by Armin Brott

About 90 percent of couple’s experiences an increase in stress after their children are born. And the number one stressor, by far, is the division of labor in the home. Unfortunately, even the most egalitarian couples tend to slip into traditional roles, which mean that you’ll probably end up doing more of the housework and childcare than your partner.

Research shows that the more equitably domestic tasks are distributed, the happier wives (and husbands) are with their marriages. So resolving these issues may be critical to the health and success of your relationship. How are you going to do it? Well, if your goal is to make the division of labor around your house fairer to you, take a deep breath and read on.

1. Look at it from his perspective
Researchers have found that women tend to measure what their husbands do around the house against what they do. Not surprisingly, on that kind of scale, most men fail miserably. Men themselves, though, compare what they do to what their fathers—and sometimes even against their male friends and coworkers—do. Using this standard, most husbands feel pretty satisfied with themselves and their contributions around the house.

2. Don’t ask for help
Just as men need to re-think their family roles as “assistants” to mothers, women need to change their ideas about what’s reasonable to expect from their partners. Asking him for “help” only reinforces the view that he shouldn’t have much responsibility for the care and management of children. Of course, that doesn’t you shouldn’t ask him to do his share, of course he should. Asking for “help” makes it seem like whatever he’s “helping” with is really your job and that you should be grateful.

3. Adjust your standards
Let’s face it, men and women often have very different standards. “When my husband says the kitchen is clean he means that the dishes are in the dishwasher,” says one mother. “The counter can still be filthy and the floor can still be covered with dirt.” Adjusting your standards to his level doesn’t mean that the kids will be wearing the same clothes every day. Also, there are a lot of different ways to change diapers, play, teach, and entertain the children. Yours isn’t always the right one. The fact is that if you adjust your standards, your husband will be more involved in the household and with the kids. No child ever suffered a long term trauma by having her diaper put on a bit looser than it should be or by going out of the house with oatmeal stuck in her hair. It’s hard to shift standards because for many women attention to domestic issues is part of their upbringing and part of they define themselves.

4. Go on strike
The days of the “second shift” where women try to do it all—work outside all day and do all the work at home, too—are over. Let your spouse or partner know that you have limits. A well-timed “your arm’s not broken, do it yourself” may occasionally be a helpful reminder that men and women are partners in parenting.

Because you may begin to notice the unswept coffee grounds before he does, one of your biggest challenges may be to close your eyes to the mess and stick to your guns. Your partner will certainly get the message when he runs out of clean underwear. But if he senses that you’ll give in before he does, he’ll never learn to do his part.

5. Be (a little) insincere
As a group, men generally dislike doing things that make them feel incompetent. At the same time, they’re suckers for compliments. So, one of the best ways to get your partner to do something he doesn’t like to do is to praise him even when you know you could do it better. Television characters from Lucy Ricardo to Roseanne Conner figured this out long ago, and the same applies in real life: sweet-talk soothes; nagging only irritates. Tell him what a great job he’s doing already and ask him to do the same thing again. Indirect compliments are effective too—let him hear you raving to a friend about how well he’s done some recent task. Sound manipulative? Maybe but it works. The more he feels that you’re noticing and appreciating his efforts, the more he’ll do. Guaranteed.

6. Don’t be a gatekeeper
Many women tend to take charge of the household and childcare domains because this is the one arena that they can still control. But far too many women are so intent on keeping control of the household that they don’t leave enough space for their partners to participate. For other women, control is not the issue, they just assume that men are either uninterested or incompetent. And men get the message: many find it easier to just back off. Your partner is part of the first generation of fathers to be seriously expected to take an active role in the home. By the time women become mothers, most have had years of subtle (or not so subtle) training. Female role models are plentiful, as are resources, from women’s magazines to breastfeeding guides. But good male role models are rare, as is information specifically designed to help men prepare for fatherhood. The moral of the story? Even if you know how to stop the baby from crying, let your partner try to figure it out for himself before jumping in. Men and women have different approaches to the same issue and fathers need the confidence that only comes with practice. Letting him develop his own parenting style will also give your family twice as many baby-care options.

Especially after divorce, mothers need to open the gates and let their children have access to their fathers. It is important to remember that they may be ex-husbands but they’ll never be ex-fathers.

7. Share and share alike
No single job in your home is any more valuable than any other, so assign everything to the most qualified person—unless, of course, that turns out to be completely unfair. So make a list of everything that needs to get done. If you’re good at something or like to do it, it’s yours. (At the same time, your partner gets to do his chores his way.)

Another option is to assign tasks to whichever of you cares the most. If a scummy bathtub bugs you more than it does him, clean it yourself. If he hates crumbs on the carpet, he gets to vacuum. Problems can arise, though, when one of you says, “Gee honey, nothing bothers me,” and the other gets stuck doing it all. These situations call for careful negotiation. You can do the more unpleasant jobs together or, if the budget permits, hire someone to do them for you. And just to make sure that everyone gets to have fun, switch responsibilities once in a while (if for no other reason than to get a better appreciation of what the other does). And be willing to bend gender stereotypes along with your partner. If you expect him to plan a meal and cook it, you should be prepared to unclog the toilet or change the oil in the car.

8. Re-define work
When dividing up responsibilities many couples have trouble defining what, exactly, the term “work” means. In many families, for example, couples err by neglecting to give parenting the same weight as ordinary chores. Yet childcare takes at least as much time, and may be just as tiring, as shopping and mopping. So even if your partner is wrestling with the baby while you’re making dinner, things might not be as unequal as they seem. True, he may be having more fun but somebody has to do it. And if he plays with the baby today, he can fix dinner tomorrow while you wrestle.

The New Man may strike you as a great idea. But the Old Man has been around for tens of thousands of years, and he’s not going to disappear overnight. Even in these relatively enlightened times much of the domestic burden is going to continue to fall on you. But not all of it, and not all the time. You may need to give your expectations a reality check. Change between you and your partner may be slow. But if you work it out, you’ll see significant improvement—in your workload, in the quality of your marriage, and in your life together as parents.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

by Martin Smith

The crib is where your baby will spend a lot of their time and you want to be sure they are safe. Below are some of the questions (with the answers) that are asked about crib safety. Topics such as mattress position, how to place your baby in the crib, and general safety standards are discussed, as are other issues. If you need further information you can search the Internet and visit baby furniture stores.

Q. Are there safety standards for baby cribs?Yes there are some very exact standards for your baby’s crib. In 1974 it was made law that cribs should no longer be painted with lead based paint. It was discovered that the ingestion of lead (from any source) could cause learning disabilities and other difficulties in young children. The slats of the crib must be no more than 2 3/8 inches apart, this is to prevent your baby from getting his body or head stuck between the bars causing injury or strangulation. The side bar should be 26 inches above the mattress when it is in its lowest position. If your child is more than an inch taller than the sidebar it is time to move him into a regular bed.

Q. Are there some hazards in my baby’s crib that I need to be aware of?Your mattress must fit snugly in the crib; an ill-fitting mattress could cause your baby to slip between the mattress and the side bar causing suffocation. The mattress height should be able to be adjusted into at least three different levels. When your baby becomes more mobile you will want to put the mattress in the lowest position to prevent your baby from climbing or falling out. The slats should be tight, loose slats could pinch little fingers. Do not put the crib near a window to prevent your baby from possibly falling out or becoming tangled in Venetian blind cords.

Q. What are some historical facts about the crib?Here is a short chronological time line of crib facts:

1973 – The standard for crib slats was to be no more than 2 3/8th inches apart to prevent your baby from slipping through or getting their head stuck. Also, double latches for drop-down sidebars were to become the norm.

1976 – The standard for cutouts in the crib end panels are presented. The end panels must not have any decorative cutout designs. Children were getting their limbs or heads caught causing serious injury or death.

1978 – Cribs must now be painted with non-toxic finish.

1981 – Two models of cribs with cutouts are recalled.

1988 – A voluntary standard addresses mattress support hardware, failure of glued or bolted connections, drop-side latch failure and loosened teething rails.

1990 – No corner posts or projections can be more than 1/16th of an inch above the drop-side.

1998 – California and Washington mandate that hotel cribs must meet the same standards set for full-size cribs

1998 – Portable cribs must now meet the same standards as full-sized cribs.

Q. How can I tell when my baby is ready for a regular bed?

When your child stands more than a couple of inches taller than the sidebar with the mattress in the lowest position. If your child is climbing out of the crib, for his safety put him in a regular bed.

Q. How should I put my baby to sleep in his crib?Place your baby on his back or on his side for sleeping. Use one piece sleepers rather than blankets. Your baby could slip under the blanket and possibly suffocate. Remove all pillows and toys as well, in order to prevent suffocation.

Q. Is it safe to cover my baby with a blanket?A blanket sleeper will keep your baby sufficiently warm while sleeping. If you absolutely need to use a blanket, tuck it in around the bottom of the mattress. Place your baby with his feet toward the end-panel and the blanket should go no higher than his/her chest.

Q. Is a mesh sided crib safe to use for my baby?Yes, a mesh crib is safe provided the mesh is less than 1/4 inch in size, smaller than a tiny button on babybs clothes. The should be rips, tears, or loose threads. If staples are used to attach the mesh they must not be exposed and the mesh must be securely attached to the top rail and the floor plate.

Q. Can I safely use bumper pads in my baby’s crib?While bumper pads are not necessary, they can safely be used. They must be very close the edge of the mattress and properly secured. The bumpers must be flat and not puffy, as your baby could get stuck between the bumper and the mattress and suffocate.

Q. What can I do to keep my baby’s crib safe?In order to keep your babybs a safe place, you should make sure to all connections are secure and that there are no broken or missing parts. Regularly, check the teething rail for splits or cracks. Make sure the mattress spring support and your crib will withstand your baby’s increasing mobility. The mattress itself should have no splits, tears, or holes.

Q. How can I tell when it’s time to lower the mattress?When your baby becomes more active, when s/he begins to pull himself to a standing position or when he sits up alone it will be time to lower the mattress to prevent your little one from either climbing out or falling out.

Q. Can I hang a mobile over my baby’s crib?Mobiles and crib gyms can be used to entertain your baby but when your child is able to get on to their hands and knees or pull themselves up. This will prevent your baby from becoming entangled in them.

In ConclusionMaking sure your baby’s crib is safe, is an ongoing to task. Proper positioning of the mattress, making sure all connections are secure and that there are no loose slats that could pinch little fingers will help to keep your baby’s crib a safe place for him to be. Be sure to place him in the crib on his back or side and dress him in a sleeper rather than using a blanket. Keeping these tips in mind will help keep your baby safe and give you some peace of mind.

About the Author
Martin Smith is a successful freelance writer providing advice for consumers on purchasing a variety of Nursery Bedding which includes Baby strollers, Baby car seats, and more! His numerous articles provide a wonderfully researched resource of interesting and relevant information.

By Sarah Holmes, Ph.D.

A baby crib is most likely at the top of your list of things you will need for your new baby. With all of the different styles and features, it can be a daunting task to pick the safest and best baby crib for your new family member. This article on baby crib safety will review the safety features of baby cribs so that you will be able to pick out the safest baby crib for your baby.

Baby Crib Safety Standards
Currently, every new baby crib that is made must meet the industry standards set by the Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC). This means that all new baby cribs, including the least expensive baby cribs, will meet the minimum safety standards. There are additional voluntary safety standards set by the American Society for Testing and Materials (ASTM). Baby cribs which meet these additional safety standards are certified by the Juvenile Products Manufacture’s Association (JPMS). Those baby cribs that earn the JPMA certification will be clearly labeled with this information. So, rest assured that the new baby crib that you are looking at has past the basic safety standards and may have passed the additional voluntary standards set by JPMS.

The fact remains that the majority of you may be considering using an hand-me-down or buying a “previously owned” baby crib. While there are 4 million infants born in the U.S. every year, only about 1 million new baby cribs are sold annually. Some people recommended that you never buy a used baby crib or accept a hand-me-down baby crib. If you want to be 100% sure that your baby crib meets all of the current safety standards, then the best beat for you is to buy a new baby crib. Keeping in mind that approximately 26 infants die and another 11,500 are hospitalized every year due to baby crib related injuries, the majority of these tragedies do occur with older baby cribs. This being said, it is possible to test a used baby crib to see it if meets the current minimum safety standards. First, check to see if the baby crib has been recalled (www.recalls.gov). Assuming it has not been recalled, then check to see if your baby crib meets these simple minimum baby crib safety standards to ensure your baby crib is a safe place for your baby.

Minimum Baby Crib Safety Standards

1. The vertical bars or slates must be no further apart than 2 3/8″ wide.
   If the space between the baby crib bars or slates is wider than 2 3/8 inches, then a baby can squeeze its body into that space and get stuck. How to test this standard? You can either measure this space with a tape measure or try to fit a can of soda through the baby crib bars. Since soda cans are about 2 3/8″ in diameter, this is an easy test to see if a baby crib meets this baby crib safety standard. If the soda can fits, the baby crib is unsafe and should be destroyed.
2. The baby crib should have no design cutouts wider than 2 3/8″ in the headboard or footboard of the baby crib.
   Again, the danger is when a baby can lodge himself in that cut out area. It is best to avoid baby cribs with cutout areas all together. While they add a decorative flair to the baby crib, they also add a potential hazard to the baby crib.
3. Corner post should not be higher than 1/16″ high.
   While corner posts look great on adult beds, they are a strangulation hazard on a baby crib. A baby’s clothing can catch on a corner post that is higher than 1/16″. An exception to this are posts 16 inches or higher that are used to support a canopy.
4. Baby crib mattress should be firm and tight-fitting.
   If you can fit two side-by-side fingers between the side of the mattress and the baby crib wall, then the baby crib mattress is too small and poses a safety hazard. The standard mattress size is 61 5/8″ by 27 ¼”. Any new standard size baby crib should take a standard size baby crib mattress.

Other Baby Crib Safety Issues to Consider
If you plan on using an older baby crib, make sure that all of the hardware (brackets, bolts, and screws) are present and in good condition. Even one missing screw can make your baby crib unsafe. Make sure that all the hardware is properly installed and is not missing or loose. If any screws are inserted into wood and can not be tightened, then replace them with ones that can be. Keep in mind that hardware failure is the most commone danger of hand-me-down cribs.

Make sure that all the slates are in good condition meaning that they are securely attached to the baby crib and are not cracked or splintered. If you plan on painting or refinishing the baby crib, use only high quality household lead-free enamel paint. You will need to let the paint dry thoroughly so there are no residual fumes. Check the paint can to make sure that the manufacturer does not recommend against using the paint on such items as baby cribs.

The dangerous open hook design where the mattress support attaches to the corner posts is a common hazard in older cribs. Maker sure your crib does not have this type of mattress support system.

Please join the effort in getting rid of unsafe baby cribs. If you find a baby crib that does not meet these minimum safety standards, do everything you can to get the baby crib destroyed. I’m sure you would not want the unsafe baby crib to be used by a family who is not as aware of these safety issues.

About the Author
Sarah Holmes, Ph.D. quit her full-time job in order to stay home with her baby girl. She created www.BabyCribCentral.com as a free resource to other new moms and dads. Her site compares prices on hundreds of baby cribs from more than 20 online stores allowing you to find the beset price with a click of a button. Her site also offers lots of information about the different types of cribs as well as all sorts of safety information about how to buy and use your new crib safely.

By Glenda Erceg

With a new baby on the way, you’ll want the perfect crib to coordinate with your nursery and provide a safe sleep environment for your little one.

Not only are there different styles of baby cribs, but there is now a wide selection of convertible cribs. Many baby cribs are designed to convert to toddler beds, children’s benches, and even adult daybeds for later use elsewhere in the home.

There are so many different types and sizes of kids bedding and baby bedding for children that it can sometimes be baffling to try and determine which bed size is best, and there is really no correct answer to this. It is all based on the individual child and other considerations.

The crib must meet all recommended safety standards. Most new cribs on the market today comply with both mandatory and voluntary safety standards.

For example, the bars or slats of the crib railing should be no more than 2 3/8 inches apart so a baby can’t wedge his head between them. A mattress should fit snugly into the baby crib. There should not be any room that allows your baby to get his or her hands (or any other body parts) caught between the mattress and the baby crib.

Carefully choose the location for your baby’s crib, in particular don’t place the crib against a window, near drapery fixtures, or near furniture which could help your baby climb out.

This article may be used without permission as long as it is shown in its entirety with links intact.

Because a baby crib is the only children’s product manufactured with the intention that a child will be left unattended, parents should be extremely careful in the selection process. You might find this link very handy with your selection process http://www.epinions.com/

About the Author:
For more pregnancy and baby resources visit http://www.babycribsinfo.com/.