While we have never known anyone who during pregnancy craved pickles and ice cream, not at the same time at least, the stories are definitely out there. Cravings can start early in the first trimester while the woman experiences morning sickness and only certain foods keep the nausea at bay. She may go weeks only wanting to eat one thing, driving her family crazy. It is also common for a woman to start craving food that she has never really liked before, and probably will not like again after her baby is born.

During the second trimester cravings become more determined and the woman’s partner might start hearing, “Honey, the baby wants some ice cream,” or “Honey, the baby wants Mexican food for dinner.” Women definitely have the upper hand when pregnant when it comes to where to go for dinner, and most use this to their advantage. And why not! There has to be some perks to go along with all the aches and pains, weight gain, and bigger breasts a woman must endure for nine months. Why not make her partner give into her cravings?

During the third trimester, just because the baby is getting bigger and there is less room for food, doesn’t mean that the cravings stop. They may in fact become more intense. A woman may be dying for chicken sandwich at lunch time, only to be able to eat half of it, because she gets full. However, at 2pm she is hungry again but that chicken sandwich no longer holds appeal and now she wants an ice cream cone from the local ice cream stand. When a woman has a craving for ice cream, nothing but that ice cream will take the craving away. Her partner may bring her a candy bar, or a slushy, and while she may eat and drink those, she will still want the ice cream.

There are many causes for food cravings besides being pregnant. Many women crave certain foods, like chocolate, right before their period begins. Stress and a poor diet can also lead to food cravings. But let’s face it! It is so much more fun for a woman to be pregnant and be able to wake her partner up at 2am saying, “Honey, I really want to chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and dill pickles. You wouldn’t mind going to the store for me RIGHT NOW would you?”

“Dad, you’re going to be a grandfather.” My son was calling from his Naval base. He could have told me anything else on earth and I would not have been more surprised. At first I thought he was joking. I waited for the punch line. It was no joke.

He had come home on leave a few weeks earlier. He had met a girl. We knew very little about her. They had dated while he was home. It turns out they had kept contact, calling, writing and e-mailing to each one another. Soon after he had gone back to his base she discovered she was pregnant. They were, of course, not married.

It took a few moments for what he was saying to sink in. How could this happen? (Stupid question.) What was he going to do about it? (We are Catholic. Another stupid question.) How could he let this happen? (My first sensible question.) Surprise rolled over into anger. We ended up slamming down the phones in anger.

A jillion things raced through my mind. I was barely in my 40′s. I was too young to be a grandparent. What were our friends going to think? What was our pastor going to think? How were these two kids going to get along raising a baby? What was the mother really like? After all, we barely knew her. How were they going to be able to build a marriage relationship with a baby in the middle of all of that adjustment? How were they going to start a family with him in the Navy and away at sea part of the time?

Sure, I wanted to be a grandparent someday. Just not yet and not this way.

The next few months were a period of change and adjustment for all of us. It wasn’t easy.

One of the toughest adjustments was accepting that my son was stepping into both adulthood and fatherhood. He was barely out of high school. He still had two years remaining on his Navy enlistment. Suddenly he was no longer the boy, who it seemed like only yesterday I had been scolding for not cleaning his room, taking out the garbage and for denting a fender on the car.

A girl we barely knew was suddenly part of the family. We had to quickly develop a relationship with her. Like my son, she seemed so young. Was this girl really going to be the mother of my grandchild?

And then he was born. He was so tiny. I had forgotten how small a new baby is. The first time I held him I swear he smiled at me. I knew we were going to be buddies. They tell me he was too young to really smile. I know better. In that moment I caught a glimpse, in my mind’s eye, of all of the fishing trips, ball games and camp outs we were going to share.

Suddenly none of the would’ve, could’ve, should have’s counted for a thing. A new little innocent person, who had no say at all in the matter, had just been born. The only thing that mattered from that day forward was giving him everything that family love and support can possibly provide.

That is what we have been learning to do. Along the way I have picked up a few tips to share.

1. It is your child’s home, your child’s rules. A role reversal takes place. When your child establishes a home, you are a guest. The rules change. You are no longer in charge’ and you are sharing your child’s life in a new way. Respect that and be grateful for the opportunity. 
2. Offer to give the parents a break. Babies and small children demand constant attention. This level of attention day after day and week after week is wearing on anyone. Offer to give your child and his or her spouse a break. Even a break of a few hours can be a very welcome gift. 
3. Do not criticize. Your child and his or her partner are going to do things and say things that you wouldn’t do or say. They are going to make mistakes. Don’t criticize them for those mistakes. Your criticism will not be received well and will get in the way of your relationship. Besides, you’ve made plenty of mistakes of your own. They are entitled to theirs. 
4. Offer advice only when asked. It is a funny thing about advice. The more you offer it, the less it is appreciated. The less you offer advice, the more it’s sought. That truism has never been more valid than dealing with an adult child. 
5. The world has changed. The parenting styles and discipline techniques your children use may be different than those you employed. Most likely the techniques you used were different than those of your parents. You may not always agree with your children, but as long as everyone is safe from harm, with food and shelter, accept them. If you did a good job teaching your children your basic values, they will not stray far from them, regardless the techniques used. 
6. Make time to be a grandparent. Most people I know that are my age live very hectic, busy lives. We are at the height of our careers. Most of us are healthy and very active. Time is a precious commodity. Most of us also spent so much time developing careers and supporting our lifestyles that we found our children were grown almost before we knew it. Arrange your life with time to be a grandparent. The rewards are greater than work and personal activities will ever be. 
7. Share your grandchild’s world. Suddenly you are looking at a whole new round of ball games, school plays, scout meetings, graduations and the other events in your grandchild’s life. They are even more fun now than they were with your own children. Your grandchildren grow and change every day. There is a special pride in watching a grandchild develop and perform. These events are an excellent way to stay in touch with his or her developing personality. 
8. Ask how you can help. Do not assume you know. Your child’s life, like yours has been, will be a series of challenges, success and failures. Let you child know that you are always there, willing to help. Don’t assume you know when and how to help. Your child will let you know when he or she needs your help. 
9. Establish limits of help. Being a grandparent is special. It does not mean giving up your own life. If a parent is willing to provide unlimited assistance, it may become too easy for the child to take advantage of that. There should be limits of financial and personal assistance. Occasional babysitting is fun, for example. Providing a free daycare service may not be. Determine limits that are reasonable and comfortable for you and then discuss them with your child.

Becoming a grandparent is a very special time in life. In many ways it is more fun than being a parent. It is part-time. It is a second chance to do all of the things you meant to do or should have done with your children. The relationship with my grandchildren is more relaxed and easier than with my children. I may not have been ready when it happened, but I’m glad it did.

About the Author
Royce Armstrong is a grandparent and freelance writer featured at Happy Tulip Toys and Gifts for Grandchildren. This and other articles and tips about grandparenting can be found here.

None of us want “spoiled” kids – kids who are bratty, self-centered, demanding, inconsiderate. So, what spoils children and what doesn’t?

When I was raising my children, I was often told that I would spoil them if I didn’t let them cry – if I held them a lot. Fortunately, I didn’t believe this nonsense.

You can’t spoil a child with love. Children need love as much as they need food and water. The problem is in defining “love.”

We are not giving love to our children when we give them everything they want on the material level. Parents often think they are loving their children when they pile them up with all the toys or activities they desire, but what is the actual result of indulging our children in this way?

There are three big negative consequence of “spoiling” our children on the material level:

1. It fosters addictive behavior – filling up from the outside with things and activities rather than filling up from the inside through caring and creativity. Too many adults are addicted to spending or other activities to fill up their emptiness. If they are stressed, instead of dealing with the source of their stress – which is generally some way they are not taking care of themselves – they cover their feelings with some addictive behavior such as spending, TV, food, alcohol, and so on. When we offer our children too many toys, too many activities, too much comfort food, or allow too much TV, we are not loving them. We are training them to be addicted. 
2. Often parents provide things and activities for their children while denying their own needs. It’s not loving to children to give in to their every demand, especially if it means putting yourself aside. When you constantly give in to your children and deny your own needs, children learn that it’s okay to disregard others needs and be demanding brats. Children may not learn to consider others if you do not expect them to consider you by considering yourself. They will learn to treat you the way you treat yourself, so it is not loving to your children to disregard yourself. When you disrespect yourself, you teach your children to be disrespectful. 
3. One of the big issues in our society is that children learn to identify their self-worth with others’ approval for how they look, how many toys they have, how expensive their clothes are. Unless parents show their children that they value them for their inner qualities – their caring, creativity, compassion, laughter, joy, passion for life – rather than for their looks, possessions and performance, children learn to attach their self-worth to other’s approval. True self-worth comes from inside, from knowing we are valuable for who we are, not for how we look or what we do. Unfortunately, our materialistic society fosters attaching self-worth and lovability to others’ approval for things such as a car or a house or clothes. When we “spoil” our children with material possessions, we foster co-dependency, which is dependency on others’ approval for our sense of worth.

We can spoil our children with material things, but we can’t spoil them with love. Love is the energy of acceptance for who the child really is. Love is understanding, compassion, caring. You are loving your children when you spend time just being with them, hanging out with them, being fully present with them, really listening to them. The greatest gift you can give to your children is to value them for who they really are on the inside. This is love, and nothing material can ever replace it.

As we move into the holidays, you might want to examine the values and expectations you are imparting to your children. Perhaps instead of all the money being spent on presents for your children, the whole family could participate in buying clothing and food for those who are in need. Imagine the real gift you could give your children if Thanksgiving, Christmas and Chanukah were times of true service in addition to feasting and sharing gifts with each other. Rather than “spoiling” our children by giving them too much, why not enhance their self-worth by providing them opportunities to be giving, caring human beings?

About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? She is the co-creator of a powerful healing process called Inner Bonding. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com.

When it comes to spoiling your grandchildren, it is important to remember that the term spoiled can include a number actions. For instance, there are grandparents who are known for spoiling their grandchildren with love and affection and others who do so with gifts. In a way, grandparents are expected to spoil their grandkids, but you will want to do so at a level that is deemed appropriate.

As for your love and affection, it is advised that you show it. Of course, you will want to prevent yourself from becoming known as the overbearing grandparent, but, other than that, you should have no concerns. In all honesty, there is no such thing as over spoiling grandchildren with love, affection, and support. In fact, as a grandparent, it is your job to ensure that your grandkids know that they are cared for and well loved. You can express this by lots of hugs, kisses, and your time in general.

As for gifts, it is important that you speak with your son or daughter. While many grandparents are concerned with spoiling their grandchildren with gifts, there are some parents who can actually use the assistance, due to financial difficulties. With that in mind, it is advised that you purchase gifts that your grandchild will be able to use. These gifts should include necessities, such as diapers, baby wipes, and clothes. It is okay to splurge occasionally on toys, but you may want to take steps to ensure that they are educational in nature.

As previously stated, you may want to speak with your son or daughter about any gifts that you wish to give your grandchild. Generally speaking, you will find no problems in the early years. Newborns and infants generally do not understand the concept of being spoiled; therefore, no harm will be done by giving your grandchild a new present here and there. Perhaps, the only problem that you may face is getting out of the habit of doing so later on.

As a reminder, there is nothing wrong with spoiling your grandkids, especially when it comes to your love and affection. The same can be said for gifts and other presents, but just use your best judgment.

Be Prepared
Prior to coming home from the hospital, be sure that you are ready to bring your baby home. Decide where your baby is going to sleep and have that area prepared. Have an area all set up and ready for when you need to change diapers with a pad, diapers, wipes, and any ointment or powder you might need. Have your baby’s clothes washed, clean and ready for you to just put them on him, along with extra onesies and socks available for when you need them. If you are prepared then the time will go much smoother.

Remain Flexible
Your baby will probably demand a lot of your time. Any schedule you were previously on in your household will probably not be able to be maintained. It may be 4:30 and time to start dinner so that you can eat at 5:00, but the baby has just woken up and is hungry. By the time you have gotten done feeding him, he needs his diaper changed. While you are changing his diaper you figure you might as well put on a fresh, clean outfit. When you look at the clock it is 5:30, and dinner has not been started, and you have other family members who are getting hungry. Learning to be flexible is a big stepping stone in becoming a parent, not only for the new mom, but for the rest of the family.

Don’t Lose Touch
Throughout pregnancy you probably met other women who were pregnant as well. Be sure not to lose touch with them during the first few months of your baby’s life, because these women are going to understand exactly what you are going through. They are going to understand the middle of the night feedings, the all night parties, the napless days, and the generally crying and fussiness that you are going through. These women will become your biggest allies.

Don’t Fight It
The facts are your life has changed. Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep is just not possible at this time. If you are lucky by the time your baby is a few weeks old he will only be waking up once at night, however in most cases babies wake up several times a night for a very long time. Since your baby can feel your stress, tension and frustration, just try to relax. If you can’t change a fact, why try. It will only make for a more difficult time for all of you.

Getting Out
Unless there is a medical reason why your doctor or your baby’s pediatrician has told you not to take the baby out of the house, there is generally no reason why you can not get out of the house with your newborn. Go to the mall and walk around for a while. Take your baby to a park and tell him about the ducks in the water. Take him over to a friend’s house, or to a relative just to sit back and enjoy a cup of tea or coffee. While you love being around your baby, having a conversation with another adult could do you a world of good.

If It Is Offered, Accept
You should accept any and all offers people give you to help. Whether it is to bring you over a meal, take you out to lunch, or just to sit with the baby while you take a nice long hot shower. You are going to have a lot of responsibility resting all on your shoulders and a little break is definitely nice.

Don’t Worry About Spoiling Your Baby
You can not spoil a baby under six months old. Many doctors say you can not spoil an infant before their first birthday. These first few months are the time when your baby bonds with you, and learns that when he needs you, you will be there. Don’t be afraid to hold your baby and respond to all his needs. At the same time, if your baby is fed, clean and for all intents and purposes should be happy but is crying, don’t be afraid to leave him in his bed or another safe place for a while so that you can go and get things done that you need to get done.