Mother-Infant Bonding.

For more information, please visitwww.writtenvoices.com.

by Andrea SteedScrapbooking has quickly become a popular hobby for countless reasons. It’s such a rewarding and important activity to become involved with. Preserving your memories and recording important family events and milestones is not only enjoyable, but it’s also beneficial for your children and for future generations. Here are some reasons to scrapbook:

Preserve your memories. First and foremost, the purpose of scrapbooking is of course to preserve your memories, and tell your family’s story through photos and journaling. If you’re like many people, you probably find it frustrating to ask your parents what you were like when you were a baby, how old you were when you took your first step, and what your first word was…and they can’t remember! Scrapbooking provides a way for you to record those important moments and milestones in your child’s life, while incorporating photos of the special moments to show their growth and development over the years.

Display your photos. How often do we take rolls and rolls of photographs only to have them shoved into drawers and boxes and never looked at? By scrapbooking your photos and putting them into albums, it’s a treat for all of your family to look through them and remember different events and moments in their lives. Having the photos and the stories together in one book brings additional meaning and significance to each photo.

Enjoy a creative outlet. Scrapbooking more than putting photos into a photo album. It’s also a wonderful opportunity to bring your personality as an artist into your scrapbook albums. Whether your passion is in photography, journaling, or cutting and pasting decorations for your page, you’re able to bring a piece of yourself into every page. It doesn’t matter what your creative talents are (or aren’t), because the scrapbook represents something more than just a collection of pretty pages with photos on them. Not only is your album a precious record of special memories, but the album itself becomes a family treasure and an extension of you-something your children will treasure, because it was made by you.

It’s a social activity. Scrapbooking has quickly become the “quilting bee” of the 21st century. Women often gather in churches, community classes, scrapbook stores and in homes to scrapbook together. It’s an opportunity to socialize and for everyone to accomplish a common goal of preserving their families’ memories. Some fantastic friendships have been formed through this common hobby!

With a new baby in your family (or on the way), now is a fantastic time to get started with scrapbooking, and beginning to record these once-in-a-lifetime moments so that you can remember them forever.

About the Author
Andrea Steed is the author and creator of Scrap Tutor, a web site and CD-ROM that teaches you how to create scrapbooks and how to perform many popular techniques used in scrapbooking. For more information, visit www.scraptutor.com.

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

Potty training is easier and happens faster if your child is truly ready in all three areas: physical, cognitive and social. But the big question is: how do you know when your child is ready? If you have never traveled this road before, you likely don’t even know what signs to look for. Take this quiz to find out where your child is on the readiness spectrum.

1. I can tell by watching that my child is wetting or filling his diaper:

a. Never.
b. Sometimes.
c. Usually.

2. My toddler’s diaper needs to be changed:

a. Frequently, every hour or two.
b. It varies.
c. Every two to three hours–sometimes less frequently.

3. My child understands the meaning of wet, dry, clean, wash, sit, and go:

a. No.
b. Some of them.
c. Yes.

4. When my child communicates her needs, she:

a. Says or signs a few basic words and I guess the rest.
b. Gets her essential points across to me.
c. Has a good vocabulary and talks to me in sentences.

5. If I give my child a simple direction, such as, “put this in the toy box,” she:

a. Doesn’t understand or doesn’t follow directions.
b. Will do it if I coach or help her.
c. Understands me and does it.

6. My child can take his pants off and put them on:

a. No.
b. With help he can.
c. Yes.

7. When I read a book to my child, he:

a. He ignores me.
b. Sometimes listens, sometimes wanders off.
c. Sits, listens and enjoys the story.

8. My toddler wants to do things “all by myself”:

a. Never.
b. Sometimes.
c. All the time!

9. I think that it’s the right time to begin potty training:

a. No.
b. I’m undecided.
c. Yes.

Total the number of responses for each letter:

a. __________

b. __________

c. __________

Most answers are a: Wait.

Your little one doesn’t seem to be ready just yet. Test again in a month or two.

Most answers are b: Time for pre-potty training–get ready!

Your child is not quite ready for active training, but you can take many steps to prepare your toddler for the future. Gradual introduction of terms and ideas will make potty training easier when the time comes.

Most answers are c: Your toddler is ready to use the potty!

It’s time to start your potty training adventure. Good luck, and have fun!

Are you between two scores?

Just like any parenting situation, there are choices to make. If your child is hovering between two categories, it’s time to put your intuition to good use. Your knowledge of your own child can direct you toward the right plan of action.

This article is an excerpt from The No-Cry Potty Training Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Child Say Good-Bye to Diapers by Elizabeth Pantley.

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

By Bob Kish

Make way in the shower ladies. The baby shower that is – because the male invasion into this previously all-female affair has begun.

And it’s not necessarily a bad thing. This is the modern baby shower in action.

The advent of more males attending baby showers has tended to turn the baby shower gathering into less of a game playing event and more of a social gathering where couples get to share in the excitement of the coming baby while enjoying each others company.

Baby shower invitations for the men means the baby shower menu might lean more toward some poolside barbecue action and less indoor finger foods and baby games. Not many men will be vying to see how fast they can dress and undress a baby doll. Though, on the other hand, that could make for an interesting competition with the women.

Likewise, the more men that are invited the less feminine the baby shower theme. Maybe less of a Winnie the Pooh baby shower theme and more of a Pittsburg Steelers theme. You could even get a Terry Bradshaw bobble head doll. Okay, on second thought you don’t want to scare the tot when it arrives. So, maybe there is a baby shower middle ground there somewhere…

If men are invited you might want to mix up the baby shower games as well. Maybe alternate baby shower bingo with a round of Texas Holdem.

The Baby Shower Guest List
The baby shower guest list is usually put together by either a close friend or relative of the soon to be mom or by the mother herself. They’ll be the ones deciding if any men get invitations to the baby shower.

If the expectant mother is not doing the baby shower guest list she should be consulted prior to choosing the final list and sending out the baby shower invitations.

The only time you don’t want to consult the mother to be when planning the baby shower is when the baby shower is a surprise. In that event make sure the person closest to the mom to be is notified and asked about the baby shower guest list. This person might also have some unique input regarding any decorating ideas, favors, gifts and other baby shower items that might be needed.

More than One Baby Shower?
Yes, sometimes there is more than one baby shower especially if the people that the mother works with want to throw a baby shower for her. And, yes the men can get invited to that one as well.

So be forewarned, the diaper cakes, baby shower gift baskets and party favors might have to make room for the footballs and nachos. Good luck and enjoy the shower.

About the Author:
Visit BabyTipsPlus.com to pick up your free copy of Planning a Baby Shower, the ultimate guide to baby shower games, themes, gift ideas, invitations, decorations and favors. Go now for baby shower ideas.

By Lily Carter

Your baby’s first year is filled with many challenges and new experiences for everyone in your family. One of the many things that your baby is going to be learning in his first year is the ability to socialize and get along with others. The first place that your baby is going to learn to socialize with others is within your own family. You should also be exposing your baby to playmates and other people outside your immediate family. This is so that he can learn communication and interaction skills at as young an age as possible.

No matter how young your baby is, it is never too soon to let your baby enjoy social activities. The earlier you start to teach social skills to your baby the better his social skills will be when he is older. You should be considering getting out with your baby a couple of times a week so that you are both interacting with other parents and babies.

Your baby won’t really “play” with other babies. Babies will, however, be very interested in watching the other babies and at times may interact with them by hitting, touching, or grabbing them. Babies won’t participate in a “playing” activity until they are toddlers. What your baby gains by being exposed to other babies is the stimulation of being around other babies.

There are several ways that you can get out of the house and socialize with your baby. One thing you should keep in mind is that you should keep your baby away from other babies if your baby isn’t feeling well or if one of the other babies is sick. Babies are very susceptible to colds and you will want to limit your baby’s exposure to illness whenever possible.

Here are some things you may want to consider:

By Nicole O’Reilly

It is truly amazing the development that a baby experiences in the first year of life. Every week seems to bring another milestone for parents as well as baby! The primary way a baby learns is through play and baby games, it is how they start to make sense of their world. By providing a nurturing and safe environment for our babies we help to promote this learning that aids their early development.

The main groups for baby development in the first year are

1. Cognitive- relating to learning and problem solving
2. Social-relating to language and interacting with others
3. Motor Skills-both fine and gross motor skills. Learning to crawl and walk as well as pick up small objects.

In the early months babies love their hands and are endlessly occupied just playing with them and putting them into their mouths. Once they start being able to efficiently grasp at objects they will enjoy being given new toys to explore with hands and mouth. Make sure these objects are baby friendly, there is a wide range of baby specific toys to promote learning and exploration at different ages.

Once a baby is able to sit and roll the world takes on a whole new appearance. She is now able to see her surrounding as others do, and rather than passively laying on her back she can move towards something if it interests her. She has gained control of her head and neck and can visually track an object before grabbing for it.

Around this time rosy cheeks may appear as the first teeth start coming through. Some babies sail through teething while others do not cope well at all. Provide plenty of different textures and shapes for chewing. Sugar free icy poles are available which you can hold for your youngster or portions of watermelon or other cool fruits that he will not choke on.

After the first six months babies become much more social, enjoying many more games, particularly those that involve clapping, singing or tickling. Very early in life babies are able to recognise games of anticipation and seem to love knowing that they are going to be tickled, as much as the tickle itself! They will love story time and enjoy the process of turning pages and exploring the textures found in many books. You will find them smiling and playing with those they know but often quite reserved around strangers.

The culmination of all these ‘baby steps’ in development is that by the time your child turns one he will be close to saying his first words and possibly pulling himself up in preparation for walking. Your once helpless and tiny baby is almost a toddler!

Enjoy the pleasure your baby gets from his play and enjoy your time spent playing with him. Your reactions and words of encouragement mean more than any milestone he may pass.

About the Author:
The place to go for all your games needs for 0-6 year olds is Kids Fun and Games. Educational baby and toddler games, party games, crafts, indoor and outdoor games, festivals and more.